Hockey? Yeah, ok

About the only thing we rip more than Kobe Bryant, the NBA and this guy is professional hockey. It’s a sport that has no place in the U.S., especially in such NHL cities as Phoenix, Dallas, Tampa Bay, Miami (Florida), Anaheim, San Jose, et al. — mainly because people in these places don’t know the difference between ice and steam (hint: they’re both H2O, but in different molecular states).

As far as we’re concerned, hockey is meant for Canada, Russia and Detroit — where residents from the two countries can proudly tell you that the freezing point of water is 0 degrees Celsius, and Detroitians can tell you ice is the temperature at which blood, from the guy that was just shot, freezes.

The other night, though, we tuned in late to Game 3 of the San Jose-Edmonton series. Why? ‘Cause we were pretty bored of seeing replays on ESPN of Barry Bonds popping up.

The game was in the second overtime when we stopped by, but it was so damn exciting that it kept our interest until the Oilers won it early in the third overtime period on a goal by some guy who probably grew up on Lake Minnetonka.

We were genuinely nervous watching and were even somewhat pissed when the Sharkies lost. There were some terrific saves by the goaltenders whose names we won’t bother trying to spell or pronounce (though they might look something like this: eülô´losk∑jhπ∫√)

As for our new stance on the NHL:

We can now recite the Canadian national anthem and recite fluent Detroit slang. And unlike people from Phoenix, we know that ice is just frozen water.

Will we tune in again tonight? If Kobe were on the rink in Eagle, Colo., well, then maybe.

In other news: St. John’s basketball program was placed on probation for two years after Ron Artest charged the stands at Madison Square Garden.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington's The Daily. He likes his coffee with "a lot of cream and a lot of sugar."