Thursday, January 08, 2009

People I Want to Kill: Queen Latifah


This is a new feature. It's pretty self-explanatory. If you're in law enforcement, I don't really want to kill people. I would rather someone else do it for me. If you have suggestions or want to guest-write one, email me. If you see your name appear on this feature, hide.

Queen Latifah isn't really a queen and she really is a fucking cunt. I hate her the way a man hates his wife.

She's loud, obnoxious and always tries to talk cool. I hate that shit. Don't fucking try to connect with me by speaking in hip hop. You're 38, bitch! Act your age.

Why the sudden death wish for Queen Bitch?

I was watching the People's Choice Awards.

DON'T FUCKING ASK! Somehow my girlfriend got away with this on the TV and there wasn't a blowjob involved. I am either stupider than Queen Latifah or I pissed off the girlie. Because few are stupider than Queen Latifah, I'll go with the latter.

Now don't get me started on the People's Choice Awards. My faith in people was already low, yet after seeing the results of the People's Choice Awards, I think that a country run by almonds, pistachios and walnuts would function better than ours.

Here were the nominees for Favorite Comedy Movie:

-"27 Dresses"
-"Get Smart"
-"Mamma Mia!"

If you want to watch three movies that will spark as much laughter as a funeral, watch those. Seriously, if you ever wanted a reason to throw a vacuum cleaner through your TV, turn on one of those three movies.

Yet, "27 Dresses" was your winner! Congrats! You've been recognized as a successful comedy by the dumbest fucking people on Earth.

Back to Latifah. That song UNITY was big like 20 years ago. And you somehow managed to turn that into a lucrative career. And you act? And host shows?! Is this a joke? That's easily more funny than "Get Smart." Did you see "Get Smart?" If there's a script that can make Steve Carell un-funny, that was it.

Wanna hear something else funny? Her Wikipedia page lists her as a rapper, singer, actress and model. MODEL? For what? Maternity clothes?

Preferred method of death: Gluttony. Duh.

25 comments:

rstiles said...

I was in junior high the last time I watched the People's Choice Awards....

Anonymous said...

How can you have the first installment of People I want to kill and not have someone from Fox Sports like Joe Buck on there.

Anonymous said...

im just mad she got a breast reduction. she doesnt like men anyway.

GMoney said...

Anon, that may be true, but she sure does love crashing at Steve Martin's place.

This feature is going to be the biggest thing on the Internet since tits.

JMC said...

"I hate her the way a man hates his wife."

That might be your best line ever.

Anonymous said...

This entry sucks.

Nobody either loves or hates Latifah.

You could have found much better candidates for this column while watching that show.

The Big Picture said...

anon 4:28,

he'll appear here!

anon 8:29,

sorry you feel that way. but believe me, i did find many other "subjects" on the people's choice awards.

THN said...

The Queen is a great pick. Going Joe Buck would have been too obvious. Picking somebody as obscure as Queen was a nice choice.

erfDerf said...

I hate her so much I Googled "i hate queen latifah" and found this page. Maternity clothes? :))

Anonymous said...

You are a freaking psycho. Get therapy. Freak.

fatouseck said...

ur a fuckin loser w a blog. doesnt mae u special sweetie. and queen latifah is a QUEEN regardless so u can hate all u want but she will stay fly. and she def is paid sooo...ur hating is in vain. u will not make or break her so go head sit at ur computer like a lil punk ass bitch n type up sht u wud NEVER say if given the chance.

jonbosustow said...

The only time I enjoyed watching her on screen was when she got killed by loads of jellyfish in 'Sphere'. I wish I was one of those jellyfish.

Anonymous said...

You're a stupid pillock with no life beyond your sad blog. How can you hate someone you don't even know? Ignorant skinhead...

Anonymous said...

queen latifah did not get a breast reduction you people are jack ass she is fucking smoking hot bitches
she might not like men but that does not mean anything so shut the hell up i bet you a cows ass is hotter than you are she is 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 % hotter than any one

frankie said...

shes lesbian you know

Martin said...

She is more annoying than Celine Dion...only with a few hundred pounds more annoyance!

Seriously who the fuck made her a model?

Every time I see her I want someone to shoot her so that I can later poke her in the eye with a dull dear antler

Only a few people invoke that kind of a sentiment from me and you already know of two of them....the third in case you were wondering is Meria Carrey!

Martin said...

She is more annoying than Celine Dion...only with a few hundred pounds more annoyance!

Seriously who the fuck made her a model?

Every time I see her I want someone to shoot her so that I can later poke her in the eye with a dull dear antler

Only a few people invoke that kind of a sentiment from me and you already know of two of them....the third in case you were wondering is Meria Carrey!

Anonymous said...

Haha, erfDerf - same here! I was just watching some Simpsons online, and the ad was some makeup she is the "model" for... It reminded me of how much I loathe her.

"You're a stupid pillock with no life beyond your sad blog. How can you hate someone you don't even know? Ignorant skinhead..."
Er... It sounds like you're well on your way to hating someone you don't know. How can it be done, you ask? Well, when one is subjected to the existence of a person, and finds that individual to be rather repugnant, it really doesn't require a personal encounter. Your use of skinhead as a derogatory term would imply that you hate skinheads. Have you met them all? Lastly, I find your use of "ignorant" to be rather ignorant, and "stupid pillock" to be needlessly redundant.

Thank you, TBP!

Anonymous said...

man i've been hating latifah since the first time i saw her something about her face makes me wanna stop it in!

Anonymous said...

I don't have a problem with her existing, it is only when she invades my life with her fake smile and "Look at me: I am fat but thinking that I am beautiful attitude" is when I just wanna do a dance on her head!

Hating is one thing wanting to erase them from existence just because they have somehow gotten(/invaded) under your skin another thing all together!!!

So yes I do wish that she chokes on her queen size ribs and turns blue!!!

Anonymous said...

Queen latifah=greatest actress of all time. She is so funny with her sassyness! She makes big girls seem sexy!

Not really. Fuck her. Her tommy boy image is straight dyke. Its so obvious she tries to make up her lesbian-ness and fatness with a stuck up attitude that the cheerleading captain in high school could only use. Yeah she might be rich and successful, but she essentially freeloads with what little success she had in the late 80's by making terrible movies that the african american demographic will certainly watch. beauty shop? The only thing funny about her in her movies is when some ripped muscular black man falls in love with her and you try to figure out what exactly is going through his head. I could go on about the "queen" but I have better things to do. Great blog

Anonymous said...

I hate that bitch. Thats why i googled i hate fat bitch queen latifah and came here.
She sang at the superbowl and opening day. Shes a fat black beasty lesbian. Someone off her already

Anonymous said...

You are probably fat black and ugly too. Grew up masturbating to her poster and asked for an autograph shook her hand and never washed it. Do us a favor and gather your family for a game of hot potato with a grenade

Anonymous said...

The problem I have with the "Queen" is her who frigging snotty/shrewd/arrogant attitude. She's like a female Eddie Murphy or Will Smith. A poster child for Negro outcry. Basically her entire style, speech, and attitude screams in capital letters GHETTO!

Let's face it, she has No Talent Whatsoever, is very ignorant, and has a low IQ (sure, she's not alone, but she's an Excellent Example!) and has gotten to where she is today thanks to our politically correct bullshit society. You know: she's not only a woman but a Minority at that, so let's feel sorry for her and Open Doors for her...

And those who DO NOT open doors for her...well, let's just brand them Racists and be done with Them! (Which is also why there's so limited a backlash against her on the internet or otherwise--Fear of being branded a bigot for knocking a loud-mouthed black bitch!).

Not only that, this bitch is now a Rolemodel for young black bimbos everywhere in America (and hopefully it doesn't extend Beyond this country!).

The "Queen" is also probably The best argument to bring back slavery in America...

Anonymous said...

This fat lesbian bitch isn't just a fat bitch lesbian - she's a man hater too. Even though she occasionally has males guests on her show (so she wont APPEAR to be such a man hater), she refuses to hire male audience members. And yes I did say HIRE - they have to PAY people to sit in her audience to watch this big fat disgusting worthless man-hating pig faced piece of shit... and she refuses to hire men.