Act now and you too can avoid listening to Joe Buck

Last October I wrote about all the possible ways you could watch the World Series without having to listen to the awful Fox announcers. This may sound easy, but of course the problem is that the sound from the radio is often 3-4 seconds ahead of the TV signal, so it makes it pretty annoying to simply mute the TV and listen to the radio. So I looked at the various ways you could delay the radio signal to match it up with the TV. One of the most affordable options was the SportSync radio.

Well, I am proud to announce that I am now the lucky owner of a SportSync radio. I put it on my Amazon wish list, and good ol' Mom got it for me for my birthday. I have tested its delaying capabilities and I am happy to say that it totally works. I can now watch a Giants game and listen to Jon Miller calling it on the radio, and they are perfectly in sync! Needless to say I am more than excited to use this genius invention during the playoffs and World Series.

Sadly I have no idea how long this thing takes to ship once you order it, but I strongly urge all of you Joe Buck haters to order one RIGHT NOW. You will not be disappointed.

P.S. I totally scraped Zach

TBP Fantasy Smackdown

Well folks, the NFL season is finally upon us and as luck would have it Zach and myself, contributor JMC, are already matched up in our fantasy league for Week 1. Zach already whined about his team, and now we get to see the first team he'll lose to. Take a look at the matchup and make your predictions in the comments. Full disclosure: I had the 1st pick (and hence, the 20th), while Zach had the 5th and 16th, and so on.

Why Pasta Pomodoro totally sucks at being a restaurant

Hey kids, JMC here to tell you a cautionary tale: don't go to fucking Pasta fucking Pomodoro.

A few weeks back it was my girlfriend's birthday. She wasn't too happy about it either. You know, getting older can kinda make people grumpy. So the day was pretty much doomed to begin with because when my girlfriend is unhappy it makes the grim reaper look like a kitten and going to war in Iraq sound pretty fun.

We spent most of the day hungover having been to a pretty great wedding the night before, and never ended up doing much. I kept asking her (for weeks ahead of time) what she wanted to do and she never came up with anything. So finally here we are on the big day and we're having breakfast wraps at Starbucks and sitting on the couch most of the day. I took the day off work for this?

So dinner time rolls around and of course she hasn't decided where to go and doesn't want me to take her out to a nice restaurant because she's not feeling that great and is unhappy so why waste a nice dinner? Fuck me with a blunt object. Next thing I know she decides we're going to Pasta Pomodoro because she has a coupon for a free appetizer or dessert.

I fucking hate Pasta Pomodoro. The food is only okay, the service is mediocre, and the ambiance is nothing to write home about. And then it costs 40 bucks. But that's where we're going because she for some reason likes it. It must be the bread. The bread and that dipping sauce are actually pretty bomb.

So we drive out to PP (I'm calling it that from now on because it's less typing), and get a table. Luckily there was no wait. If there was a wait I probably would have jumped in front of a car. We sit down, eat the bread (best part of the night) and peruse the menu. We choose our entrees and then pick the polenta for our free appetizer. The waitress isn't nearly cute enough to get away with being as annoying as she is but manages to apparently take our order correctly. Of course I think we were sitting there for like five minutes before we had waters. Fucking PP. So we're sitting there and not really talking about anything and finally the food comes, except they fucked up and the polenta doesn't come out first. It is an appetizer, it is supposed to keep us from eating our napkins while we wait for the real food, it should be out there first. PP sucks.

They bring the polenta and the main course at the same time, or maybe the polenta was after the main course, either way it was fucked up. I'm at this point ready to go on Yelp and give this shit-hole zero stars or however you rank shit on Yelp. So my dinner is fine but of course there's something wrong with hers. She, in an effort to always make life more difficult, of course asked for her shit to be prepared in some special way, extra creamy sauce or something. And they gave her regular creamy sauce. She fucking sends it back. So we start eating the polenta and my food. My food is fine, but I could probably make pasta that's just as good at home for 12 cents. We try the polenta. It's bland and not very good but fine. The girlfriend decides there's something wrong with it and it's awful and horrible and can't be right. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this polenta except for the fact that it's polenta from PP and PP pretty much sucks so of course the polenta is going to be mediocre. But she's convinced there's something wrong with it and fucking sends it back. They offer to make it again and she declines. Her food comes back and this time it's right. She then eats two thirds of her dinner and decides to take the rest home.

So the waitress acts like a ditz, sort of apologizes for fucking up our whole dinner, and then sends the manager over. She also is not cute enough. She offers us free dessert in place of the crappy appetizer. The girlfriend declines. She then asks the manager to take something off the bill, and the manager says her entree will be free. Great, we can get the fuck out of this shitty restaurant. But wait, where's the leftover pasta? The waitress has taken it away instead of bringing a box. My girlfriend is on the verge of tears. I am ready to find a steak knife and tear open my abdomen. The waitress says she must have thrown it out, but she'll make us a new entree. Then she goes in the back and comes back out with the leftovers in a box. Its a miracle! She didn't throw it out after all. She probably just took it out of the garbage. And then spit in it. And got Karl with a K to jerk off into it. And then Karl with a K spit in it too.

So I pay the bill, which at this point is like 10 bucks since its just for one entree, score, and we get the fuck out. Great fucking birthday. Fuck you Pasta Pomodoro.

That was a horrible call to end the perfect game

If you've read TBP before you're probably aware of how much we hate terrible sports announcers, specifically ones on FOX like a guy whose last name starts with B and ends with Uck and it's Joe Buck. So you can imagine how appalled we were to hear the way clowns on Comcast Sports Net called the end of Mark Buehrle's perfect game yesterday.

"Alexeiiiii, YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! HISTORY!"

Let me remind you, Ken Harrelson, that you are an announcer and not a fan. Maybe you should do your job and actually describe what is happening. Clearly this is a big deal, only the 18th perfect game in history, so it's fine to be celebratory and excited, but that was just way over the top. Contrast that with the excited yet reserved call of Duane Kuiper when Jonathan Sanchez threw his recent no hitter.

"Strike three called! Jonathan Sanchez has thrown a no hitter here at AT&T park!"

Yes. We're homers for the Giants and we think their announcers are some of the best in the business. But this isn't about giving a tug-job to our favorite announcers, it's pointing out the difference between an announcer that can be a fan of his team and still do his job well, and a moron who just screams and yells and forgets all about his responsibilities. Great for Buehrle, bad for Harrelson. No surprise, if you read the article about Harrelson, it talks about how he's known as a big homer. And I still wish Kuiper had said "here in San Francisco" instead of "here at AT&T park."

Going on the field is underwhelming

Had the chance several weeks back to watch batting practice on the field in Oakland. Of course, we were only invited on the field for about the last 15-20 minutes, and it was while the visiting Diamondbacks were in the cage. Some thoughts about watching from the field:

-It's not that cool to go on the field when the only place you get to stand is the warning track right in front of the backstop.

-The foul territory at the Oakland Coliseum is bigger than Zach's porn collection.

-The most interesting part is getting to see the trajectory of the ball off the bat and the movement it takes when hooking or slicing. It also makes you realize just how far it is when they hit one out.

-The group of guys hitting was Eric Byrnes and a bunch of bums. Unless of course those bums were really good players that I just didn't recognize. Byrnes is pretty much a bum himself.

-There were a lot of Arizona fans on the field with us. They pretty much all looked like douche-bags. You know, D'Bags. One of them was a woman who I later noticed was wearing a jersey that said FTNSSFRK or something like that on the nameplate. I suppose that indicates that she likes fitness. Real cool. I thought about getting Zach a Giants jersey with the same name on back.

-There's really nothing like grass on a baseball field. Can I get some in my yard please?

-Overall I was pretty underwhelmed by the experience. Next time I want to shag flies.

Now for some more pictures:

NBA Player introductions are total cheese

We here at The Big Picture have a long-established distaste for the NBA so imagine my own surprise when I found myself watching the beginning of last night's NBA Finals Game 3. I tuned in just in time to see the Magic's player introductions. I forgot how, aside from the BCS, these introductions might be the worst thing in sports. Bizarre mascots and cheerleaders descending from the rafters on wires, crazy lights flashing all over, highlight videos, the list goes on. It's one thing to do it for the finals, but we all know this kind of nonsense happens before most regular season games as well. Yet another reason to tune out the NBA.

Taking "stud" to a new level

The "Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports" got us thinking. After a thoroughbred horse is finished with his racing career, he'll often be put out to stud. In other words, to live a long life on a nice farm eating hay and running through a couple hundred mares a year. Mine That Bird is probably looking at a future quite like that. Scratch that, he's a gelding -- and no balls means no stud. Speaking of 50-1 longshots, those are about my chances of getting laid on any given weekend. And I live with my girlfriend.

So why do horses get to have all the fun? I mean, look at the society we live in. Doesn't it just naturally follow that someday soon we'll start putting human athletes out to stud? First on the list? LeBron, of course. Let's face it, dude is a specimen. People would probably pay millions for some of his sperm. How could his kid NOT be a champion?

We've seen this a thousand times -- father and son both amazing athletes -- think about these names: Griffey, Bonds, Hull, Manning. But what if you not only got a great male athlete to be the sire, but a great female athlete to be the dam. Think about Mia Hamm and Nomar, Sheldon Williams and Candace Parker, Misty May and Matt Treanor -- the kids these couples are gonna pop out are bound to be athletes too.

I'm thinking of starting a stud farm for athletes. After they retire I'll have them come stay at a big party house, and then I'll charge people exorbitant sums to let these guys father their children. And if we get the female athletes we'll have thoroughbred people. It will be awesome. Bron Bron, as soon as you're done ballin' give me a call.

Who you got?

Thanks to your favorite sports site for the graphic

The big game's tonight. Who you got? Jordan or Magic? Tobacco Road or Auto Row? Carolina Lily or Apple blossom? Wright Brothers or Henry Ford?

Zach and I both picked UNC to win it all in our brackets, but I'm ahead in points so far. Here's hoping for an exciting final, especially after such a lackluster tournament. I'll stick to my guns and pick UNC.

Your pick in the comments please...

I live 1.8 miles from Oakland and I've never heard of the A's starting pitchers

Hey folks, JMC here back for more. Zach's away getting his Jew on in the big apple (that means he went to a Bar Mitzvah) so here I am to welcome you to another week. That headline might be a bit of an exaggeration - while I do live about 1.8 miles from the Oakland city limit I live about 9.3 miles, as the crow flies, from the Oakland Coliseum. And I have heard of one of the A's starting pitchers.

Why haven't I heard of their starting staff? Some thoughts - I'm a Giants fan, I spend more time jerking off than reading about baseball, the A's are awful, or maybe it's just because they're essentially a brand new staff... Let's see the rundown:

-Dallas Braden: Braden's actually been on the team for a couple of years and was drafted by the A's. So it's a little bit of a mystery why I've never heard of him. I guess going 6-12 in 24 starts with a 5.44 ERA hasn't exactly made him a news-maker. The fact that the A's chose this guy to be the opening day starter doesn't bode well.

-Dana Eveland: Eveland's got to be considered the ace of the staff, and I say that because he's the one guy I've heard of. A key part in the Dan Haren trade, he was plugged into the rotation last year after coming over from the D'Backs. Last year he was essentially a slightly below average pitcher (ERA+ of 93). Also, he has a girl name.

-Brett Anderson: Also part of the Haren trade. He's never pitched above AA. Good luck buddy.

-Trevor Cahill: Another product of the A's system, and another guy who's never pitched above AA.

-Josh Outman: Well he's certainly got a good name for a pitcher, or a recently openly gay guy. He came to Oakland from Philly in the Joe Blanton trade and started 4 games for the A's last year. He's got some decent peripheral stats but he's given up too many hits to be effective.

So how did the A's get here? That's what I want to know. Last year they started the season with a rotation of Joe Blanton, Rich Harden, Justin Duchscherer, Dana Eveland, and Greg Smith. They also got early starts from Lenny Dinardo and Chad Gaudin. Sean Gallagher also got 11 starts. Blanton was traded to the Phillies, Harden and Gaudin to the Cubs. Duchscherer is starting the season on the DL after elbow surgery and will miss at least six weeks. Smith, another product of the Haren trade, was sent to Colorado in the Holliday deal. DiNardo is now with the Royals. Gallagher was supposed to make the rotation but lost his spot to Outman and is starting the season in the bullpen. And that's how the A's have a whole staff I've never heard of.

Despite the fact that the A's have an unheralded rotation they could turn out to be pretty good. Anderson and Cahill are highly regarded prospects and with Gallagher in the wings and the possibility of getting Duchscherer back, they might have quite a bit of pitching depth. Combine that with what should be a much improved offense and a weak division, and they could have a shot. But, you know, probably not.

The other college sports

Happy Monday folks. JMC here holding down the fort while Zach's on his way back from a real strenuous trip to Arizona to watch spring training baseball on his parents' dime. Because I feel so sorry for him (travel is such a bitch) I agreed to write today's post for him...

At this time of year it's sometimes hard to remember that there's more going on than just the NCAA men's basketball tournament. Obviously there's a lot of media attention to the tourney and everyone, ourselves included, is fretting over the status of their bracket. But lost in the shuffle are some other pretty compelling sports stories that we thought you might like to know about...

-On Saturday the University of Virginia defeated the University of Maryland 10-9 in men's lacrosse. Big fucking deal right? Actually, yes, because that game went to SEVEN overtimes, making it the longest game in NCAA history. Being a UVA alumnus, I actually watched all seven overtimes, and let me tell you, it was nerve-wracking. UVA had to score four 4th quarter goals just to tie the thing up, and then withstood 14 shots in overtime to finally win and preserve their undefeated record. Never watched college lacrosse? You might want to start - it's fast, it's exciting, and the players knock the shit out of each other. Of course it helps when you have a real rooting interest. It's too bad there are only about 5 games broadcast per year. My Wahoos by the way are #1 in the country so look out come tournament time.

-We know about as much about hockey as we do about women so writing about the Frozen Four is a stretch. But hey, someone's got to do it. Did you know that there's a college called Bemidji State in the hockey tournament? BSU is in, no shock here, Minnesota, where little kids play hockey like little kids here in Berkeley recycle and learn to do yoga. And BSU has made it to the Frozen Four! The lowest seed ever! Apparently there have been some exciting finishes in the hockey tourney but we of course missed them because we were too busy, um, reading the articles at the new Playboy Archive. NSFW example here.

-There is also a WOMEN'S NCAA basketball tournament. In fact there's a regional going on right here in Berkeley, and like a good sports blogger we spent all day attending the games on the couch with our hand down our pants. The cool thing is that UConn is undefeated. They haven't lost a single game all damn season. And they're pretty much a lock to finish their run through the tournament and win it all without one measly little loss all year. Pretty impressive. If this was the men's team we'd be talking about how the women on campus would be lining up to give these guys a "welcome home present," but it's the women's team so they'll probably just go back to being unrecognizable and oddly tall.

What, you were expecting a UNC-OU Morning Headlines? Sorry.

Phelpsin' all night long

Obviously the Michael Phelps marijuana situation has been covered ad nauseum, but we discovered one angle that we wanted to share with you, our beloved readers. At the Super Bowl party we attended the other day, some friends of ours were discussing the possibility of doing a little smoking themselves at halftime (sorry Bruce). Being pretty hilarious guys, and having just looked at the famous picture, instead of the usual "bong rip at halftime?" they posed the question as "little Michael Phelpsin' at halftime?"

This got us thinking: what new term could we coin in honor of the greatest American Olympian of our time to refer to smoking weed? Some of our thoughts:

-Phelpsin'
-Doing the 100-meter free
-Hitting the 8 gold medals
-Getting Phelpsed out
-Putting on the Ganja Goggles
-Stretching the Speedo

Here's the other thing: This guy must have a pretty ridiculous lung capacity. He can probably take the hit to end all hits. As someone said on Sunday, he could take a huge rip, swim the length of the pool underwater, come up, and blow perfect rings.

So dear readers, what do you think should be the newest term to refer to getting high? Let's hear it in the comments.

JMC in the NY TImes

The Fifth Down, the New York Times' NFL Blog, asks the bloggers who cover opposing teams to break down the coming game for the Jets — in 100 words or less.

Last week, the Jets took on the Niners and the Niners unleashed hell on them! NINERS BABY!!!

Anyway, regular contributor and super commenter JMC wrote his 100 words breaking down the game. You can see his piece here (third one down).

But what comes to our attention is his intro:

Jamie Costello, known as wjackalope, is a long-time commenter on Niners Nation and the leader of their season-long N.F.L. prediction game. He is a contributor to the sports blog The Big Picture, and has been a 49ers fan for as long as he can remember.

Thanks for the shoutout, J, but where's the fucking link! The NEW YORK FREAKIN' TIMES! A link woulda been nice, thanks!

Happy Birthday you piece of crap!

The Big Picture, you suck. Almost as much as my Warriors. But anyway, happy birthday. Hope you suck a little less in the next year.



Best wishes,

Nelly

Happy Birthday, Big Picture!

Dear The Big Picture,

I hope you have an awesome 3rd birthday! Make sure you drink yourself silly. In fact, for your birthday, I'm giving you a nice big hit off this beer bong! Just make sure you don't get in your car and drive anywhere afterward.


Sincerely, Nittany Lion

BCS out of Joe Buck's hands???

According to this report, ESPN is the top bidder to take over the BCS television rights when the current deal with Fox runs out after next season. If they get the deal, we won't have to suffer through Joe Buck ruining another championship.

PLEASE, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, come true!!!!

Please God anything but Joe Buck

If you're like us, and I suspect you are, you probably can't stand the fact that the World Series, year after year, is broadcast on FOX, meaning you have to listen to the drivel from Joe Buck and Tim McCarver for 4-7 games. On the other hand, you probably really appreciate the professional, enthusiastic, and knowledgeable Jon Miller, calling the game for ESPN radio. Yes, Joe Morgan is the color guy, and we all know he can say some stupid shit, but there's one thing we can agree on: Miller and Morgan are FAR better than Buck and McCarver.

So like us, you've probably tried to turn off the sound on your TV and listen to the game on the radio. The problem? The TV feed is almost always 3-4 seconds or more behind the radio feed. So they're not in sync and you hear the play before you see it and it sucks. So we've gone ahead and done some googling to see what we can find in the way of a solution. We found several options for products you can use to delay the audio feed so it matches with the TV.

First up: RTS-200C RADIOTVSYNC^TM STEREO AUDIO DELAY WITH REMOTE. This is a serious piece of audio equipment that goes for $189.95. Then you probably have to add on shipping costs, and of course it won't get to you in time for the game tonight, so screw it. But for next year, maybe.

Second: SPORTSYNC, the AM/FM radio with Sports Audio Delay. This appears to basically be a walkman with a delay feature. It can plug into the stereo and is a much more affordable $39.95. It appears this is also not available in stores, so you'll have to wait.

Third: Radio SHARK 2: This appears to be like a TiVo for your radio. $49.99 and you have to order it. Seems like not a great option.

Next: Radiodelay from Daan Systems. This looks like a decent piece of free software that allows you to plug a radio into the microphone port of your computer, and then delay the audio to match it with the TV. Sadly it only works with PCs and I'm running Mac, but if anyone out there tries it let us know how it works. This could be the answer.

Finally: Use the TiVo. This link explains how to set you TiVo or other DVR to pause the game, then sync it to the MLB Gameday Audio broadcast of the game. Of course, you have to subscribe to MLB Gameday Audio to do this. Sounds a little like a pain in the ass. But it's also only $4.95 to get all the World Series games. I don't have a DVR at home, so this won't work for me...

So what am I to do? I'm not gonna spend money and wait for the SportSync. I don't have TiVo, and I'm not running a PC. Time to get creative. As a speech therapist I have some odd stuff including this Delayed Auditory Feedback device, check it out. Now, I'll have to wait till I get home tonight to find out, but I think I have the right cords and cables and I'm pretty sure this will do the trick. I plug the radio into the microphone port on the DAF, run a cable from the headphone jack of the DAF to my stereo, adjust the delay, and voila, I'm good to go!

One final note - from what I've read it appears some people have the opposite problem - the radio being behind the TV. Well if you have TiVo that's fixed easily enough (pause the TV for a second, unpause when they're synced), and if not, shit you're on your own.

RAYS!!!!!11!! GAME 1 2NITE!!!

AAAA WTF!?!? RAYS!!!1!!!!$#$#DFfefiwj

RAYS!!!!!!