Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Taking "stud" to a new level
The "Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports" got us thinking. After a thoroughbred horse is finished with his racing career, he'll often be put out to stud. In other words, to live a long life on a nice farm eating hay and running through a couple hundred mares a year. Mine That Bird is probably looking at a future quite like that. Scratch that, he's a gelding -- and no balls means no stud. Speaking of 50-1 longshots, those are about my chances of getting laid on any given weekend. And I live with my girlfriend.
So why do horses get to have all the fun? I mean, look at the society we live in. Doesn't it just naturally follow that someday soon we'll start putting human athletes out to stud? First on the list? LeBron, of course. Let's face it, dude is a specimen. People would probably pay millions for some of his sperm. How could his kid NOT be a champion?
We've seen this a thousand times -- father and son both amazing athletes -- think about these names: Griffey, Bonds, Hull, Manning. But what if you not only got a great male athlete to be the sire, but a great female athlete to be the dam. Think about Mia Hamm and Nomar, Sheldon Williams and Candace Parker, Misty May and Matt Treanor -- the kids these couples are gonna pop out are bound to be athletes too.
I'm thinking of starting a stud farm for athletes. After they retire I'll have them come stay at a big party house, and then I'll charge people exorbitant sums to let these guys father their children. And if we get the female athletes we'll have thoroughbred people. It will be awesome. Bron Bron, as soon as you're done ballin' give me a call.