Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I once had this 3-hour masturbation session


Yeah, it was great. Those were like three very good hours. I could have been more productive or efficient or even given my penis a rest, but I didn't and for three hours things were really nice.


Meanwhile the Home Run Derby took about the same amount of time and nothing happened expect a lot of repetition. I watched about six minutes of it, so my life wasn't wasted the same way it was for many others. But to see Roy Halladay throw as many 95-MPH strikes as he could over the course of three hours would be just about as boring. Or reading a dictionary.

But the All-Star game and all of its events are great. Like how often do I get to Busch Stadium on TV? That place is a fucking museum. Like really gorgeous. I would touch myself to that stadium. You could put a virtual tour of the ballpark on loop and that would make for better TV than watching large men do the same thing as many times as possible.


Still, the All-Star game isn't really very good and everybody sort of hates it and it's kind of a strange thing that it still actually happens. A chili cookoff between Prince Fielder and Nelson Cruz would probably be better.

Meanwhile, were the Bad News Bears playing outfield during the Derby? Those kids couldn't catch a fucking beach ball.

Who's to blame? Bud Selig, probably. And society. We're reinforcing something that is wrong and evil with TV ratings and ticket sales. Shame on us.

2 comments:

rstiles said...

I hear ya on this...

1) I watched 10 minutes...I could not stand listening to Berman with his fucking "back, back, back"...Shut the fuck up Berman!!!

2) An All-Star manager needs to come out and say, "I am playing my best players and I intend to win the game instead of making sure every fucking team is represented"...

3) BTW, the National League wins tonight...

GMoney said...

I'll tell ya what doesn't suck...the celebrity softball game. I'm pretty sure that Bob Knight fucked Shawn Johnson after Andy Richter's mammoth home run.