Monday, October 22, 2007

Fuck Boston

Fuck the Red Sox.

Enough of their shit. Really. At this point, the Sox are just as bad as the Yankees. Their payroll is second in the Majors and is nearly $100 mil more than that of the Rockies. So -- and stick with us here -- wouldn't a Colorado victory in the World Series be 100 million times more valuable than a Sox win?

Fuck the Patriots.

Go after Brady's fucking knees already. And can't Belichick show some class? Running it up against the hapless Dolphins? Pfft. He'd be the type of high school coach who drops 80 points on that pathetic team which starts all underclassmen and then call his own kids pussies after the game for having to punt twice.

Fuck Boston College.

Beating Georgia Tech is not beating someone. If the Eagles somehow sneak in to the BCS title game, we're gonna have to hire Frank Costello to whack Matt Ryan before kickoff.

Fuck tea.

Fuck the Bean Pot.

Fuck Bill Simmons.

Fuck phony accents.

Fuck Thomas M. Menino. (Don't know who he is? Look it up.)

Fuck the Celtics.

Fuck CITGO.

Fuck Fever Pitch.

And, somehow, we think Johnny Damon must be to blame for all of this.

And please, feel free to leave your own hate in the comments. Get it all out, people. It's therapeutic. Really.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

This was hilarious. It was even funnier when I read it the first 20 times on every other KSK rip off.

Anonymous said...

Good post.
I love Bill Simmons but he makes me hate New England and the Sox

Chase said...

Fucking Red Sox.

I'm a lifetime O's fan. And every home series Baltimore gets overrun with fucking New Englanders talking about how good Pap-Test is, and how much they want Tom Brady's penis and how many video cameras they use.

Bastards.

marco said...

Boston smells like a bag of shit on fire.
The big dig was a great idea, good job.
I hate anything from boston. People what the fuck is going on, why are boston sports doing well, how can we allow this to happen. This has extreme ramifications for everyone. You will not be able to go anywhere without hearing a fuckin shitty ass, pompous, whorish, diseased accent talkin shit about SUOX. Well Fuck you, your population contributes nothing to society except for drunken fratboys, that think they're smart cuz their parents started a trust fund for them.
Belichick's a thieven ass cheatin bitch, and someone needs to take a heaping shit on his chest.
The red sox... apparently it became red when jason varitek, had a heavy flow that couldn't even be controlled with a levy, hence dripping blood onto sox. As far as I'm concerned we can achieve middle east peace, by ridding the world of boston, wipe it off the map and discard nuclear and medical waste there. FUCK YOU MASSHOLES

GMoney said...

Hey matt's back with his bag full of double-fisted dildos. Boston is a shithole.

The Redskins will beat the Pats next week in Shitsboro.

T.C. Hill said...

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NFL Adam said...

Word, Cotton, word.

Kenny Knows Sports said...

how about if Randall Gay doesn't try and be a cocky prick and return an interception deep in his own end zone against the dolphins yesterday? He had almost zero shot of returning it for a touchdown and ended up losing yards and the patriots wound up on their own 7.

Oh, and Ronnie Brown gets hurt on the play and is gone for the year. If Gay hadn't been so cocky, Brown would be playing this year and millions of fantasy seasons wouldn't be destroyed.

Scott K. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Big Picture said...

Matt,

Anon is entitled to his opinion.

You no longer are. You're done commenting here, cowboy. Thanks for playing.

The Big Picture said...

matt,

the point you made today was totally legit...but then you put some nasty remark at the end. Overkill, my man. overkill.

From now on, if you want to comment here, email me privately. maybe we can work something out. I'm sure you're a knowledgeable sports fan and all, but the other commenters and I don't need to put up with your shit on a daily basis.

but, really, thanks for the extra hit of traffic each day. every reader counts.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget "Fuck the Celtics", even though they won't win anything with Doc Rivers as their head coach.

And "Fuck the Bruins", who... are there any Bruins fans that I can piss off by saying that, or should I wait until they have a playoff spot and the Bruins' jerseys are de-mothballed?

Happy said...

u said it best! FUCK THE SOX and fuck Boston! The Sox are ugly and the Pats are fraud-ass cheaters. Fitting asshole teams for the ultimate asshole city. GREAT SITE! :)

Anonymous said...

"Fever Pitch" is a good story: only in its original (Nick Hornby) english football fan version. Bostonians also ruined that for everybody.

Anonymous said...

Boston sucks, the GIANTS smacked those chowder heads.

Anonymous said...

BOSTON SUCK I WANT TO SAW AND CUT THE BORDER OF MASSCHUSETTES FROM THE UNTIED STATES/EARTH THEN HAVE IT DRIFT OUT TO MIDDLE OF OCEAN AND SINK THE FUCKER!!!! AND HAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY IN THAT GOD FORSAKEN PLACE DROWN. TAKE EVERYTHING WITH IT
FUCK CELTICS
FUCK BLOWSOX
FUCK THE ACCENT
FUCK PATRIOTS
FUCK BEANS PLANT
FUCK THE BRUINS
FUCK CANNONS
FUCK BLAZERS
FUCK EVERYTHING IN THAT SHITHOLE HELL BAD SHOW GLOATIN BOSTON FUCKEN MASSAFUCKENCHUETETTES
EVERYONE WHO IS A BOSTON FAN IS SO UP THEYRE ASSES AND FULL OF THEMSELVES.... I HATE THEM!!!!

urbannature audio said...

if jersey is the armpit of america, mass. is the herpes sore on Americas lip

Mark said...

You people have no idea. I live in NW Conn. amongst many (too many) Red Sox fans and some good, faithful, classy Yankees fans such as myself. They are the worst when you can see them on the street after the fuckin FAG SOX win and they're gloating about it and obnoxiously spewing anti-New York slurs out of their pimply mouths reeking of alcohol. Just about what everyone before me said is true. Fuck Trashachusetts (or Noclassachusetts or Douchachusetts, whichever works best for your) and their fuckin douche-bag residents. These people are vile they come down into CT to shop and eat and they suck at driving and they provoke anyone wearing anything New York. If I could, I would take one giant shit on Mass to let them know what I think of them. Oh, and I LOOOVVEEED going up to UMASS to visit a relative wearing all GIANTS stuff after they beat the GAYtriots in the Superbowl.

Ian said...

FUCK BOSTON!!
So here I begin my official rant against the “city of Boston,” the following will reveal true stories and facts about the sorry excuse of a city known as Boston. First of all, I would like to point out that I am not alone in these feelings and I have a fairly large contingency of fellow Boston-haters that now reside there for college from all over the country, whether it be New York, California, the South, Texas… all superior living destinations to the township of Boston. Another disclaimer to go with this rant – I do enjoy attending Boston University, it’s a great school with great people just unfortunately stuck in a lackluster city, but what can ya do?
Let’s begin with the absolutely abhorrent sports fans that are located in New England – whether it be the pink-hat college transplant Red Sox “fans,” the new breed of Celtics fans who can’t remember when they were actually a respected perennial contender, not simply a poo-poo platter of aged NBA stars desperately seeking a ring that got thrown together at the last minute thanks to Kevin McHale’s gift-wrapping KG and sending him back to the team where he enjoyed all of his success. And then you have in my opinion the worst, which may come as a surprise, but the unbelievable white-trash Patriot fans that completely abandoned the team in the late 1990’s, so much so that there were serious talks of moving them to Orlando or Los Angeles and suddenly came out from under their lobster shells after they got lucky drafting Brady in the 6th round. These fans refuse to believe that any team could even come close to touching the brilliance (read: manufactured success by means of cheating) of their team. Not only were they so confident that the Patriots would put a cap on the perfect season and beat the Giants handedly in the Super Bowl, I actually made bets so absurd with people that they would never actually happen. Example #1 – drunk “Masshole” at a bar said he would give me his car keys and then give me road head if the Giants won: obviously haven’t collected on that bet, but I don’t think I would want either of his offers – a 1990 Honda Civic littered with Red Sox memorabilia and other Boston sports garbage. Example #2 – equally drunk BU slut who also offered to give me a blowjob in front of our whole group of friends if the Giants won (she now contests that this never happened, but we all know better – I will redeem this one day). There are many more but I think you get the idea.
I won’t belabor my hatred for Boston sports, as you all feel similar I’m sure, so I will move on to the joke of a city and all it’s arbitrary laws aimed at bleeding the fun out of anything you could possibly do in the city.
1. Happy Hour does not exist in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. That’s right, try finding a Happy Hour at a Boston bar, they’ll look at you like you have a tumor growing out of your head. The sole fact that they outlaw HAPPY Hour should say a lot about the overall depressing atmosphere of Boston.
2. Nowhere in the entire city can you purchase a drop of alcohol after 11 PM (except at a bar, that stop serving at 2 AM). Not only can you not buy booze after 11, you can’t buy it in any delis, grocery stores or bodegas (cancel that, they don’t even know what a bodega is – you’re more likely to see a drunken Irishman named Sully selling homemade whiskey out of his trunk). The only place you can get booze is the overly strict Liquor stores that will not only take your fake ID, but call the police and threaten to murder you if you ever return committing the egregious sin of buying beer at the age of 20.
3. Table service at clubs has just been outlawed, in concurrence with the “no Happy Hour law.” Now I know this may seem like a spoiled rich kid thing to complain about, but seriously if someone wants to spend $300 on a bottle at a club, why would you not let them? Are they trying to cut profits? Even before they recently outlawed this, you couldn’t even keep the bottle at your table, the waitress had to come back and make you drinks whenever you wanted a $30 sip of vodka that you had just paid for.
4. The “public transportation” service known as the T stops running at 12:30, is notoriously slow and over-crowded, takes about an hour to go the equivalent of 10 stops on an NY subway. Not to mention the older lines run above ground and cause some of the worst traffic mixups known to man.
5. You think New Jersey drivers are bad? Hit the roads in Boston and you will see bad driving. No more needs to said about this, you just have to experience it yourself.
6. The cab drivers have NO IDEA where they are going. Unless it is a major landmark like Fenway Park or Quincy Market, the majority of Boston cab drivers will ask you step by step directions to your destination and then proceed to yell at you if you don’t know how to get there. I have hopped out of numerous cabs without paying and started a yelling match with the drivers about how they don’t know how to do their jobs and don’t deserve my money. This is really unacceptable; imagine if a cab driver in New York said he didn’t know how to get to a street? Can anyone picture this happening? Absolutely not.
6a. The cabs have the worst legroom in the entire world. My 6’5 frame simply does not fit comfortably in any Boston cab – think of it as economy seating on an airplane made for Chinese people.
7. The weed fucking sucks. Give any Bostonian a taste of some Cali-weed or some real New York shit and they’ll get stoned out of their minds because they’ve been smoking New England dirt for their whole lives.
8. FUCK BOSTON! FUCK THE RED SOX, THE CELTICS, THE NEW ENGLAND REVOLUTION, THE PATRIOTS, THE BRUINS, THE CAB DRIVERS, THE PRUDENTIAL CENTER, FENWAY PARK and everything else…
Sincerely,
Ian – Defender of New York Until Death Do Us Part

Anonymous said...

FUCK this slow stupid FUCKING city!!!
Motherfuckers here are sOO disgusting, another day, some stupid whore putted here fucking feet on top of the seat in the Movie theater (will never happen in New-York!) Her fucking idiot friend received like 5 calls bfore Motherfucker actually turned it off! On the streets Fucking bostonians walk like a fucking Gypsy tabor line of 5 idiots, don't even think about Other people on the way! MOTHERFUCKIN bikers (FUCK THEM ALLLL!!!) This bigtime IDIOTS riding bicycles right on the walkway, the one which is supposed 2 b for pedestrians ! This fuckers are NEVER on the road!!! Like I'm suppose 2 know about some beatchmotherfucker who is riding his (her) bike behind me!!! FUCKING BOSTONIANS RUDDDESTTTT FUCKERS in the USA!!! They don't know word's like -- Excuse ME or Sorry!!! It's been 5 month since i came from Blessed NEw-York city I still can't find a job! Just because this MOTHERFUCKERS going crazy when they see my New-York resume!!! Next time i probably come to interview with REDSUCKS t shirt! Unprofessional Stupid SloWWW, Disgusting Alcoholics Motherfuckers!!! Fuck Boston!!! GOD BLESS NEW-YORK!!!

Anonymous said...

Boston has got to be the gayess city in the world they cant even speak good english. The red sox are gay and the patriots are over rated cheaters. i wish osama bin laden bombed boston then no one would have cared. annex boston from the states they are the reason the rest of theworld hates americans. red sox fans are fake ass wanna be baseball fans, if they knew how sorry they actually are they would all kill themselves. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael Seff said...

fuck boston x1,000... seriously, now the bruins too? the sux and their fans care more about beating the yankees than about their own team, and they spend just as much money... the patriots are the sleaziest cheapest dirtiest team in the history of the nfl... the celtics are lucky because the eastern conference sucks.. and i don't know hockey but i'm sure the bruins are a bunch of dirtbags too

Anonymous said...

Mass sucks! You pay a lot and get nothing! I've given this hole a new name "massivetwoshits"

Lauren said...

fuck this city.... treating the homeless, crazy people, and blacks like GOLD. GET FUCKED BOSTON, I HOPE A GIGANTIC BOMB DESTROYS YOU!!!

Oh, and 9/11? It's Boston's fault.... those incompetent half retarded massholes let the planes leave from SHITHOLE LOGAN!



.....I really hate this state... and repugnant city.

Anonymous said...

ha. this is funny. I live and Salem, MA and resided in boston for a short time. I had to get the hell out of that city. Incredibly overrated. You get the sports fan you've ripped into, but the people NOT into sports are incredibly easily offended hipster douche bags who pride themselves on proper english and social enlightenment.... i think everyone did a good job trashing boston, so i wont waste me time.

I will say most of New England is not like Boston, neither is all of MA. I find people in Salem nicer than the small city i grew up in GA. The same with the berkshires, which are closer to albany than boston by a long shit.

I will say FUCK BOSTON, but not MA

Anonymous said...

FUCK BOSTON AND ITS METRO AREA SNOBS!!!

ANY OTHER AREA OF MASS AND NE IS TITS!

Anonymous said...

From San Diego.

Love MASS and Boston...

But, HATE the Red Sux and Pats....and their fucking idiot fans.

BTW...when the fuck are people from MASS going to learn how to drive their caas?!?

offtheheezay89 said...

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FUCK NEIL DIAMOND

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Anonymous said...

Bunch of sad faggots complaining to each other about a city they don't know anything about. Fucking losers.

Anonymous said...

FUCK THE CELTICS! This post is great, couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm going to Game 2 on Sunday and definitely wearing my new t-shirt

http://www.undergroundlakers.com/product/true-rivalry

Can't wait for another lakeshow beating!

Anonymous said...

This city IS for faggots and morons.

Boston keeps on voting back Menino, the retard who keeps raising parking fees. But the morons have been voting him in for what....30 years or some bullshit?

CORRUPT CITY with assholes living in it!

Anonymous said...

Boston is a shit on a stick bein thrown down all the boston team mambers open neckholes :P

Anonymous said...

fuck the bruins fuck their fans and fuck you boston i hope a terrorist trargets you assholes and blows the shit out of you and realize the world doesn't give a fuck!

yeah and learn how to drive idiots!

Anonymous said...

list of cities where all 4 teams have won a title in a 10 years span:
Boston

and . . . no one else

you're all jealous because your teams suck wicked hahd, lahge dicks.

get on Boston's level.

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