Thursday, October 19, 2006

This guy's probably related to Danny Almonte

The life of a normal 14-year-old is usually pretty pathetic. It's that awkward age when you start getting hair on your nuts chin, your voice starts sounding more like Barry White's and you get stuffed into a locker for the first time. Adolescence, it seems, is the running theme here.

Dwayne Polee Jr., a freshman, is just a tad ahead of his Westchester High School buddies then. Polee, 14 and 6-6, has a beard that looks like this and probably doesn't fit in to too many lockers.

He's also made a verbal commitment to play for the USC basketball team. Either Tim Floyd, the Trojans coach, is fucking insane, or this kid has got more game than Jesus Shuttlesworth.

Either way, Polee Jr. is 14. Fourteen! We've compiled a small list of things he, being a 14-year-old, has probably never done:

- Truly enjoyed the beauty of a new Mach 3 razor.
- Attended an R-rated movie without his parents
- Driven a car
- Driven a car when he really shouldn't have (you know, like after completing an Edward 40-hands episode -- cause he probably doesn't even know of "Edward Scissorhands" or of the malted greatness of a $1.99 Olde English 40.)
- Shit blood
- Tapped a keg
- Smoked pot
- Sold pot
- Blown chunks in the middle of a Taco Bell
- "Giggiddy, giggiddy!"
- With a straight face, told a stripper his name is Solomon.
- Siphoned gas from a Federal Officer's car
- Been in a "compromising situation"
- Shared a laugh with some Hooters waitresses
- Read "Hamlet"
- Eaten soup from a bread bowl

That's what we weren't doing when we were 14, anyway. Then again, we also weren't making verbal commitments before playing even one high school game. We're gonna go ahead and say Tim Floyd's a fucking lunatic.

As for the kid in the photo, well, we haven't a clue who he is. But when we typed in "14-year old kid" in to Google Images, this is what we got. Hell, for all we know, this is what our boy Dwayne Polee Jr really looks like: spiky hair, too much gel, and, of course, braces. Ah, braces. The staple of any 14-year old’s physical appearance.

And please add to our list by blowing up the comments section much like the way Dennis Green blew up just a few precious days ago.

16 comments:

JMC said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dan McGowan said...

At 14, he's probably yet to take advantage of a younger girl, as that would be fairly disgusting

Sam D. said...

This is ridiculous. What is Tim Floyd thinking?
This kid has yet to cop an awkward over-the-sweater feel while at the movies with a group of 20 kids that he considers a date cuz he sat next to the one girl IN that sausage fest, then brag about it to his buddies over whatever's in his batman lunch box, while trading one of those squeeze drinks with the faces on them for his fruit roll up.

Sam D. said...

This is ridiculous. What is Tim Floyd thinking?
This kid has yet to cop an awkward over-the-sweater feel while at the movies with a group of 20 kids that he considers a date cuz he sat next to the one girl IN that sausage fest, then brag about it to his buddies over whatever's in his batman lunch box, while trading one of those squeeze drinks with the faces on them for his fruit roll up.

Anonymous said...

u damn HONKiES. why yaLL tlkn shit. u racist bastards. whn yall typed in fourteen year old. yall kno that they had sum black kids. yaLL a bunch of virgins anyway. wit yo lil pink peckers[no homo]. bitch ass CRACKERS!! keep tlkn shit about us blacks. yaLL gon get whts comin to ya. MAH`FUCCAS!! and whts wrong wit goin out wit a couple of the homies && jst one bitch. i did tht before wit this hoe named jackie. it was 30 niggas && she was the only bitch there. i had fun t0o. unlike yall white ppl. yall sit around && talk about yall buisness plan && new job && some corny ass HONKiE joke. bitches. im outta hear. && yall bet not reply to this. or im gon find tht brand new BMW tht u bought && blow tht shit upp. && ima fucc tht pretty lil wife of urs. && teLL your lil daughter jenny tht her lil SWEET ASS is mine!!

Anonymous said...

A CUZZ....y YALL fUCCIN HATERS ON MY BOI DWAYNE HEAD....GET OFF HIS NUTS YALL FUCCIN FAGGITS.....JUS BECAUSE YALL WACC AZZ NIGGAZ B-BALL CAREERS NEVER WENT NO WHERE ..THATS IF YALL PLAYED.....AND SOMETHINGS TELLIN ME THAT WHO EVER WROTE THIS SHIT WAS SOME CRACCERS...YALL KEEP IT UP...YALL GONNA MESS AROUND AND GET YALL SELF HURT..THATS ON THE SET CRRRRIIIPPP....IM OUT BITCHEZZZZ.....

Anonymous said...

Oh yea by the y thats y yall momz dont luv yall.....White bastards

Anonymous said...

YEAA THTS RITE MY NIGGA ANONYMOUS... LET THESE CRACKERS KNO!!

Anonymous said...

oh yea 1 more thing...last nite...me and yo momz fucced.....but i couldnt continue because her shit smelt like hipo booboo

Anonymous said...

ok im done..........syke

Anonymous said...

yall niggaz made me mad....im on yall head now....whoever did this wuz so gay....yall r so gay......that yall middle name is gay....yall so gay yall have ur own color in the rainbow....its called gayberry

Anonymous said...

hippo poopoo my nigga?? NiiiiiiiiiiiCE! KEEP GETTiN THESE NiGGAS!!

Anonymous said...

Dwayne Polee is my cousin and that aint him. That is all. I have spoken.

Anonymous said...

dumb nigger

Anonymous said...

dwayne polee aint shit hes only using his poppas name ill give him a job being my caddy

Anonymous said...

He committed to SC because Tim Floyd hired his Dad as "Director" of basketball at USC. Isn't every kid's father on the staff at SC in one way or another?