All good things...

To borrow a sports cliché or three: we're hanging up the cleats, throwing in the towel and knowing when to walk away.

This has been a helluva journey. I had no idea when I started this site four years ago that it would be something that was so addicting, so rewarding and so frustrating all at the same time. Four blogging years is like 70 in human years which is like 290 in dog years or something.

In December, 2005 I was just a naïve college student thinking that starting a blog would be my way into the sports-writing world.

Shockingly, it was.

I got to the point where I was a professional blogger, working for FanHouse, PlayboyU and receiving ad dollars here. Who knew that would ever be the case?

Times were humbling early. To spend the time writing a post and have six people read it isn't exactly encouraging. I didn't think the site would last. But over 1,900 posts and six million page views later, I'm so glad it did. To have people reading my words, leaving comments and laughing at my jokes was -- to put it bluntly -- pretty fucking cool.

I told myself that I'd stop this blog under two circumstances:

1. If it started slipping into mediocrity
2. If it became a job

Unfortunately, for the last year or so, it's been both. Spending hours writing posts after a full day of work has become a chore. On too many occasions I spent more time blogging than I did doing things that were far more important; this site twisted my priorities.

The Big Picture peaked about two years ago. The material was still fresh, jokes still crass and feeling still new. The recent slide has been a large part me and also the sports blogosphere getting so terribly cluttered that there were the few top sites and then hundreds of "everybody else."

In the early days, when bloggers were still figuring out this whole sports blogging thing, I knew my peers, the work they put in and what it took to operate a daily sports blog. Not so much the case anymore.

But it's been a fun ride. I've made friends, computer buddies and even got asked out on a date! Many thanks to all the loyal readers, the regular commenters (you know who you are!) and anyone who's stumbled across this small slice of the Web.

I'm still very reachable by email, so don't be shy. And I'll still be lurking around the blogosphere occasionally, checking up on all of your sites that I've come to love.

May all of your favorite teams win championships (as long as they're the San Francisco Giants and Washington Huskies). May athletes keep doing crazy shit to fuel sports blogs' content. May we continue to see huge upsets, epic games and unbelievable endings. Because, at the end of the day, that's what this site was always about: the love of sports.

Now it's time to hit that "Publish Post" button one final time. Goodnight sweet world. It's been real...

The Big Picture 2005-2009

Best of The Big Picture: favorite posts and topics

Over the course of four years you're going to write some absolute crap. But every once in a while you pump something out that makes you think, albeit for a second, that you can actually do this whole writing thing.

Then there are the go-to topics. Our favorite ideas, people and concepts that we often go to in order to put a smile on faces.

Favorite posts:

The anti-Jay Busbee campaign
If Phillip Rivers died a famous movie death...
The time I took an hour-long shit
Pre-Gaming: Trick 'r Treat
Fuck Boston
CFB Coverage > NFL Coverage
We've been put On Notice
A Letter From Barbaro
An interview with the Steelers' pilot
Torre: 'Hot seat? What hot seat?'

Favorite topics:

Barbaro
Joe Buck
Things that aren't sports but are funny because we're really immature sometimes
Yi Jianlian
Tampa Rays
Ikea Games

Best of The Big Picture: series and features

Four years, you gotta get some staples down. To write about random stories everyday is pretty taxing, so we developed some reoccurring series and features as a way to help readers gain familiarity and to make planning content a little easier.

Some of the features stuck, some didn't. Some got big, others were one-and-done.

Here they are in all their glory:

• Blogger Interviews
• Fake Interviews
• Real Interviews
• What Really Grinds My Gears
• Morning Headlines
  
• Random stuff swirling up there
• Fuck You, ______
• Big Picture Categories
• The Best

Lots of good stuff in there that should give you plenty of reading material to get you through your Wednesday.

Best of The Big Picture: most-read posts

There are occasionally things we write that other people think are good enough to share with their larger audiences. SI.com, Yahoo!, Deadspin and even The New York Times have linked to our work, which makes us feel mushy inside and brings many sets of new eyeballs to our site; and new people to tell us to go fuck ourselves with a toilet plunger.

Some of these high-trafficked posts were good; some were thrown together in 10 minutes after finding a neat story. All were good for the site.

Here are some of the highlights:

• 5 Reasons Why the World Series Sucks
• Foul Ball Etiquette
• 10 Gym Personalities That Piss You Off
• Baseball Stadium Traditions
• Sports Fans We Love to Love
• Miserable Sports Cities
• Like Obama, The Big Picture is for change
• The most brutal losses you've ever endured
• Coaches with the most distinct appearance
• If Phillip Rivers died a famous movie death
• Rick Ankiel, your 2007 NL MVP
• Yao Ming could do like waaay better
• If MLB playoff contenders were Saved by the Bell characters
• If MLB players were Street Fighter II characters...

Go take a look and see some of our most-read work.

Best of The Big Picture Week

It's birthday week here. This site turns four on Saturday, so to celebrate, we'll be having a Best Of week.

Our favorite posts, best series and funniest jokes will all be showcased this week in a nice, tidy package.

There will be cake, ice cream and maybe some pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. If you're lucky...

We're going to culminate the week with a mega-ultra huge announcement.

Put on your party hats, buckle your seat belts and let's have a fun week!

Happy Thanksgiving

You're not working today or tomorrow, so neither are we.

But we thought we'd rank Thanksgiving food:

1. Stuffing
2. Gravy
3. Sweet potatoes with two pounds of butter and brown sugar
4. Turkey
5. Pumpkin cheesecake
6. Pumpkin pie
7. Pecan pie
8. Mashed potatoes
9. Jello-like cranberries
10. Fruit
11. Squash soup
12. Biscuits
13. Other cranberries
14. Green beans
15. Salad

Happy Thanksgiving, knuckleheads. We'll see ya Monday...

Jumping Stilts for all the bros out there

I found my way to this website for velocity jumping stilts. Not sure how; I must've been wearing my Etnies, drinking a Mountain Dew and feeling EXTREME. But nonetheless, I saw these things that were totally badass!

They look super awesome -- can you imagine doing these plowed? It'd be called Velocity Jumping Stilts under the influence. Like a a VJSUI. That doesn't have a good ring to it. It sounds bad. Not bad: jumping stilts.

Allen Iverson has 3,000 new fans in another continent

Sounds great: new star in town, Jersey-promo night, butts in seats, right?

What happens when the new star in town is off the team in 15 games or less? You get Allen Iverson jerseys in Tanzania.

So what will happen to all of those unused Iverson jerseys?

The Grizzlies plan to ship the jerseys to impoverished children in Tanzania -- the birthplace of rookie center Hasheem Thabeet.

An NBA program -- Basketball Without Borders -- will facilitate the shipment to the African country. Basketball Without Borders is the NBA's global basketball development program that helps education, health and wellness.

Meanwhile, children in Memphis have Marc Gasol jerseys. Would it be wrong to ask which kids are luckier?

[The Commercial Appeal via Ben Maller]

CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For fuck's sake, can I catch a break???

My fantasy team is fucking good. That's evident by all the points I score every week.

My fantasy team is unlucky. That's evident by my 4-7 record and four-straight losses.

The last three weeks:

Week 9: Lose by LESS THAN A FUCKING POINT!!
Week 10: Score nearly 90 points. Lose.
Week 11: Score over 80 points. Lose.

I am No. 3 in points in my league yet in seventh place. That sucks. Maybe that time I burned ants with a magnifying glass is finally coming back to haunt me.

Fuck this. Fantasy football is supposed to be fun. This isn't fun. Losing is not fun. Having Brandon Jacobs on your team is not fun.

And fucking Ricky Williams! Dude scores three TDs in a game for only the second time since 2000!

Meanwhile, our previous league leader is 8-3 and second to last in points. He must donate to UNICEF and sing at retirement homes.

LockerBlogger: all the cool kids are doing it

LockerBlogger is the new cool site, like Ballhype or Yardbarker, that does things that we don't really understand, yet other people seem to enjoy it. They have like real life athletes doing stuff which is ultimately why people get in the sports-blog game anyway.

Our boy David Thompson has his own blog there where he writes about stuff that's funny because he's funny and funny people (us) recognize other funny people (him).

We weren't paid to write this. Yet. (Cough, cough).

Morning Headlines: Detroit 38, Cleveland 37

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

[Lions-Browns box score]

-Safety not enough as Cleveland stays in last place

-Dawson's huge day (2 FGs, 1-1 passing) wasted in loss

-Mangini: 'We couldn't stop the run'

Your best headlines from Sunday's touchdown-fest in the comments.

Pre-gaming: Wild Wild West

Welcome to the Pac-10, the only conference that actually matters this season.

With things all but settled in all of the major conferences (and pretty much have been for weeks), we turn our attention to out own backyard where all hell has broken loose and we'll see the first non-USC BCS team since the Joey Harrington Years.

My former colleague, Bud Withers of The Seattle Times, breaks it down for you nicely, including the six-team-doomsday-scenario. This time of year, by the way, I FUCKING LOVE DOOMSDAY scenarios.

It's always fun and dandy until someone gets left out, and then they settle for the Holiday Bowl or Sun Bowl, which neither is a holiday or has a sunny outlook. Seriously, Stanford has had a great year, yet if things break wrong, the Cardinal could play in the Armed Forces Bowl. Seriously, the Armed Forces Bowl.

With a weak slate of games this week, the Pac-10 is really the the only thing that matters. What's gonna get shaken up this weekend?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not hang out with your girlfriend. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If spending precious time with the girlfriend will help the relationship, go for it...but it better be worth it. Like really worth it. Otherwise, watch these games."

Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. YouTube doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Champions are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

None. Zero. Zilch. Thanks for scheduling Chattanooga, 'Bama.

None. Zero. Zilch. Thanks for scheduling Florida International, Gators.

No. 11 Oregon at Arizona, 8 p.m., ABC: Arizona has three losses. One came in a close game at then-good Iowa. The second came on a fluke interception against Washington. The third happened when the driving 'Cats made a bad penalty (only one forward pass per play, Nick Foles) and ultimately lost another close game. So Arizona is really 9-0 and in the BCS Title hunt.

Oh, and the winner of this game has the inside track to the Rose Bowl. Nothing on the line, though. Oregon 38, Arizona 31.

No. 10 Ohio State at Michigan, noon, ABC: It's not that this is a good game or anything, but rivalries are rivalries and this is one of the better ones. Ohio State will continue to play not to lose (until they realize that method is no good when they get slaughtered in Pasadena in January), while Michigan will play not to get Rich Rodriguez fired which could certainly happen if the Wolverines continue to play like the Raiders. Ohio State 6, Michigan 2.

No. 8 LSU at Mississippi, 3:30 p.m., CBS.
No. 16 Wisconsin at Northwestern, 3:30 p.m., Big 10 Network.
Oklahoma at Texas Tech, 12:30 p.m., TV?
Kansas at No. 3 Texas, 8 p.m., ABC.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Cuba Libre


2 oz. light rum
Juice of 1/2 lime
Coke

Pour lime juice into a highball glass over ice cubes. Add rum, fill with cola, stir, and serve.

I knew a guy once who ordered one of these and I think the bartender kicked his ass. Dude, this is a RUM AND COKE WITH A FUCKING LIME WEDGE! Call it what it is.

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"ajo@90løkL®Ac∞0#µ˜0a˚m.Aoaq" (Go out there and hit someone).

It's Safer than Crack:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Oregon State (-31.5) over Washington State. Time to start picking against WSU every week. Gotta get that Bet It Hard record healthy.

2009 Bet It Hard Record: 4-7

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

Anyone on Washington State

It's hard work playing offensive football, but the object is to get the football from one end of the field to the other without giving the ball to the other team. Back to the basics, Cougs.

Heisman Watch:

1. Wrath
2. Greed
3. Envy
4. Gluttony

Coach whose ass is burning:

1. Paul Wulff, Washington State
2. Al Groh, Virginia
3. Bobby Bowden, Florida State
4. Dan Hawkins, Colorado
5. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
6. Rich Rodriguez, Michigan
7. Ron Zook, Illinois

Fight Song that makes me want to be in a marching band:

Florida's The Orange and the Blue

Fuck, how many more times are we going to hear this song? I'd say at least 20 just in the first quarter of the SEC Championship game.

Babe of the Week:

Jaime

Nice car...

Full gallery here. (Sorta, not really safe for work).

College football, tailgates and girls. What could be better?!

Yankees vs. Canadiens: A case study in hate

The following is written by David Kamoe, a life-long sports fan whose sister is a close friend. David is an avid A's fan, wen to to high school with Drew Gooden and can't believe that Giants commentator Mike Krukow used to refer to the right-centerfield expanse at Pac Bell Park as "Finley Alley," referring to Steve Finley who remarkably wore a Giants uniform for a season. David will likely be stopping by these parts a few times a month, so treat him right. And no sister jokes.

The Yankees won their 27th Commissioner’s Trophy this fall. As an A’s fan, I am steaming hot mad. This seems to be the way of the MLB landscape where the top-moneyed teams buy up all the best free agents and those of us in small markets sit around and stew. Like this: I cannot express in enough words how completely awful it is that Alexander Emmanuel Rodriquez will receive an over-sized ring that he won’t wear next April. Stinks out loud it does.

Part of what makes the Yankees so awful or rather their fans so awful is that they’ve won now 27 World Series. They’ve been around since 1903 which makes them two years younger than the A’s franchise. (The A’s began in Philadelphia in 1901) They had “Murderer’s Row” and the “Bronx Zoo” and began poaching players from teams in full in the 1970’s. Some of it was other owners being cheap (Charlie Finley) and some of it was George Steinbrenner being a tyrant.

The latter is the leitmotif of the Yankees. Their infield includes the 252-million-dollar centaur, Mark Teixeria’s ugly mug, and Jeter. The pitching staff was created out of the ruins of the Indians and Blue Jays staffs (Sabathia and Burnett) and the rest of it is just old money.

By comparison, I offer the Montreal Canadiens. The most storied team in the history of the National Hockey, Les Canadiens have hoisted the Stanley Cup a total of 24 times since the inception of the NHL in 1918. Part of what made the Canadiens so dominant was that the NHL was a six-team league until 1967. In addition, there was a clause in the draft in the 60’s that allowed the Canadiens two picks in order to select French-Canadian born players.

Needless to say, the Canadiens won early and won often. Twice (the ’55-’56 season through the ’59-’60 season and ’75-’76 season through ’78-’79 season) the Habs won the Cup multiple times. These teams included a large collection of Hall of Fame players, coaches, and executives. The Canadiens are seen as the team to be against the NHL over. But the question is: Are they? I know that they were and are hated by Bruins fans. Ken Dryden’s great book The Game details how Dryden loved playing against the Bruins in the old Boston Garden because of the scope of the rivalry. I also know that the Habs are booed repeatedly by Leafs fans whenever they roll into Air Canada Centre.

The query that I have is: Who is more hated? Is it the Yankees with their entitled fan base, hyperventilating announcers, and disdain for long hair and beards? Or is it the Canadiens with the “bleu, blanc, et rouge” and the banners littering the rafters of the Bell Centre?

NFL's most disappointing teams

We're past the halfway mark of the season and we know that the Saints are good and the Browns could win their remaining games and STILL be the worst team to ever play tackle football.

But sports blogs don't care about good teams. The media -- or in this case, a blog -- likes champions or complete, utter fuckups...like the Browns. It's not very fun to talk about how the Saints' defense is vastly improved or Adrian Peterson could run for a 150-yard touchdown because he's THAT good. We want losers, underachievers and misery.

While the Browns are mind-fuckingly fucking awful, we all knew that they'd be mind-fuckingly fucking awful. Others who have already thrown in the towel in 2009 weren't expecting such bad things.

Some teams that come to mind:

-Buffalo (3-6)
-Washington (3-6)
-Tennessee (3-6)
-Seattle (3-6)
-Chicago (4-5)
-Baltimore (5-4; two wins are over the Browns which don't count. Another is over the Chiefs which also doesn't count. So the Ravens are actually 2-4).

Somehow we feel that Chicago might be the most disappointing of all. The Bears were 9-7 last season, just missed the playoffs and did all of this with Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman at QB who don't count as real people. So they go out and get Jay Cutler who's good for throwing some touchdowns, nearly as many interceptions and being equally cocky doing both.

The Ravens, AFC Championship game contestants last season, have only two wins that matter (San Diego and Denver) and are in danger of missing the playoffs in the brutal AFC. The upcoming schedule doesn't help: Indy, two with the Steelers, Chicago and at Green Bay. They lose three of those and they'd be in real trouble.

Your most disappointing teams? Do tell in the comments...

Nothing says college basketball 2009 like a 6 a.m. tip-off between Monmouth and St. Peter's

By the time you read this, ESPN will be about eight hours into their second annual College Hoops Tip-Off Marathon, a 24-hour NCAA basketball showcase featuring 12 live games.

Included is an 11 p.m. contest between San Diego St. and St. Mary's and the aforementioned 6 a.m. call time for Monmouth and St. Peter's. We can't imagine the players and coaches are too thrilled about playing a game with real implications WHEN THEY SHOULD STILL BE SLEEPING , but the university is making the most of the opportunity to host ESPN on their campus and get a nationally-televised game.

The entire Saint Peter's College community is in countdown mode as in 18 hours ESPN will be on the Jersey City campus as the Saint Peter's College Peacocks take on the Monmouth University Hawks on Tuesday, November 17th at 6am as part of ESPN's 24 Hours of College Basketball Marathon.

The Department of Athletics along with the Peacock Nation Club have 12 hours of fun and basketball ready for all students, faculty, staff and alumni to look forward to leading up to the game.

All festivities will begin at 9pm on Monday night as the doors to The Bubble will open for students to participate in "All Nighter" activities. For a full list of events leading up to the game.

College is fun. All-nighters at the basketball gym will be a memorable experience. Perhaps the alumni will drop in for some hoops before going to work. No better way to start a day than with a Peacocks win!

Since this game is starting at 3 a.m. our time, we probably won't catch the action. But we'd greatly appreciate a final score update in the comments when we get up. Peacocks vs. Hawks: College basketball 2009 is on!

College Football uniforms

Watching plenty of Pac-10 action, we've probably seen more variations of the Oregon Ducks' uniform than actual games. Swear they change those fuckers at halftime.

While Oregon's uniforms are just awful -- really, horribly awful -- there are some FANTASTIC unis out there.

Some of our favorites:

-Texas' all whites
-Penn State
-Georgia's all blacks
-Washington's home (purple top, gold pants)
-Alabama

Are you the type to love the classics (USC, Ohio State, 'Bama)? Or do you go for the more new-wave, gimmicky outfit (Oregon, Georgia Tech, TCU come to mind)? Or perhaps something in between?

Your favorite -- and least favorite -- college football uniforms in the comment, please.

Jason Snelling scored a touchdown yesterday. We know that because of NFL RedZone, the coolest thing to happen to the NFL since the forward pass

We just ordered the Comcast sports package which is AWESOME! Five bucks a month for NFL Network, Big 10 Network, CBS College, a bunch of regional FSN channels, some other, less awesome channels and the newly-launched NFL RedZone, the coolest thing to happen to the NFL since the forward pass (which we told you in the headline but merits a second mention BECAUSE IT'S SO AWESOME!).

As the network's slogan says, viewers see "every touchdown from every game," hence the Jason Snelling touchdown from the Falcons-Panthers game. Scott Hanson, the network's host, acts as a facilitator, monitoring every game throughout the day and tapping in to the broadcast of the game -- or games. "Let's go double-box!" was about every third phrase out of Hanson's mouth -- with the most important play or drive.

There are no commercials and only highlights when every live game is at commercial. We probably saw less than five huddles all day; the network will take you to a different game after an incomplete pass, challenge, etc.

Our only knock on this football-viewing bonanza is that you miss the context of most games. You don't see many third-down plays, turnovers or long-yardage plays (like kick returns) since they aren't anticipated as being of interest.

But we're going to watch this every Sunday and never miss a touchdown ever again.

Also: The "network" airs for seven hours a week, from 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. on Sunday. We find that incredibly cool.

Morning Headlines: Colts 35, Patriots 34

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

[Indianapolis-New England box score]

-Stover's kick lifts Colts over Pats

-New England 0-1 on 4th downs in road loss

-Addai, Colts gallop over Pats

That was a fantastic game and a very ballsy -- and puzzling -- decision to go for it on 4th-and-2 from New England's own 28. They punt the ball they probably win. But they were playing to win the game. Gotta like that, but maybe not in that situation. Wow. New England dominated that game.

Pre-gaming: The Miserable Life of the Collegiate Kicker

No one aspires to be a place kicker. You don't hear of kids who want to be kickers. Not even the kids who are always kicking balls want to be kickers. Everyone wants to be a quarterback, wide receiver or running back. NOBODY WANTS TO BE A FUCKING KICKER!

The kids who like kicking things play soccer only to learn later that nobody likes soccer. Even then they don't want to be kickers.

But every team needs a kicker and that's why you see guys on the sidelines with frosted tips and faux hawks.

And, fittingly, the kicker is either set up to be the goat or the hero. It's either hitting the game-winner or missing as time expires and you have reactions like the guy above. And then, at practice on Monday when you go to high-five the All-America linebacker, he tells you to go fuck yourself because you're just the kicker. (Frankly, had you hit the game-winner, you'd probably get the same reaction).

Agh, the kicker. At least the average guy can do it.

Who's going to be making -- or missing -- game-winners this weekend?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not hang out with your girlfriend. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If spending precious time with the girlfriend will help the relationship, go for it...but it better be worth it. Like really worth it. Otherwise, watch these games."

Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. YouTube doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Champions are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU, 7:30 p.m., Versus?: I get feelings about games from time to time and I really feel that this one is going to be fucking epic. I get wood for the Mountain West and if TCU wins this game, you seriously have to start considering them for the BCS Title game. Fuck Texas. They haven't beaten anyone. Get the popcorn and 24-pack. This one should be fun. TCU 20, Utah 17.

No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State, 3:30 p.m., ABC: I would have made this a four-bunny game if I didn't hate the Big 10 so fucking much. Ohio State 30, Iowa 17.

No. 25 West Virginia at No. 5 Cincinnati, Friday, 8 p.m., ESPN 2: Bill Stewart would be a fantastic grandfather. He just seems to friendly that he'll be happy to put you on his lap and read you Goodnight Moon. He is quite the opposite of former Mountaineers coach Rich Rodriguez who fell more in line with the abusive uncle. Cincinnati 31, West Virginia 21.

Stanford at No. 9 USC, 3:30 p.m., FSN?: Jim Harbaugh could get his players to go rob a bank. He's that good. USC 16, Stanford 14.

No 1. Florida at South Carolina, 3:30 p.m., CBS: I think the story line for this game is going to revolve around how two experienced quarterbacks lead their respective teams. Nothing about the coaches. Florida 24, South Carolina 18.

Notre Dame at No. 12 Pittsburgh, 8 p.m., ABC: Any chance you have to watch the Irish lose is a day where the sun shines brighter. Pitt 28, Notre Dame 27.

Tennessee at Mississippi, noon, CBS.
Texas Tech at No. 19 Oklahoma State, 8 p.m., ABC.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Simpler Times Lager


1. Any beer called "Simpler Times" is a winner in my book.
2. This beer is 6.2%. That's nearly malted.
3. This is the Trader Joe's equivalent of Budweiser.
4. TJ's is awesome. They are like the cool new kid of grocery stores and they always have cute girls working there. And have fucking great chicken andouille sausage for $4.
5. This beer is A LOT better than Bud, in that it has actual taste and is made from actual ingredients and not just water and excessive advertising.

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"wmπnl˜µnz!90;¬am¶˚-1mx-1!er0-#%lQkl" (Don't stop until you hear the whistle).

It's Safer than Crack:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Georgia Tech (-12.5) over Duke. Let's not forget that while Duke is not the same awful, horrible, disgustingly bad Duke team this season, the Ramblin' Wreck is capable of rushing for 500 yards.

2009 Bet It Hard Record: 3-7

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

C.J. Gable, RB, USC

Now this just doesn't make sense: Gable comes into the season as the Trojans' most-experienced rusher and then Stafon Johnson gets hurt clearing the way for more carries. Nonetheless, C.J., you have played in nine games and have 16 fucking carries! Touch the ball already!

Heisman Watch:

1. Darwinism
2. The guy who gets his heart ripped out in Temple of Doom. At least the guy had heart. ZING!
3. Tiramisu
4. Pearl Jam's Ten

Coach whose ass is burning:

1. Paul Wulff, Washington State
2. Bobby Bowden, Florida State
3. Mark Richt, Georgia?
4. Al Groh, Virginia

Fight Song that makes me want to be in a marching band:

Ole Miss' From Dixie With Love

It's probably a good thing that this song has been banned. "The South will rise again?" Jeez. This isn't 1850!

Babe of the Week:

Brianna

That bathing suit must be comfortable.

Full gallery here. (Sorta, not really safe for work).

College football, tailgates and girls. What could be better?!

Bracketology in November: love it!

It's never too early to get Joe Lunardi going. Who are we kidding? The man finishes work in March and then takes a five-month vacation. Livin' the life...

Nonetheless, most teams have played less than three games and we're already looking at seeds. Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan State and Texas all seem pretty safe as your November No. 1s. We love our Dawgs at a No. 3, getting a good draw with the Southland winner in Round 1 and a date with Tubby Smith's Gophers in the second round.

Perhaps our favorite part about these: the last four in and first four out!

Gonna be a lot of sweating for LSU (in) and some hanging heads for not getting that all-important Big East tournament victory (Marquette).

See the entire bracket in all of its glory here. College basketball, folks. Let's get excited!

The Madden Curse now applies to real companies with real people who once had real jobs

We all know about the Madden Curse and how it turns a once healthy player into someone as brittle as a toothpick structure. Look at Shaun Alexander. He hurts his foot and seemingly forgets how to move more than two steps without falling down.

But once a running joke and eerie string of coincidences has started affecting real people. EA Sports is taking all sorts of financial hits.

Electronic Arts said Monday that it lost $391 million in its fiscal second quarter and will lay off 1,500 people.

EA's loss widened from last year's $310 million in red ink. But on an adjusted basis, EA earned $19 million compared with a loss of $20 million last year. Revenue was down 12% to $788 million.

People losing jobs is not funny. Real shit, man.

What is funny: Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, Vince Young, Brett Favre and Troy Polamalu. You get the drift.

[The Hollywood Reporter via Ben Maller]

The San Francisco Giants in the offseason: still can't take a walk

Our pal Simon from the cleverly titled blog SimonOnSports asked us some questions about a Giants team that makes us holler in joy and scream in agony. More often scream in agony.

You can read all about the Giants here. To hear about a team who knows how to move a runner over with less than two outs, check back with SimonOnSports at a later date.

Tiger Woods' new home is big, ugly

Tiger Woods has lots of money, little architecture experience and a wife who is hot. That last part doesn't have much to do with anything. But Woods is spending lots of money to build what appears to be a greenhouse. Or a motel.

Is there any wonder that golfer Tiger Woods had everybody working on his new ocean-to-Intracoastal homestead on Jupiter Island sign a confidentiality agreement? I mean, look at this place! It's a cross between a discount motel and a beachside nursing home! But hey, from what I've been told, Woods' Swedish missus, Elin Nordegren, has been calling the shots on this one. Woods in 2006 bought four adjacent properties on the tony island for a Martin County record $44.5 million. The then tore down the existing homes, including a classic-looking manse.

Missing: an indoor mini-golf course.


[Page 2 Live via Ben Maller]

College Football teams we can all root against

We're filled with hate. We hate bland food, Gap commercials and many college football teams.

Not really sure why we dislike certain teams -- do we root against uniform, players or both? Probably both. While every college football fan hates their rival, most fans can come together for some community hate.

The top five teams that we all can root against every Saturday:

5. Ohio State


Whether it's Jim Tressel's ridiculous sweater vest, Brutus Buckeye's nonsense or Ohio State just giving us lousy championship games far too often, the Buckeyes are worth rooting against just so we don't have to see them an SEC team after the new year.

4. Alabama


Between Nick Saban being an asshole and a Golden Retriever being able to successfully play QB for the Tide, there's nothing likable about this team. Except the numbers on the helmet. That's pretty cool.

3. Florida


Urban Meyer + Tim Tebow + two National Championships in three years (and maybe more) = a lot of hostility from everyone else.

2. USC


It's always been a running joke that LA still has a professional football team and they wear red and gold. We've actually sorta liked a lot of the players that have come through SC and we don't really have any problems with Pete Carroll. Yet when you win seven straight Pac-10 titles, go to seven BCS bowl games in a row and finish in the top five seven straight years, you're going to have a very big X on your back. And what's up with Will Ferrell and Snoop Dogg? Go make Old School 2 already and stay away from the football field.

1. Notre Dame


We really think our biggest problem with the Irish is that the BCS will do anything to get them into a major bowl game. They could be 10-2, with wins over the regular of Michigan State, Stanford, Navy, etc. and go to a premiere game when you leave the likes of Boise State, TCU and Utah out.

And when Brady Quinn is succeeded by Jimmy Clausen, you really just wanna sock Charlie Weis in the gut for recruiting such pompous pricks.

What teams do you root against? Share your hate in the comments...

Pre-Gaming: Where are all the good games?

It wasn't too long ago that we had weekends where there would be like 10 ranked teams playing one another. The M Zone, one of our favorite college football blogs (RIP), had a fun post one weekend in 2006 where there were seven games between two ranked teams.

Now it seems these types of weekends are obsolete. Not really sure why. Perhaps with the emergence of strong non-BCS teams, when conference foes meet, there aren't as many good games on paper.

Not too long ago, 98% of the rankings were teams from the Pac-10, ACC, Big East, SEC, Big 12 and Big 10. Now you have only 19 teams ranked from major conferences. That's actually still more than we expected -- maybe it's just lousy scheduling in that all the good games are just sort of spread out.

But we remember those days where running errands, going shopping or taking a day trip were completely out of the picture. But now, with usually only one or two decent games a weekend, we'll be hitting Crate&Barrel and wine country on the same day. (Not actually. That would be like sticking your penis in a blender).

Of course there are other good games besides the ones between two ranked teams. But when it comes to Pre-Gaming and other preview columns, it sure makes you think -- albeit for a second -- about going beyond at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Which games will provide pleasant surprises this weekend?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not hang out with your girlfriend. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If spending precious time with the girlfriend will help the relationship, go for it...but it better be worth it. Like really worth it. Otherwise, watch these games."

Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. YouTube doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Winners are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.

No. 9 LSU at No. 3 Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS: I want to think this game will be epic -- one for the ages. Yet after watching Florida-LSU and Alabama-Ole Miss (the other "marquee" SEC games this season) I just don't see it happening. Rather I see Gary Danielson getting frustrated over the sloppy play and just being generally disappointed. Nonetheless, having Verne and Gary on the call -- and two top-10 teams -- makes this a must-watch. Alabama 3, LSU 2.

No. 16 Ohio State at No. 11 Penn State, 3:30 ABC: I thought there was some simple way where if Penn State wins this game, which it should, and then Ohio State beats Iowa next Saturday, that Penn State would earn the Big 10's Rose Bowl berth. I don't think that's remotely true.

Oh, right! That's it! If Ohio State wins out, which is no easy task (at Penn State, Iowa, at Michigan) the Buckeyes will go to the Rose Bowl.

Fuck. That's no better than Iowa really, except somehow I think Ohio State is good and won't take Iowa seriously when it struggles to beat Arkansas St. and Northern Iowa. Iowa is playing Penn State this week, right? I sorta lost track where this was going. Penn State 17, Ohio State/Iowa 14.

No. 8 Oregon at Stanford, 3:30 p.m., FSN? Versus? TV?: This could go one of two ways:

1. Jeremiah Masoli gets hurt à la Dennis Dixon in 2007 and the Ducks lose their remaining games and end up in the Sun Bowl where they surprisingly crush South Florida.

2. Oregon wins 398-6.

Oregon 398, Stanford 6.

Florida State at Clemson, 7:45 p.m., ESPN
UConn at No. 5 Cincinnati, 8 p.m., ABC
No. 24 Oklahoma at Nebraska, 8 p.m., ABC

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:

Sake Bomb


1 shot sake rice wine
1 glass beer

It's real easy. Drop the shot of Sake into a glass of beer and the just slam it.

Yeah, slam that fucker!

Nothing quite says college football like a nice Japanese rice wine. And chopsticks.

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"jdljaoi˚kjkD330!u9økalπlkakknakjlakjl alkjlAWIkn#$909DAjhlmlk∆˙bzlkpπmƒ∂klhalaeknm kjhkldd8JK*&djalk1E#jn,;kqkj¬∆˜lkjoaxpo,dkjnndjkb?aija~nlkdi¬oçhwq djnlkoi)89u2A!inlk¥ilkadnlknoi Dapnq!jnk*720!knd@4%kn$pqmz1la" (Keep your head up).

It's Safer than Crack:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

Oregon (-7) over Stanford. Did the lines makers not see what the Ducks did to USC last week?! Oregon will be up 14 before the game starts.

2009 Bet It Hard Record: 3-6

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

Jamere Holland, WR, Oregon

How do I keep making this same mistake? Starting wide receiver + potent offense = fantasy success. Call it the Wes Welker formula.

But not for Mr. Holland. Oh, no. This season: 10 catches, 138 yards, 1 TD. THIS IS ONE FUCKING GAME FOR A PLAYER! NOT EIGHT!

Oh, four. He must be hurt. Still. Karma's a bitch.

Heisman Watch:

1. McLovin
2. The shark from Deep Blue Sea
3. Salma Hayek in Desperado
4. 80s Pop Culture

If I actually had a vote, Houston's Case Keenum and the Vols' Eric Berry (first defender since Charles Woodson!) would be right there. Stewart Mandel also loves that dude from Nebraska whose name is hard to say. But it's more fun to suggest fictional characters might win it because that's how this year's true candidates (Tebow, McCoy) have been playing: like fiction. (YOU JUST GOT SERVED!)

Coach whose ass is burning:

1. Paul Wulff, Washington State
2. Bobby Bowden, Florida State
3. Mark Richt, Georgia?

Fight Song that makes me want to be in a marching band:

Nebraska's Mr. Touchdown, USA and the Nebraska March

Right out of The Music Man!

Babe of the Week:

Jamie

Pink is the new black.

Full gallery here. (Sorta, not really safe for work).

College football, tailgates and girls. What could be better?!

Happy Birthday Dad!

It's our Dad's birthday, so we'll use this space to wish him a happy birthday!

He reads this site and agrees not to tell TBP mother about all the dick, bathroom and sex jokes that occupy much of this space.

We encourage you to wish him a happy birthday in the comments because that's what blogs are for. Certainly not writing about sports...

New Year's Day Bowl Games used to mean something

Remember when New Year's Day was filled with awesome games like the Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Citrus (Capital One) Bowl and Cotton Bowl.

Those pit good teams from good conferences who play in front of fans who are hung over but certainly like good teams from good conferences playing each other.

But the new Dallas Football Classic seems to have little regard for New Year's Day tradition.

Dallas city leaders say the Dallas Football Classic is planned for New Year's Day 2011. The plan calls for using teams from the Big 12, Big Ten and perhaps Conference USA.

The first game will likely pit the seventh-ranked team from the Big 12 against the sixth-ranked team from the Big Ten, should those teams be excluded from Bowl Championship Season consideration.

Super! If the game were played this year, we'd have 5-4 Iowa State and 4-5 Michigan State. Of course neither team is bowl-eligible yet, but that doesn't really matter. Who needs to see six-win teams on New Year's Day anyway? Regardless, everyone will be tuned in to the Cotton Bowl. Oh. Wait. That's now on Jan. 2. Heaven help us...

Morning Headlines: Yankees win World Series

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

[World Series Game 6 box score]

-Pettitte, Jeter lead way as Yanks get key win

-Manuel: 'The bullpen calmed down nicely'

-Swisher, Gardner, others get first ring

And that's it for baseball for a while. Hope you enjoyed it while it lasted. Your World Series headlines in the comments...

These guys could teach Joe Buck a thing or two

The following is written by David Kamoe, a life-long sports fan whose sister is a close friend. David is an avid A's fan, wen to to high school with Drew Gooden and can't believe that Giants commentator Mike Krukow used to refer to the right-centerfield expanse at Pac Bell Park as "Finley Alley," referring to Steve Finley who remarkably wore a Giants uniform for a season. David will likely be stopping by these parts a few times a month, so treat him right. And no sister jokes.

I don’t know exactly when, but at some point in the not-too-distant future, baseball will lose a great man. Ernie Harwell -- the voice of the Tigers for 42 years -- will succumb to the cancer currently ailing him.

I have never met Mr. Harwell nor have I been to Comerica Park. I do, however, know what it’s like to lose the voice of your team.

Bill King was the voice I heard every time I listened to an A’s game as a child. When he died in 2005, I was saddened not only because the Bay Area had lost 40 years of broadcasting gold, but also because I felt like I hadn’t heard him enough. From the Holy Roller to Hatteberg winning the 20th in a row, Bill King was there.

I had the opportunity to meet Bill King -- albeit briefly -- in 2004 at Spring Training. My only regret -- as with his overall career -- was that I didn’t talk to him for longer.

I consider Bill King and Ernie Harwell cut out of the same cloth. Legends in their field that almost transcend their sport. I feel the loss of Bill King only when I hear a great moment in A’s past with him on the call. I can only imagine that Tigers fans have the same feeling while listening to games on the radio.

This is one of the many reasons why people hate the likes of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Okay, so there are at least a hundred thousand reasons, but I don’t feel like going over all of them. The best possible way to handle that situation is to give over all nationally televised baseball games to Jon Miller. Miller works Giants games Monday through Saturday and does ESPN Sunday night games. Oh, and he’s a fantastic broadcaster and I’m an A’s fan.

Frankly, I’m not sure there is such thing as a great or even good color commentator. More people tend to focus on play-by-play men like Bill King and Ernie Harwell.

These are men who set the standard for excellence in broadcasting carried out by someone like Jon Miller. They are treasures of the game and are honored as such by their communities and fans. And while I could go on an El-Dorado-sized rant about Bill King not being in the Baseball Hall of Fame, I will abstain. For now.

I would like to offer good thoughts to Ernie Harwell and all Tigers fans. As I said, I’ve never met Mr. Harwell but I hope to go to a Tigers game in person sometime soon. For those of you who may have grown up with a similarly stand-out voice, think a good thought for that person. Whether it be Foster Hewitt, the late Myra Cope or Johnny Most, or Ernie Harwell, treasure those moments when they helped teach you the game.

Square up the shoulders, drive through the ball carrier...

And a fantastic tackle! Helmet sticker for that one.

While these uniforms look nothing alike, we imagine this will be the example cited the next time both teams want to wear dark jerseys.

Note the reaction at the 32-second mark. Fantastic stuff. Truly fantastic!

[Deadspin via Hot Clicks]

Insert Oregon into the BCS Title discussion

It's not likely that Oregon will have a shot at a BCS Championship -- the Ducks would have to have all sorts of help to get in the top two of the BCS standings. Probably need five of the seven undefeated teams in front of them in the BCS standings to lose, including Boise State.

Bad news for Oregon. Great news for Florida, Alabama and Texas. There hasn't been a more dominant team the last five weeks than Oregon. They're unstoppable on offense -- over 600 yards of total offense and nearly 400 RUSHING Saturday! -- and the defense is very good. Oregon's speed on offense versus Florida's speed on defense would be a game that we're sure many would like to see.

USC is admittedly shocked and felt like they kept getting punched in the face. It's hard to imagine an offense better than the Dennis-Dixon-led squad in '07, but this team's might be better.

It's seems like another season where Oregon lost to Boise State and lost it's star running back for the season. But the Ducks might be better off with the speed of LaMichael James rather than the bruising style of LeGarrette Blount.

Oregon travels to Stanford next week, followed by the Arizona schools and a Thursday Cival War date with Oregon State. Rolling off 11-straight wins to close the season seems very likely. A trip to Pasadena equally as likely. But will it be on Jan. 1 or Jan. 7?