Making sense of the Stanford Tree

For years we here at The Big Picture have been taught to hate Stanford. It's just how it goes growing up in the East Bay: root for Cal, hate Stanford. But lately, we have developed a sort of secret crush on the Cardinal. Well, it's not so much the team that we like (we think Chris Hernandez is a dick-wad), but that obnoxious tree mascot is perhaps the coolest one in the college ranks.

Last month, during a basketball game with Cal, Tree, as drunk as Eddie Sutton, blew a 0.157, puked on Leon Powe and then lost control of her bowels on the court. (The 0.157 part was true...the other stuff we're sure is true...it just didn't get reported). The person in the suit, Erin Lashnits, was then fired, expelled and killed. (Again, only the first part of that sentence was actually reported).

And now Monday, just a little over a month after the drinking, puking, shitting incident, the newest Tree was tossed out of the Stanford women's tournament game against Florida State for refusing to clear the floor at halftime.

We saw some video of this, and Tree was really just dancing around, being obnoxious and probably taking hits off the crack pipe. But to eject a mascot? You may call it harsh, we'll call it un-American.

As for Tree, well, it may be our new favorite mascot. Prior to the shenanigans that Tree pulled this year, our hands-down favorite was the St. Joseph's Hawk. It's not so much that Hawk is a boozer or clown, it's Hawk's dedication that we love so much. See, during a St. Joe's' game, Hawk stays in constant motion by flapping its wings throughout the entire basketball game. The whole fucking thing! You know how strong you have to be to flap your wings for two hours straight? Go ahead and try for two minutes. It's tough we tell ya.

But Tree is certainly more rebellious than Hawk and we like rebellion as much as the next guy. But if Hawk decides to get loaded, flap his wings, yak, and keep on flappin', well, Tree would take a backseat to our flappin' friend from Philly. (If you get the chance, slug us for that alliteration).

In other news: The Indianapolis Colts signed kicker Adam Vinatieri after the Colts' front office decided they didn't want an "idiot kicker."