Thursday, November 08, 2007

What Really Grinds My Gears

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who wear sunglasses inside. I mean, what the fuck? Is the sun shining in the restaurant? Can you not do your bicep curls without your shades on?

Unless you don't have a left eye or something, take your fucking glasses off inside.

I mean, whaddya want? You want attention? You want me to look at you because you're wearing fucking sunglasses indoors? You want me to tell you that you have good form when you do squats?

I was at the gym and there was this douche-gremlin with sunglasses on. It was fucking dark outside, so unless this guy was sensitive to 100-watt light bulbs, he was grinding my fucking gears. Maybe he got his ass kicked and didn't want to show his black eye. But F that. Be a man. Show your war marks. Don't cover that up with sunglasses. That's what makeup's for, sweetheart.

You gonna wear your glasses to the bar? Is that a fashion statement? You know what else is a fashion statement? Jeans and fucking blazer. Try that next time.

So take your sunglasses of inside and show your pretty little eyes.

And that, people, is what really grinds my gears.


Robinson said...

I love "aviator sunglasses and corduroy blazer" guy at the bar. He's almost as awesome as "put $20 in the jukebox and play the entire Jay-Z catalogue during an important game" guy.

I hope they both die from inhaling balloons full of noxious shit gas.

GMoney said...

You know what really grinds my gears? When I can't find the droids I'm looking for.

Elwood said...

Worse than the sunglasses, there's a d-bag at my gym who likes to come in while still chatting on his fucking bluetooth, walk around the gym in front of everyone (still in street clothes, yakking away in his outdoor voice) for 5-10 minutes before changing and starting his workout.

This fucker can't finish the call before coming in the gym? The gym is in our office building for christ's sake.

This happens at least 2x a week.

Slutzilla said...

You know what really grinds my gears? When a guy doesn't have the decency to wash his ass before I give him a rim job. Ugh!

NFL Adam said...

Right on Elwood, I was going to say that he was likely wearing a bluetooth, while wearing a trucker hat.

BTW, has the fad of wearing soccer socks up past your knees reached Washington yet? Or is that just an HB thing?

Ryan said...

You are not Corey Hart. Do not wear your sunglasses at night (or indoors.)

Elwood said...

nfl Adam: no idea. Must just be an HB thing.

And no trucker hat, but he's got a shaved head/receding hairline and a soul patch. So...equally toolish.

Dr. Dawg said...

that was amazing.