Monday, February 23, 2009

The Oscars, babies and children being covered in shit

2008 didn't strike me as a good year for movies. Last year we had badass movies such as No Country and There Will be Blood in the Oscars. This year we have the likes of The Reader and Revolutionary Road. I haven't seen either of these because they were made for women and blind people. (Kate Winslet stars in both. This is not a coincidence).

If The Reader doesn't look the most boring movie ever made I don't know what is. The premise is about a teenager who someone gets involved with an older woman who may or may not be a lesbian and they have boring conversations for 124 minutes.

I decided that if it won Best Picture I'd boycott cinema for eight hours and then dedicate the next People I Want to Kill post to Kate Winslet who may or may not be a lesbian or a man.

Looks like you're safe for now, Kate. (Did like her Best Actress acceptance speech, though, for The Most Boring Movie Ever Made.

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Hugh Jackman was faking that accent.

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Steve Martin is a funny guy. Always has been. Perhaps he should have hosted. More of him, please.

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Tilda Swinton looks like a cyborg.

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Last movie topic: that hilarious fake movie poster is from College Humor which has a few more of those here. HILARIOUS!!! Go look at them. Right now. Very funny. Photoshop + humor = wonderful.

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I was away this weekend staffing a youth-group kind of thing. One of the other staffers -- slightly older than me -- was there with her family which included a four-year-old girl and a toddler.

This pretty much sums up our conversations:

Her: HEY LOOK AT MY KIDS. CAN YOU SEE THEM? AREN'T THEY CUTE? HEY LOOK AT MY KIDS.
Me: Ok.
Her: HEY LOOK AT MY KIDS. CAN YOU SEE THEM? AREN'T THEY CUTE? HEY LOOK AT MY KIDS.

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Same retreat, this 14-year-old tells me a fantastic pick-up line:

Guy and girl are having conversation. Conversation dies down. Guy looks down towards his crotch.

Guy: Well, it ain't gonna suck itself.

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Ralph Fiennes and Liam Niesson are the same person. (That's the last movie thing).

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Sports. Not much this weekend. Combine action, college hoops heating up, the NBA had many games as boring as The Reader.

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What happened to the Missouri Valley? Used to be the top of the mid-majors, now it could be a one-bid league for the second-straight season.

Meanwhile it looks like Davidson must get the auto-bid from the Southern Conference to have a chance to make it back to the dance. 1-4 against the RPI top-50 ain't gonna cut it.

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That was pretty funny when that kid jumped in the shit in Slumdog. Speaking of shit, be on the lookout this week...

4 comments:

Maryland Tennis said...

As far as the Oscars go, did you see Miley Cyrus's red carpet interview?

She was talking about how she could be there accepting next year and that she's in a movie that shows a side of her that people wouldn't expect...

I looked it up. She's in Hannah Montana the movie.

I never saw that coming.

GMoney said...

I had a good weekend of sticking my staff into some youths.

Kate Winslet should stop letting Al Sharpton style her hair.

Robinson said...

The Valley's just having a couple down years. It doesn't help that Southern Illinois has a losing record, either. When one of your two marquee teams is in the middle of a dry spell like that, the league's reputation will take a hit.

I still say that if Creighton wins out in the regular season but loses to UNI in the conference tourney finals, both my Jays and UNI will get in.

Prince Gomolvilas said...

The Reader is pretty boring, but you've got to hand it to Weinstein, who managed to get a boring movie about a cougar Nazi and her sympathetic adventures in underage molestation nominated for Oscars.