Tuesday, January 27, 2009

An interview with the Steelers' pilot

The week(s) leading up to the Super Bowl are among the worst of the year. Endless hype, bullshit storylines and no fucking football! We'll try to mitigate that for you.

Monday the Steelers and Cardinals arrived in Tampa! ESPN broke the news that an airplane landed at an airport.
Players used camcorders.

The Big Picture:
Thanks for joining us.
Pilot: Sure. Great to be here.

TBP: Are you a member of the Mile High Club?
Pilot: No.

TBP: It must be pretty cool flying around the Steelers. Were you worried that Dick LeBeau might die on the flight?
Pilot: No.

TBP: What's the most exotic place you've traveled?
Pilot: Wow. What a great question. I had a great time in India. New Zealand was also wonderful.
TBP: Did you see Slumdog Millionaire?
Pilot: Yes, it was a fantast...
TBP: That part where the kid jumped in the shit was gross. Have you ever covered yourself in feces?
Pilot: No.

TBP: What was New Zealand like?
Pilot: The wildlife was incredible, the scenery marvelous and...
TBP: Did you see Hugh Jackman or Nicole Kidman?
Pilot: No.
TBP: Well, they were in that...
Pilot: You mean the movie Australia?
TBP: Yes.
Pilot: New Zealand and Australia are different countries.
TBP: I think you're mistaken.

TBP: Would you do Nicole Kidman?
Pilot: Maybe.
TBP: What about Hugh Jackman?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Have you ever pretended to play dead in order to scare a new flight attendant?
Pilot: Like in that Family Guy episode?
TBP: Yes.
Pilot: No.

TBP: Do you ever call the flight attendants stewardesses to piss them off?
Pilot: No.

TBP: What about the male flight attendant?
Pilot: What about him?
TBP: Did James Farrior call him a fag?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Did you hear about that plane that crashed in the Hudson?
Pilot: I did. That was a courageous effort by the pilot.
TBP: Are you jealous?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Have you ever crashed in the Allegheny?
Pilot: No.
TBP: Have you thought about it?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Do you watch Lost?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Is your favorite movie Cast Away?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Did you see that porno where a bunch of girls are stewardesses and then they have lesbo sex and scissor with each other on an airplane.
Pilot: I don't think so.
TBP: Do you want that to happen to you?
Pilot: I'm happily married.

TBP: Did you ever see Alive?
Pilot: No.
TBP: They like eat each other and shit.

TBP: Does Roethlisberger order booze during the flight?
Pilot: I'm not sure.
TBP: I bet he does. Does he get a Mojito?
Pilot: I don't know.
TBP: If he did, do you think Farrior would call him a fag?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Thanks for joining us.
Pilot: You're welcome.


GMoney said...

Stupid pilot...he barely answered any of your hard-hitting questions!

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JMC said...

where is my annual Ines Sainz media day picture!?!?!

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