Friday, October 31, 2008

Pre-gaming: Trick 'r Treat

Photo from PlayboyU gallery

[Editor's note: This will be a regular Friday feature at PlayboyU. It's molded after BDD's Jamboroo.]

I fucking love Halloween. It's hands down the best holiday in the history of anything.

I don't celebrate Christmas, but fuck presents. You get presents in the form of mini-skirts, cleavage and lace on Halloween.

Thanksgiving is like cool for the first 10 minutes when you start gorging yourself and manage to get a sample of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, biscuits, salad, veggies, beer, wine and gravy all in one bite and it tastes in-fucking-credible. But after about 10 minutes, you regret the fourths on stuffing and you proceed to set fire to your host's toilet.

Hanukkah. Solid holiday. Fire. Chocolate gelt. Gifts. But I don't get my masturbation material for the next two months like I do on Halloween.

Why Halloween is an excuse for girls to dress like whores, I don't know. But it's a fantastic excuse. If girls dressed like whores everyday, I'd have a much brighter outlook on the world.

My girlfriend was asking me what to be for Halloween. I told her I didn't give a fuck as long as she wore a tiny skirt, showed some tit and went wild with the eye shadow. Call yourself "Dracula" or a "Witch" if that makes you feel better about dressing like a prostitute.

I still try to go trick 'r treating. I don't care that I'm in my mid-20s. I fucking love free shit and I fucking love candy, so when all I have to do is knock on some doors to get some free candy, you bet your ass I'm gonna try.

In the areas I've done my Halloweening, they usually give out the same types of stuff:

-Fun-size candy bars
-Hershey's miniatures

I love it when you come to a house that switches it up. Full-size bars, unique treats (see below) or the people who just leave a bowl of candy outside when they're not home.

Wife: Baby, let's just turn off the lights so people skip the house.
Husband: Then they'll egg it.
Wife: What if we leave a bowl of candy outside?
Husband: The first group of kids will take it all.
Wife: No they won't. The Honor System, honey.

The Honor System. Hah! That candy's going all to the first group of kids! But your house will only be egged by the second group of kids and the following groups who see the lights off and an empty bowl.

The moral of the story: Stay at home and give out fucking candy. Or get guard dogs.

As far as my trick 'r treating goes, I'm a candy snob. Here's how to make me a friend and not an egger:

1. Specialty candy: Payday, 5th Avenue, Milky Way Midnight, Chocolate Skittles, Mint 3 Musketeers, Caramello, Reese's Fastbreak, etc.

2. Full-size bars.

3. Solid fun-size bars: Snickers, Reese's, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, Skittles, Starburst.

4. Juice.

I used to trick 'r treat in an area that gave out apple juice. You would be going around swiftly, sometimes running in those hot costumes, and you would be previewing your pillowcase of goodness. You get fucking thirsty.

If you go to the juice house first, that's bad. They'll be cleaning up the egg, toilet paper and shaving cream the next morning. But go there later in the night, they're your fucking life saver...ooh, Life Savers!

5. Life Savers.

6. Smarties. You say "chalk," I say, "yummy chalk."

7. Hershey's Miniatures. Mr. Goodbar, Krackel, Special Dark. You know 'em. I think they suck cock.

8. Hard candies. Like the kind your grandparents have in their sitting room. (Who the fuck still has a sitting room?)

9. Raisins. Raisins are not candy. You. Fucking. Asshole.

10. Pennies. I've gotten pennies on Halloween. Just cuz I'm dressed like a whore does not mean you owe me money.

Halloween has nothing to do with college football. Don't be hungover if you've got a home game you're attending Saturday. Home games are important. There. Relevant for the college kids.

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means:
"Do not go out. Do not have sex. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If sex is an option, absolutely do not turn it down. Do it twice. But unless you're knockin' boots, watch these games."

Two bunnies means:
Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. Porn doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Winners are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

No. 8 Florida vs. No. 6 Georgia at Jacksonville, 3:30 p.m., CBS:

The World's Largest Outdoor Cockfest
The World's Largest Outdoor AA Meeting
The World's Largest Outdoor Meth Orgy

The word "cocktail," I think, has been banned or something.

I would imagine this a fun game to go to. Like really fun. Probably tons of hot southern poon drinking too much and making bad decisions...the reason more men aren't virgins.

I don't know why this game is played at a "neutral" site. It'd be better if it weren't.

Ole Miss is the only school in the nation that won't say Florida is the best team in the country. Yeah. Florida is the best team in the country. Sorry Texas, Penn State and 'Bama. Florida 34, Georgia 17.

No. 1 Texas at No. 7 Texas Tech, 8 p.m., ABC: All right Texas Tech, time to prove that your wins over Eastern Washington, Nevada, SMU, UMass, Kansas State, Nebraska, Texas A&M and Kansas actually mean something. Texas 48, Texas Tech 30.

By the way, both of these games are being viewed as "elimination" games. So yeah, they're pretty important.


Tennessee at South Carolina, 7 p.m., ESPN 2: I like SEC night games and coaches on the hot seat. This one hits on both. South Carolina 17, Tennessee 9.

Pittsburgh at Notre Dame, 2:30 p.m., NBC: It's always fun to root against Notre Dame. Notre Dame 21, Pitt 17.

West Fuckin Virginia at No. 25 UConn, noon, ESPN 360.

Wisconsin at No. 21 Michigan State, noon, ESPN.
No. 18 Tulsa at Arkansas, 2 p.m., ESPN 360.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Train Wreck

In the spirit of the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, I just made up a new drink.

2 oz. Maker's
2 oz. dark rum
2 oz. cheap vodka
2 oz. gin
2 oz. tequila blanco
2 oz. light rum
2 oz. tequila oro
2 oz. Vanilla Twist Smirnoff
2 oz. Triple Sec
.5 oz. Tabasco
.5 oz. maple syrup
4 oz. PBR

Shake Maker's, both rums, vodka, gin, both tequilas, Vanilla Twist Smirnoff, Tabasco, syrup, and Triple Sec with ice. Strain into a keg cup. Top with PBR.

I call this the "Train Wreck" because after one, people will try not to stare at you, but just won't be able to look away. Good luck making it into the stadium!

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"P|d*Xi,&k@z" (Blitz, blitz, blitz.)

Bet It Hard:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Washington State at Stanford (-30). Stanford is wildly inconsistent (beat Oregon State and Arizona, lost to UCLA), and has only scored over 30 points twice.

But this is Washington State, which brings embarrassment to a brand new level. Even with a pathetic quarterback, Stanford should be good to cover.

2008 Bet It Hard Record: 4-0. (All picks against WSU).

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

Kerry Taylor, WR, Arizona State

I drafted Kerry (girl's name, especially when spelled that way) Taylor as my second wide receiver in my Pac-10 league.

He was fucking awesome for me in his first two games, racking up over 90 yards and scoring a TD in each game.

Since? Eight catches, 95 yards, no touchdowns in four games.

Get it the fuck back, Kerry.

Playboy Babe of the Week:

Kristen DeLuca

Maybe she's drinking a "Train Wreck."

You can view a huge safe-for-work gallery of this Playboy U babe here. If you Google "kristen deluca nude," you'll find some NSFW galleries and notice that she has her hood pierced. Whoa!

College football and Playboy. What could be better? Enjoy the games, football fans.

Yeah, but his team is 1-6 and England high school's defense is terrible...

...but still, anytime you catch 24 passes for 421 yards and six touchdowns (one rushing), you've had quite the game. Nicely done, J.D. Felice of Rose Bud, Ark. You caught more passes in one game than Washington Husky receivers have all year.

But your Rose Bud Ramblers still fell to the England Lions 64-55. Gotta play defense, boys.

Mike Singletary doesn't like pants, traditional methods

If only Mike Singletary won his first game, he'd have had a perfect first week. Sends high draft pick to the showers early, solid press conference rant, now reports surface that he dropped his pants during a motivational halftime speech.


Who needs pants? Fuck pants.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Kazmir gets no decision, Phils win Series

All week we've been trading emails and text messages with some buddies playing a little game: write a headline for the previous night's game that is completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game.

Here are some goodies:

-Rollins' error not costly, Philly celebrates first title in years
-Maddon: 'Bradford was strong in relief'
-Howard strikes out three times, Phillies prevail
-Philadelphia overcomes 21 left on base to claim first title in nearly three decades
-Baldelli's home run not enough as Philly takes the series

See? Fun. Now you play in the comments.


And that's the end of the Tampa Bay Rays, and the 2008 baseball season.

It's a frustrating loss; we had become legitimate Rays fans this playoff season. But perhaps Philadelphia winning a major championship is more fitting. Hell, the city hadn't won anything since 1983 while the Rays weren't created until 1998. To see Tampa win it, no matter how good of a story it would've been, would have felt a little cheap because of its short existence -- kinda like how the Florida Marlins have two friggin' World Series titles.

Not to take anything away from Tampa. Best story, in our opinion, baseball has seen since the Homerun Race of 1998. To go from last-to-first with a tiny budget, homegrown players and the spirit of a college team, is nothing short of spectacular. The Rays will be fun to watch for some time.

But this wasn't Tampa's year. Congrats, Philadelphia. Go eat a fucking cheesesteak and burn down the Liberty Bell. You've waited long enough.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The NBA started last night? Who knew?

Tuesday was the beginning of the NBA season Pt. 1 (Pt. 2 runs from April to June and it's also known as the playoffs you non-inferring assholes).

Usually there's excitement about the start of the new season. Opening Day in baseball is a national holiday, the beginning of football signifies the end of summer and the start of the best sports season of the year and the beginning of hockey, yeah, hockey... Ice. Pucks. Sticks. Great American sport. Truly is.

While we constantly rip on the NBA and would rather be subjected to hundreds of paper cuts than sit through an entire game, people, yes, real people, do, in fact, like professional basketball. (If you can find all the appositives in that last sentence, reward yourself with a cookie from the cookie jar).

So why isn't the start of the NBA season a big deal?

-It's not that it's only one of many games. See baseball to contradict that argument.
-It's not that there aren't a plethora of stars.
-It's not the cheerleaders. They are extremely plug-able.
-It's not that there aren't some good games on Opening Night. Boston vs. Cleveland and Portland vs. the Lakers are both decent games on paper.

Is it bad marketing? Did the MLB gurus pound the idea in Americans' heads that Opening Day is an event?

Or, perhaps you're with us, in that the NBA is a flawed, boring, terrible, awful, shitty league that molests little children.

Your speculation in the comments, please.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Skittles, in the shade of brown

I had four boners Sunday, one of which was attributed to Skittles: the popular candy has come out with a new "mix," shown above.

It's chocolate! They've made chocolate Skittles! The economy is bad, we are at war and unemployment is high. But there are still geniuses at work, creating little drops of Heaven with every bite; Land of the Free, indeed.

There are five new flavors -- S'mores, Chocolate Caramel, Brownie Batter, Chocolate Pudding and Vanilla (which is having identity issues in this bunch).

The S'mores and Chocolate Carmel flavors fucking kill. The Brownie Batter somehow tastes like a Buttered Popcorn Jelly Belly, but that's cool.

All in all, the new Skittles are pretty good, yet pretty disgusting and horribly awful. I probably wouldn't recommend them to anyone with taste buds. But still, Chocolate Skittles!!!!


Elsewhere in the ever-growing candy industry, they've come out with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups with caramel, Mint 3 Musketeers and something called M&M's.


Who's got their Halloween costume in order? We've seen Facebook photos of people from various Halloween parties, which seems a bit premature. But I suppose with Friday being the big day, you had last weekend and all this week to get dressed up. After Friday, you're fucked.

Some sports ideas:

-Mike Nolan
-Ty Willingham
-The Seattle Sonics (this could be done by wearing a white sheet, much like a ghost).
-Joe Maddon
-Pacman Jones

I'm leaning towards dressing up as Daniel Plainview or my own superhero, suggested by The Big Picture dad: Shower Man. (Yesterday's funny horse-racing video, which got us a nice link from Jimmy at SI's Hot Clicks, was also emailed to us by the loving, handsome, kind, generous Big Picture father.)


We've talked before about CBS' college football coverage. It's far and away the pinnacle of CFB viewing. Great broadcasters, decent sideline reports (oxymoron?) and no fucking bullshit.

The ABC/ESPN package brings me bullshit with college football. My TV guide says, "Ohio State vs. Penn State." It does not say "Ohio State vs. Penn State served with a heaping pile of bullshit."

Was watching the Cal/UCLA game Saturday (instead of Texas/OK State -- ooh, love regional coverage) and the fucking telecast kept showing me photos of the Golden Gate Bridge, broadcasters were talking about the Grateful Dead and they were playing "Don't Stop Believing." Meanwhile, the game was pretty tense up 'til the fourth quarter.

While those things are all OK individually, I don't need to be informed that Jerry Garcia dropped acid in the Haight and that the Golden Gate Bridge is fucking beautiful. Tell me why Rick Neuheisel is going to castrate Kevin Craft with a pair of hedge clippers.

CBS -- and especially the 12:30 PDT SEC game -- has it all right. Listening to Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson while playing pocket pool to Tracy "Hungry Like The" Wolfson is very pleasurable.

Lunquist has that historic, aged voice that is perfect for an SEC showdown. And Danielson, fuck, we would let Danielson inappropriately touch our little sister if we had one.

He's so knowledgeable and cares about the sanctity of the game, you can hear him get excited and frustrated based on the level of play. He covers the best so he wants to see the best. And he conveys that in his call. Absolutely no BS, just pure passion, and, while cliché, he calls it how it is better than anyone we can think of. Brilliant.


Joined a new gym. Big, huh?

No longer will we see our friend who can suck on his own wang, but I have found a new foe to wail on.

I've only been twice, but both times I've seen this guy and boy is he a handful.

The culprit, a late-20s something, with a buzz cut, horn-rimmed glasses and maybe a few tattoos wears a fucking basketball uniform to the gym.

The first time, he was wearing a Paul Pierce jersey and Celtics shorts. Monday? A Chris Webber Kings jersey with Sacramento shorts.

This bro belongs in a fucking N'Sync video.

If he's rocking the Kevin Durant OKC getup tomorrow, I'm going to probably drop a dumbbell on his foot.


Jersey Boy probably eats Chocolate Skittles.


Monday, October 27, 2008

Just another day at the track...

I hope "I Don't Give A Shit" doesn't have to get euthanized anytime soon.

(Video contains naughty words. Like fuck. And shit).

So that went well

Just how Mike Singletary envisioned his first game as head coach.

Train. Wreck.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Pre-gaming: SEC Ref Gave the Business

Photo from Pac-10 Poon

[Editor's note: This will be a regular Friday feature at PlayboyU. It's molded after BDD's Jamboroo.]

Big news around college football refereeing circles this week was the ref who threw a shoulder and knocked South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia right the fuck out.

It's really funny. Probably not for Garcia, who, I remind you, was decked by a referee. It also wasn't funny for South Carolina and its fans who suffered a seven-point defeat to LSU.

It was funny to anyone who has a sense of humor.

See. Funny. Yay!

Subjected to Pac-10 officials for most of my on-site gaming and TV viewing, I don't get comedy from my referees. I have the same fucking umpire, who is seemingly officiating every Pac-10 every week, and sounds like he has cement in his mouth. He's very dull, monotonous, and well, Pac-10 officials have had their problems the last few seasons.

Perhaps the funniest thing a ref has done, well, ever, is this ACC official explaining a personal foul:

I laugh out loud every time I hear that clip. Holy shit that's funny! Give this guy an open mic and an audience and he's a millionaire!

How will college football refs get involved Saturday?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means:
"Do not go out. Do not have sex. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If sex is an option, absolutely do not turn it down. Do it twice. But unless you're knockin' boots, watch these games."

Two bunnies means:
Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. Porn doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Winners are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

No. 6 Oklahoma State at No. 1 Texas, 3:30 p.m., ABC: Fuck Texas' schedule is hard. Oklahoma, then Missouri and now OK State? Rough. But the Longhorns like it rough and from behind.

I frankly know nothing of Oklahoma State and don't think they're a top-15 team let alone a top-six team. But their uniforms look like fucking candy corn. Oooh, Halloween's soon. Love Halloween! Texas 42, Oklahoma State 20.

No. 7 Georgia at No. 13 LSU, 3:30 p.m., CBS: The SEC's back! I'd rather this be a night game because the SEC at night is like porn for me -- those stadiums look great at night! -- but I'll settle for Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson and the sexy Tracy "Hungry Like the" Wolfson. Not a bad consolation.

Offense will be more lacking than gasoline in Georgia, but it'll make it that more competitive. Both teams are still playing for a trip to the SEC title game and perhaps a National Title. Georgia 4, LSU 2.

No. 3 Penn State at No. 9 Ohio State, 8 p.m., ABC: Just when you think Ohio State is fucked, there go the Buckeyes beating the shit out of Michigan State. I fucking hate Ohio State. I hate the Big 10. Fuck. But, at home, Ohio State's gonna win... and the Buckeyes will win the Big 10 with the tie-breaker over the Nittany Lions, they'll make it to the BCS championship and they'll lose by 60 to some SEC school. (There might have been some hyperbole in that sentence). Ohio State 21, Penn State 17.

No. 8 Texas Tech at No. 23 Kansas, 12 p.m., ESPN: De-fense (clap, clap). De-fense (clap, clap). De-fense (clap, clap). Texas Tech 56, Kansas 38.

No. 5 USC at Arizona, 10:15 p.m., FSN?: Just love these West Coast night games. Nobody East of the Mississippi knows what happens and I get to watch the end of this game while drinking piss beer with other football fans who are, at this point, probably depressed.

The game? Arizona is pretty darn good. Willie Tuitama, who's been at Arizona since 1996, finally has a good ground game to balance his record-breaking passing numbers at U of A. USC is very good and won by 69 points last week against Washington State High School. USC 27, Arizona 20.

No. 2 Alabama at Tennessee, 7:45 p.m., ESPN.

Virginia Tech at No. 25 Florida State
, 12:30 p.m., ABC.
Illinois at Wisconsin, noon, ESPN 2.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Mind Eraser
2 oz vodka
2 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur
2 oz tonic water

Pour vodka, Kahlua, and tonic water into a rocks or old-fashioned glass. Serve with a straw.

Try like six of those in an hour span and you should be good for a halftime puke fest. Fun for girls, too!

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"oyR+ae>klWm%" (Ya know, Hitler was a great leader too). Puts hand to head.

Bet It Hard:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Washington State vs. Bye (-22.5). Well, I'm gonna keep betting against the Cougars, whether they're playing or not.

2008 Bet It Hard Record: 4-0. (All picks against WSU).

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

Keola Antolin, RB, Arizona.

This fuck, who I'd spend my Washington State "Bet it Hard" money on to shave his fucking head with hedge clippers, rushed 21 times for 149 yards (7.1 yards per carry) with three touchdowns last week in a big win.

But Nic Grigsby is my fantasy stud. He's done wonders for me this season. Grigsby fumbled in the first quarter and didn't get another touch. Antolin came in and sparked the win. Fuck Antolin, the cock-faced cum goblin. He stole my (Grigsby's) TDs and helped my Pac-10 fantasy squad put up 0 points. Zero! Like -2, -1, 0. Fucking zero! Don't fall asleep, Keola, if that is your real name, ASSHOLE!

Playboy Babe of the Week:

Playmate of the Month, August, 2001, Jennifer Walcott.

Unfair. Totally unfair. No woman who I'm not having sex with 23 hours a day can be this hot. It's just mean. Fuck you, Jennifer. Fuck your parents for making you this hot. Fuck your surgeon for giving you perfect cans. And fuck Adam Archuleta for fucking you.

I didn't mean that, Jenn. Can I call you Jenn? Sorry, baby. You know I'm just jealous. Call me.

NSFW masturbation photos here.

College football and Playboy. What could be better? Enjoy the games, football fans.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

And starting at outside linebacker, Lindsey from Delta Gamma

Mike Leach, who has built an offensive juggernaut at Texas Tech with his innovative spread and pass-happy offense, hasn't exactly been able to get a stud kicker to Lubbock.

So, fuck it, let's bring in the halftime entertainment to kick.
Having already gone through two kickers -- who have combined to miss six PATs and half of their field-goal attempts -- the sixth-ranked Red Raiders are now seriously considering giving Matt Williams a shot against No. 18 Kansas this weekend.

Williams is a Tarleton State transfer student who won a month of free rent at the Tech/UMass game several weeks ago by kicking a 30-yard field goal. After his successful try, Williams was walking back to his seat when he was flagged down.
Those extra points won't make themselves, dammit.

Texas Tech is ranked No. 6 and is 7-0, which is good. The Red Raiders opponents' combined record is 22-28 and none have better than a 4-3 record, which isn't good. TTU's next four opponents (Kansas, Texas, Oklahoma State, Oklahoma) are all ranked, which is also not good. Our guess -- pure speculation -- is that Texas Tech will not win very many more games and will end up in something like the Alamo Bowl.

But at least the Raiders will start making their field goals!


The Taco Bell owner is British. That seems backwards.

(Yeah, we saw that hard-hitting interview by Chris Myers in the bottom of the sixth, too. Great work, FOX!)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Best: College Football Helmet

Welcome to "The Best," a new series from the people who brought you "Would You Do," "Blogger Interviews" and "What Really Grinds My Gears."

It's just what it sounds like: what's the best ______? "Best" is such a subjective word and that's really the point -- let's get you guys talking! If this works, there will be intelligent, thoughtful debate on the day's topic. And if it doesn't work, well, back to the drawing board.

College football. Fucking love it. The pageantry, fans and classic unis make it perhaps the best sport of all (until December, anyway, when the BCS bends it over and shoves a 4-iron up its collective ass.)

With so many teams, there are bound to be some fantastic helmets. Some horrible ones too (Oregon, you sick fucks, we're looking at you and your 18 different helmets).

But what constitutes the best college football helmet?

Some things to consider:

-Logo vs. school initials
-Helmet stickers (or lack of)

This is a toughy, but here goes:

5. Alabama
4. Georgia
3. Miami
2. Texas
1. Penn State

We surely forgot some goodies. The omissions and your favs in the comments, please.

Please God anything but Joe Buck

If you're like us, and I suspect you are, you probably can't stand the fact that the World Series, year after year, is broadcast on FOX, meaning you have to listen to the drivel from Joe Buck and Tim McCarver for 4-7 games. On the other hand, you probably really appreciate the professional, enthusiastic, and knowledgeable Jon Miller, calling the game for ESPN radio. Yes, Joe Morgan is the color guy, and we all know he can say some stupid shit, but there's one thing we can agree on: Miller and Morgan are FAR better than Buck and McCarver.

So like us, you've probably tried to turn off the sound on your TV and listen to the game on the radio. The problem? The TV feed is almost always 3-4 seconds or more behind the radio feed. So they're not in sync and you hear the play before you see it and it sucks. So we've gone ahead and done some googling to see what we can find in the way of a solution. We found several options for products you can use to delay the audio feed so it matches with the TV.

First up: RTS-200C RADIOTVSYNCTM STEREO AUDIO DELAY WITH REMOTE. This is a serious piece of audio equipment that goes for $189.95. Then you probably have to add on shipping costs, and of course it won't get to you in time for the game tonight, so screw it. But for next year, maybe.

Second: SPORTSYNC, the AM/FM radio with Sports Audio Delay. This appears to basically be a walkman with a delay feature. It can plug into the stereo and is a much more affordable $39.95. It appears this is also not available in stores, so you'll have to wait.

Third: Radio SHARK 2: This appears to be like a TiVo for your radio. $49.99 and you have to order it. Seems like not a great option.

Next: Radiodelay from Daan Systems. This looks like a decent piece of free software that allows you to plug a radio into the microphone port of your computer, and then delay the audio to match it with the TV. Sadly it only works with PCs and I'm running Mac, but if anyone out there tries it let us know how it works. This could be the answer.

Finally: Use the TiVo. This link explains how to set you TiVo or other DVR to pause the game, then sync it to the MLB Gameday Audio broadcast of the game. Of course, you have to subscribe to MLB Gameday Audio to do this. Sounds a little like a pain in the ass. But it's also only $4.95 to get all the World Series games. I don't have a DVR at home, so this won't work for me...

So what am I to do? I'm not gonna spend money and wait for the SportSync. I don't have TiVo, and I'm not running a PC. Time to get creative. As a speech therapist I have some odd stuff including this Delayed Auditory Feedback device, check it out. Now, I'll have to wait till I get home tonight to find out, but I think I have the right cords and cables and I'm pretty sure this will do the trick. I plug the radio into the microphone port on the DAF, run a cable from the headphone jack of the DAF to my stereo, adjust the delay, and voila, I'm good to go!

One final note - from what I've read it appears some people have the opposite problem - the radio being behind the TV. Well if you have TiVo that's fixed easily enough (pause the TV for a second, unpause when they're synced), and if not, shit you're on your own.

RAYS!!!!!11!! GAME 1 2NITE!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

AAAA WTF!?!? RAYS!!!1!!!!$#$#DFfefiwj

Mike Nolan plagued by miscommunication

Mike Nolan and his suit were fired by the 49ers Monday. Why? An 18-37 record, mind-fuckingly dumb challenges and on-field decisions, and miscommunication. From the San Francisco Chronicle's 49ers beat writer Kevin Lynch.
If one factor could be singled out for Mike Nolan's downfall it's this - he didn't listen. The best example is the Alex Smith Debacle.

While trying to make up before the season, both said it was a miscommunication.

Even in simple exchanges with the media, it was clear Nolan hadn't listened to the question.

One last example - a reporter asked Nolan about wide receiver Josh Morgan's staph infection that caused the rookie to lose 15 pounds. Nolan said that was just Internet speculation. Then he asked the reporter where he got that information.

"Josh Morgan" was the response.
That last anecdote is funny. But there's nothing funny about a staph infection.

So what did Nolan's final meeting with owner John York sound like?

York: Hey Mike, thanks for meeting with me.

Nolan: Thanks, John. I got it from Men's Wearhouse.

York: Um. Sure. Mike, your on-field decisions and game management have been questionable lately.

Nolan: I'm not really a breakfast guy. Just had some yogurt and orange juice.

York: Mike, how would you sum up your three-plus years in San Francisco?

Nolan: Kathy says she's ready to try again, but I think four kids is plenty!

York: Jeez. We suck. Do you need a star player? A spark? Maybe we should start Young Alex again. J.T. would fumble his cock while jerkin' it at this rate.

Nolan: I just was prescribed Ambien for my night terrors.

York: Mike, the suits. The fucking suits. Why?

Nolan: Yeah, I got the Filet. Though the New York with a peppercorn crust looked good.

York: Why isn't Gore getting more touches?

Nolan: I watch Desperate Housewives with Kathy, but I can't stand Dancing with the Stars.

York: Mike, this is tough for've been part of the 49ers family for over three years. But it's time this partnership ends. Mike, you're fired.

Nolan: Quarter after five.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Congrats Tampa!

Go fack yahself, ya facken queehr.

Fack you,
Sargent Sullivan

Congrats Tampa!




Rays, motherfuckers!!!!! RAYS!!!!!(!&D!~!!!!DK!!!&!

It's strange to think, that we had so much invested in a team, in a series, that is 2850.95 miles away.

But we did.

To see Tampa blow Game Five brought back memories of The Game Giants Fans Do Not Speak Of. We shouldn't have cared so much.

But we did.

And like the rest of the doubters, realists and cynics out there, we thought the Rays were fucked liked a bleached blond with insecurity issues on a movie set in the San Fernando Valley.

But they weren't. Tampa, which gave History the middle finger all season, gave it one more time when it counted most. From DRaysBay:

The coldest story was to be told tonight. The Rays were done. History was against them, but history doesn't play baseball. This team has shown again and again how true that is.

We'll admit that part of our new-found affinity for the Rays is a combined love of the youth movement/underdog story and a hatred for Boston and New York.

For the Rays to essentially beat Boston twice -- by winning the AL East and now the pennant -- makes it that much sweeter. The Red Sox are the new Yankees and anyone who tries to deny that is terribly naive. And Boston's fans are far more fucking fucktastic, which clearly is a bad thing.

And once the Red Sox miraculously took Game Five, everyone thought that was it for the series. Had Boston been able to complete the series comeback, not only would it have been an epic comeback that only furthered our hatred for everything Boston, it would have overshadowed Tampa's tremendous season.

Sure, the last-to-first story still would have been written down in the history books, but the Rays' season would be remembered for blowing a 3-1 series lead and a 7-0 lead in the seventh. A tough pill to swallow after a fabulous year.

But a very well-pitched Game Seven and a perfect management of the bullpen by Joe Maddon wrote the next chapter in this fucking fairy tale. (That was a cliché-laden sentence).

Fitting, too, that when David beat Goliath, it was David Price that came through. Four tough outs have pretty much told Rays fans that Tampa's next rising star has already rose.

When Akinori Iwamura touched second base, recording the final out, we couldn't help but clap, pump our fist and high-five the girlfriend who may or may not have known that she was watching baseball. We were -- and are -- genuinely excited about a team nearly 3,000 miles away. That's sports for ya.

So there it is. Fuck Boston. Go Rays. It's time for a World Series mohawk. Who's with us?

Congrats Tampa!

I am such a tool. I'm gonna go fuck my wife in front of a mirror. Good luck against Philly.

Jonathan Papelbon

Congrats Tampa!

I can't believe I made this movie. Good job, Rays!

All the best,
Jimmy Fallon

OMFG RAYS!!!!1!!!!!!!1!!!!


Congrats Tampa!

Hats off to a job well done. The stage is yours...

Theo Epstein