Tuesday, July 18, 2006

If MLB playoff contenders were Saved by the Bell characters...

If you don't know what Saved by the Bell is all about, read up on it here.


Detroit:

Lisa Turtle

The Tigers are confident and playing loose. They have the best record in baseball -- far exceeding expectations -- and seem to be having fun out on the field. Lisa is confident -- borderline cocky -- and is loose too. We all know she's been run through like a turnstile.

San Francisco Giants:
Jessie Spano

It's hard to call a team that's been lingering around .500 all season a playoff contender, but playing in the NL West, anything goes. Those following the Giants know that they are old. Real old. They recently had an outfield lineup that consisted of Barry Bonds, Steve Finley and Moises Alou, who are a combined 826 years old. (Our math may be faulty, but they are all over 40).

But with age comes wisdom, much like one Jessie Spano. She's always been bright -- certainly the bookworm of the group. But while the show is about high schoolers, there's no way Jessie was a teenager during the show. She looks like she's 33, divorced twice and has a toddler. To have her roaming high school halls is like Frankie Muniz playing the president on the West Wing.

But in the end, Jessie was always successful. Age can be a hindrance, but it can also be an advantage. We'll see which proves true for the Giants.


New York Mets:
Kelly Kapowski

The Mets are sexy as hell right now. Great lineup, solid pitching and New York is a major media market. There's everything to like about this team and nothing to dislike. They've been featured recently on the cover of Sports Illustrated and superstar David Wright is young, talented and a hit with the ladies. The Metropolitans are a sexy pick for the World Series and Kelly is sexy in every way imaginable.

Chicago White Sox:
Zack Morris

The White Sox have been there before. They're reigning champs and playing nearly as well as they were last season. They have a swagger to them -- likely coming from manager Ozzie Guillen -- and the fans, the media and the actual team knows the potential of the South Siders.

Enter Zack Morris, the star of the show. Zack is confident, suave and a bit rebellious. He can win over any crowd and most girls want to be with him while most guys want to be like him. The White Sox have a team and aura that makes them a popular squad; one that others try to replicate.

Boston Red Sox:
AC Slater

Slater is the token jock of the group and big, strong dude. He doesn't take shit from anyone (though he has a soft spot for Jessie) and there is a daunting presence about him. The Red Sox, anchored by Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, are a powerful squad. They'll out-slug just about any team and love to find themselves in a dogfight. Don't expect Slater to lose a fight (or wrestling match) anytime soon.

Oakland A's:
Screech Powers

Screech is clingy. He sticks to Zack like flies to shit. While the A's aren't exactly a bunch of needy ball players, they are clinging to a playoff spot. The entire AL West is separated by less than five games and the A's are trying to stay on top.

Much like Screech, the A's also have little power. Screech is a scrawny fella who is often picked on and wouldn't win 1 in 18,784,920 fights. The A's weakness is their power -- meaning that it's not there. The A's have had trouble scoring runs all season and also struggle to stay healthy.

But while Screech is clingy, nerdy and goofy, he has a strength, which is his mind. He's a smart guy and uses his brains to stay ahead. While we wouldn't exactly call the A's a brilliant ball club, they too have a strength, which would be their pitching. With a healthy Rich Harden, the A's have among the best rotations in baseball. They have two legit aces (Harden and Barry Zito) and we all know that is a recipe for success in a short playoff series.

New York Yankees:
Mr. Belding

Principal Belding, being a principal and all, is the boss. Though he is often seen as a pushover and a bit unsure of himself.

Sounds like the 2006 New York Yankees. The Bronx Bombers are currently out of playoff position (they're behind the White Sox for the Wild Card spot) and are a team that's not as confident as normal. They have all sorts of pitching woes and opposing hitters are walking all over the Yankees' starting five.

New York is used to living large and in charge -- like a high school principal (kinda) -- but this year's team, with a huge gap in the pitching rotation, is not as powerful as this franchise should be.

If you have different opinions, let's hear 'em. And check out our similar post comparing MLB players to Street Fighter II characters.

In other news: After winning their sixth-straight game, it was revealed that the Atlanta Braves have turned back time to the 1990s.

15 comments:

JMC said...

genius. pure genius.

Mini Me said...

Priceless.

NFL Adam said...

Spano was the hottest one of the group. Kelly was alright, but no, Jessie had it going on.

Mini Me said...

NFL Adam? Are you insane? This is a no contest. Kelly Kapowski was by far the hottest girl in the show! Spano wasn't hot, that is why she had to sell out and do Showgirls. If she was really as hot as you say she was she would have been able to get at least 1 quality role like Tiffany-Amber Thiessen got with 90210. Wow Kelly is still hot today...

http://www.tiffanithiessen.com

NFL Adam said...

Thiessen is the female version of Ted McGinley. How many series did she personally nuke?

Beverly Hills
Two Guys and a Girl
Just Shoot Me
Saved By The Bell the College Years
Good Morning Miami

That's a pretty impressive list of shows she has personally ruined. And didn't really give her any grief for Fast Lane.

Speaking of Fast Line, Tiffani Amber tried to do a provocative scene with Jamie Pressley and it flopped. Because nothing could top this:

http://www.progressiveboink.com/b/images/kiss/kiss15.jpg

MC said...

Ok, a little Thiessen rebuttal here. First, I've worked with her before and she's amazingly great person.

Second, can you imagine Saved by the Bell without her? I just don't think it would work.

Third, let's look at the shows you say she's ruined:

Beverly Hills 90210 - Very wrong. In fact her addition created a much more sexual show and she balanced out the M-F split when Doherty was asked to leave
Two Guys, and a Girl - The show was so unsuccessful that they had to drop the pizza place. You can't blame T(A)T for that.
Just Shoot Me - She guest starred on 3 episodes in 2001. The series ended in 2003 and wasn't very good anyway.
Saved By The Bell the College Years - hahahahahahaah. She killed this? hahahaha. You couldn't give that show life if you put 50,000 volts through it.
Good Morning Miami - Unpopular and critically dismissed. Ms Thiessen was added to try and spark it up and she failed.

Mini Me said...

Also, in defense of Kelly...What his Jessie Spano ever done since Saved by the Bell? Nothing except a movie where she got naked. I wish Zach had never helped Jessie with her Speed pills addiction...

NFL Adam said...

MC, that's not fair talking about her in real terms. Of course she's a nice person. But in the Internet, where we never have a chance, we will make fun of her.

Actually, true story. I was at a Kings game one time at Staples and TAT was sitting in the row behind me. I made a joke about one of the Canucks players and turned around and laughed.

But still, I vote for the Showgirl. I just watched that movie again... it was amazing!

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twins15 said...

Saved by the Bell combined with baseball... just reaffirmed my belief in the greatness of this blog!

BTW, Kelly just dominates all the other girls on the show. She was totally awesome.

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price per head reviews said...

It was a quite popular show and you can say that it was the precursor of those teenager shows.