Monday, May 11, 2009
Why your fantasy team sucks
My fantasy team sucks. This isn't going to be a "My Fantasy Team Sucks" post. But my fantasy team fucking sucks. I just picked up Joel Hanrahan because he got a save Saturday and I feel like he might be the difference in me being a bad team and being a mediocre team. My team is that fucking dreadful right now that picking up Joel Hanrahan is warping my mind. I also fear dropping Andy Pettitte because Joel Hanrahan has warped my mind thinking that Andy Pettitte is still a good pitcher.
In the main three fantasy sports, you often have these moments -- much like picking up Joel Hanrahan and feeling good about it -- where you realize down the road that your team is just terrible. Like you can't believe that a knowledgeable sports fan like yourself could possibly draft and manage a team that is this bad. You've hit rock bottom and have become desperate.
To help us all rationalize with a good laugh, here's a list of desperate moves and characteristics of shitty fantasy teams that will put in perspective just how bad your fantasy team really is.
-Having a middle reliever in one of your RP slots
-Carrying Tim Wakefield's catcher
-Having an N/A on your roster in hopes he'll help you out later on. (Ed. note: I had Barry Bonds all of last season).
-Trying to trade for Manny Ramirez despite a lengthy suspension. Hey, bargain shopping!
-Having more than one Washington National on your team (Ed. note: I have two).
-Drafting and refusing to drop Mark Prior thinking this is finally the year he gets back to his 2003 form.
-Starting a QB on a bye because Brian Griese would get you negative points
-Playing a second tight end in your TE/WR slot
-Starting a fullback in one of your RB slots
-Drafting Brett Favre this season as a late-round steal
-Carrying two kickers or two defenses
-Thinking this is the year that Denver won't platoon running backs
-Starting a backup center who gets blocks; Theo Ratliff was born for this.
-Having a FT% specialist
-For head-to-head leagues: Benching Kobe late in the week to try to win the Turnovers category.
Your characteristics of a shitty fantasy team in the comments, please.