Happy Labor Day

Mindi would like to wish you a happy Labor Day and would suggest that you wash your car today while simultaneously masturbating six times.

See you tomorrow.

Jac of All Ne...BOOBS!

Remember Would you do... cheerleader Jaclyn? She competed in the WYD Round 3 tournament and made it to the Final Four before being ousted by eventual champion Meghan.

It looks like Jaclyn, who, turns out, has a last name, has parlayed her Would you do... fame into a Web show for the Nets. Below is one of the episodes. You can thank reader Frigidevil for the jerk material. Happy Friday fuckers!

There is no possible way Audrina Patridge would ever actually eat a cheeseburger. Well she might, but then, you know...

Happy Tuesday you knuckleheads. This is Audrina Patridge and that's a Carl's Jr. Teriyaki Burger. We can think of a couple other things we'd let Audrina lick off her fingers. Zing!



But in all seriousness, we would do some really sick and twisted things to this babe. Wow!

Friday! FUCKING FRIDAY!!!

The lovely Christy is here to help bring in the weekend...

That was a lovely rendition of "God Bless Amer..." WHOA! BOOBS! HOLY MACKEREL YOU COULD MOTOR-BOAT THOSE JUBBLIES!

Who is Sara Evans and why have we never seen her jugs before?!?! We are in love with this singer, this artist, this goddess of passion!

We have zero idea what her contribution to pop music is or why she belonged at last night's All-Star game, but holy toledo, we want to meet her doctor and spend the day as her bra.

But get this, Sara Evans, our true love, our soul mate, our inspiration, was born in 1971. Whaaaaaat? This is a lie! Do not lie to us, Wikipedia. She's 24. And a virgin. She's waiting for us. She'll come to California for us. And sing to us all night long until we smother her with a pillow and do things to her that God would certainly not bless.

For the record, we'll call it zero drinks for her, 6 LTs for us to loosen up our vocal chords and a clarinet for fun.

We're busy with work and other stuff and...you don't care...BOOBS!

Not much to write about and not much time to do it. But enjoy Rachel's eyes. And her hands. Nice fingers. And her hair is nice. And totally awesome tits.

Full jerk material here.

That's what the excitement for Lindsay Soto was all about?

Remember Lindsay Soto? The FSN/Versus blonde, maybe fake-titted hottie that was crowned Would you do... champ? She's back in the news...

All I heard while listening to local Sports Radio yesterday morning was how hot she was during the Sharks/Ducks telecast. Callers and the show's hosts were saying how she overshadowed a good Sharks victory.

So, naturally, all we could think about for the rest of the day was coming home, finding good YouTube footage from Tuesday's game, and lighting some candles while Jergens and Kleenex kept us company.

After some digging, Deadspin gave us the video we were looking for.



THAT'S IT?! That's like high-school cleavage. I would rather masturbate to Baseball Tonight than that. People excited about that are people stuck in a sexless marriage who still haven't discovered that there's free porn on the Internet.

Kendra Wilkinson might pose naked again...if Hank Baskett is behind the camera

Kendra Wilkinson, who is known for some TV show on E! and being as smart as a can opener, might pose naked again which would probably be a good thing if you like blonde hair, fake cans and, well, blonde hair and fake cans. (Not that we would be so superficial).

One other thing on her mind: fiancé Hank Baskett. While she's planning their wedding, the former Playboy model says she'd love to collaborate with him professionally – as a photography subject.

"When we were doing a photo shoot to promote [upcoming reality show] Kendra, he went behind the camera for a couple and was taking pictures," she says. "Those were the best pictures I took because I was so comfortable."

As for revisiting her past, she now says, "I'd be very scared to [pose for] Playboy again. You know, now knowing I'm getting married. But the only way I would do it is definitely with him."

It's only a matter of weeks before the sex tape "accidentally" gets out, right?

[Ben Maller]
[People]
[NSFW pics of Wilkinson for those who like blonde hair and fake cans]

A-Rod has a new girl who is a real housewife and she's from New York. And she's real, man.

A-Rod's been busy while rehabbing his bum hip. We ran an item last month about him buying the women in his life some expensive lingerie. We thought that woman was maybe Madonna or a stripper or Johnny Damon, but news has surfaced that this lady friend might be of reality-TV fame, which seems like an oxymoron.

When it comes to dating housewives, A-Rod likes to keep it "Real."

The Yankees slugger has been stepping out this weekend in Miami with Bethenny Frankel, one of the reality stars of "The Real Housewives of New York City."

Alex Rodriguez and the sexy chef shared an intimate dinner on Friday night at a local restaurant, a spy tells the Daily News.

Even though it ended fairly early -- he has to watch that hip as he rehabs after surgery -- the evening appears to have gone well. Word is the third baseman was due to make reservations for another dinner with Frankel Saturday night.

Frankel's hot and all and could probably make an awesome grilled cheese sandwich following coitus, but we think that she falls into the, "A-Rod will bang anything short of a tree" category.

Nevertheless, here's a Frankel gallery for your Tuesday pre-work masturbation needs.

[NY Daily News via Ben Maller]

Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second...Martina Navratilova is a lesbian?!

Former tennis great Martina Navratilova is a lesbian. This would be awesomer news if her name was Anna Kournikova or Maria Sharapova. It's not. We're going to show a picture of Sharapova instead because if we showed Navratilova, you wouldn't like lesbians as much as you currently do. Don't say we never looked out for you.

Nonetheless, Navratilova is being threatened by her former partner if she doesn't pay up in the settlement. The NY Post with your messy legal lesbian mumbo-jumbo.

The longtime lesbian lover of Martina Navratilova is threatening to air the tennis great's dirty laundry if she doesn't get a settlement to her liking based on their eight years together.

"There are a lot of skeletons in Martina's closet. It is more like a storage facility full of them, and I know them all," said Toni Layton, who left her computer salesman hubby, Jeffrey Lambert, for the nine-time Wimbledon champ and claims she helped nurture and enrich her career during their time together.

Layton has tried to negotiate a settlement with the world's former No. 1 women's player for a year, only to have Navratilova's lawyers threaten "to publicly discredit Toni and humiliate her," Layton's flack, Gary Smith, said. "[But] Navratilova's team has another thing coming if they think we are going to just lie down and be steamrolled."

Show of hands: who knew Navratilova won Wimbledon nine times? And who can visualize Anna Kournikova, who's never won anything?

That's what we thought. And we call ourselves sports fans.

[Via Ben Maller]

The other college sports

Happy Monday folks. JMC here holding down the fort while Zach's on his way back from a real strenuous trip to Arizona to watch spring training baseball on his parents' dime. Because I feel so sorry for him (travel is such a bitch) I agreed to write today's post for him...

At this time of year it's sometimes hard to remember that there's more going on than just the NCAA men's basketball tournament. Obviously there's a lot of media attention to the tourney and everyone, ourselves included, is fretting over the status of their bracket. But lost in the shuffle are some other pretty compelling sports stories that we thought you might like to know about...

-On Saturday the University of Virginia defeated the University of Maryland 10-9 in men's lacrosse. Big fucking deal right? Actually, yes, because that game went to SEVEN overtimes, making it the longest game in NCAA history. Being a UVA alumnus, I actually watched all seven overtimes, and let me tell you, it was nerve-wracking. UVA had to score four 4th quarter goals just to tie the thing up, and then withstood 14 shots in overtime to finally win and preserve their undefeated record. Never watched college lacrosse? You might want to start - it's fast, it's exciting, and the players knock the shit out of each other. Of course it helps when you have a real rooting interest. It's too bad there are only about 5 games broadcast per year. My Wahoos by the way are #1 in the country so look out come tournament time.

-We know about as much about hockey as we do about women so writing about the Frozen Four is a stretch. But hey, someone's got to do it. Did you know that there's a college called Bemidji State in the hockey tournament? BSU is in, no shock here, Minnesota, where little kids play hockey like little kids here in Berkeley recycle and learn to do yoga. And BSU has made it to the Frozen Four! The lowest seed ever! Apparently there have been some exciting finishes in the hockey tourney but we of course missed them because we were too busy, um, reading the articles at the new Playboy Archive. NSFW example here.

-There is also a WOMEN'S NCAA basketball tournament. In fact there's a regional going on right here in Berkeley, and like a good sports blogger we spent all day attending the games on the couch with our hand down our pants. The cool thing is that UConn is undefeated. They haven't lost a single game all damn season. And they're pretty much a lock to finish their run through the tournament and win it all without one measly little loss all year. Pretty impressive. If this was the men's team we'd be talking about how the women on campus would be lining up to give these guys a "welcome home present," but it's the women's team so they'll probably just go back to being unrecognizable and oddly tall.

What, you were expecting a UNC-OU Morning Headlines? Sorry.

Jason Kidd is dating a Playmate. And she's pregnant. Fantastic.

An NBA star dating an exorbitantly hot chick is old news -- hey, we're doing a whole list of those in this round of Would You Do...

But, fuck, Hope Dworaczyk is mega fine. She's on this month's cover of Playboy magazine with Seth Rogen who may or may not be banging someone similarly as hot as Dwkl^jljalx!*Z!k.

Good get for Kidd. His ex-wife, Jouamana, is mega-super-hot but even more mega-super-fucking-batshit-Courtney-Love crazy. He now has the younger girl, with the perkier tits and far less baggage. Solid move by the nine-time all-star.

And she's pregnant. Wonderful. Ten years down the line perhaps she'll go psycho, too.

You can see the NSFW photos here and some safer ones here. Don't stay in the bathroom too long. Never wanna make it obvious...

A-Rod talked to the media...

...and NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!!

So, instead, here's a picture of a hot chick.

Tampa to host Super Bowl, thousands with blue balls

Don't know much about Tampa. Thought of it like a poor man's Miami, with nearly as many old people. But our uneducated opinions of the city are quickly changing with this article:

There are, by one count, 43 strip clubs in the Tampa metropolitan area -- one for each Super Bowl. And the week of Super Bowl XLIII is to Tampa's naughty nightlife what Black Friday is to America's shopping malls.

That's awesome! Why bother with the game?

And why drive? You could call Joey about the party bus that'll tour many of the gentleman's clubs! Make sure to bring cash...ya know, for drinks.

The Chargers Girls would be more successful at Centerfolds

Best part about the Chargers-Colts game Saturday?

Certainly not the game. Manning goes out in the first round again. Sproles to the rescue. Norv Turner somehow does something right. Blah, blah, blah.

But we loved the gratuitous cheerleader shots!

Those cheerleaders...holy cow! Is each one a DD? Many have the fakies! We love the fakies! They'd look so much better with a dollar bill between that cleavage, though.

Our pals at Busted Coverage did the dirty work, grabbing screen shots from NBC's telecast. And you can check out the Charger Girls homepage here.

If Darren Sproles resigns with San Diego, he better have "access" to the girls in his contract. We'd go with Marlina. YOWZERS!

Her bio says she loves animals. We have a chicken that needs choking.

It's the Clicksy Awards: Get Clickin'

Our pal Jimmy over at SI.com's Hot Clicks is running a year-end awards show in four major categories.

Of course, the one we decided to link to is for the Women of Hot Clicks. And there are some hotties on that list. Get voting and be sure to vote on the other categories as well.

It'll be fun. Promise.

Stacey Dales will not settle for Coach, thanks

Bad news for men, penises and us: Stacey Dales is rumored to be out at ESPN.

Deadspin came up with this emailed lead about why Dales, who provides us plenty of traffic when she's on the tube because of this, is likely to leave the World Wide Leader. And it's pretty funny stuff.

(Again, rumored. As in not for sure. Like there's a chance this isn't real. But it might be. But it might not be. But maybe it is!)

"Refused to sign her contract, even though ESPN management repeatedly kept re-offering her a chance to sign. Rumor is she had trouble dealing with the travel stipulations of flying coach; while she watched many of her talent colleagues pile into first class."

She's probably stuck between two dudes who are Mark-Mangino fat and has a crying baby behind her. Naturally, the passenger directly in front of her pushed the seat back all the way and the flight attendant spilled her Diet Coke.

Fucking Coach. C'mon, she was nearly a Would you do... champion. At least give her Business.

An interview with Maxine Christine of Playboy's Girls of the Big 10 issue

As part of the gig at PlayboyU, we get access to Playmates, Cybergirls and, most recently, Girls of the Big 10. Access does not mean: in-person interviews, party invites or mouth sex. Access does mean: email contact, promotional photos and that's it. No mouth sex. Fuck.

But today we get to hear from Big 10 hottie Maxine Christine. She's a Northwestern student, though we asked her nothing about the Wildcats' fast start on the football field. But we did ask her about the craziest place she's done it. (She didn't answer). You can see a few safe-for-work photos here. Enjoy, knuckleheads.

1. For the record:

Name: Maxine Christine
Age: 19
Occupation: Student - Dance and Spanish double major
Location: Northwestern University

2. You're in the Girls of the Big 10 edition. Awesome! Tell us about the process. How'd you hear about the opportunity? What was the process like of being selected? How long did the shoot take?

It's kind of a funny story. When I got back to my dorm one night last fall all the girls on my floor were giggling around our school newspaper reading an article about the Playboy auditions. That was the first time I heard about the audition, and apparently they already happened earlier that week. As soon as I finished reading the article I e-mailed Playboy to see if I could still arrange an audition. I auditioned the next day and the day after that, their last day in town, I had my photo shoot. They told me right on the spot that I would have a photo shoot the next morning so luckily I didn't have to wait for that phone call. I would say the photo shoot, including wardrobe, makeup, and scene setup took about four hours.

3. Not only were you in the issue, but jeez, you won Hottest Girl of the Big Ten! What was your reaction?

I feel so honored to win, especially representing Northwestern University where Hugh Hefner used to study. I was so pleased to just be discovered last fall. Now, winning the title of Hottest Girl in the Big Ten, I am one step further in the Playboy family. The entire ride has been such a positive learning experience this far, and I hope it continues into the future.

4. Now that you've been in Playboy, what's the reaction like now around town? Are you like a minor celebrity? More heads turning now?

Haha...yea I guess you could say more heads are turning now. I've definitely noticed that way more people know me by name now compared to freshman year. But honestly, I don't consider myself a "celebrity" so its kind of funny when freshman girls come up to me and tell me that I'm their idol...I think they are more interested in my sorority life than me.

5. Have any other modeling opportunities come up since you posed for the premiere men's magazine?

I've had a few offers, but haven't acted on anything yet because I am working on a project of my own. I can't give any details yet, but you will hear about it within the next few weeks!

6. Hypothetical situation (sort of). You're out a party. You have like 20 guys approach you throughout the night:

a. Which ones do you give the time of day to?

The guys who are confident with themselves, but not to the point of arrogance. And NOT the creepers.

b. How do you let them know you're not interested?

I always feel bad letting a guy down, because I know it takes courage to walk up to the opposite sex and start a conversation. But I usually find a way to end the conversation and walk away without giving them my number, or I'll have one of my wing girls save me.

c. Which one are you going home with?

Well, if I told you that I wouldn't get to meet the other 19 guys...

7. D.O.B. is June 20, 1989. You're a baby! What's the frat/house party scene like at Northwestern? Been able to sneak into bars, yet? How's it being close to Chicago and how's the nightlife there?

Just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know how to have a good time. Northwestern is not a state school...but we can hold our own...the party scene is fun especially when I turn it into a mad dance party!! Chicago is a fun city but I usually go downtown to see dance shows or plays that my friends are in so I haven't really tasted the full nightlife scene there yet. I'm working on it though!

8. Dream job? Go.

My dream job is to own, choreograph for, and dance in my own dance company. I can't see my life without dance, but I am a marketer and a fundraiser so owning a dance company would be a perfect fit for me! I have a very strong ballet background, but I am also working on my modern, lyrical, jazz, and hip hop, so I hope to create a really diverse and exciting company some day.

9. It's Saturday night, 11 p.m. What are you doing?

You can find me on the dance floor tearin' it up!

10. Quick hitters:

a. Favorite drink? Starbucks Hazelnut Latte
b. Favorite sport to watch? Does dance count?!?
c. Favorite sport to play? Mud wrestling
d. Favorite late-night food? Cinnamon Toast Crunch
e. Favorite position? That's for me to know and you to find out ;)
f. Granny panties or g-string? G-string!
g. ESPN or E!? E!
h. Jeans or sweats? Boys' sweats...so comfy!!
i. Your preference: all natural or fake it? All natural
j. Favorite movie? That's too hard...but I can tell you that I do not like scary movies.
k. Threesome: Pick one -- Absolutely! Never! Already tried it, thanks! Absolutely!!

Big Picture Field Trip: Seattle Mist Tryouts

We told you that the new Seattle Lingerie Football team was holding tryouts Friday. Because we don't feel we give you enough masturbation material already, we went to check it out. Don't say we aren't dedicated to you, loyal readers.

It was pissing rain, but that didn't stop about 50 girls from attending the "tryout." And it was sorta like a football tryout, with real drills, cones and footballs.

Thankfully, the girls were told to wear "cute athletic wear." They did. We played a little pocket pool.

The dude running it, who apparently owns a production company, looked like he was doing this to help fuel his coke habit. The motherfucker could've written "sleeze" across his white shirt and nobody would've noticed anything different. The dude was wearing sunglasses and it was in the 50s and raining. You know how we feel about sunglasses when they aren't called for.

Of the 50 or so girls, 12 will make the team and there might be a few "alternates" if girls go down with injury, or, according to Sleezy Sunglass Bro, if the girls, "get impregnated."

Happens.

The girls weren't like wildly hot, be we would've probably banged about 98% of them. A few wanna-be-strippers, a few girls who maybe played some PowderPuff in high school.

Or, like Alicia McLauchlin told Hotdog & Friends:

I was working for T-Mobile and I just quit a couple days ago because I basically hated my job a lot. This would be a much better job -- I feel like I'm more set up for something like this.

As far as the football skills go, well, it's a good thing they're getting hired for their looks. Your amputee grandfather would look like Joe Montana compared to these broads.

Since we're here for you guys, we set up a little photo gallery below. Click the images for a larger view.

There. The Seattle Mist. Welcome, ladies.

Hot? Like football? 'Try out' for the Mist

If you're hot and aren't quite ready to do porn, perhaps nearly-naked football is the thing for you.

The Seattle Mist of the Lingerie Football League (there's a league?) are having a casting call/tryout for, hmm, better let them tell you about it (caps lock and typos theirs):

CASTING DETAILS FOR SEATTLE MIST MINI-CAMP

ARE YOU HOT AND TOUGH ENOUGH TO PLAY FOR THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUES NEWEST TEAM, THE SEATTLE MIST??

IF SO, WE WILL BE CASTING TO FILL THE MIST TEAM WITH SEATTLES HOTTEST AND MOST ATHLETIC LADIES!

CASTING DETAILS:

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3 @ 10 AM (RAIN OR SHINE)

Greenlake Park - 7201 East Green Lake Dr. N. Seattle

DRESS IN CUTE ATHLETIC WEAR. PLEASE BRING IMAGES TO LEAVE BEHIND.

Yeah. Lingerie football in Seattle. Can we get season tickets?