Thursday, May 21, 2009
Fuck You, Marlin
Fuck You, Penguin is officially the funniest site in the history of humor. So we're going to copy it as much as possible -- but in a sports way. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If you don't think this is funny, well, you suck and once let your dog lick peanut butter off your penis.
Don't point at me, Marlin. I am not your friend. I will never be your friend. You don't have any real friends, YOU FUCKING PHONY.
You think you're so cool because of your googly eyes, gaping smile and baseball glove. But I'm on to, Marlin. Don't think I don't know that real marlins don't wear baseball gloves. And your whole two legs thing isn't fooling anyone.
Even your name is bullshit. Billy the Marlin. That's just inaccurate. Real marlins aren't called Billy or John or Frank. They have names like, "The Short One That Just Got Hooked By That Fucking Fisherman," "The One With Stripes," and "The Slow One With The Blue Tail That's Going To Get Eaten By The Great White Any Motherfucking Day."
So don't test me you two-legged asshole. I know who you are and what you stand for, Marlin, and I don't like it one bit.