Monday, April 13, 2009

Bunnies, coin-op laundry and Goodnight Moon

Easter is a strange holiday. I celebrated it for the first time yesterday (Jewish guy, dating half-Jewish girl who looks like an Irish Catholic but isn't Catholic but might be Irish.). Was really holding out for the pig with an apple in its mouth for supper but had to settle for the turkey. Yeah, and they called it supper; perhaps a reference to The Last Supper. Fucking weird.

I'm not really sure how bunnies and eggs got associated with this holiday. Bunnies don't lay eggs and you don't often have to hunt for dairy products. (But you do, if you're into that, have to hunt for bunnies).

And Easter is what should probably be the most religious of the Christian holidays, but kinda just gets this, "Let's all search for decorated eggs, eat a lot of food and talk about how we really like (or don't like) peeps."

Maybe a kid this Easter will find a bunny who will say that in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds, the world will end.


A tradition like no other...masturbation.


Speaking of the Master's, I can't watch it for more than three minutes at a time, but I do always root against Tiger. Somehow Tiger is always the most popular, the best, blah blah blah. If Tiger isn't the Yankees of golf, I don't know who is. As long as he doesn't win, it's been a successful weekend in Augusta.


Speaking of Augusta, listening to Jim Nantz call a golf tournament is like getting sung a lullaby, while sipping on Sleepy Time tea that you just used to swallow an Ambien, after eating some turkey; he just puts you to sleep. And not necessarily in a bad way. I would pay that man to read me Goodnight Moon.


Is this guy for fuckin' real?


Somehow got in a conversation about those funny sexual acts that you'd never do to a girl. My favorite is probably the Houdini. Really fantastic stuff. Your favorite/funniest in the comments, please.


I just jumped into The Wire on Netflix. It's very daunting to start a six-season show from the beginning, but I had heard just too many good things about it not to watch.

Through one episode, I'm not impressed. Perhaps it picks up? Wire viewers, help please.

And what the fuck? The show takes place in 2003, yes? Why the fuck are these cops using typewriters? Meanwhile, they're using a horse and buggy to track down drug-slinging cavemen.


Lozo, who is sorta, kinda blogging again, mentioned how we all need to slow down after one week of the season. Just because a team is off to a hot or cold start is no reason to get excited or huffy as we're about 2/50 into the season. "Baseball is a sport designed to cripple your spirit in six months, not six days," he says. Unless you're a Nationals fan.


(And to play the overreaction game, the Giants, after a sweep in San Diego, are officially done. Just five days after wrapping up the pennant, they might as well just forfeit the remaining 156 games.


You know what fucking gets me? Coin-op laundry. That sucks every inch of my testicles. And not in a good way like you'd see in porn. More in a way that it's not easy having 20 quarters just lying around. Get in the game, laundry companies. It's called a CREDIT CARD. People who designed these machines also put typewriters in The Wire.


Speaking of testicles, got a handjob from a doctor early last week. Again, not in good way like you'd see in porno. (Link very unsafe for work and very safe with lotion and a tissue).


Is there a movie that is more televised on basic cable than Clear and Present Danger? If you know of one, please leave it in the comments.


These bunnies are gonna be just how I like 'em: cream-filled! Zing!


Anonymous said...

The Wire improves 10 fold as you get into it. The first couple of episodes just get the basic characters and plot out of the way. Trust me, you will love it.

Anonymous said...

I can't go more than two days without catching Back to the Future or Ghostbusters 2 on cable.

Peter said...

I thought Shawshank was the king of basic cable.

I got into the Wire about 6 months ago and have slowly made my way through the first 2 seasons. It is an excellent show, no doubt.

Bokolis said...

That I wouldn't do to a bird...angry dragon

I would totally donkey punch a bird if I thought it worked...that would be the only way I'd face the repurcussions

JMC said...

"You've got mail" is on constantly. Also, "Dodgeball."

And if you're on Comedy Central you will surely see "Office Space."

JMC said...

also I'm a fan of the strawberry shortcake - but wow what a fucked up thing to do to a girl, or the eiffel tower. I'm always amazed that so many things on those lists involve shitting. I mean, who really wants to involve shit in their sex? Are there really people like that out there?

GMoney said...

Zach, The Wire is one of the few shows that didn't try to shoot their wad in the first episode. As far as the lack of technology, you will see throughout the series that public funding in Bawlmer is a joke and they have to make due with what they have (including typewriters). I have never met anyone who did not love this show.

Jim Nantz is currently fucking a bouquet of azaleas.

Matt said...

Be patient with 'The Wire'. It will pay off better than a royal flush.

The Big Picture said...

you guys are good spokesmen for The Wire! I have season 1 disc 2 on its way!

Anonymous said...

"Con Air" is the most overrated and overplayed movie on cable. Without a doubt. I make my wife watch it weekly and when I'm out of town I call her to remind her its on.