Tuesday, January 03, 2006

It must've been the dip

TEMPE, Ariz. -- Given four weeks to prepare, it was Ohio State's Jim Tressel that outwitted, outlasted and outplayed Charlie Weis, while many thought that it would be the other way around.

Fourth-ranked Ohio State beat No. 5 Notre Dame 34-20 in the Fiesta Bowl with big plays, tremoundous speed and bad bean dip.

"We felt like shit the whole game," said a visibly upset Weis. "Our players dragged and constantly complained about their bad gas."

Prior to the game, the Notre Dame players snacked on Tostitos chips (because it was the Fiesta Bowl, after all) and seven-layer bean dip. Team personel requested chips and salsa, but Coach Weis, always the carnivore, suggested seven-layer bean dip with one layer dedicated to ground beef.

Turns out that the beef had gone bad days ago when Notre Dame brought the dip to Arizona from Sound Bend, Ind. The players, and Weis, payed for it.

"There are two ways you can go after a loss," Weis told the Associated Press. "One way is you sit there and feel sorry for yourselves. The other way is to take that bitter taste in your mouth and say I don't want to have that taste a year from now."

The "bitter taste" Weis was referring to was the remnants of vomit still in his mouth.

Much of the ABC broadcast focused on how Brady Quinn took hard hits all day from Ohio State All-American linebacker, A.J. Hawk -- who, coincidentally, dates, and no doubt bones, Quinn's older sister, Laura. Hawk sacked Brady twice and probably nailed Laura about six more times after the victory.

"It was a great day," said Hawk. "I got to hit her brother and I get to hit it tonight."

Quinn, meanwhile, was unavailable for comment. Rumor had it that he was huddled over the toilet.

Must've been the bean dip.

In other news: Maurice Clarett was arrested yesterday for robbing fellow athlete and thief, Jeff Reardon, at gun point for a mere $170 in cash.

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