Thursday, January 08, 2009
People I Want to Kill: Queen Latifah
This is a new feature. It's pretty self-explanatory. If you're in law enforcement, I don't really want to kill people. I would rather someone else do it for me. If you have suggestions or want to guest-write one, email me. If you see your name appear on this feature, hide.
Queen Latifah isn't really a queen and she really is a fucking cunt. I hate her the way a man hates his wife.
She's loud, obnoxious and always tries to talk cool. I hate that shit. Don't fucking try to connect with me by speaking in hip hop. You're 38, bitch! Act your age.
Why the sudden death wish for Queen Bitch?
I was watching the People's Choice Awards.
DON'T FUCKING ASK! Somehow my girlfriend got away with this on the TV and there wasn't a blowjob involved. I am either stupider than Queen Latifah or I pissed off the girlie. Because few are stupider than Queen Latifah, I'll go with the latter.
Now don't get me started on the People's Choice Awards. My faith in people was already low, yet after seeing the results of the People's Choice Awards, I think that a country run by almonds, pistachios and walnuts would function better than ours.
Here were the nominees for Favorite Comedy Movie:
If you want to watch three movies that will spark as much laughter as a funeral, watch those. Seriously, if you ever wanted a reason to throw a vacuum cleaner through your TV, turn on one of those three movies.
Yet, "27 Dresses" was your winner! Congrats! You've been recognized as a successful comedy by the dumbest fucking people on Earth.
Back to Latifah. That song UNITY was big like 20 years ago. And you somehow managed to turn that into a lucrative career. And you act? And host shows?! Is this a joke? That's easily more funny than "Get Smart." Did you see "Get Smart?" If there's a script that can make Steve Carell un-funny, that was it.
Wanna hear something else funny? Her Wikipedia page lists her as a rapper, singer, actress and model. MODEL? For what? Maternity clothes?
Preferred method of death: Gluttony. Duh.