Tuesday, March 17, 2009

An interview with that leprechaun from Leprachaun

Today is Saint Patrick's Day, which is an excuse for people who aren't Irish, Catholic or don't like the color green to pretend they're Irish, Catholic and like the color green. They also drink excessively because it's an excuse to drink excessively. We caught up with a real-life leprechaun who we later learned wasn't actually a leprechaun.

The Big Picture: Thanks for joining us, Mr. Leprechaun.
Leprechaun: Sure.

TBP: Is that the proper way to say it? Mister Leprechaun? Or would just "Leprechaun" be correct?
Leprechaun: I think either one is fine.

TBP: So what's it like being a real-life leprechaun?
Leprechaun: I wouldn't know. My name is Warwick Davis.

Leprechaun: I'm an English actor.
Leprechaun: (Sigh).

TBP: Do Leprechauns typically get work in Hollywood?
Leprechaun: I'm an actor. That is my profession. I was in a number of movies. Maybe you heard of Willow.

TBP: No way! You're that midget from Willow! What was the name of your character in that movie?
Leprechaun: Willow.

TBP: Madmartigan seemed like an asshole. Is he like that in real life?
Leprechaun: That was Val Kilmer.

TBP: The chick in that movie was hot. Didn't it suck being shorter than her.
Leprechaun: No.
TBP: Did Kilmer nail her?
Leprechaun: I don't know.

TBP: General Kael was pretty cool. Do you ever dress up as him to fulfill your wife's fetish?
Leprechaun: No.

TBP: You were in the movie Leprechaun, right?
Leprechaun: Yes.
TBP: That movie sucked. Who in the world thought it was a good idea to make five more of them?
Leprechaun: I don't know.

TBP: You've also been in movies like Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia. Don't you think you've been typecast?
Leprechaun: Not really.

TBP: Back to Leprechaun. Did you know Jennifer Aniston was in that?
Leprechaun: Yes.
TBP: How many times a day did you masturbate to thoughts of her in your trailer?
Leprechaun: I didn't do that.

Is your whole body proportional?
Leprechaun: Pretty much.
TBP: Wow. That sucks. Do you jerk off with tweezers?
Leprechaun: No.

TBP: In Willow when you had to protect the baby, Elora Danan, don't you think the relationship you had with her was borderline molester?
Leprechaun: Not at all.

TBP: What's the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Leprechaun: Well, typically we like to be called...
TBP: So you're saying there's no difference?
Leprechaun: No.

TBP: Mini-Me seems to get a lot more pussy than you. Is it because he's taller?
Leprechaun: No.

TBP: What's up with Leprechauns and gold? Is it a greed thing?
Leprechaun: I'm not sure.

TBP: I have a buddy who said he'd rather bone a chick with one arm than a midget. Do you take offense to that?
Leprechaun: Not really.

TBP: When your wife asks for you to reach for the flour way in the top cupboard and you have to step on a chair, do you kinda feel like a pussy.
Leprechaun: No.

TBP: Is it more embarrassing being a Leprechaun or not being able to go on a roller-coaster?
Leprechaun: Neither is embarrassing.

TBP: Thanks for joining us. Happy Saint Patrick's Day.
Leprechaun: You're welcome.

1 comment:

GMoney said...

Madmartigan is a badass.