Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Like Keith Hernandez, Wimbledon doesn’t like women

Admittedly, we know very, very little about tennis and write about it even less. We are aware, though, of this tournament called Wimbledon, which we are told is a Grand Slam (we’re not entirely sure, but think it’s unrelated to Denny’s breakfast combo, which makes us simultaneously hungry and a “nerd”).

Wimbledon is a grass court in England, we’re told, which makes us nervous for no particular reason. The Brits who run this major tournament, however, might be nervous around their wives, daughters, female pets, trophy wives and trophies today.

According to reports Tuesday, the men’s Wimbledon champion will receive more money than the women’s champ — $53,600 more — also for no particular reason.

The reasoning, we’re guessing, is because Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez is somehow connected to the tournament. (We already know he’s a caveman, but maybe he’s one of English decent).

If you recall, Hernandez made pretty questionable comments during the weekend regarding a woman in the San Diego Padres’ dugout. Hernandez said Kelly Calabrese, the team’s massage therapist, has no place in the dugout, and should cook him some Taradactyl for dinner and scrub his butt flap.

She — and all women — apparently have no place at Wimbledon, either.

“The issue is one of a judgment on fairness,” Hernandez All England Club chairman Tim Phillips told the AP. “We believe that what we do at the moment is actually fair to the men as well to the women.”

We, unlike this sexist British caveman, can’t quite see how.

In other news: Brett Favre has decided to return to the Packers next year after Green Bay said they would let him go on the swings for 10 minutes before every practice.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the Sports Editor at the University of Washington's The Daily. From time to time he smears mud on his ass.

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