While we haven’t asked Calipari about his reasons (or his involvement in Waste Management during the off-season), we do have a pretty good idea as to what the Tigers' coach was thinking when declining the offer:
-I like Raleigh, but I’m a tad skeptical about this Tobacco Road. That might be difficult to drive on.
-And how exactly do you recruit players who live there? Teleport?
-Hmm…play Duke and North Carolina every year or Tulane and Rice?
-Hmm...get out-coached by Mike Kwzt#osh&aow$grz and Roy Williams or out-coach Dave Dickerson and Willis Wilson?
(Editor’s note: those are, in fact, the real head coaches at Tulane and Rice. We can’t believe it, either.)
-Darius Washington Jr. is comin’ back, right? We’ll probably be a good free-throw shooting team then.
-They gunned down former NC State stud Julius Hodge. So, if I take this gig, am I next?
-Herb Sendek was being criticized here for going 148-108 in eight seasons and running a Princeton-style offense. What’s gonna happen when we — as an entire wolfpack — have 21 points at halftime against UNC(LA)?
-Wait, Sendek chose to leave?…and he picked Arizona State! (Yes, they do have a basketball program. We’re not exactly sure why). Something doesn’t add up here.
Like Coach Cal taking the N.C. State position, we presume.
In Other News: Miami’s Shaquille O’Neal recorded a triple-double last night with 15 points, 11 rebounds, and 10 offers to star in Kazaam 3: I'm a big fucking genie.