Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Who the fuck is George Mason?

Well, people who know a bit more than we do about history say he was somehow involved with the Declaration of Independence and the Virginia Constitution. We aren't exactly sure what he had to do with it or what the fuck the Virginia Constitution is, for that matter, but we're guessing he played a big part and that he wore a wig.

What we do know is that he's helping the school named after him win college basketball games.

"You better believe they're getting a little help," Mason's risen ghost said. "What, you think they'd reach the Final Four all on their own!?"

It's unclear as to how exactly an old, white, dead dude helped the Patriots win four games some 200 years after he died, but we're pretty sure the answer lies in the Virginia Constitution.

We're betting Nicolas Cage would be willing to find out for sure.

Regardless of which famous Founding Father figure is helping these little guys from the CAA (GMU isn't even from a conference! And what the fuck is an Association anyway? Again, our guess is that the Constitution has the answer and that Disney would pay Cage to find out.), we're on board with them.

We especially like Jai Lewis, mainly because he's a big fucking G, and also because he's named after an Asian tea or something.

The Mighty Motherfucking MJD has a similar story about Old Man Mason.

In other news: The Red Sox Julian Tavarez punched the Devil Rays Joey Gathright in a Spring Training game Monday because Joey wouldn't share his grapefruit with Julian.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington's The Daily and will start contribituing to our little site often. He's also a giant douche bag.


NFL Adam said...

Adam and Zach... if you guys are freaking twins...

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

you better believe we are, adam

JMC said...

and HOW.

NFL Adam said...

Wow, I don't think U Dub was ready for those two.

Anonymous said...

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