Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Tim Legler's engaged! And she's hot! Whaaaat?

The Big Lead -- always good for sports gossip and such -- dug up this old-fashioned wedding announcement Tuesday.
According to the Philadelphia Daily News, Tim “Legs” Legler of ESPN fame is getting hitched Oct. 10 to a major piece of ass -- Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader Christina Fuller (who is 12 years his junior).
According to Christina's bio, the quickest way to her heart is to make her laugh, which makes one wonder if Legler -- who prior to his NBA Analyst days played for five NBA teams -- is more entertaining in person than on TV, where he does his best impression of a brick-wall on a nightly basis.

Christina also enjoys Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries, though we call big time bullshit on that one. Just look at her! There's no way she's on anything but the "Lettuce and Water Diet."

While the above photo makes Legler's new bride look like a perfect fucking 16, don't let the make-up, hair, and pink number fool you. Without her being all dazzled up, she's only like an eight.

But we're not here to find flaws. This gal is a knockout and it makes one wonder what kind of poon-tang actual basketball players are tapping. Legler, because he played for the Warriors at one point, makes him half an NBAer at best. And we're positive that Christina loves Legler solely for his charming personality and gelled hair. She probably doesn't even know about Legler's dark past in the NBA.

Oh, and we got five bucks...make it 10...that those puppies are real. Takers?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

It's Media Day at The Big Picture

Because it's Media Day in Miami, and because we like to tell people we work for the media and interview people and shit (not far from the truth, actually) we caught up with both head coaches for Sunday's Super Bowl. Albeit brief, Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy were kind enough to sit down with us for a nice chat.

What follows is the transcript of our discussion. Naturally the topic of race came up, but remember, it was all in good fun...

The Big Picture: Thanks for hanging out, guys.
Lovie Smith: My pleasure.
Tony Dungy: You are welcome.

TBP: So, um, yeah, Miami's pretty fun.
Lovie: I haven't been out much.
Tony: Me neither.
TBP: Mini bar, huh?
Tony: I don't drink.
Lovie: Me neither.

TBP: Haven't hit the streets? But there are all sorts of hookers and shit.
Lovie: I'm happily married.
Tony: I am also married.

TBP: Happily?
Tony: Yes.
TBP: Bullshit.
Tony: Excuse me?
TBP: Ah, never mind, justfuckedyourwife...
Tony: What?
TBP: Bless you is what you're supposed to say.
Tony: Oh.

TBP: So Lovie, how long have you been a black coach?
Lovie: What?
TBP: Haha. See, that's an old joke that we reporters use. See, funny thing is, you've always been black!
Lovie: Yes, that's true.
TBP: Tony, don't lie to me either you shrewd cat, you and Lovie have been talking about being black, right?
Tony: We discuss many things.
TBP: Like being black.
Lovie: We also talk about football.
TBP: Is it true what they say about black guys?
Tony: What is it that they say?
TBP: That you're hung like a fucking kielbasa.
Lovie: It's true.
Tony: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lovie: You fucking dogger, Tony. You got baby-dick, huh?
TBP: You have fucking baby-dick?!
Tony: I don't have baby-dick.
TBP: You lying son of a bitch! You have baby-dick.

Tony: We are playing a game you know...
TBP: Fuck the game. Why the hell do you think we're here for Media Day? We don't give a fuck about Peyton's thumb. We don't give a fuck about how Rex is going to handle the pressure. We want human interest stories.
Lovie: I'll give you a human interest story.
TBP: Please.
Lovie: I'm an African American coach.
Tony: Me too.
TBP: Did you know that Eli Whitney was white?
Lovie: Yes, I did know that.
TBP: Like, "What the fuck?" Cotton gin motherfucker is a piece of fucking Wonder Bread. Cracker ass bitch. Thought he was a brotha. But no.
Tony: That is correct. He was a Caucasian male.

TBP: You know what we love?
Lovie: Hookers?
TBP: Well besides that.
Lovie: Football?
TBP: That too. But we're totally down with those fucking yams. Ya know, the ones with butter and brown sugar and marshmallows and shit.
Tony: I've never eaten that before.
TBP: Shut the fuck up, Tony. Is this your interview?
Tony: Why, I think it is.
TBP: We're outta hear. We got plenty to go write an article about. In fact, we already have the lede set:

MIAMI -- By the numbers: Two teams. Two African-American coaches. One baby dick...

(Check out KSK's fun sit-down with Colts' center Jeff Saturday).

Latrell Sprewell is indirectly feeding his family

A while back, SI mastermind Rick Reilly wrote a column titled, "Getting by On $14.6 Mil" that looked at just how selfish choker (note the dual meaning) Latrell Sprewell is.

Now it seems that Spree will be coughing up enough money to not only feed his family and his babies' mama, but to probably buy a small country in the South Pacific.

From the wire report:
The mother of four of former NBA star Latrell Sprewell's children sued him for $200 million Monday, alleging Sprewell broke their long-term cohabitation deal and roughed her up last month in their Westchester County home.
Um, how many children does Spree have? That blockquote there implies more than the four he's helping feed with this nice chunk of change. Is he like the underground Shawn Kemp? We sorta feel that Kemp liked the idea of everyone knowing that he's got a kid in every state, in every color, and in every sex. He picks his kids like fucking tennis shoes. Perhaps Spree is like a closet father or somethin'.

But Spree may be giving the Rain Man a run for his money. Maybe Sprewell has many kids and many baby mamas he knocked up -- and knocked around, evidently -- while on the road.

And for $200 million, shit, we'd take care of Spree's kids. All of them. Fuck it, we'll open a whole day care for them. We'll still call Sprewell a dick-muncher though. Cuz he is. Dick-muncher.

Monday, January 29, 2007

The rollercoaster ride that is was Barbaro's life

One minute he's fine, one minute he's on his last leg (get it! Get it! Nudge, nudge). What's it gonna be?

The news on Barbaro has turned sour once again, as reports:

The Kentucky Derby winner suffered another significant setback over the weekend, and his fight for survival may have reached a critical point.

After Barbaro developed a deep abscess in his right hind foot, surgery was performed Saturday to insert two steel pins in a bone, one that was shattered but now healthy, to eliminate all weight bearing on the ailing foot.

The procedure is a risky one, because it transfers more weight to the leg.

Uh oh. This sounds bleak. But things a while back seemed bleak. It's like the fucking Matterhorn! One day things are all sunshiny, the next week Elmer's is getting all excited again.

We're among Babs' biggest fans and we'll root for him like we root for our favorite team. We're pulling for you, Buddy. Hang in there. And don't let those doctors tug you around. Leave that for the nurses. But you already know that...

(Edit: That's it. They fucking killed him! They euthanized this filly-fucking stallion earlier today. Oh my...we're like actually sad. Wow, Barbaro has become as big a part of sports culture as Barry Bonds, the Super Bowl or the NCAA Tournament. He'll be missed greatly. May you find happiness in the next life, Babs, and tell Seattle Slew he's a little bitch).

Fans will go to lengths to keep A's in Oakland

So this video is old, and looks like Deadspin had it like two months ago when it was actually relevant, but fuck it, it's white guys doing something with ghosts and riding.

Fremont: "A parking lot with a mayor."

Yeah, ghostride that shit!

Friday, January 26, 2007

D-League mascot to make sweet love with Stanford Tree

OK, that headline's a bit misleading -- there will not be any love-making between two mascots. Not that we know about, anyway.

The Austin Toros' mascot, Da Bull, nearly cost the D-league team a win the other night.
The mascot, known as Da Bull, prematurely ran onto the court and hung from the rim with .4 seconds remaining, apparently to punctuate center Loren Woods' breakaway dunk that gave the Toros a four-point lead over Colorado.

While hanging from the rim, the Toros detailed in a news release Thursday, Da Bull collided with a Colorado player. At the point of contact, the mascot's head, to his horror, fell to the floor.

The Toros were assessed a technical foul. The 14ers' Von Wafer made the free throw, but Rick Rickert missed a 3-pointer that would have tied the score as time expired.
Oh, so that's where Loren Woods is.

Here's more:
Da Bull was suspended for two games and assigned by the team to 50 hours of community service. A replacement mascot will perform in his absence; Da Bull is expected to return to duty Feb. 2 when the Toros play the Bakersfield Jam.
A few things:

1. Was there alcohol? Like with Tree?
2. Just 50 hours of community service? Throw him in the fuckin' clink!
3. The team is named the "Toros," so shouldn't the mascot be called El Bull?
4. When El Bull's head came off, it was discovered that James Earl Jones was playing the part of the mascot.

(Big ups to tipster "kickers_suck" and With Leather for the story).

In other news: According to sources, despite being injured, Yao Ming led all Western Conference players in All-Star voting because, "he's Asian."

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Blogger Interviews: Who Shot The Cavalier?

We're running a segment here at The Big Picture where we'll interview some of the biggest names in the sports blogosphere. What's the point? Well, these guys spend countless, thankless hours writing, so a little recognition from time to time is well warranted. Think of this as the blogger's version of a reach-around or something.

Joining us today is The Cavalier from the very funny, very visually-pleasing YAYsports! NBA. The YAY is a wild spot to go for fun with the NBA and all things NBA-related. They're also putting out a movie that's bound to be off-the-wall good, titled, Who Shot Mamba? The YAY has its own clothing line too and you can -- and we recommend you -- buy their shit here. You'll be like that "cool kid" we often refer to. Their Renaldo line has been featured on this site a few times. So please help us welcome The Cavalier and be sure to support Who Shot Mamba? It'll be worth it. We promise.

1. The rundown:

Name: The Cavalier
Age: 6
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: Screenwriter/Actor
Favorite team: Cleveland Cavaliers
Links to your favorite all-time posts you've written. (3-5): All my favorite posts were mangled in the dreaded sever move of December 2005 except a few. This is one of my dumbest ever, but for some reason it really worked for me.

The All-Star 1-on-1 Tournament, The Crepes Are in the Oven, Mamba's Makeover, there's a bunch more. Yeah, they're all gone. I have the jpegs, and will have them all reformatted and back up for when Who Shot Mamba? comes out. So many of them are referenced in there or incorporated into the storyline, and I really want the uninitiated to be able to go back and see the source material.

Time per day spent blogging and perusing the blogosphere: Ideally about four hours, but the past few months it's been like one if I'm lucky. I hope to get back to normal soon, but I have a feeling it's gonna be hit and miss.

2. What was the motivation for starting YAYsports! ? Girls? Money?

Ah, the secret origin of YAYsports!. It goes back to the summer of 2005, when one of my friends was going on the reality show Big Brother. We made a plan for me to blog as if I was him doing it secretly from inside the house, and people would wonder if it was really him or not. We had planned for him to do and say certain things on certain days, and I would "call his shot" before he did it - like we planned for him to shave his goatee on a certain day, and I made to sure to write a post saying "I'm thinking about shaving" the day before. It worked great, and it was a big mystery for a while among the show's fanatics as to whether it was really him or not. Like 12,000 people a day were reading, and I was like "whoa -- that was interesting. Also easy."

Thus, I decided to start a general sports blog. After two days I remembered I only truly love the NBA, and that was that. As a writer, I find blogging valuable, just from the standpoint of you end up doing that "write every day" thing automatically, plus there's a nice sense of completion with each post, which is something you don't get on a daily basis writing something longer like a screenplay.

(BTW you can see that Big Brother blog here. Note the early, crude Photoshop jobs. It's like watching history!)

3. Most blogs that post a few stories per day -- like the YAY -- have the hurdle of finding a good story to report and then to actually write about it. You do that, and then in addition, do some of the funniest, awesomest Photoshop work we've seen. Two-part question: 1.) How did you develop those Photoshop skills and 2.) how much extra time does it add to a post having to make some creative pictures?

It's funny you ask that question on this particular day, when I haven't written anything since Monday and took the entire month of December off. Anyway, we move on, yes?

The Photoshop stuff was (and continues to be) just practice and trial/error. My sister (who I live with) is a fashion designer and went to like art school and stuff, so she knows it really well. She would kinda show me one thing, which would open doors to other things. Yeah, that's the long way of saying I taught myself. When I started the site, I knew I wanted to do something different than news/stats/analysis, and the Photoshop stuff really helped me add to that.

As to the time factor, it really depends. The thought bubbles are fairly quick. Adding two extra arms to Dwight Howard takes a little longer.

4. Take us through the whole Scoop Jackson and "Orange Roundie" fiasco. Still pissed? It probably helped bring some much-deserved recognition to the site, so is there some silver lining from this situation?

That was a disaster, mainly because the day it happened, I was switching servers, and switching blogging software from Movable Type to Wordpress. And of course, that was like the day before my December break, as well. I'm sure it brought a lot of new people, all of whom showed up and wondered whether this ugly site was even still active.

Am I still mad about the Roundie thing? No, not really, but about Scoop...just the idea of using someone else's concept...any and all legalities over my ownership of the name "Orange Roundie" aside, that's just like complete creative bankruptcy. I can't fathom how someone could do that. It's retarded. The when his reaction was like I should be flattered that it happened? Fuck, you can't say that to someone with an ego the size of the one I have. It's massive and explosive.

On top of that, in addressing it, he would email Deadspin and ask Will to forward emails to me. Because I'm so hard to contact directly, right? I never really understood that. I'm sure Scoop is a nice enough guy, but I'm probably going to make fun of him in some way for the duration of YAY's existence.

5. Dream job? Go.

Making movies is fun. I love it. More money and power to do the projects of my choice is the ultimate goal of course, but the job I'm doing now is the only thing I want to do.

6. You're making a movie! Who Shot Mamba? Um, how's that going? (We donated money, by the way, so we're like those curious investors). Oh, and as a side note, the photo that reads, "Who did Stephen Jackson Shoot?" gave us a good belly-laugh.

Thanks -- I liked that one, too.

Who Shot Mamba? is's going. Come interview me again about Mamba in like mid-February. That's about when the push should start. It's coming, and's been hell getting it done. But good hell. I've worked on other films and shows in various capacities, but this is the first movie I've ever taken from scratch and actually made myself. (Hardly "myself" -- I've had a ton of help from some really talented people). The upside is that it's actually really, really good, which is hard to do, especially on a small budget. I promise it'll be worth it.

As for the length of time it's taking, all I can say is that when I do something, I'm going to make sure it's right, or I'm not doing it. If that means shooting one scene nine different times on nine different days, that's what's going to happen. I can only thank everyone for being patient with me -- both those who work on the film and those who are waiting for it. (Again, it's not me, me, me -- I'm like number three or four on the list of reasons this film is good. This is my interview, though).

7. There are all sorts of wonderful blogs out there. A few you'd recommend?

First of all, I've got like EVERYBODY on my FeedDemon RSS reader, so please, nobody take offense if I don't mention you here. Yes, I even have, which started like last week. (Also see the next question for more blogs, since I don't want to double-mention).

Currently, I'm in love with Dan Steinberg's DC Sports Bog. If I had access, that's what I'd be doing, right there. Detroit Bad Boys has a great balance between being serious and more casual, which I think is essential for a blog. I really like Globetrotter -- I wish he had time for more content. Jones on the NBA -- same deal. Need4Sheed, SacTownRoyalty.

I love The Basketball Jones when I make the time for it -- this would be easy if I could figure out how my iPod works. I have like eight songs on it because I can't jigger iTunes to do anything I want. It's the Rocky IV soundtrack -- I have to hide the screen at the gym, because something about listening to "Eye of the Tiger" while you work out is a little too awesome. That said, it's very effective. (Do you like how you ask me about other people and I bring it back to myself? Myself lifting weights, no less! I have a sickness).

Non-sports blogs, I hit up Defamer, Better Than Fudge, a bunch of movie/entertainment blogs, and a few blogs about blogs.

I'm also obsessed with checking my ranking on, and my low output this week is killing my rise back into contention for the top spot. (Again, about ME).

8. YAYsports! gets a great readership now. The content speaks for itself, but it needs to get out there somehow -- especially at first. How'd the initial promotion for the site go? Message boards? Email strings? And a piece of advice, if you will, for some smaller sites how to build a steady readership?

The best piece of advice I would give to someone starting out is to find something you can do that nobody else does. Like HoopsAddict has really tried to do this with their efforts to interview authors and stuff. TrueHoop launches investigations and does like actual reporting. Wizznutzz -- like, my crap can be imitated pretty easily, but that site is a true original. I love it. Celticsblog has made an effort to like create a huge community. I put "like" into like every sentence I write -- people enjoy that. SunsGossip -- the cartoons -- love 'em.

Just find a way to do something unique. If you're gonna write game recaps and spit stats, people can read that 50 other places -- they're not gonna come get it from you unless you've got something different to offer.

That said, the audience for sports blogs just isn't what it is for the political and celebrity blogs. Deadspin's the leader by far, and they get what -- 200,000 unique visitors per day? What's Perez Hilton get -- like 2.5 million I think? Basically, if you're getting in to get rich -- pick a different thing to blog about. The stats say that famous people getting married, having babies, and showing their vaginas really draws 'em in, so prepare to wait for the sports audience to arrive. Personally, by the time it happens, I think blogs will have tranformed into something else altogether.

9. Any interesting job offers after building yourself up as a top blogger? Graphic design maybe with those Photoshop skills?

No graphic design offers, but I do get a lot of people emailing me asking how to Photoshop and "how to be funny". I answer the first question with a "I would but I really wouldn't know how." For the second one, I have a 17-page document I wrote that explains how to watch basketball and then create humorous word pairings based on what you've seen. It's a very precise formula.

The only other things of significance that have come through have been offers to write for other sites (for free!) and a few literary agents offering to represent me. I've also been offered sex, which was cool. It was a dude -- that part was not as cool.

10. You guys recently switched over the YAY to a new server or something computery like that. How come? Was it worth it?

Like I always say on Mamba, if someone asks me a technical question, "I just write the jokes and then say the jokes on camera." As far as YAY goes, I spent a lot of time writing and not as much looking into the technological part of the whole blog deal.

So yeah -- with my traffic level, I was paying like $250 a month to the bastards at LivingDot DOT ASS to host YAY. Then one day I was like, "Man, that seems like a lot. How do all these people afford all these websites?" I was quickly informed you can get 100x the bandwidth I had for like $6 a month. That's when I was like, "Man, you're pretty fucking dumb."

(Unfortunately, in the switch, I'd guess 60-70% of my Photoshop work is no longer viewable online, hence my struggle to answer the "favorite posts" question).

Of course, the new place is slow as hell. If they don't straighten out soon, I'll need to switch before Who Shot Mamba? is released on this crude, unsuspecting world. It's gonna change everything, y'know.

11. Most rewarding parts of blogging? Most frustrating?

Most rewarding is when Scoop Jackson steals your orange-hued orbital character and literally the entire NBA blogosphere jumps to your defense. That was awesome. It's a cool community to be a part of.

Even with my reduced output the past three months, I also have some fiercely loyal readers, and that's just a nice feeling. I really feel appreciative that people read what I write -- I'd like to shake their hands and say thanks. I know that sounds like a joke, but it's sincere.

There's really nothing frustrating about it. It's not my career, so there's really nothing "at stake" for me or anything that's making it feel like a burden. It's fun -- if it's not one day, then I'll stop.

12. We'll get you outta here on this: You're an NBA guy after all, so who do you like coming out of the loaded West to rep the conference in the NBA Finals? And give us your team from the East and one decent reason why they won't get swept by the superior Western Conference team.

Geez -- it's early for this. I think it'll be Dallas-Miami again. Mainly because the rest of the East is just kinda average at best. Unless LeBron decides he's actually interested at some point this year -- that changes everything.

(Past interviews; also found on right sidebar: Dawizofodds; Matt Ufford; The Mighty MJD; Jamie Mottram; The Big Lead).

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Matt Leinart and Tara Reid? Yeah, we're not surprised either.

It seems it's that time of the year for the Sundance Film Festival, which, as Matt over at With Leather points out, is time for cocaine and infidelity.

According to Ben Maller, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart wasn't babysitting and was rather seen fraternizing with Hollywood slut (we think "slut" would actually be a factual term in this phrase, according to our gossip insiders), Tara Reid.
Maybe Tara Reid should have offered Jared Leto some comfort, but she spent the night trying to flirt with Matt Leinart, even though the Arizona Cardinals quarterback already had two ladies hanging off him. Apparently three's a party, but four's a crowd.
And the chance those two ladies hanging off him were Paris Hilton and his baby's mother Brynn Cameron are slim to none.

Leinart, ever the bachelor, has been rumored to be flirtatious (among other things) with Hilton, Britney Spears and now Reid. Not exactly a bunch to brag about. Hilton is dirtier than a mud pit, Spears has more baggage then Coach, and Reid, well, when we type "Tara Reid and whore" into Google, we got 523,000 results.

Matthew is quite the quarterback and we admire that he stayed in college through his senior year. But if we had the pick of women that he has, um, might choose the ones not with herpes.

In other news: The T-Wolves have fired Dwane Casey for "coaching in the Western Conference."

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bruce Pearl is surprisingly less hairy than we thought he'd be

That man there, that's Tennessee men's basketball coach Bruce Pearl! And he's not wearing a shirt! And his chest has a V on it! And he's wearing a headband! And that's Bruce Pearl! And he appears to be leading a thunderous charge! And that other guy has an O painted on him! And that's Bruce Pearl!

See, Pearl, always enthusiastic about Volunteer sports, was at the Lady Vols' game against top-ranked Duke Monday. The Dukies won the game, 74-70, but we know you're not overly interested in women's basketball.

For some sick, literatury, Nathaniel Hawthornian kind of way, Pearl, with a giant letter on his chest, reminds us of Hester Prynne's adultery-committing ass from The Scarlet Letter. The big V on Pearl's chest is clearly for "Vagina." Clearly.

Pearl, going to a women's game? Vagina. Why else? Though we think the kid next to him has an O painted on himself as the middle letter of a sequence that spells out "Vols."

Though we kid here at The Big Picture, we think Pearl's gestures -- albeit a bit on the creepy, "I'm trying to nail a Tri-Delt tonight" kind of way -- are pretty cool. If we saw our beloved UW hoops coach Lorenzo Romar at a women's game all painted and shit, we'd be pretty juiced. Not that'd we'd be caught dead at a women's basketball game.

Tom Brady likes cliché country songs

Remember last week when we had a little, "What pussy-ass song is Eli Manning singing?" contest? Well, no need for a contest today. We have video -- which, by the way is old and has probably been around the block like Anna Benson -- of Tom Brady singing karaoke.

And he's singing the tritest fucking song you'd hear at a karaoke bar. He would. Douche-fucker.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Bears vs. Colts in Miami: who's going wild?

OK, we were looking forward to seeing Tom Brady get to the Super Bowl just to hear the stories of the multiple gang bangs he was going to have on South Beach. Still may happen, but Peyton Manning? Yeah, won't leave the hotel room. (Though Eli may look for the best dive bar with karaoke 'til 2 a.m.).

Tony Dungy, Lovie Smith, well, they probably aren't going to go burn the city down. But here's a list of the guys we'll be keeping an extra keen eye on during the Super Bowl festivities. In Miami. Miami!

-Sexy Rexy: The guy is going to get back to Chicago after the big game with an STD count higher than his fucking passer rating. The guy loves poon tang and poon tang loves Miami. He'll go out of his way to get it. Team meeting? "Fuck that shit. Tequila shots, a credit card and some horse tranquilizers are all I need."

-Brian Urlacher: He's already hit it with Paris Hilton, so no worry of picking up herpes at the happening South Beach clubs. Somehow, we see Brian being a bit tame and staying fit. Rollerblading with an ocean view seems aprop.

-Marvin Harrison: Quiet fella, that Marvin is. Likes to keep to himself. He'll probably rack up quite the hotel bill ordering porn. But Marvin, a noble man, won't allow the dirty films to be billed to his room. He'll charge the jerk-off films to Dallas Clark's suite.

-Tank Johnson: He'll hear three words after his stay in Miami: 25 to life.

-Adam Vinatieri: He'll get Sexy Rexy's sloppy seconds.

Help us out, folks! You can tell the creative juices aren't flowing like the alcohol in Miami. Drop a line in the comments with what your favorite Super Bowl XLI player will be doing on South Beach.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Yep, horses do respond to Vodka. (We know you've been wondering)

In a funny horse-related story -- then again, when are horse-related stories we report not funny? -- an Omaha, Neb. veterinarian will be in court next week to face accusations he injected horses with vodka to calm their nerves.

Yeah! Whoa! Jay Stewart, our sleazy vet friend, is in trouble because "calming the nerves" of a horse prior to a race is a good thing, so him doing this is attempting to influence a race. You don't want the horse to be all wound up right before the race, otherwise Barbaro may go shatter his other leg.

We suspect that giving a horse a few rips off a bong would pretty much accomplish the same thing as the vodka, but Stewart, ever a man of honor, would certainly not intentionally break the law. Wonder if Dr. Stewart could whip up a Cosmo in a syringe. We constantly hear girls bitching that they hate the taste of alcohol.

While Stewart is being portrayed as a monster for his actions -- the guy gave a horse vodka! Curse his soul! -- if he was around for the Preakness, well, let's say Barbaro wouldn't have his own message board.

And since talking about vodka always guarantees a good time, let's play a little game in the comments section. Leave a comment with the brand of vodka that was being injected into these horses. Our guess is Hangar One. Classy shit in Omaha. Best answer gets a free injection!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Grimm has six-hour interview with Steelers

Who the fuck is Russ Grimm? Well, he's a Steelers assistant who wants to be a more glorified, higher-paid assistant, which some call a head coach.

Sounds like good news then for Grimm, who spent six hours meeting with Steelers brass Wednesday. The brass includes owner Dan Rooney, president Art Rooney II and director of football operations Kevin Colbert.

The Big Picture was in on the conference call and here's how the meeting played out.

Hour 1:

Dan Rooney: Welcome, Russ.
Russ: Thanks for having me. Oooh, fancy office.
Art Rooney: Nice view of...
Dan: Shut the fuck up, Art.
Russ: I can come back...
Kevin: No, Russ. We're glad you're here.

Dan: Russ, basically just tell us why you're right for this job.
Russ: Well, I'm a real hard worker...
Art: Save the bullshit, Russ.
Russ: Um, I think blocking's important.
Dan: Go on.
Russ: I want to play hard-nosed football.
Art: I dare you to say another cliché. Double fuckin' dare ya.
Russ: I'll give 110%.
Dan: I like you're style, Russ.

(Football talk continues for 46 more minutes).

Hour 2:

Russ: Are we doing lunch?
Kevin: It's 9:30.
Russ: So that's a yes?
Art: Sure, I'll order Chinese.
Russ: I'll have the Cream of Sum Yung Guy!
(Dan and Russ high five)
Art(on phone): Hi, Art Rooney calling. Doing well, yourself? Good. Good. Business is fine. Just trying to hire a new coach. Cowher? Oh, he's gone. Bastard is right. Haha. I'll get the Mongolian Beef, Chiang's Chicken, potstickers.
Russ: Get some fried wontons. And extra fortune cookies!
Kevin: Fat fuck.
Art (still on phone): Fried wontons, chow mein, fried rice.
Russ: This sounds great.

(They eat for 58 more minutes).

Hour 3:

Dan: I liked the third one the best. With Sean Connery as his father?! Man, that shit was good.
Russ: I liked the second one. Where the bad guy ripped out that dude's fucking heart! That was sick. We're going to do that to other teams.
Dan: Don't try to change the subject.
Art: I didn't like all the Nazi stuff in the third one. I cared for Raiders of the Lost Ark the most. Karen Allen was stunning.
Kevin: You would like Raiders the most.
Art: What's that supposed to mean?
Kevin: It means you're a little bitch.
Dan: You two shut up...Spielberg was the little bitch for putting Kate Capshaw in Temple of Doom. She was fucking awful.

(The conversation switches to Return of the Jedi for another 49 minutes).

Hour 4:

Kevin: I've always liked the Chargers' Girls. The costumes...whew!
Art: You know the Raiders have the best cheerleaders.
Russ: You guys sniffing glue again?! You're nuts! Cowboys have the best girls. No question.
Dan (pointing at Russ and looking at Kevin and Art): He's sharp.

(They talk about cheerleaders for 12 more minutes, switch to strippers, then discuss masturbation tactics).

Hour 5:

Russ: You guys smoke weed or what?
Dan: Do we?!?!

(They pass around a bong for 23 minutes and a joint for seven. The rest of the hour is spent eating Funyuns).

Hour 6:

Dan: So Russ, do you want this job?
Russ: Yes. Very badly.
Dan (zipping down his fly): Would you suck another man's dick to get it?
Russ: What?!
Art: Got ya! Dan does that to everyone.
Russ: Oh.
(Russ uncomfortably laughs while Dan, eying Russ, zips up fly).
Kevin: Russ, we'd like to offer you a job.
Russ: That's great!
Dan: We're prepared to offer you a three-year contract worth $7 million.
Russ: How about seven years at $100 million?
Dan: Four years. $12 million.
Art: That's $3 million per...
Dan: Art, I'm going to slit your fucking neck.
Dan: Again, Russ, four years. $12 million.
Russ: How about seven years, $100 million?
Kevin: I don't know if we can accommodate that salary.
Russ: Fine. Seven years, $99 million.
Dan: We'll be in touch.

(They handshake and ass-pat for 32 more minutes).

Michael Vick is hiding his weed in a freakin' water bottle

Sometimes stories are just too inherently funny to try to spice up. This one, involving everybody's favorite herpes-spreading quarterback Michael Vick, would fall in to that category.
Michael Vick reluctantly surrendered a water bottle to security at Miami International Airport that contained a residue "closely associated with marijuana," police said Wednesday.

The Atlanta Falcons' quarterback entered a concourse Wednesday morning at the airport with the 20-ounce bottle. He eventually handed it over and boarded his flight to Atlanta. But his initial reluctance to turn over the bottle aroused suspicion among airport security screeners, a police report said.

The bottle was found to have a hidden compartment that contained "a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana," the report said. The compartment was hidden by the bottle's label so that it appeared to be a full bottle of water when held upright, police said.
Really, not much to add to that. Michael Vick was trying to smuggle weed in a fucking water bottle! That's just awesome! Wonder what Vick had in his carry-on bag. Four-foot bong? Blowup doll? Venomous snakes?

Vick, always good for a laugh, is just furthering his reputation as some one with a bad reputation. It's ambitious to try to sneak some drugs on a plane; we'll give him that. But in a water bottle? Make sure it's at least three ounces. C'mon Mike, aren't you up to date with the new TSA rules?

Stephen Jackson puts the G back in Golden State

We haven't been this excited about the GSW since the days of Run TMC. No need for Tim Hardaway, Mitch Richmond and Chris Mullin...err...there is a need for Chris Mullin now! Warriors just cleaned up!

Mullin, now the Warriors GM or something important like that, just pulled one of the most, "what the fuck were the other guys thinking?" trades we've seen in a while. The Warriors gave up two overpriced, white boys with long hair for two ass-kicking guys, one whom likes guns, strippers and shooting things. Ike Diogu was also involved in the trade. And somebody from Lithuania.

Best. Trade. Ever. Golden State of Mind, our trusted source the two times per season we think about the Warriors, agrees.

"Actually, let me phrase that as a question- you just traded for the softest frontcourt in the entire league? Ike better work out for the Pacers or this trade is going to look like highway robbery. Walsh and Bird are going to get a lot of Xmas cards next season from Warriors Nation."

We'll tell you this much:

1. We're going to stay away from Bay Area strip clubs when home for the holidays. Don't want a run-in with Mr. Jackson.

2. When the Kings come to the Oakland Arena -- whatever it may be called these days -- we plan to go. Ticket: $20. Beer: $7. Getting our ass kicked by Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson: painful. But priceless.

We're once again almost proud to root for the Warriors. They are our home team after all. Trading away this, for this...well, that's robbery, which, coincidentally, may soon be on Jackson's resume.

In other Warriors news: Colt Brennan has changed his mind and will remain at Hawaii in order to "do it with a girl from every island."

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Blogger Interviews: The Big Lead: 'Go there, you must'

We're running a segment here at The Big Picture where we'll interview some of the biggest names in the sports blogosphere. What's the point? Well, these guys spend countless, thankless hours writing, so a little recognition from time to time is well warranted. Think of this as the blogger's version of a reach-around or something.

Today's guest is The Big Lead from The Big Lead. They also blog over at The FanHouse, making us coworkers, we suppose. These guys are good -- they like break stories and stuff -- so be nice to them. And check out their site, you must.

1. The rundown:

Name: The Big Lead
Age: Old enough to drink
Location: New York City, Washington DC
Occupation: Media member, IT nerd, Security Freak
Favorite team: Favorite teams are so 11th grade ... but one guy has Redskins season tickets.
Links to your favorite all-time posts you've written. (3-5)
Do we have to? There's no need for this, really.
Time per day spent blogging and perusing the blogosphere: One guy writes the majority of the posts. That guy blogs so much, his wife-to-be is always yellling at him. He's also the douche who took his computer on vacation and blogged a bit.

2. It's late February, 2006. You just roll out of bed one day, say someting along the lines of, "Fuck yeah!" and start a sports blog? Or did starting The Big Lead play out a bit differently?

Away from the computer, our crew is mostly all talk and little or no action. We had kicked around the idea of a blog for a few months. One day, while fed up at work, TBL1 calls TBL2 and says, 'we need a name.' After 20 minutes of striking out on catchy, one-word titles, this is the best we could do.

3. Take us through a typical day of blogging for you.

Up at 6 am. Sift through emails, prowl the web for items, prepare posts, and go to work. The goal is 5-6 items per day. We're also doing two/three posts a day at the NBA Fanhouse. At night after work, we're scouring the web for more items - but only for an hour, or the ball and chain would kill us.

4. The Big Lead is one of the few blogs that actually breaks some news, a lot of which is media-related. How do you find these stories? Good tipsters? Inside connections? Intuition?

One of us used to work in print media. Sports. Covered just about everything. Spent some time writing for ESPN. Made some friends in the industry. Most of the best media tips come from other media members. The greatest stories are the untold ones. Without a master to serve, we've got the opportunity to tell (or hint at) the best stuff. Like that blind item about the QB and college hoops coach who were both 'allegedly' banging a hot blonde from the Midwest. We'd love to throw a picture up and just leave it...but that's kind of wrong. But if you look at the comments from that post...well, enough about that.

5. You guys seem very connected with media happenings. Take us through your career path -- all the way back to your schooling and internships -- and how your work helps with your site. (If it doesn't at all, well, color us stupid).

High school paper, college paper, couple internships, plenty of rejection letters (all saved in a nice folder that we take a peek at every now and then). Couldn't take the low pay, crappy hours, working holidays/weekends, etc.

6. Dream job? Go.

Oxymoron. If you're working, it's hardly a dream. But we can say this: Blogging is the most fun we've had sportswriting. Ever. Writing without a filter is incredibly liberating. Obviously being a features writer at a magazine like Esquire or GQ or some such suchery would rock, but we're not holding our breath. We've had a few 'serious' book pitches thrown back in our face, but we've got a screenplay in the hopper, so hopefully something will pan out.

This much, we know: there's no giving up. We're that pesky guard who keeps driving the lane, only to get swatted by somebody who obviously can't see our talent! It's like Kevin Duckworth is stamping out shit 'return to sender.'

It could happen in a week or a year or 10 years, but the plan here is to not throw in the towel. We're gluttons for punishment.

7. The Big Lead's signature seems to be -- correct us if we're wrong -- those must-read interviews with prominent media folks. How do you hook those up? Jason Whitlock would never sit down with us. (We don't think, anyway).

Comb the net for someone's email address. Shoot them an email. Point them to previous interviews, and tell them how much kick-ass fun it's going to be. Most of them are down. The harshest rejection has been from Rick Telander of the Sun-Times. He told us he'd have a look at the questions, and then never responded. Hey, shit happens.

Now we will say this - because of a generic email address such as ours, sometimes, what we send ends up in the junk pile (so maybe Telander never saw the questions).

That may have been the case with Dan LeBatard. Sent him a few emails...nothing. Someone shares with us his non-work email. And his response is, 'this is the first I'm hearing of this.' Mariotti has never responded to multiple emails to his various email addresses. We're considering sending him snail mail. Ditto for Kornheiser, Bill Simmons, and Mike Lupica. But who knows if these guys even check their own email. Such is life.

8. There are all sorts of wonderful blogs out there. A few you'd recommend?

And leave one out? Ha! Plenty of truly great stuff out there to read. Like anyone who is fearless, funny, and provides original content. Does that cover everyone?

9. The Big Lead gets a great readership despite it being less than a year old. The content speaks for itself, but it needs to get out there somehow -- especially at first. How'd the initial promotion of TBL go? Message boards? Email strings? And a piece of advice, if you will, for some smaller sites how to build a steady readership?

No kidding - a friend told us to make up bumper stickers. We did the cheaper version - littered the Village (non-New York readers, that's Greenwich Village) with flyers that simple said: "THE BIG Go there, you must." And when that failed, after every post, we'd emailed every columnist, beat writer, and blogger in the world. And then we did it again the following day, and the next day. Haven't you heard that epic story of the guy from the National Enquirer who broke some kind of OJ Simpson story back in the day because he called a glove shop (or something) everyday for a couple months until the guy wore down and dished on the Juice? That's our master plan - wear them down until they absolutely can't help but listening!

10. Any interesting job offers after building yourself up as a top blogger?

We're not fit to write for the back of a cereal box, much less a meaningful publication. Top blogger? Come on man, there's no such thing. That's an honor like 'best blocking fullback in the NFL.' Does anyone really believe it?

11. Most rewarding parts of blogging? Most frustrating?

Random emails from people saying how much they enjoy reading the site. It's lame to admit, but it's a cool feeling. Also, when David Aldridge emailed us out of the blue to say that he had the Iverson scoop, not ESPN. David fuckin' Aldridge. The man is a sportswriting institution. Who knew he read our site? It's a shame the Philly Inky laid him off as opposed to you-know-who.

Oh, and the first time we made Romenesko was very cool. Also, during the Whitlock saga, we went online and listened to a few radio shows that talked about it, and that was neat. The USA Today mentions were pretty sweet.

Probably the best media hit that really got us excited about the site was the time we were driving back from DC one weekend, reading the New York Times on the PDA. There was a story about Flavor of Love. And the story was kind of veering towards a bunch of stuff Whitlock talked about (the black man acting like a fool to get ratings, etc). Said something to the wife-to-be like, 'hey, this is basically what our interview talked about.' And then two lines later, the NYT mentioned our site.

It resulted in about 17 more hits than normal, and there you have the blog world in a nutshell.

12. We'll get you outta here on this: Who has been your best interview and is there anyone you have lined up that you're especially excited about?

Well Whitlock put us on the map. He's kind of the gold standard. His legendary photo didn't hurt, either. We like people who are willing to be real and honest and unafraid of voicing their opinion. LeBatard was outstanding. TJ Simers, too. Kornheiser, if you're listening, hook a little blog up. Nobody's on deck but we're open to any and all ideas!

(Past interviews: Dawizofodds; Matt Ufford; The Mighty MJD; Jamie Mottram).

Eli Manning likes karaoke

But what song is Young Eli singing? Help us figure this mystery out in the comments.

(Hat tip to The Hater Nation via Slam Online for the photo).

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Chan Gailey in running for NFL job. Really?! Why?! Blackmail? It must be blackmail.

Nope, don't worry, Ter, we won't throw to Calvin today. Oooh, nice shoes.

Former Dallas Cowboys coach Chan Gailey is currently the Georgia Tech football coach and he is so mind-fucking awful it makes you want to shove Calvin Johnson down his throat.

OK. Whew! Deep breath. Exhale.

Yes, Chan Gailey is being considered for the Miami Dolphins coaching vacancy, though missed out on the Steelers gig. (FYI, we suspect he's blackmailing somebody. Maybe he saw Dolphins' GM Wayne Huizinga getting freaky on South Beach. Or heard he was doing blow.)

Quick question: If you're the coach of Calvin Johnson -- the baddest motherfucking wide receiver in the land -- what do you do? Pass to him, right? That's what we'd do.

First down? Throw Johnson the fucking ball. Second down? Throw Johnson the fucking ball. Third-and-short? Fake the dive...then throw Johnson the fucking ball. Fourth-and-26 from your own one? Punt. Yeah. Punt. (But consider throwing Johnson the fucking ball).

Gailey is not one for quick questions like the one directly above. Rather he over-thinks this shit and doesn't get Johnson the ball. No. 21 had zero catches at Clemson. Two at Georgia. Both G-Tech losses. Wonder why.

Sure, Gailey may not have been calling plays for the 'Jackets this past season. (If you do know who was calling the plays, please let us know.) But the guy is offensive-minded, and when you have a guy like Johnson, all you have to tell your QB to do -- even if he's inept like Reggie Ball -- is to throw the fucking ball within five feet of Johnson. He'll catch it. Trust us.

Now Gailey is in discussion for NFL jobs? The way he mishandles talent, he'd be better suited for the high school level. Or the Arena League. Yep. Arena.

In other news: In addition to Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck playing with broken fingers, sources say he also had a sore wrist from excessive masturbation.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Ironic end to Seahawks' season

Seattle Seahawks' kicker Josh Brown hit four game-winning field goals this season, so it seems fitting -- in a sick, no sympathy kind of way -- that the 'Hawks' season came to an end Sunday on a game-winning field goal.

Robbie Gould's 49-yarder with 10:02 left in OT clinched the game and a trip to the NFC Championship game for the Chicago Bears.

The Seahawks' Bryce Fisher put it best.

"It felt like we were going to win."

Yep. Felt good there for a bit. But nope. You lost, bitch. Feels like shit now, huh?

Many fingers can be pointed for the loss -- we'll point heavily at the play calling in third- (or fourth) -and-short situations. Lateral runs against a fast defense are about as smart as a crack addict high on heroin.

Despite living in Seattle, we've yet to really adopt the 'Hawks as our team, so our hearts are in one piece, thank you very much. But it was certainly a tough loss for the Seahawks and the 12th Man. A game they certainly could have one. But in the end, a game-winning field goal -- Seattle's MO all year -- came back to fuck them in the ass.

AFC Championship Game set: fresh faces square off

That sub-headline there would be an attempt at sarcasm, which is sometimes tough to read over the computator. But Indy vs. New England, Peyton vs. Brady, etc. is about as trite as a romantic comedy involving a kissing scene in a downpour.

Somehow we saw this coming. Wouldn't say we predicted better seeds Baltimore and San Diego would lose, more that seeing the Colts and Pats in a championship game is almost expected. What'd you expect? Rivers vs. McNair? That shit wasn't going to happen. Fucking Brady vs. Manning. That's how the NFL wants and that's how it's going to get it.

For once though, the Colts are at home. You can expect the stadium to be loud and for there to be plenty of "Tom Brady is Gay" jokes floating around. Predictions aren't our thing so much, but until somebody beats New England, the Pats are the team to beat. If that made any sense.

In other NFL news: Ken Whisenhunt is who the Arizona Cardinals thought he was.

Friday, January 12, 2007

The Big Picture exclusive: A conversation with Barbaro

We've been trying for a while now -- phone calls, emails, personal visits -- but have been turned down on numerous occasions. Barbaro's PR people don't appear to think highly of bloggers as they've chosen not to return our calls and have avoided any forms of contact.

But persistence is a powerful tool, and after having our people contact Barbaro's people, we reached some terms, and Barbaro has agreed to sit down with us. Here's the exclusive interview...

The Big Picture: Welcome, Barbaro. Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us.

Barbaro: It's my pleasure.

TBP: OK, Babs, gotta...

Barbaro: Please don't call me Babs.

TBP: Sorry. Barbaro. Gotta ask: how's the leg?

Barbaro: Well, it's all right. I got a little nervous the other day with them removing some damaged tissue, but I'm feeling much better now.

TBP: That's good to hear. Your doctors must be great.

Barbaro: Yeah, they've really been nice. Pretty smart too. Shit, I wouldn't know how to fix me. I'd have just cut off my fucking leg already.

TBP: Ah, modern medicine at its finest.

Barbaro: They've sedated me plenty too, which has been nice. I mean, what would've happened if my accident would have happened in like 1700? I would've been dead by now. Well, I guess I would be dead anyway if I was alive in 1700 -- I'd be like 200-years old -- but you get the point. Then again, if I was alive in 1700, people wouldn't race me for money, I wouldn't have some cracker-fuck whipping me to go faster, and I wouldn't have shattered my leg.

TBP: What do you do in your spare time?

Barbaro: Nothing too unusual. Watch movies, listen to music, hang out with friends.

I recently signed up for Netflix and just watched the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Man, that Keira Knightley is hottt!

TBP: Haha. Talk about your fans, Babs.

Barbaro: Ahem...

TBP: Barbaro. Sorry.

Barbaro: Fans. Wow, where to begin? They've been great. Really. Couldn't have got through this without them. Especially the women. You wouldn't think that attractive women would care about me, but they're some interesting ladies with some sick fetishes out there. Who'd think there would be chicks who get off watching me make out with Smarty Jones? And that was nothing compared to this one broad.

Get this, some broad asked me to pose nude in the Heisman position. I played along thinking this was weird, but like, whatever, ya know? And then things got really strange. She brought in her fucking six-year old to take the picture. Thing is, this chick wanted to be in the picture too. As the football!

TBP: Whoa.

Barbaro: I know.

TBP: Tell us what motivates you as you continue your intensive rehab.

Barbaro: That's really one of the hardest things. The days start to run together with doctor visits, bathing, physical can get pretty mundane. But I look for positives in each day. For example, last week Seabiscuit called me up. We chatted for a bit...about everything really. Racing, women, stocks. It was refreshing to hear from him.

TBP: Ugh, Seabiscuit's dead.

Barbaro: Don't trip. It's a horse thing.

TBP: Oh...We realize you have a busy schedule, with you doing Leno later tonight and all, so we'll just ask you one more question.

Barbaro: Shoot.

TBP: You would have won the Triple Crown if you stayed healthy, wouldn't you?

Barbaro: I try not to think about that. It's so frustrating. But I dunno. Bernardini's a tough competitor. I think I could take him if I'm healthy, but who knows. Winning the Crown is so tough. To be on your A game three times in such a short span...

I will tell you this though: Secretariat ain't got shit on me. I woulda whooped on him if we raced in the same period. I studied some video on him leading up to the Kentucky Derby, and he just wouldn't have stood up to me. His form is bad, the jockey was over-whipping him, and his legs look like fucking twigs. His training and endurance doesn't rival mine.

TBP: Great. Hey, thanks again for taking the time to stop by. Really appreciate it.

Barbaro: My pleasure.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Blogger Interviews: Mr. Irrelevant

We're running a segment here at The Big Picture where we'll interview some of the biggest names in the sports blogosphere. What's the point? Well, these guys spend countless, thankless hours writing, so a little recognition from time to time is well warranted. Think of this as the blogger's version of a reach-around or something.

Up today is AOL's Jamie Mottram, known in some social circles as Mr. Irrelevant. Mottram, in addition to blogging, was the host of the biggest sports podcast on the Web, Sports Bloggers Live, and is credited with starting the FanHouse. Unlike most sports bloggers, Mottram has actually talked to real life athletes. Being the head of the FanHouse, we suppose that'd make him our boss. So don't make fun of him. OK, just a little...

1. The rundown:

Name: Jamie Mottram
Age: 29
Location: Washington, DC
Occupation: Editor/Host/Blogger
Favorite team: 'Skins, Nats, O's, Wiz, Terps, Caps
Links to your favorite all-time posts you've written. (3-5)
Gilebert Arenas' Birthday Party: 'Get Drunk, Make Bad Decisions'
Front Row at the George Mason-UConn Classic
It's Official: Duke Is for Dorks
Mustache Bet: Mattingly vs. Clark for the HOF
You're My Boy, C-Webb!
Time per day spent blogging and perusing the blogosphere: Most of my waking hours.

2. We're quite curious how you landed at AOL. But first take us through your time in college up until the AOL job. So we want to know what you studied, internships, first jobs, what bosses you slept with, etc.

In high school I was the sports editor for the school paper, and in college I did some campus TV and interned with the DC Fox affiliate's sports department. This was in the '91 to '99 timeframe, and I wish I used the internets then for more than just email.

After graduation I spent a summer at the beach, a month recovering and two years at my first real job, producer/PR guy/community manager at fantasy sports site Once they ran out of Paul Allen's money, I went scouring for jobs and stumbled into a temporary music editor position with AOL CityGuide. From there I've worked in three different areas of AOL with three different job titles.

3. Now that that's established, how'd you hook up with AOL Sports? And when you started there, were you doing what you are now, did Sports Blogger Live start right away, or were you getting coffee for someone?

I actually managed their message boards and chat rooms while working in the AOL Community from '03 to '06, which was thankless, so now they let me do what I want. Chronologically speaking, in March of '04 I started up with Mr. Irrelevant, in January '05 we created SBL and in August of '06 the FanHouse launched. It was last June that AOL Sports swallowed me whole and I got a desk with a view (but not a door).

4. We know that the wonderful podcast Sports Bloggers Live just concluded. Warm us with a fun story from your time there... whether in the studio or scoring a great interview at a big party.

All I really have to say about that I poured into Mr. Irrelevant.

To was an incredible experience, a team effort fueled by great people; and that's not just the studio crew either but also the guests and audience. It afforded me the opportunity to work with my kid brother Chris and interview my five favorite athletes of all time: Will Clark, Art Monk, Cal Ripken, Darrell Green and Gilbert Arenas. I'll always be grateful.

And ***Big Picture exclusive*** the show and our involvement with it may not be done yet. There are plans brewing for the Super Bowl in Miami, so stay tuned.

5. Dude, you've been on TV! (Though some may disagree whether Cold Pizza is TV or not). What was that like? Did it help publicize your blog, Mr. Irrelevant? Help get you laid?

The Cold Pizza appearances are hilarious, because, while I rank them behind the other things I do in terms of importance, it's the only thing my friends and family care about. It's strange. Even though it's daytime ESPN2, one person will be home from work or jobless or out to lunch and inevitably catch it and tell everyone else and next thing you know you're the life of the party. Yet these are the same people who can't even remember how to get to FanHouse or even care to remember what it's called.

In some ways, that says a lot about how blogs and podcasts are perceived by people who aren't hip to the web. Let's call these people dinosaurs.

6. You're like a pioneer of blogging, and the creation of the FanHouse has been a great success. Tell us your motivation for it, what sort of hoops you needed to jump through to get it approved by the AOL bigwigs, and then how you actually made the vision come to life.

Personally speaking, blogs long ago replaced traditional mainstream sites for sporting news and commentary. Sure, I'll end up on ESPN or SportsLine or SI or Yahoo or Fox every day, but only because a blog linked to it first. So that was the motivation, really. I wanted others to realize how entertaining and informational and relatable (is that word?) blogs can be. Making that dream a reality was possible because AOL has the means to not only bring the best sports bloggers under one roof, but to also pay them to power a site that may be the No. 1 sports blog by the end of the month.

Regardless, getting the idea from concept to creation was the hard part, and we're not even really there yet. But the early results (10 million-plus page views in the first 120 days, monthly web traffic growth of 10% to 90%, etc.) are encouraging, and they're directly attributable to two factors: 1) The quality of our bloggers and 2) The willingness of AOL Sports to embrace the medium.

Every major sports site should be trying to do something similar to FanHouse, because, when you look at the skyrocketing traffic and relatively fixed budget, it's a primetime opportunity.

7. Dream job? Go.

Hosting the SportsCenter of the web.

8. There are all sorts of wonderful blogs out there. A few of your favorites?

My Technorati page includes most of my faves, though it's a little dated. I will say The Mighty MJD of FanHouse and Deadspin fame is the best sports blogger, and maybe even the best sports writer, going. And special shout out to Wizznutzz, who makes me want to be a more creative person.

9. Mr. Irrelevant gets good readership and was a finalist for sports blog of the year. But how'd you build up your site? Did having AOL ties help? A piece of advice to some smaller sites how to get prolific readership?

Having ties to AOL certainly helps pump up the blog a bit, but not too much. In fact, I challenge you to go anywhere on AOL and try to find it. For most people, including myself, I think the key to building an audience is four-fold: 1) Post frequently. 2 Keep it brief. 3) Engage your readers. 4) Link to and know other bloggers.

10. Any interesting job offers you've gotten lately?

Obviously none that are interesting enough. Although one guy wanted me to write a book, which is odd considering I haven't put more than 1,000 words into anything since college.

11. Most rewarding parts of blogging? Most frustrating?

Rewards? Outlet for creativity and expression. Frustration? Cesspool for narcissism.

12. You, unlike most bloggers out there, actually talk to real life athletes. So we'll get you out of here on this: best interview? Worst?

Best? Chris Webber. Chad Johnson. J.E. Skeets. Mike Tyson. Bill Walton. Ron Artest. Tracy McGrady. J.J. Redick. D-Wade. Etc. Etc. Worst? Such a big part of it is the interviewer(s) and setting, so I'd rather take the high road rather than name names. But Venus Williams was wack.

(Past interviews: Dawizofodds; Matt Ufford; The Mighty MJD).

Sports Figure of the Year

Our buddies over that the always-fun The Hater Nation are a little late on this, but they've crowned their 2006 Sports Figure of the Year. And it's a goodie: Cowgirl!

Because of our intense coverage of super-sexy Jenn Sterger, who's well on her way to winning a Pulitzer, NFL Adam asked us to accept the award as Jenn. So we did.

Head on over to THN for a good time...and for gratuitous Cowgirl pics.

At least the band knew it was over at halftime...

Click for larger picture

You're fully encouraged to come up with your own caption/headline in the comments.

(Big ups to
Awful Announcing for the picture).

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Jason Kidd is having marital problems

And is getting divorced.
New Jersey Nets star Jason Kidd filed for divorce from his wife of 10 years Tuesday, accusing her of "not using enough tongue."
OK, that last part we made up. Kidd really accused Joumana of "extreme cruelty" throughout their marriage, which seems just about the damn most hypocritical thing we've heard in a while.

If you recall, Kidd plead guilty to domestic abuse against Joumana about six years ago.

With Leather and The Big Lead over at the FanHouse already have written about this, so you can read more there.

We'll say this: Joumana is now on the market. And we've been feeling super sexy lately -- maybe it's the new haircut -- so we think we may have a shot. Call it one in a million, but we have a chance. Joumana, you better watch the fuck out, Toots, you won't know what hit you. (And it's not Jason's fist).

Oh and that cuddly picture, which could double as a Christmas card or porn spread pending the bubbles (and little kids, we suppose), is from an electronic mail transaction with J.E. Skeets. We don't think he took the picture himself. Though he may have. Who else would have taken it? Richard Jefferson?

High School coach not sure how to give proper handjob

It's unknown at this time if Burr coached Nomar

Gregory Lynn Burr, a 28-year old former basketball coach at The Monument Academy in Colorado, has an interesting way of motivating his players.

A former high school basketball coach faces 39 charges for allegedly hitting male students in the groin, showing them pornography and pouring water on his players then driving them to games in the winter with the windows rolled down.

Sick fuck. Windows rolled down? Monster.

This fella is facing some charges, some more severe than others. His abuse was so bad, that one kid claimed he needed to have scrotal surgery because of Burr's alleged assault.

Pick the 10 worst things that can happen to a man and we'd think that scrotal surgery would be on that list.

Here's more:

A student in documents said Burr would ask them, "What is the capital of Thailand?" When they would answer "Bangkok," he would hit them in the groin.
Not really sure how hitting a player in the balls would really motivate him. "C'mon Timmy, game's on the line. Just gotta nail this free throw. But let me sock you in the nuts first. It'll help you focus."

The guy's obviously been fired and should seek some institutional help. That whole showing them porn thing though, that was actually pretty nice of him.

In other news: After not being elected to the Hall of Fame Tuesday, Mark McGwire was found quoting Richard Nixon, "I'm not a crook."

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Fuck Florida

Fuck Florida for winning both the basketball and football National Championship in the same season.

Fuck Florida for giving two of the least memorable championship games in recent memory.

Fuck Florida for being located where it's sunny and warm, despite it being January.

Fuck Florida for having women like the one pictured with Jenn.

Bitter? Sure we are. We've dreamed of Rose Bowls and Final Fours for years and the closest we've got is heartbreak, more heartbreak and the occasional team that was far too shitty for us to get too wrapped up in.

We wont talk much about Monday's game; frankly, there's not much to talk about. Boring game. No Vince Young-like performance. Nothing that sets this aside from your average college football blowout except the big stage. Didn't even have Erin Andrews' ass to look at. (Though that may have been a conflict of interest. She's a Florida alum, remember?)

For Florida to get two major championships in the same season is just unfair. Life isn't supposed to work that way. Imagine we'd feel better if Ohio State won. Sure, the Buckeyes have had a tremendous sports year too. But aside from the sports, people in Columbus have, well, whatever it is they have in Columbus.

To be a Gator now must be awesome. Two friggin' championships, gorgeous women, good weather. Hard not to be jealous.

Kudos to the Gators, we guess. Lots of people around the Interweb are happy. We can be happy for them. That'd be the mature thing to do. Or maybe we'll try to find some hot Gator alum here in Seattle who will want to celebrate the win. Ya know, like celebrate...if you catch our drift. (Champagne can still be involved).

In other news: Bucks guard Michael Redd is out 4-6 weeks with severe depression following the BCS Championship.

Monday, January 08, 2007

The U's new theme song...

This is awesome! A great fight put to the sound of a truly great, underplayed song.

(Hat tip to "kickers_suck" for the video).

It wouldn't have been a Romo fuckup without Jordan Babineaux

Picture shamelessly jacked from Kissing Suzy Kolber

Tony Romo has understandably taken all sorts of heat these last few days. A steady hand since his first start, that hand got slippery on one play and it cost his team another game at the least.

But while everyone's quick to place the blame on Romo, the Seahawks' Jordan Babineaux isn't getting enough praise. Despite the fumbled snap, Romo appeared to have a clear path to the endzone that would have turned him from goat to hero faster than you can say "Carrie Underwood touched my balls." But Babineaux came from nowhere to make a great, season-saving tackle for Seattle, and dammit, the man should get some props for it.

We would have liked to been the first to hate on Romo. We thought he was getting tongued far too much early on, and the fact that he's been rumored to be plugging up some hot girls just doesn't seem fair. But to place a loss on any one person stings. No matter who it is. Guess that's just our nature. Even if Jeremy Shockey fucked up in a horrible way, we'd probably feel a bit sorry for him. And Shockey's a guy we find ourselves rooting for to get hurt.

It's hard to find anyone else to blame but Romo -- the guy biffed hard, sure. Rather than looking at Romo as the goat though, perhaps it'd be better for everyone if we look at Babineaux as a hero. People like heroes, no?

And don't worry. Once Romo gets over this game, he'll still find his way into the pants of some foxy Texans soon. More celebs? Eh, maybe Tara Reid. Hear she'll do anyone.

JaMarcus Russell looks like a Raider. More so than Brady Quinn anyway.

Certain teams just have a look to them. Ya know, something that just captures the essence of the team. And the Raiders, more so than pretty much any other professional team, have a distinct appearance. C'mon, their fans look like this.

So when LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell announced he'll forego his senior season and turn pro, the Raiders just seem like the perfect fit. Russell is big, mean and likely has "Bad Mother Fucker" written on his wallet.

With the first pick, the Raiders, who woulda have been better off with Helen Keller at QB this past season, will select a quarterback unless Al Davis hits the bottle harder than usual this off-season. The choices seem to be Russell, Notre Dame pretty boy Brady Quinn, or the Ohio State QB Troy Smith.

Quinn has gotten the most hype thus far. Doesn't hurt that he's a good-looking, white boy from Quarterback U. But can you really see Quinn in Silver and Black? The fans will eat him alive. Just imagine the gay jokes the Black Hole will swarm him with when things go south. Quinn will be told to go across the Bay to San Francisco's Castro District repeatedly.

Russell reminds us tremendously of Daunte Culpepper with his linebacker body, strong arm and, well, that's really all. Unless Russell is down with hookers and strippers and boats and debauchery, of course.

We aren't experts the way Mel Kiper is, but we think Russell could be a nice fit in Oakland. He has the look of a winner, while Quinn has the look of some dude from Playgirl.

Let's hear your thoughts on this. Who's going No. 1? First person to say Gaines Adams, defensive end, Clemson, gets a cookie.

In other news: Louisville coach Bobby Petrino and the Atlanta Falcons have agreed on terms for Petrino to become Ron Mexico's new wingman.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Book Review: Opening Lines, Pinky Probes, and L-Bombs: The Girls and Sports Dating and Relationship Playbook

A while back we received an email asking us to review and feature a book about sports and dating. We like sports, we like dating, and we certainly like romantic explosions. (There's no mention of a romantic explosion in the book. But if you adhere to the advice, you may have one. But don't quote us on that.)

So here we are with the very first Big Picture book review. And it's a good one. Opening Lines, Pinky Probes, and L-Bombs: The Girls and Sports Dating and Relationship Playbook by Justin Borus and Andrew Feinstein is a cartoon dating guide with comics, commentary and advice, all with a sports undertone weaved throughout the 144-page book.

The book is the author's first, though the comic strip "Girls and Sports" appears in nearly 300 publications and reaches six million readers.

We fully endorse (stuffing money in our, not really) Opening Lines, Pinky Probes, and L-Bombs: The Girls and Sports Dating and Relationship Playbook. It's a fun read and really gives some damn good advice. And with the sports analogies and situations, it's something we can all relate too. The illustrations are brilliant -- kudos to the authors for displaying their full talents -- and comics humorous.

Will the book get you laid? Maybe if you have a freaky girlfriend. But the advice given is something any single guy could use and really makes you want to go spit game at the chick with the million-dollar rack in Sales.

So go check out this book. Head over to the Girls and Sports website to get your copy of the book and to get a feel for the fun comics and see the very impressive work by Borus and Feinstein. And buying the book for just a mere $10 will go to a good cause. (We get a small cut...again, no, not really).

In other news: Sources say that Alabama is interested in hiring Steelers coach Bill Cowher to be Nick Saban's fluffer.