Thursday, September 06, 2007

Rick Ankiel, your 2007 NL MVP

No, we're not high.
No, we did not put cocaine on our French toast instead of powdered sugar.
No, we're not drunk.
Yes, we're pretty hung over.
No, the brunette chickened out and left, but the blonde, all alone, was still freak-a-licious.
Yes, we're sorta nuts. Just sorta though.
No, we're still not high.

Now that that's out of the way, let us present to you the logical reason why Rick Ankiel would be our choice for NL MVP if certain things broke right.

What would need to "break right?" Well, the Cards would need to win the Central. If they don't, our argument is history. Like that brunette.

OK, say the Cards somehow win the Central. At 68-68, St. Louis is only two back with a few weeks left in the season, so it's entirely possible they jump both the Cubs and Brewers.

Now enter Ankiel. Through Wednesday, he's hitting .338 with 7 home runs and 22 RBIs. Most importantly, the Cards are 16-9 since he's been up and have gained ground on both Chicago and Milwaukee.

Secondly importantly (ya know, like what comes after "most importantly") is that the NL MVP race is a joke.

Arizona doesn't have a good enough hitter. Eric Byrnes? Fuck no. San Diego? Same problem. The Mets have both Reyes and Wright, but they might steal votes from each other, and frankly, neither have overwhelming enough numbers. (We suppose Ankiel doesn't either, but fuck you). If Milwaukee wins the Central, Prince Fielder could be your boy, but remember, we're figuring that St. Louis wins the Central. So fuck you again.

Yeah, Rick Ankiel for President. Errr...MVP. MVP. Rick Ankiel is going to win the MVP.

17 comments:

JMC said...

that's not entirely unreasonable.

JMC said...

but if they do win the central people will find a way to give it to pujols.

GMoney said...

He should also win the Cy Young.

MCBias said...

Isn't this post missing its "Deadspin Blogdome Bait" tag?

Don Gerard said...

I concur. Without his bat last night Mulder would have been shelled in a "shutout loss" to Pittsburgh.

The Big Picture said...

a link on Deadspin never crossed my mind, mcbias. never. not once. what's deadspin anyway?

haha. thanks for the comment...

DSuper said...

*cough* Chase *cough* Utley....

sharpelbows said...

Well, it seems like a better argument than the WWL saying that Howard should get some votes...yeah, he is hitting .269, that spells MVP! Idiots. (he is ruining my fantasy playoff run too)

JMC said...

by the way, it's the bottom of the 6th and Ankiel already is 3 for 4 with a walk, TWO homeruns, and 7 RBI.

He must have read the blog this morning.

Luke said...

Great timing for the article with today's developments. You gave him good Big Picture Karma.

The Big Picture said...

we endorse Ankiel for MVP and love this good karma thing. we should start a fucking movement to get Ankeil the award!

twins15 said...

Well I think, despite your insistence, you were probably high when you wrote this. But Ankiel certainly has been surprisingly good.

JMC said...

uh oh, Ankiel reportedly used to use HGH, which means he probably still does, since they don't/can't test for it...

still: MVP! MVP!

Luke said...

Hmm, the Big Picture Karma must be a wicked kind. It gives a guy 2 homers then leaks a story about him being leaked to HGH.

Never write a story about me being an MVP candidate, I don't want these type of stories leaked about me.

TheNaturalMevs said...

Josh Hamilton, better player, better story...and he's clean.

MCBias said...

TBP, no bitterness meant; actually, it looks really clever of you to write about him now with all the Ankiel news in the last 24 hours. Of course, my lack of bitterness is only because I'm busy writing my own "Arizona Cardinals will win the Super Bowl" post. :-p

Anonymous said...

Um...he doesn't even have enough at-bats to qualify for the batting title.

How about you give it to the guy to actually win the batting title. Perhaps the guy to lead the league in batting and RBIs for the fifth time in 50 years. The guy who tied the record for September home runs and finished second in fielding among left fielders.

Where's the love for Matt Holliday?