What's an "Ikea Game?"
n. A game which results in so much anger, frustration and disappointment that it causes one to destroy anything and everything in their living room, leading to a trip to Ikea.
Alternate names: "Game that makes you want to tear your fucking heart out and feed it to Jeffrey Dahmer," "I fucking hate sports," "Kill me now."
You might have heard that Cal beat Washington in triple OT. Oh, it was a good game, you say? Well stick a rake up your ass, you fucking asshole. There was nothing good about that game.
For an objective fan? Great game, right? WRONG! This game sucked for everyone. Even Cal fans should hate this game because Washington fucking lost and the whole world should mourn a UW loss. The people who enjoyed this game are the same people that believe genocide, famine and disease are good things; that Hitler was a motivator; and that "The White Stripes" are a good band.
Here's a perfect rubric on how to piss away a game:
-Regulation: Give up a 10-point lead with 6:04 left by trying to nurse the clock.To make matters worse, we followed this game on ESPN.com's GameCast. Didn't see a minute of it. Just saw numbers change on a computer screen. Numbers that made our apartment look like it was hit by a motherfucking tornado.
-2nd OT: With Huskies leading 77-74, Washington's Justin Dentmon misses the second of two free-throw tries with nine seconds to go. Cal's Patrick Christopher misses a long three-point try, but D.J. Seeley gets the rebound and is fouled by UW's Isaiah Thomas while making the putback with one second left. Seeley hits the free-throw try. Game goes to 3rd OT.
-3rd OT: With Huskies leading 85-83, Cal's Theo Robertson hits driving jumper, gets fouled and converts the three-point play with 15 seconds remaining. Dentmon misses a jumper with five seconds remaining.
Yet, this was nothing in the grand scheme of our miserable existence as a sports fan. We've seen horrible collapses like this in much bigger settings -- playoff, World Series and March Madness games. This early-season bullshit doesn't even compare. Imagine us when the games really mattered; two words: Shit. Show.
But we want to hear about the worst games you've had to suffer through as a fan. 'Cause, hey, misery loves company.
Let's all have a good cry in the comments.