Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Jodie Foster could save the Big 10


Found myself watching Inside Man over the weekend for like the 12th time. Good movie. Not great.

What is great about it though is Jodie Foster. Even aged, give her a nice business suit, straightened hair and heavy makeup and she looks like a girl that causes a spike in Viagra sales. She is waaay hot in it and makes you want to be in a situation where she needs to bribe you or buy you off.

[Tangent] If I were a cop I'd absolutely be dirty. Not in a Training Day or Bad Lieutenant kind of way where people get hurt. But I'd surely take bribes and use my power to my advantage.

Jodie Foster in Inside Man: My client needs you and your boys to back off. Officer Zach, there must be some way we can work this out.
Officer Zach: I think we can arrange something.
(Porn music begins playing)

I think this all comes down to the fact that my life would be much more exciting if it were a constant porno.[/Tangent]

So Jodie Foster is totally non-stop in Inside Man. I would do things to her that you couldn't watch on the big screen coming soon to a theater near you.

But look at her in Contact. YIKES! She's like a good Scotch or wine or one of those other things that betters with age.

Young, makeup-less Jodie Foster from Contact = Four Long Islands.
Older, sexy, porno-style Jodie Foster from Inside Man = Zero Long Islands.

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I found myself watching some of that Illinois-Michigan State game Sunday. It was a good thing I watched it, too, because I needed to be reminded how much I fucking hate the Big 10.

It was like a tie game with seven minutes to play and for the next five minutes, there was one combined point scored, eight fouls and seventy-six timeouts.

Watching the Big 10 is like the equivalent of a nice cup of chamomile tea before bed.

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Was at '80s night over the weekend at a bar and for a while the DJ was just peeling off the hits! This, naturally, got me thinking about the most horrible/horribly-great songs you hear at a bar or club and get overly excited for.

A list:

5. Like A Virgin - Madonna
4. Red Red Wine - UB40
3. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
2. Yeah - Usher
1. Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

Yours in the comments, please.

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Big pet peeve of mine during the college sports season: stories about the new rankings without a list of the fucking rankings accompanying it! Much like this one here.

I don't need 450 words explaining that UConn moved ahead of Pitt when 25 will suffice.

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Great time to get to the movie theater. Coming in at No. 1 last week was Tyler Perry Makes More Cliché Black Jokes followed by Three Gay Teenagers in 3D.

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If you could be a professional or college athlete for a day, who would it be?

LeBron for the pure talent?
Brady to fuck Gisele?
Jeter to bang anything with two legs and a pulse?

I might go with Yao Ming. It'd be cool to be that tall for a day. And I've always wondered what it's like to be Chinese.


Or maybe Horace Grant. You know those goggles had x-ray vision.

Your rationale in the comments.

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What TV shows are you watching?

I certainly tuned in to the two-hour 24 "event" last night. That show's gone downhill, but it's still worth a weekly viewing.

Lost on the other hand is better than sex. I am more addicted to that show than I am to porn and I fucking love porn.

I will talk Lost with people who have never seen the show like they were watching with me.

Me: Ben killed Locke!! Ben's all fucked up! Who are these new islanders???OMG!!! LOL!!! LMAO!!!! RARRRWW!!!k;akjd[ka!
Coworker: I've never seen the show before, but I've heard good things.
Me (shaking coworker): Jin's alive!! Is he in the 70s?!?!? Why was Hurley and Sayid on the plane!?!?
Coworker: Please don't make me press charges.

After a Wednesday episode, my workday on Thursday is as unproductive as the first day of March Madness. I read all the recaps, message boards...I'M FUCKING ADDICTED!!!

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Great post by Alex (a former colleague of mine) at Seattle Sportsnet who list the sports fans we love to hate.

My favorite (or least favorite, I suppose) is The Guy Who Knows Everything, But Doesn’t Know Anything.

That guy is very prevalent at college games and usually wears a backwards hat.

11 comments:

Peter said...

I too am watching 24 and Lost. I watch 24 just because I've watched it since the beginning. It has gone downhill (What? Someone in a gov't agency is corrupt? That's never been in a previous story line before) and I am tired of Agent Walker's conscience even though she goes ahead and does everything Jack asks (cue porno music).

Lost is kick ass. Fringe is also good.

East Bound and Down on HBO is spectacular. I can watch each episode about 5 times and it keeps getting funnier.

As for 80's songs, You Really Got Me by Van Halen comes to mind

Bokolis said...

Jodie Foster, huh?

I lived through the '80s music scene. I try block it out but, the amount of times I find myself thinking, "Oh, whatthefuck is this shit?" (usually Journey, I think) is troubling.

I'd be Steve Nash or Jason Kidd, to see the field before everybody else...oh, wait, I already do.

I'd be the guy from the Bobby Hebert story, that had to tape his package to his hip...oh, wait...

Fuck it, I'll just be Shandon Anderson, hanging on so I can keep banging white women.

HM said...

You know Jodie Foster bats for the other team, right? Was your commentary written by a 50 year old lesbian?

I don't know how old Usher Raymond is without looking it up, but I doubt he has a song that should be played in a true 1980s bar.

huh? said...

Totally agree with you on Jodie Foster. Examine her career progression for a second: Taxi Driver she plays an cracked out prostitute. Also, she was 14. Definitely not doable and illegal. Inside Man we have mid-40's, hot business woman who looks like a raven in the sack and who's totally doable. Also, legal. Important distinction there but still true.

Fringe is damn good. Love that show. Check out Reaper when it finally comes back later this month. I also watch CSI because Morpheus is on the show. Note, he's still Morpheus 10 years later.

As for the 80's music, Bon Jovi, while enjoyable is overrated and gets annoying. Most 80's suck, ie: Journey and all things Def Leppard. I tend to get over-excited for Judas Priest's Breaking the Law. Something about a gay man in leather bondage gear screaming metal...wait, nevermind.

huh? said...

Oh, and Europe's Final Countdown does give me wood.

Anonymous said...

Pat Benetar gives me a woody.

HM said...

Here is a link for a review of the guy (oops, I mean mediocre-looking 54 year old woman) who got some of that hot, hot Jodie Foster tail...for 14 years.....yuck....

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/1964935/Jodie-Foster-has-split-from-her-lesbian-lover.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-566391/Jodie-Foster-dumped-lesbian-lover-14-years.html

GMoney said...

General Jumah is a badass. Don't you dare insult Renee Walker either. Her wet t-shirt and rare 24 cleavage last night was fucking fantastic.

Alex said...

Pacman Jones. would love to be such a scumbag for one day.

Now, horrible 80´s list that you might get excited about:

5. Believe (Journey)
4. Walk like an Egyptian (bangles)
3. Material Girl (Madonna)
2. Don´t blame it on that Girl (Matt Bianco)
1. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now (Starship)

Bazooka Jones said...

I've gotta add Safety Dance (Men w/o Hats) to the horrible/horribly good list.

I wouldn't mind being Marko Jaric to bang Lima, to see how the fuck I can con someone that Hot into marrying me, and to have a front row seat for an NBA game.

Alex Ovechkin is another possibility. It'd be great to be better than God at what you do.

As for TV I watch a lot of random shit, but I fucking love Always Sunny. So hilariously demented and offensive.

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