Wednesday, August 05, 2009

The Most-Hated Current MLB Players

It's easy to hate. We hate certain players, certain teams and white rice in a burrito. (Looking at you, Chipotle). While every person has a different amount of hate for some people, universal hate is perhaps easier to categorize. For example, we hate Khalil Greene because he notoriously kills the Giants (and looks like he should've been in Point Break.) While in football everyone hates T.O. See the difference? Good.

But let's stick with that universal hate. Naturally, these forms of hate differ and people have their biases. Here's our list of the top five players who you wouldn't mind seeing get a flat tire or Swine Flu. Your list in the comments.

5. Manny Ramirez, Showboat/Lazy Guy, Dodgers


Feel like people didn't care much for Manny as a Red Sox. His work ethic has never been very good and he's relied on his talent and charisma to become a star. Nothing really wrong with that, but, well, fuck that. He's like that guy in your 12th-grade Calculus class who doesn't study for any test and then gets an A. Yeah, Manny is that guy and that guy can go eat a dick.

Oh, and he took 'roids. Nobody really thinks highly of that.

4. Captain Pussyman, Pussy Magnet/Fist-Pumper, Yankees


He's good-looking, rich and successful. He bangs A+ talent and probably turns down girls you'd happily stroke it to. That sucks. If he got a scar resembling the one of Seal that'd probably be best for everyone.

3. A.J. Pierzynski, Mega Asshole/Clubhouse Cancer, White Sox


This guy played a short time for the Giants where he was a clubhouse cancer and the wrong end of one of the most lopsided trades in recent memory (he got sent from the Twins for Joe Nathan and Francisco Liriano).

He's mean, he's got a bad attitude and he's probably a republican. No redeeming qualities here.

2. A-Rod, Cheater (with women and needles), Yankees

He's done steroids, women who aren't his wife and might have herpes. Also seen as a sellout when he left Seattle for $252 million to play for Texas. Seen again as a sellout when he left Texas to play for the Yankees. Also rumored to have fooled around with Madonna which just makes everyone a little uncomfortable.

1. Jonathan Papelbon, Douche Munchkin/Animal Killer/Responsible for Michael Jackson's death, Red Sox


A picture's worth a thousand words.

9 comments:

Bokolis said...

I was the kid in 12th-grade Calculus class that didn't study and got an A...love Manny.

I don't care enough about current guys to hate, but:

5.Beltran
4.Pedroia
3.Hamels
2.Papelbon
1.Youkilis

All-time shows an ever-so-slight Mets bias.

5.Paul O'Neill- respected as much as hated. I wish I had a muthafucka like that on my team.

4.Tom Glavine- Had to suffer this Brave. See final game of 2007 regular season.

1c.John Franco- see Game 6 1999 NLCS, and countless others. A muthafucka that REFUSED to throw strikes, the role model for every middle reliever. Worst of all, he still walks around NY like he SWEARS he was good and people indulge him...hopefully, it's Yankees fans fucking with him.

1b.Tony Fernandez- came to the Mets, made it be known that he didn't want to be there (no one took him down Roosevelt Ave), dogged it while he was here, traded back to Toronto during season, hit .300 the rest of the way. In any video game with him in it, I would hit him every time.

1a.Armando Benitez- see Game 6 1999 NLCS, Game 1 2000 WS, others. Not coincidentally, gave up the nail-in-the-coffin HR to Tony Fernandez in Game 6 1997 ALCS AND a 3-run job to Grissom in Game 2 (I had gone to Vegas in January and bet on the Marlins and O's to win the WS...would up having to shit it our instead of chillin).

HM said...

I like Jeter. I don't know that there are that many people who hate Jeter, now that they have A-Rod as an "I hate the Yankees" substitute.

Manny is everything that is wrong with pro athletes...except steroids, oh wait, that too now.

I would replace Jeter with Eric Byrnes who I saw on an ESPN game show one time where he said that his top 2 TV shows to watch are "Fox News and cartoons."

Anonymous said...

Joba Chamberlin will make that list within a few years.

Anonymous said...

I hate Man RAM but the guy works his tail off hitting, fielding, lifting, and conditioning. If you read/listen/watch everyone will tell you his work ethic is amazing. Have you ever played a sport in your life you douche?

rstiles said...

Omar Vizquel....he is an arrogant little prick

49er16 said...

Didn't Pierzynski hit on Brett Tomko's wife while he was with the Giants? Either way, I do no that not only did the fans hate Pierzynski in San Francisco, but his own teammates hated him.

I still cannot stand the guy and he hasn't played for the Giants in over five years.

John said...

Can I do MLB personalities? Well I am.
5.) Jose Canseco
Shut up I don't care Shut up I don't care Shut up I don't care Shut up I don't care Shut up I don't care Shut up I don't care
4.) Joe Maddon
Is it written into announcers contracts that they have to talk about how smart he is at least once a game? Is it because he wears nerd glasses? His talented team went on a nice hot streak and somehow he's the genius behind it all?
PS--I hate his glasses.
3.) Suzyn Waldman
Oh my god:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fdtn0Z4o8cM
She's also the worst homer for the Yankees during her broadcasts I've ever heard.
2.) Hank Steinbrenner.
Wait, sorry, I changed my mind: he's becoming hilarious. Kind of like the senile side of Monty Burns. Maybe Theo Epstein: smartass? Oh, wait, I change my pick to Bernie Williams, guitarist:
http://diamondbacks.gearupforsports.com/blog/files/2009/04/bernie_williams.jpg
1.) Toe Buckarver
Consistently ruin every Saturday afternoon/playoff game for me. Probably the gayest moment in broadcast history earlier this year when Carlton Fisk stopped by the booth and Buck fellated McCarver/Fisk for their "catching" prowess for what seems like eons.

Frigidevil said...

ooooo this'll be fun

5.Varitek
Anyone who apparently demanded captaincy belongs on this list (via a die hard sox fan, but I can't confirm, but if false
4. Sheffield
For kicking ass for 4 years on the Yankees, then abruptly calling Joe Torre a racist
2a. Papelbon
2b. K-Rod
Douchbag closers who think every save they get just won them the world series, unless they actually do win one like papelbitch, who proceeds to shit his pants and play it off by dancing a jig.
1. Youkilis
Everyone says he's such a nice guy, but I still just wanna take a bat to his stupid smug lumberjack face. And the fucking bouncing....ALWAYS WITH THE BOUNCING

for you John http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e-JMNU5SPw

John said...

^hahaha. that probably was suzy waldman dubbing the sock puppet.