Today is the beginning of the Masters, which is an excuse for rich white men to gather and wear golf shirts and khaki pants. A nine-iron is not a sexual term despite sounding remarkably like one.The Big Picture: Thanks for joining us, Shooter.
Shooter: Sure thing.
TBP: What's up with your name? Were your parents siblings?
Shooter: No.
TBP: You know that movie Shooter with Marky Mark and the black guy from Lethal Weapon?
Shooter: Yeah, it was entertaining.
TBP: Were you pretty pissed when you found out that movie had nothing to do with you?
Shooter: Not really.
TBP: What will it take for you to win the Green Jacket?
Shooter: I won't be playing this weekend. It's for the pros.
TBP: What's your point?
Shooter: I'm just an actor. My real name is Christopher McDonald. I played Shooter in the movie Happy Gilmore.
TBP: What?!
TBP: So do you expect to go head-to-head with Tiger this weekend?
Shooter: I won't be playing.
TBP: Does Happy stand a chance?
Shooter: Happy is just a character from the same movie.
TBP: That woman in Happy Gilmore is pretty hot.
Shooter: Julie's a lovely actress.
TBP: She was also in Weeds and nailed a high-school kid. Have you ever banged a high-school kid?
Shooter: No.
TBP: Will she be in Augusta?
Shooter: I don't think so.
TBP: You're a real actor?
Shooter: Yes.
TBP: That's too bad. You've been in some terrible movies. Did your work in The House Bunny make you want to hang yourself a little or a lot?
Shooter: I had a good time with that project.
TBP: Adam Sandler: Big into coke?
Shooter: No.
TBP: If you were going to pick an assortment of ice cream flavors to try to make sense of Tiger Woods' ethnicity, what would you choose?
Shooter: I don't know.
TBP: Phil Mickelson sure gets a lot of credit for being a career loser. Don't you think that goes against everything we're told as children?
Shooter: Not really.
TBP: Here are some random questions.
Shooter: All right.
TBP: Don't you think the saying, "Water under the bridge," is sort of silly?
Shooter: I guess.
TBP: Do you think swimmer's ear is actually real or just something swimmers make up to sound like there are swimming-related injuries besides drowning.
Shooter: I think it's real.
TBP: Worse: Comcast or Free Credit Report.com commercials?
Shooter: I don't watch much TV.
TBP: Would you make out with Steven Spielberg to get the lead in his latest film?
Shooter: No.
TBP: What if he had just eaten a York patty?
Shooter: Probably not.
TBP: Do you think it's bullshit that Cheez-Its and Goldfish are the same product or is it just clever marketing?
Shooter: I don't eat junk food.
TBP: Thanks for joining us, Mr. McGavin. Good luck this weekend.
Shooter: OK.
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