Monday, July 13, 2009

When Segways take over the world

Gob Bluth is fucking terrific. In pretty much every way. He's funny, he's good looking and he treats women like shit. A total catch.

And when you're Gob Bluth, why drive a car when a Segway would do?

He's setting a trend that is slowly taking over the world. I saw some middle-aged dude this morning riding his Segway into the small town where my parents live. Like he was just going for a little ride, picking up a few groceries and then driving home to a happy wife, 2.5 smiling kids and a white picket fence. When your means of transportation is a Segway, you live life a little bit better.


I spent my money that I earned from turning tricks on an iPhone. I'm not thrilled that I had to make the switch from Verizon to AT&T and frankly everything about setting this thing up has been a pain in my ass.


Elsewhere, your cool app suggestions in the comments. I have the basics and this thing called Love Calculator which tells me that I am 73% with Erin Andrews.


A friend recently turned 18 and reader/contributor/sex fiend JMC and I showed him the ways at a Gentleman's Club. The girls were unbelievably hot -- not that I should've been surprised, but I totally was -- and the environment inviting.

Candi's studying nursing. Just one year to go!

It basically reinforced my thought that a strip club manager is a job that all men should aim for. You know those dudes get a sample of the goods before they hire them. I might have to look into if you have to like take a class or something for that.


Meanwhile, sports are going on. Not many of them. Baseball and a bunch of things that real sports fans don't care much about.

Carlos Zambrano hit his third homer of the year today. That's more than Russell Martin, Nomar Garciaparra and just about anyone on the Giants. He could be trade bait for a team that's looking for a bat and erratic pitcher.


I happen to like Fat Tire. I find it rich, nutty and flavorful. My buddy, whose taste in beer I respect, said this weekend that he doesn't really like Fat Tire because it sorta tastes like a foot.

Certainly wouldn't choose Fat Tire if I could drink one beer and only one beer. But it'd probably be in my top five.

If you can drink one beer and one beer only, what would it be? If you say Corona, I'm going to be a little disappointed.


Saw this movie Knowing with Nicolas Cage and a few kids who would be better off with duct tape over their mouths.

It was kinda cool in an eerie, twisty, world-ending kind of way. It wasn't like a good movie or anything but I was enjoying it and then they get to the ending and it seems like they said, "Aw fuck. We have no idea how to end this. Let's just blow shit up and then blame it on aliens." Like seriously, there were fucking aliens that came in with like six minutes left in the movie. WHAT THE FUCK! It would be like watching Schindler's List and then at the end blaming the Holocaust on UFOs.


Here's the full gallery of Sabrina Jane. Case of the Mondays my ass.


GMoney said...

Aren't you a little old to be having friends that just turned 18???

If I had to choose one beer for the rest of my life, it would be Dos Equis. One, I would be exponentially more interesting. And two, it is fantastic.

Bazooka Jones said...

That's really hard. I might have to go with Mad Elf by Troeggs. It's great tasting and if I have to drink the beer forever something that's like 10% would be nice.

But a close second are Natty Boh (National Bohemian for you Left Coasters) and Magic Hat No. 9.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Newcastle, and Mac 'n' Jacks is a really strong Northwest brew. They don't bottle the stuff, but almost every bar has it.

The Big Picture said...

um, yeah, gmoney. i'm a bit old to be hanging out with 18 year olds.

but i work at this place that is very social and the older folks (me) kinda look out for the younger folks. so in our setting, it wasn't too fucked up. just a little.

The Big Picture said...

oh yeah! mac and jacks! the part of seattle i miss the most!

Bokolis said...

One brand of beer or one last beer, forever?

One last beer...Presidente, like we used to do it in the 'hood.

If I have to drink the same brand for the rest of my days, I'd settle on unskunked Heineken. It's not the best, but it's the best beer you're assured of finding just about any place where at least one patron has paid for her boobs.

If you confine yourself to one of those microbrews, whatthefuck ya gonna do when you go into a place and they ain't got it? And if they do got it...the bird sitting next to you...chances are she's got on bloomers and a hairy box.

Anonymous said...

Beer is what the cretins drink...I prefer alcohol, Liquor!!!

Anonymous said...

Sabrina Jane. * Growls *