The Richmond Giants

The following is written by David Kamoe, a life-long sports fan whose sister is a close friend. David is an avid A's fan, wen to to high school with Drew Gooden and can't believe that Giants commentator Mike Krukow used to refer to the right-centerfield expanse at Pac Bell Park as "Finley Alley," referring to Steve Finley who remarkably wore a Giants uniform for a season. David will likely be stopping by these parts a few times a month, so treat him right. And no sister jokes.

No, not Richmond, Calif. but Richmond, Va., which starting in 2010 will be the home of the San Francisco Giants' Double-A team. This is of specific interest to me as my mother grew up in Richmond, Va. at a time when the Richmond Virginians or Virginia Vee’s were the Triple-A team of the New York Yankees. The Vee’s left in 1964, however, so the team I saw was the Richmond Braves. Visiting my Grandfather in Richmond, I have a few occasions to see the Braves at “The Diamond.” Sadly the Braves were relocated to Gwinnett, Ga. this season.

The city of Richmond has since been looking for another team to replace the Braves. Part of the problem is that “The Diamond” was not exactly the most modern facility. I’m not sure how necessary this is but considering the fact that the only other minor league ballpark I’ve been to is Raley Field (home of the Sacramento Rivercats), I can’t say for certain. It (“The Diamond) had a very college baseball feel to some extent though Richmond is not a giant sports hub. It is a wonderful city that doubles a quality college town (Virginia Commonwealth University, University of Richmond, and Virginia Union among others) and was the birthplace of Arthur Ashe, Moses Malone, and Bruce Smith.

The former home of the Giants Double-A team was Norwich, Conn. I have never been to Connecticut but like most people I know it for ESPN, the Whalers, and UConn. I also know that it was never the seat of the Confederacy during the Civil War. Yes, Richmond was the capitol of the Confederate States and has a rather large statue in honor of General Richard E. Lee. It’s not gaudy but it’s there in “the Fan” section of Richmond along with a statue of Arthur Ashe.

Richmond has come quite a long way in the 144 years since the Civil War ended and is a very nice place to visit. It is about an hour south of Charlottesville where the Cavaliers are having an up and down football season. William and Mary?! Oh my. The scuttlebutt is that “the Diamond” will be refurbished for the Giants but considering the money they have tied up in Dave Roberts, Randy Winn, and Edgar Renteria, it may take a lot of votes and public funds. And we all know how quickly Pac Bell/SBC/AT&T was voted on.

In the meantime, the artist formerly known as the Connecticut Defenders will be rechristened the “Richmond Defenders” or something equally snappy. Maybe the Richmond Rusty the Robots or the Richmond Crazy Crabs.

The Lehigh Valley IronPigs are not very good

It's a good thing for Phillies fans that Double-A has become the new breeding ground for the top talent in baseball because the Phils Triple-A affiliate, Lehigh Valley, is off to, well, a slow start.

So we want to point you toward those International League standings where, in scenic Allentown, Pa., the Lehigh Valley IronPigs are off to kind of a rough start:

As in 5-29.

Amazingly, one pitcher -- Brian Mazone -- has four of their five wins. Which means the other 14 men who have gone to the mound for those IronPigs are a combined 1-26.

But here's the good news: Their magic number is 14.

Not to make the playoffs, obviously. To avoid going down as the worst team in minor-league history.

If they win just 14 more games -- which would compute to a 19-125 season -- they would guarantee themselves a higher winning percentage than the late, great 1951 Granite Falls Graniteers of the Western Carolina League.

That team roared to the finish line, losing its last 33 games in a row to finish at 14-96.

Must be lots of fun to be in the clubhouse right now. Wait, what's that you say? Kris Benson's on the team?! Wow! Get him to cheat on Anna and it will be lots of fun in that clubhouse.

[Un-sexy update]: The Bensons got divorced. Like two years ago. Fuck.

[SEXY UPDATE!!!!]: Our boy Frigidevil points us towards this fantastic news!

Fort Myers Miracle want to lose money -- but in a fun, gimmicky way

Man, marketing people are getting more and more creative.

The Fort Myers Miracle, a Single-A minor league baseball team in the Florida State League, will poke fun at the Florida Gators coach who backed out of his deal with the Orlando Magic when it hosts "Billy Donovan Night" on June 20.

Just like Donovan escaped his five-year, $27.5 million contract with the Magic, fans can try and negotiate their way out of their ticket purchase.

The contract, in this case, is the ticket. Fans will have up to the first three innings to restructure their deal, but even that's negotiable.

The price of the ticket, the seat location and even a buyout can be arranged. Part of the negotiating process will involve making a free throw.

Our negotiation would go something like this: "This is Single A, our seat is in right field, there are no cheerleaders, there are no girls grinding on our lap, the ticket was overpriced, we're far too sober, the foul pole doesn't have a girl sliding down it, and 'Sweet Dreams' isn't playing between innings."

Their rebuttal: "This is a baseball game, Sir. Not a Gentleman's club."

Us: "What's your point?"

Oh, and what the fuck does a free throw have to do with anything? We'll take it though. 90%, bitches. We're getting our lap dance in our seat behind home plate for five bucks, thank you very much.

By the way, that's a picture of a Fort Myers Miracle player, who, from the looks of it, has beat us to the whole stripper at the ballpark thing.