Monday, October 30, 2006

The Dennis Green Survival Rating

We're running a new feature here at The Big Picture, called the Dennis Green Survival Rating. Because Green's chair is so ass-burning hot, we thought we'd take a weekly look at how Green is surviving as coach of the Arizona Cardinals.

Much like EDSBS's Chuck Amato Survival Meter, the Dennis Green Survival Rating will analyze just how screwed Green is by comparing him to royalty. Why royalty? Because, "if you want to crown 'em, crown their ass." When Green reaches the "King" level, he's as good as fired.

Denny is fucked!

Last week, Arizona Cardinals coach Dennis Green had a Queen Level ranking, after losing to the lowly, yet up-and-coming Oakland Raiders.

This week, Green and the Cards were no better. Arizona lost 31-14 to Green Bay and in consecutive weeks, the disgraceful Cardinals have made the Raiders and Packers look like the fucking '85 bears and '72 Dolphins, respectively.

Really, what's left for the lame duck coach? He's got to be fired any day now. But until he is, we can't give him the King Level ranking. But last week Green got the Queen level and his survival took a ruptured-spleen size hit with his latest loss.

So what's Green's survival rating? We'll give him the Queen Level ranking again, with a nudge closer to being unemployed. But there's not much more room to go, as firing Green at this point is nothing more than a formality.

5 comments:

The Critic said...

Green has to go. Today. Now. As soon as possible.

twins15 said...

For some reason I don't think Arizona will fire Green until after the season... they've never been real bright there in Arizona.

JMC said...

they'll probably rip off 8 wins in a row

Benny said...

They're keeping Denny Green. Crazy idiots. That's okay I'll keep making money by fading Arizona every week.

gun nut said...

Just wait for the charges of racism & discrimination to come fast & furious from Green & his flunkies like Richard Solomon (who by the way was Green's pimp in Minnesota. He arranged for the married Green to meet women and then pressured & paid one to have an abortion).