Fuck You, Penguin is officially the funniest site in the history of humor. So we're going to copy it as much as possible -- but in a sports way. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If you don't think this is funny, well, you suck and once let your dog lick peanut butter off your penis.
Oh don't get me started, Seagull. Wrigley Field is not the motherfucking beach. There is no sand here. There is no water here. There are no women frolicking in bikinis begging to be ravaged by any species of males.
This is a baseball stadium, Seagull. Reed Johnson does not want you all up in his shit. Speaking of shit, do not shit on Reed Johnson. He only likes that when he's been drinking.
The thing is, Seagull, you can't come alone. Can't leave home without your friends, can you? It's all about strength in numbers for you birds. You need your entire entourage to validate that you're an asshole.
But the game's up, Seagull. You're down by six with two outs in the ninth. There's a high fly to center and BAM! You lose, Seagull.
(Photo: The Cubdom)