Wednesday, October 11, 2006

What the refs really said

We're still too worked up over the finish to USC's 26-20 win over Washington to discuss our anger over the officiating and ignorance of Verle Sorgen, the coordinator of football officiating for the Pac-10. So we won't.

A quick reminder: Huskies down six, move the ball to USC's 15 on a first-down pass with what appeared to be four seconds left. The zebras let the clock tick down to two seconds before blowing the whistle, but huddle to discuss what happened. No time gets added, and the clock starts before the Huskies can snap the ball, ending the game right there.

Instead, we were lucky enough to get some inside info from a reliable source as to what was really said when the officials huddled near the end of the game:

Referee: Man, those USC cheerleaders are h-o-t!
Line Judge: I know. Wow. They're waaaay hotter than my daughter.
Field Judge: I used to date a cheerleader.
LJ: Get right the fuck outta town.
FJ: No, it's true.
R: Yeah, she was probably cheering for the Pop Warner team when she was 6.
(Referee and Line Judge high five)
FJ: You guys are just jealous 'cause she could do the splits. Zing!

(Beat)

R: So you guys took SC and the points, right.
LJ and FJ: (quietly) Yep.
R: Who the hell is this Washington team anyway?
LJ: Right. Their QB looks like that Star Wars guy.
FJ: Luke?
R: Vader?
LJ: No, no. Jar-Jar Binks.
R: I don't see it.

(Beat)

R: So either of you guys see how much time was left when that receiver was tackled?
LJ: Missed it.
FJ: They just ran a play?
R: Shit. Yeah, missed it too. Been thinking about my wife.
LJ: Oh, how's Helen?
R: We've been having problems.
FJ: Go on. It's safe with us.
R: We haven't made love in six months.
FJ: You mean fuck, right?
R: Yeah, dipshit, "fuck."
LJ: That's natural. It happens over time.
R: Should I talk to her?
FJ: It will only make it worse. Trust me...

(Beat)

R: I called an escort service.
LJ: No. Don't. It's a mistake. They all have the plague...err...the clap anyway.
R: I just need some excitement in my life.
LJ: Ever try whip-its?
FJ: Football's not getting it done?
R: Eh, it's ok. Hey, we should get playing.

LJ: So how much time is on the clock?
FJ: Should we leave it at 2 seconds?
R: Neither of you saw it?
LJ and FJ: Nah.
R: Let's go with 2 then. A second or two won't make much of a difference.
LJ: Sounds good.

FJ: Hey, you guys wanna get a beer and take some lines after the game?
LJ: I'm in.
R: Sure. Okey doke, been swell. Good talk, fellas.

2 comments:

JMC said...

this sounds like the making of "Welcome to your officiating life"

insomniac said...

I agree that the Huskies were jobbed by the refs with the time remaining on the clock. When I was watching the game, I was screaming at the tv that there were 4 seconds left. But even louder I was screaming at Jar-Jar to get over the fucking ball while the refs were huddling. What the hell was he doing?!