Friday, January 13, 2006
Hating Fox Sports, Part 3: Best Damn Sports Show, Period
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the numbers are in, and it turns out that Fox's Best Damn Sports Show, Period is not actually the best damn sports show period.
It's not even close.
There are many sports shows that trump Fox's late-night, sports disaster. Officials have said that ABC's Sports Night -- a fictional show about a sports TV station, which lasted for about 27 minutes -- was far better than the Sixth or Seventh Best Damn Sports Show, Semicolon.
"We really blew it with that one," admitted tyrannosaurus rex, Rupert Murdoch. "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking putting those douche bags on air."
The "douche bags" Murdoch spoke of were hosts Chris Rose, John Salley, Rodney Peete and Rob Dibble.
Chris Rose, like most Fox-style broadcasters, adds as much to the program as a stuffed animal. John Salley, aside from being good at being very tall, isn't very good at anything. Rob Dibble is more 'roided than the Bay Area and Rodney Peete is more washed up than a bar of soap.
The show originally featured Tom Arnold as the host. Turns out that Arnold knew about as much about sports as Arnold Schwarzenegger does about governing. Ironically, Arnold's best performance was as Gov. Schwarzenegger's sidekick in the movie True Lies.
Hot chick Lisa Guerrero was on the show for a brief time and occasionally makes guest appearances. She's really the only good thing about the show. Because she's knowledgeable and contributes to the discussion? Of course not. It's because she's way hot.
Fortunately for sports fans of all ages, this catastrophe airs at 10:30 p.m., so most people should either be asleep or getting hammered at a local bar instead of watching Fox Sports Net.
Because, after all, we hate Fox Sports and everything about it.
In other news: USC's Reggie Bush has announced he will run for president while George W. Bush has said he will turn pro.