Saturday, April 01, 2006

Final Four. Cool.

If anybody saw the combination of LSU, UCLA, Florida, and George Fucking Mason playing in Indianapolis this weekend, please speak up. If you somehow predicted this, we promise to get you loaded on some peyote.

The SEC was a down conference all year, as was the Pac-10. The Colonial Athletic Association is just that: an association. It's not even a fucking conference! Billy Packer, Dick Vitale and the rest of the mainstream media basically whacked off the big-name conferences all year -- the Big 10, Big East and ACC. Now they have 0 teams left playing, while the SEC already has an NIT champ and now two Final Four teams. Shows what the analysts know.

So here we go with our picks. Turns out we've made some good ones: our associate at Nike Headquarters tells us that if UCLA does not win it all, our bracket wins, and thus we get about $1000. Shit, with a grand we could spend some money over at Online Poker Rakeback. Even if your bracket didn't win you money, you too should go drop a dime over at OPR. Anyway, our picks:

#2 UCLA vs. #4 LSU:

Rooting against UCLA is about one of the easiest things to do. Almost easier than profuse dick jokes. They're just full of these Hollywood kids who play pretty good defense and don't know the objective of the game is to put the ball in the basket. Jordan Farmar and Lorenzo Mata both support our boy Charles Darwin's theory of evolution, and Ryan Hollins is just a tall version of a turd. We just can't think of anything nice to say about the Bruins. Our Huskies beat them twice and frankly, the Dawgs should be playing in this game. (Ignore the logistics of the bracket).

LSU has also been playing really well, with Big Baby and freshman sensation, Tyrus Thomas. These fellas are big inside, but we just don't think their guard play can compare with UCLA's. We hate to say it, but our 1,000 bucks aren't quite in the bag.

The Big Picture pick: UCLA

#3 Florida vs. #1(1) George Mason:

Just tell us a better story line. We dare ya. We double dog dare you. GMU is in the CAA! We just can't get over this. They beat three teams (Michigan State, UNC and UConn) that have all won National Championships in the 21st century! This is just fascinating. They're far too likeable to possibly root against...but then so is Joakim Noah.

As you can see from the picture above, Noah is sometimes unsure of his genetic background, but the man (man?) can sure play some ball. He's become a star in this tournament, and NBA scouts and cult leaders everywhere are licking their chops. Picking against GMU is nearly pointless, but Florida has probably been the most dominant team in the Dance. They're the only team in Indy that hasn't been in a nail-biter yet. So, we're sad to say, this is the end of the road for the Patriots.

The Big Picture pick: Florida

Chime in with your thoughts on this weekend's game. If you get more games right than we do, we'll give you a cookie.

In other news: Boston Red Sox reliever Julian Tavarez was suspended 10 games for pushing over Don Zimmer.

(Photo courtesy of The Mighty MJD)

1 comment:

insomniac said...

Lorenzo Mata is Hollywood in the same way that Matthew McGrory was Hollywood.

By the way, if UCLA does pull of the mild upset and beat LSU, you may want to consider hedging your tournament bracket with a money line bet on UCLA in the finals (or taking the points w/ UCLA if they're the underdog.)