An interview with Hines Ward's knee

The week(s) leading up to the Super Bowl are among the worst of the year. Endless hype, bullshit storylines and no fucking football! We'll try to mitigate that for you.

Hines Ward sat out Wednesday's practice nursing his injured right knee. We were able to catch up with his knee afterward. How it was able to talk is nothing short of a miracle.

The Big Picture: Thanks for joining us, Hines Ward's knee.
Knee: No problem. It's great to be here.

TBP: You are attached to Hines Ward? Do you often face the similar questions about your ethnicity?
Knee: No. I'm just a knee.

TBP: How often do you smile?
Knee: Since I don't have a mouth, I've never smiled.

TBP: It must be hard to breathe with that brace on.
Knee: I can't breathe anyway.

TBP: Do you sometimes pretend you have an eye when you're in the locker-room shower?
Knee: Sometimes.
TBP: So you could be face to face with Willie's willy?
Knee: No.

TBP: When you get injected with cortisone, do you take it personally and lay in bed thinking how you could brutally murder the doctor?
Knee: No.

TBP: When Hines is on his knees doing...ya know...um, do you, ugh, touch yourself?
Knee: That wouldn't be biologically possible.

TBP: When people talk about "knee-jerk" reactions, do you take offense?
Knee: Not really.

TBP: Many of the linemen have bad knees, too. Do you guys get high together?
Knee: No.
TBP: What about with Santonio Holmes?
Knee: Sometimes.

TBP: OK, a quick round of "would you rather..."
Knee: All right.

TBP: Would you rather tear your ACL or MCL.
Knee: ACL.

TBP: Would you rather share a hot tub with Jeff Reed or James Farrior?
Knee: Reed. Farrior might call me a fag.
TBP: Don't elaborate.
Knee: Sorry.

TBP: Has Farrior ever called you a fag?
Knee: No.

TBP: Has he called Reed that?
Knee: I don't know.

TBP: Would you rather watch Titanic or The Reader?
Knee: Oooh, ugh, do I need to answer?
TBP: No.

TBP: Would you rather do Kate Winslet the woman or Kate Winslet the man?
Knee: The woman, I guess.

TBP: Do you see the resemblance between Winslet and Philip Seymour Hoffman?
Knee: No.

TBP: Are you envious of Hines' healthy left knee?
Knee: It's a love-hate relationship.

TBP: We once saw a porno that had the slogan: "Bringing the Oval Office to its knees." Does that saying give knees a bad name?
Knee: Sort of.

TBP: Someone once joked that Joe Buck had Down syndrome. Do you agree?
Knee: That isn't very funny.

TBP: Pittsburgh is famous for nothing. But they have a restaurant with good-looking sandwiches. Have you ever had one?
Knee: Yes.
TBP: Are they AWESOME!
Knee: REALLY AWESOME!!!

TBP: Do you think Dick LeBeau will die tomorrow?
Knee: No.

TBP: Do you find it ironic that you're attached to Hines and the Steelers play at Heinz field?
Knee: A little.

TBP: Have you seen the movie Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee?
Knee: No.

TBP: It's been fun. Get some rest and we'll see ya for the big game.
Knee: OK.

(Read KSK's 10 Yards of Awkwardness).

Super Bowl rings recovered

It's a true Super Bowl Week miracle. The New York Giants Super Bowl rings were lost, and now they are found. Everyone rejoice!

LYNN, Mass. (AP)—Authorities say they have found 27 New York Giants Super Bowl rings, valued at more than $170,000, stolen last June from a Massachusetts jewelry manufacturer. The Essex District Attorney’s office said investigators found the rings Tuesday in a bank safe deposit box in Saugus.

Really, really great news. Don't know if the world would have been able to go on. But the timeliness is a blessing. Just in time for this year's big game! People will be able to breath a little easier Sunday.

As for the culprits, well, they should probably hang, right? Or be tarred and feathered? If the Grinch was behind this...

Morning Headlines: Duke vs. Wake Forest

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

[Duke-Wake box score].

-Gerald Henderson hits key shot for Blue Devils

-Paulus scores five off the bench as Duke falls to in-state foe

-Teague's 11 paces Deacons in rout

Have at it in the comments.

An interview with Celine Dion

The week(s) leading up to the Super Bowl are among the worst of the year. Endless hype, bullshit storylines and no fucking football! We'll try to mitigate that for you.

Today Celine Dion will bring her Taking Chances Tour to the St. Pete Times forum. No one is really sure why.

The Big Picture: Thanks for joining us, Celine.
Dion: It's a pleasure to be here.

TBP: You're Canadian.
Dion: Yes, I was born in Quebec.
TBP: Is that why you're so fucking weird?
Dion: No.

TBP: Your music has a polarizing effect in the States. How often do people tell you to fuck off?
Dion: No one has ever said that.

TBP: Was the day the Nordiques moved to Colorado the worst day of your life?
Dion: No.

TBP: What about the day someone told you to fuck off?
Dion: No one has ever said that.

TBP: You've sold more records than any other woman in the history of music. How did that happen?
Dion: I've been blessed with a talent that people are attracted...
TBP: No, really, how did that possibly happen?

TBP: You're song "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic won an Oscar. Is Leonardo DiCaprio gay?
Dion: No.
TBP: Does Kate Winslet do guys?
Dion: Um, yes, I think so.
TBP: So she's gay, too?

TBP: Who do you think is going to be the Super Bowl MVP?
Dion: I'm a big Kurt Warner fan.
TBP: Would you fuck him?
Dion: No.


TBP: In this picture you look really scary. When was the last time you ate?
Dion: Earlier this morning.

TBP: You're worth about $250 million having sold tons of records and having a successful show in Las Vegas.
Dion: I'm very fortunate, yes.
TBP: Don't you think that proves the theory that people are fucking stupid?
Dion: No.

TBP: You were in Vegas for five years. Did you ever try to climb the Luxor?
Dion: No.

TBP: You speak French. How often did you shower in the Bellagio fountain?
Dion: I never did that.

TBP: Are you envious of musicians who are more praised for their looks than talent?
Dion: No.
TBP: Really?
Dion: Yes.

TBP: What about Beyoncé? Would you do her?
Dion: No.

TBP: Mariah Carey is a tricky one.
Dion: Yes, her career has been up and down, but she's doing great.
TBP: Do you think her tits are real?
Dion: I don't know.

TBP: Let's talk football.
Dion: OK.
TBP: Did you ever nail a hockey player on a football field?
Dion: No.

TBP: Are you offended when people call you a filthy canuck?
Dion: No one has ever called me that.

TBP: You also won an Oscar for your work on Beauty and the Beast.
Dion: That was a great honor.
TBP: Have you seen that animated porn where Belle gets drilled by the candlestick?
Dion: No.

TBP: Did you watch that show Northern Exposure?
Dion: Yes.
TBP: Because it took place in Canada, right?
Dion: I think it was Alaska.
TBP: What's your point?

TBP: Did you know that male pornstar Peter North was Canadian?
Dion: No.

TBP: Have you ever fantasized about making love in a field of maple leaves?
Dion: No.

TBP: Santa Claus is apparently believed to be Canadian. Is that why you hate Jews?
Dion: I don't feel that way.

TBP: We've already stated that you have a lot of money.
Dion: I like to think of myself as fortunate.
TBP: Whatever. Have you thought about pulling that move from Face/Off so maybe you wouldn't be so ugly?
Dion: No.

TBP: Thanks for your time.
Dion: Alright.

(Read KSK's 10 Yards of Awkwardness).

The Steelers like to par-tay

OK, it's Super Bowl week and there's no news that anybody actually cares about. Luckily, KSK dug up some photos of Steelers kicker Jeff Reed getting hammered with some hookers while looking like a garden gnome on meth. (He's the one in the photo who looks like a garden gnome on meth).

That doesn't really interest us much. More exciting, though, is the photo with what KSK says is injured longsnapper Greg Warren in the Carolina shirt. Totally looks like Adam Banks from The Mighty Ducks, right?

An interview with the Steelers' pilot

The week(s) leading up to the Super Bowl are among the worst of the year. Endless hype, bullshit storylines and no fucking football! We'll try to mitigate that for you.

Monday the Steelers and Cardinals arrived in Tampa! ESPN broke the news that an airplane landed at an airport. Players used camcorders.

The Big Picture: Thanks for joining us.
Pilot: Sure. Great to be here.

TBP: Are you a member of the Mile High Club?
Pilot: No.

TBP: It must be pretty cool flying around the Steelers. Were you worried that Dick LeBeau might die on the flight?
Pilot: No.

TBP: What's the most exotic place you've traveled?
Pilot: Wow. What a great question. I had a great time in India. New Zealand was also wonderful.
TBP: Did you see Slumdog Millionaire?
Pilot: Yes, it was a fantast...
TBP: That part where the kid jumped in the shit was gross. Have you ever covered yourself in feces?
Pilot: No.

TBP: What was New Zealand like?
Pilot: The wildlife was incredible, the scenery marvelous and...
TBP: Did you see Hugh Jackman or Nicole Kidman?
Pilot: No.
TBP: Well, they were in that...
Pilot: You mean the movie Australia?
TBP: Yes.
Pilot: New Zealand and Australia are different countries.
TBP: I think you're mistaken.

TBP: Would you do Nicole Kidman?
Pilot: Maybe.
TBP: What about Hugh Jackman?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Have you ever pretended to play dead in order to scare a new flight attendant?
Pilot: Like in that Family Guy episode?
TBP: Yes.
Pilot: No.


TBP: Do you ever call the flight attendants stewardesses to piss them off?
Pilot: No.

TBP: What about the male flight attendant?
Pilot: What about him?
TBP: Did James Farrior call him a fag?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Did you hear about that plane that crashed in the Hudson?
Pilot: I did. That was a courageous effort by the pilot.
TBP: Are you jealous?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Have you ever crashed in the Allegheny?
Pilot: No.
TBP: Have you thought about it?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Do you watch Lost?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Is your favorite movie Cast Away?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Did you see that porno where a bunch of girls are stewardesses and then they have lesbo sex and scissor with each other on an airplane.
Pilot: I don't think so.
TBP: Do you want that to happen to you?
Pilot: I'm happily married.

TBP: Did you ever see Alive?
Pilot: No.
TBP: They like eat each other and shit.

TBP: Does Roethlisberger order booze during the flight?
Pilot: I'm not sure.
TBP: I bet he does. Does he get a Mojito?
Pilot: I don't know.
TBP: If he did, do you think Farrior would call him a fag?
Pilot: No.

TBP: Thanks for joining us.
Pilot: You're welcome.

Tampa to host Super Bowl, thousands with blue balls

Don't know much about Tampa. Thought of it like a poor man's Miami, with nearly as many old people. But our uneducated opinions of the city are quickly changing with this article:

There are, by one count, 43 strip clubs in the Tampa metropolitan area -- one for each Super Bowl. And the week of Super Bowl XLIII is to Tampa's naughty nightlife what Black Friday is to America's shopping malls.

That's awesome! Why bother with the game?

And why drive? You could call Joey about the party bus that'll tour many of the gentleman's clubs! Make sure to bring cash...ya know, for drinks.

An interview with Troy Polamalu

The week(s) leading up to the Super Bowl are among the worst of the year. Endless hype, bullshit storylines and no fucking football! We'll try to mitigate that for you.

The Big Picture: Thanks for joining us, Troy.
Troy: Who are you?

TBP: Good, good. We're glad to be here, too. So this is your second Super Bowl. Is it easier to score weed in Tampa or Detroit?
Troy: I don't do that.
TBP: Is it Detroit? It's gotta be Detroit.

TBP: You're a famous football player.
Troy: Yes.
TBP: What's the most chicks you've been with at once?
Troy: I'm married.
TBP: So three?

TBP: We did some background research and discovered you like to grow flowers.
Troy: Yes.
TBP: How many times has James Farrior called you a fag?
Troy: He has never called me that.

TBP: Do you think Roethlisberger's going to have a three-way tonight?
Troy: Maybe.

TBP: You went to USC. Rey Maualuga currently goes there. Are you guys brothers?
Troy: No.
TBP: Are you sure?
Troy: Yes.

TBP: James Harrison was named the NFL's Defensive Player of the Year. Have you since farted on his pillow in attempt to give him pink eye?
Troy: No.

TBP: So what's the story with Hines Ward?
Troy: How do you mean?
TBP: You know, what's his deal? Does he smile when he takes a shit?
Troy: I've never seen him do that.
TBP: Smile?
Troy: No, the other thing.
TBP: Does he smile when he beats off?
Troy: I don't know.

Troy: Aren't you supposed to asking questions about me?
TBP: We'll get there...How fast is Santonio Holmes?
Troy: He's very fast.
TBP: Do you think he could outrun the police?
Troy: Maybe.

TBP: Troy seems like an uncommon name for someone of Samoan descent. Did you make up that name?
Troy: No.
TBP: Don't you think if it was spelled T-R-O-I people would believe you more?
Troy: No.

TBP: Ken Whisenhunt used to coach in Pittsburgh. Did he ever eyeball your wife?
Troy: I don't think so.

TBP: Which STD does Big Ben have?
Troy: He doesn't have one.
TBP: Are you sure?
Troy: Yes.
TBP: C'mon, pick one.
Troy: Syphilis.

TBP: So Mike Tomlin's an asshole, right?
Troy: No.
TBP: Really? He seems like he'd be an asshole.
Troy: He's not.

TBP: Did you know that 80 percent of Steelers fans can't read?
Troy: No.

TBP: We know a good barber. Will you take his number?
Troy: No.
TBP: Maybe just a trim?
Troy: I like my hair the way it is.

TBP: Thanks for joining us, Troy. Best of luck Sunday.
Troy: Thank you.

(Read KSK's 10 Yards of Awkwardness).

This is the coolest thing that has ever happened in basketball. Ever.

Um, wow! Like super wow! The only thing that was awesomer than that was the time Washington won a lot of games and claimed the National Championship. (That hasn't happened. But if it did, it would be cooler than the play in this video. But not much.)

People I Want to Kill: Dr. Phil

This is a new feature. It's pretty self-explanatory. If you're in law enforcement, I don't really want to kill people. I would rather someone else do it for me. If you have suggestions or want to guest-write one, email me. If you see your name appear on this feature, hide.

I would love to meet Dr. Phil and ask him why he's such a pretentious prick while punching his teeth through the back of his head. But I wouldn't be able to reach because he's on such a high horse.

Dr. Phil is Jerry Springer with a fucking Ph. D. He stirs up unnecessary drama, is a yelling-screaming hypocrite and will do anything for ratings.

Ever listen to him talk? He sounds like he swallowed a family of Texans.

I don't watch Dr. Phil. I've seen him on some talk shows and caught a few minutes of his show from time to time. I've tried to wash those few moments away with a bar of soap.

What a sleaze. He'd bring a struggling couple onto his show -- the hot girl is being neglected by the drug-slinging boyfriend. Oh no! -- and break up the relationship just to bang the girl in the dressing room.

And a hypocrite! He'll yell at that douchebag husband who hits his wife after drinking and gambling and womanizing, yet Phil was accused of physically abusing his first wife and also his staff!

Dr. Phil is a fucking hoax. He'd bring on a fat chick with her unappreciative husband who just cheated on her with her sister. Rather than try to rectify the marriage, he'd try to push his diet plan on her in order to help finish up his new industrial kitchen.

Then again, Dr. Phil, in the same scenario, might make the cheating husband sound like the second coming of Hitler. He, though, was once accused of banging a 19-year-old client. Naturally.

Dr. Phil is just as bad as the trash on his show. The difference? He has a doctorate.

Preferred method of death: Pride.

If the Stanford Tree tosses salad, does it make a sound?

[The Sports Culture via The Big Lead]

See, they have fun with headlines, too

Great find by Jimmy at Hot Clicks: a blog dedicated to taunting through the use of good pictures and better headlines.

The site is called Tauntr and seems to be pretty new. Check it out. It'll make you laugh. Because a little laughter never hurt anybody.

We've included some of the best below...

Hot Dog. Four dollars. Beer. Six dollars. Tickets to a Dodgers Spring Training game?

We're regulars in Arizona for Cactus League action in the spring. Have been for years. We have the routine down -- restaurants to go to, ballparks to see and knowledge of the hotspots in the desert.

So when the Dodgers move from Dodgertown in Vero Beach, Fla. to Arizona for Spring Training next month, catching a game at the new stadium is a must because, hey, ballparks are our favorite kind of museum.

While you can see a game in Peoria (Mariners, Padres) or Surprise (Rangers, Royals) and sit in the best seats in the quaint parks for about $30, a ticket at the Dodgers' new Glendale stadium will cost you a pretty penny.

After announcing the team's spring-training schedule the Dodgers also announced the top ticket for spring training was $125 for a premium (i.e., weekend) game. Almost 700 seats for every game will be sold at that price.

We opted for the seats in the $40-$50 range. That's about, oh, 30 bucks too much for a game full of minor leaguers anyway. So for $125? Yikes!

We remind you: THE GAMES DON'T FUCKING COUNT!

Like Obama, The Big Picture is for change

We have a new president today and he's for change. As are we. We're for change. Not just change in terms of stimulus packages, tax breaks, employment opportunities and social programs, but sports change. We're for change in sports.

So today, the day the change in America officially gets underway, we launch The Big Picture for Change in Sports campaign.

Change the NFL overtime rules - We've seen enough coin flips determine the outcome of a game. We've seen an injustice in the sport. The Big Picture for Change in Sports stands for a match overtime system like the one that currently exists on the college level. Incorporate special teams into it and you have a system that promotes justice and equality. The Big Picture for Change in Sports (crowd applauds).

Change the BCS - Enough debate. Enough controversy. Away with the BCS. In with a playoff. The Big Picture for Change in Sports (crowd applauds).

Change the conference tournaments in NCAA basketball - An automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament should not be won in a three or four day span. The Big Picture for Change in Sports stands for a team's body of work. Win the conference in the regular season, win the auto bid. Every season a one-bid mid-major dominates its conference in the regular season only to be upset in the conference tournament championship, losing a chance to participate in the NCAA Tournament. The Big Picture for Change in Sports feels the pain of this team. They have suffered a great injustice. Let the regular season speak for itself. The Big Picture for Change in Sports (crowd applauds).

Change the American League designated hitter position - A Major League Baseball Player should play the field and represent not only his offensive abilities, but his defensive abilities too. The Big Picture for Change in Sports (crowd applauds).

Change the height of the NBA hoop - The average NBA player stands 6-feet-8-inches and can touch the backboard without leaving his feet. Many can dunk the ball through the hoop with only a small hop. The talent of these athletes has exceeded that of those who preceded them. Today's players have mastered the game. The Big Picture for Change in Sports would increase the height of the basket to 11 feet to add a challenge to a game the pros have mastered. The Big Picture for Change in Sports (crowd applauds).

The Big Picture for Change in Sports is also about the people and their beliefs. What would YOU, the FAN, like to see changed in sports? We, as politicians, can only change so much. This is Democracy! We want YOUR voice to matter too.

The Big Picture for Change in Sports (uproarious applause).

Morning Headlines: Presidential Inauguration

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

Yesterday's winner: JMC with two goodies: Cards win by odd 32-35 score and Something in the Air(izona), cards win

-Millions to gather in Washington for key speech

-Snow in the forecast for outdoor ceremony

-African American to deliver important speech in D.C.

Your best political offerings in the comments.

Notes

Brian, AKA The Cavalier who used to run the incredibly wonderful YAYsports!NBA, started up a new blog that may or may not be about airplanes, but probably about baked potatoes. It's called Brian's Thoughts About Airplanes, so I think it might be about airplanes, but probably not, but maybe. Again, maybe potatoes.

Anyway, he asked us three amusing questions that we answered here. Go leave a comment and welcome Brian back to the blogosphere.

Elsewhere, we went to go click some links on our blog Friday to make money for us that we could spend money on drugs, hookers and hookers with drugs. (Please go click those. They're below the top banner ad on the right sidebar. Each click gives us actual money that we spend on drugs and hookers and hookers with drugs.)

But when we go to the URL, The Big Picture is now blocked at Oakland public schools. We think it's because it's classified as a "personal page" and not because we say fuck every three words and often show pictures of women with unnatural bodies. Still, fuck. Now we have to actually work. Bullshit.

If you're blocked at work, too, quit. If you can't read us at work, that job isn't for you.

Taxicab Confessions: Coach's wife sues cabbie over lack of marital whoopie

Just when you thought you could sue for anything, the wife of University of Mississippi coach Andy Kennedy has proved everyone wrong once again.

The former University of Cincinnati coach was arrested in December for assaulting a cab driver and the resulting litigation has been so stressful that it has caused a hiccup in the couple's sex life.

Kennedy’s wife, Kimber, sued that cab driver and a valet driver who backed his claims to police and the media, saying their accusations had harmed the couple's personal relationship, including their sex life. Kennedy, who was in Cincinnati as the head coach for the University of Mississippi, was charged Dec. 18 with misdemeanor assault after police said he punched cabbie Mohamed Jiddou while shouting racial slurs at him after leaving a downtown bar.

The basketball coach sued Jiddou and valet Michael Strother for defamation the day after his arrest. The lawsuit was amended three days later to include his wife, Kimber Kennedy, claiming a lack of consortium because of the accusations against her husband.

First off: a quick word about Kimber Kennedy: MILF.

If this lawsuit is successful for the Kennedys, it will be a breakthrough for humankind. Suing for a lack of sex! WOW!

ESPN, garlic farmers and Tax Season would all be fucked!

[WLWT via Deadspin]

Morning Headlines: Arizona-Philadelphia

Most mornings, we'll lead off the day with some AM headlines -- but not your traditional ones. Rather we'll focus on one game or story and write headlines that are completely inconsequential and insignificant to the outcome of the game. We'll give a few examples and then you'll play in the comments. Best headline (read: the one that makes us laugh the hardest) will get a shoutout in this space the next day. We'll provide the box score for the game as that can lend itself to plenty of content. Let's have some fun. The more insignificant, the better!

[Cardinals-Eagles box score].

-Missed PAT dooms Eagles

-Hightower effective in backup role as Cards run all over Philly

-Celek's career day overshadowed by Curtis' 122 yards in Eagles loss

Your turn in the comments.

Lions officials: 'Oh fuck. Now what?'

DETROIT -- After news broke that Heisman trophy winner, Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford, would remain at school for his junior season, team officials entered panic mode at Lions headquarters.

"To finish 0-16 and now this...," said Lions General Manager Martin Mayhew from his Allen Park office, "it's like we're being kicked when we're down."

Bradford, who threw for a fuck-ton of yards and touchdowns leading the Sooners to the BCS National Championship game, was projected to be a first-round and likely No. 1 overall pick in April's NFL Draft.

"We'll have to explore other options," Mayhew said. "Anything's possible."

"It's disappointing," added Lions WR Calvin Johnson. "If I have to go through another season with Orlovsky, I'm going to fucking shoot myself."

Many mock drafts have the Lions selecting Georgia hurler Matthew Stafford, who is tall and can throw the ball far. Stafford's accuracy, leadership and inability to win the big game have made some skeptical. But Lions officials seem to love that Stafford can throw the ball far.

"He can throw the ball far," said Mayhew.

On the same day that Bradford decided to return to school, sources said that USC quarterback Mark Sanchez plans to enter the draft.

When asked about the possibility of taking Sanchez with the top pick, Mayhew said, "Maybe."

Tom Lewand was named the Lions' new team president after Detroit parted ways with Matt Millen.

"I love Michael Crabtree," said Lewand of the Texas Tech receiver. "Jeremy Maclin is also special. But I think our focus should probably, maybe be elsewhere."

Many think it would be in the team's best interest to draft an anchor on the offensive line or trade down in the draft to stockpile picks and rebuild organically.

But Mayhew would only confirm the obvious:

"We're fucked," he said. "We felt good about Bradford. Would he have been the right fit? Who knows? Our options certainly looked better last week. A face of the organization is a must. Can that be Stafford? We'll see. If not, there's always 2010."

Hey, at least Dad cares

Maybe Dad isn't going to all the games, helping with homework or paying child support. But, damn, he's sure willing to break the law to help his son get better at sports by giving him the juice.

GILBERTVILLE, Iowa (AP) -- A Mason City man, Todd Gerleman, has been arrested for giving his teenage son anabolic steroids to motivate him about sports.

Authorities say the investigation began after Gerleman's 14-year-old son assaulted his mother at her Gilbertville home on Nov. 19. Officers who responded to the home found a syringe and 105 pills in the boy's bedroom.

See. It's not like steroids have negative side affects such as aggression, liver damage and smaller testicles.

But, hey, thanks Dad. All we ever got was good advice, financial support and loving care.