I once had this 3-hour masturbation session

Yeah, it was great. Those were like three very good hours. I could have been more productive or efficient or even given my penis a rest, but I didn't and for three hours things were really nice.


Meanwhile the Home Run Derby took about the same amount of time and nothing happened expect a lot of repetition. I watched about six minutes of it, so my life wasn't wasted the same way it was for many others. But to see Roy Halladay throw as many 95-MPH strikes as he could over the course of three hours would be just about as boring. Or reading a dictionary.

But the All-Star game and all of its events are great. Like how often do I get to Busch Stadium on TV? That place is a fucking museum. Like really gorgeous. I would touch myself to that stadium. You could put a virtual tour of the ballpark on loop and that would make for better TV than watching large men do the same thing as many times as possible.


Still, the All-Star game isn't really very good and everybody sort of hates it and it's kind of a strange thing that it still actually happens. A chili cookoff between Prince Fielder and Nelson Cruz would probably be better.

Meanwhile, were the Bad News Bears playing outfield during the Derby? Those kids couldn't catch a fucking beach ball.

Who's to blame? Bud Selig, probably. And society. We're reinforcing something that is wrong and evil with TV ratings and ticket sales. Shame on us.