Monday, March 16, 2009

'...And for three hundred...'

I was hanging out with some buddies over the weekend in the North Beach neighborhood of San Francisco, famous for clubs, bars and strip clubs.

We were walking down the street when a sleazy doorman stopped us outside of a small joint called Heaven. I thought it was a church or something then realized it wasn't a church or anything that would be looked highly upon by the church.

The doorman says something like, "No cover, no I.D., no hassles."

So why the fuck not, we thought. We walked up a narrow staircase followed by two strippers who couldn't have been far removed from high school.

There were four of us and two girls so they said, "Only two of you can come at once."

I was shoved towards a girl who led me into a back room -- the size of an apartment bedroom -- with a couch, bath tub, pole and probably all sorts of bacteria. The door was closed behind us.

The girl was like kinda of cute, but not that cute and a little too dirty for anyone's liking. She was brunette, pretty skinny and didn't have much of a body. If the test question was,
What illegal substance is this girl on?

a. Crack
b. Meth
c. Heroin
d. All of the above
the answer would clearly be D.

But here I was with her on my lap and alone in a bedroom. The options sounded good.

She asks me if I'm looking to have a good time. I tell her that I'm certainly not looking to have a bad time. So then she goes into her spiel:

Her: So it's fifty for a private show.
Me: Ok.
Her: Seventy-five for a hands-on lapdance.
Me: Ok.
Her: A hundred for a handjob.
Me: All right.
Her: Two hundred for a blowjob.
Me: Oh. Oh!
Her: And for three hundred you can go all the way.
Me: Ok. What can I get for six bucks?

That's when I was politely asked to leave.

And that's the story of my first time in a whorehouse.


JMC said...

and all I wanted was to use the restroom!

GMoney said...

You should have murdered her.

sam said...


Anonymous said...


and the funny thing is, knowing you, im pretty sure that was the actual conversation.

Bokolis said...

That's the problem with Frisco...$300 to nut on a meth addict.

Back in the day out East, we had South American illegals for $20 -$30. I'm not going to tell you they were supermodels, but they were serviceable (like a number four starter, say, Chris Volstad or Randy Wolf) and, because they were there to service other Central and South American Illegals, they were (mostly) drug free.

Not that I'd know or anything {{looks around uncomfortably}}

David W. Wilkin said...

So what happened after you went to your ATM and got out the $300 and had your second time at the whore house?

HM said...

Good story -- frankly I am surprised that you did not get an answer about what you could get for $6. Enough $6 efforts and you can at least pay something to your meth dealer.

Anonymous said...

you're such a pussy

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