Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Who the fuck is Orestes Destrade

A friend of ours told us how this dude was sitting next to Karl Ravech on Baseball Tonight a few days back. Since the man stage left (or is it right?) of the ESPN host wasn’t Harold Reynolds, John Kruk, Jeff Brantley, Mike Macfarlane or Brian McRae, we thought it’d be appropriate to dig up the goods on some dude we’ve never heard of.

Turns out Orestes Destrade Cuevas sucked it up in the majors. In his first two big league seasons he played 45 games and hit one home run.

Like Bobby Valentine, Destrade went oversees to find his calling. It came with the Seibu Lions. He immediately became a star, winning three home run titles and twice leading the league in RBIs and walks.

As explains, Destrade became famous for his “guts pose.” We have no fucking clue what a “guts pose” is but imagine it somehow involves a sick game he played with this guy. That or he flexed or something after going deep.

The Marlins signed the slugger in 1992 and he led the expansion Marlins in homers and RBIs a year later. That’s probably because their opening day starters included Bret Barberie, Junior Felix and Scott Pose. It’s also the best explanation for their 64-98 record.

(Interesting asides: Trevor Hoffman made his big-league debut and Charlie Hough finished his 67-year stint in the majors with this terrible team.)

Destrade was cut the next year, tried to make a comeback in Japan, had wife issues which led to divorce, did some broadcasting and is now with ESPN.

Guess Brent Abernathy will be on Baseball Tonight in no time.

Read other Who the fuck is...: Mel Kiper Jr.; Chris Shelton; George Mason; Pat Venditte.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington's The Daily. His kiss is like a jackhammer.


JMC said...

a. are you comparing me to Abraham Lincoln?
b. love the mallrats reference

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

j, it was abe or jenna jameson. adam thought abe would be better...though rich aurilla woulda been good too!

JMC said...

are you trying to say I'm honest, or that I was an important figure in the emancipation of slaves?

Pradamaster said...

When I saw him on BBTN earlier this year, I was wondering the same exact thing.

It's good to know I wasn't alone.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

j you're both honest and an important figure in ending slaver...not sure how. but it sounds pretty cool!

Anonymous said...

His commentary during the LL World Series was horrible! He was a total shill for LL.

Anonymous said...

well, most real baseball fans will at least remember his name


your gutter language on this blog shows that you can't write. Try writing and see if you can make a point (and I doubt it) without showing your ignorance.


Anonymous said...

I'm not so sure the guy "sucked it up" in the big leagues. Compare his numbers to fifty plus players currently in Major League Baseball... 765 at bats, 26 home runs and 106 RBI. For 1993 which I'll assume is of the majority pre-steroid era, those numbers were quite respectable. .241 career average is a bit low however, the guy never reached 1,000 at bats. To win 3 straight home run titles in a respectable Japanese league, the guy obviously had talent. Much more as a player than you have as a writer.

Anonymous said...

I personally know O and he is a great ball player and a total professional. Do you think ESPN or any other network just picks guys out of a hat...cmon get your facts and info right before you type your blog.

Anonymous said...

As tough as it is, to even Get To..the Majors....I believe Destrade has some nice "stats" with the Lions (Japan). He played a lot of Minor League ball, and at least, got to play in the Majors. The "jock-ocracy" (term invented by Howard Cossell), putting retired ballplayers 'in the announcing booth', is now a foregone conclusion in sports. Deatrade has good diction, knowledge of the game, and a noticable talent, in the booth. He's a tall, good-looking, well spoken guy! I have heard, seen much worse in the booth. Some of the black announcers just plain SUCK! I can't even decipher their mumbo jumbo. Yet, ESPN hires and promotes them. So, lets not go down THAT road, OK? Enough said!

Shawnjrum said...

His commentary during the LL World Series was horrible! He was a total shill for LL.

Anonymous said...

Who the fuck are you?