Friday, May 15, 2009

Professional athletes you know

We got to thinking the other day about the professional athletes we once knew in college. "Knew" meaning more than "brushed shoulders with on campus," "sat next to in Psych 101" or "shouted encouragement to during a game." Like actually talked to. Like they would recognize you. Might know your name. Maybe even have their digits.

Our Top 5:

1. Tim Lincecum, San Francisco Giants pitcher -- interviewed a number of times while working at the college paper. Real cool dude. Once seen practicing the art of robbing a home run while other pitchers lobbed "homers" from the warning track.

2. Brandon Roy, Portland Trail Blazers stud; -- interviewed him a couple of times and partied with him on occasion. Used to tell college girlfriend that banging B-Roy wouldn't be cheating.

3. Nate Robinson, New York Knicks dunk guru / spark plug -- interviewed him once and couldn't understand 98% of what he said. Seemed friendly, funny and cocky all at once. That's a skill. Last encounter with Nate was a drunken night on campus when he stopped my twin brother and me and said, "Hey, you're the guys in the picture hanging in our locker room." YES! WE! ARE! (He was also wearing a San Francisco Giants hat. I nearly came in my pants).

4. Brent Lillibridge, Chicago White Sox utility infielder -- Best interview on the University of Washington baseball team. Never thought he'd make the bigs. Probably why I'm teaching baseball to 3rd graders.

5. Emmanuel Burriss, San Francisco Giants shortstop -- One of our good buds played high school ball with him in D.C. That's sorta like knowing him.

Honorable Mentions:

-Will Conroy, NBA D-League superstar -- Talked to him at bars a few times. Got his digits. Thought about using them. Didn't.

-Bobby Jones, Back-and-forth between NBA bench warmer and D-League contributor -- Possibly the biggest partier on the basketball team. Did not tell college girlfriend that banging Bobby wouldn't be cheating. She came very close to anyway. Also dated the hottest girl on the UW pom squad (the non-dyke-y cheerleaders) who I once danced with at a party and masturbated to like at least 26 times. I have her phone number.

We feel like we've got a pretty good list here. Yes? No? Can this be topped? Anyone friends with a pro? Anyone have a better list than we do? Have at it, wannabee entourage members.


Bokolis said...

...her banging B-Roy, or you?

You are absolutely right about the friendly/funny/cocky combo. If you can pull it off, you put people on the back foot.

I've met tons of these muthafuckas through the years through work and/or partying, but can't say that I know any of them. I'm w(like 6-7 a's)y too self-absorbed to want anything to do with them. Aren't we each all larger-than-life in our own minds?

But, because I think I've seen him out more than I've seen him play, I'll drop a (tame) story involving Jeter.

We're at some place (long time ago) chatting up some birds and there's Jeter (down-to-Earth like a muthafucka), hanging with Gerald Williams (kind of a dick) and Rondell White (totally riding coattails...I swear, to get laid, he would've had to borrow a fist full of 50s from Mark Cuban after Cuban struck out with it). Because he's too nice to shoo people away, Jeter's got people coming up to him all night.

My cousin, who makes a habit of kicking it with celebrities (I suppose I'm Charlie Murphy to his Eddie), goes up to Jeter and tells him that he's told one bird that he's Jeter's brother. She buys it ("OMG, I can tell by the eyes!" They were Jersey girls) and Jeter actually plays along, telling him not to get home too late and that type of shit.

Aside- we also needled Rondell White about fucking up my cousin's fantasy team. He started lobbying for my cousin not to drop him. After that night, he got dropped with the quickness.

My cousin didn't nail the bird, but one of his friends wound up banging one of her friends. On the ~6AM de-briefing call, he said he had to get right the fuck out of there as because all she kept saying was, "OMG! I can't believe I hooked up with Derek Jeter's brother's friend."

I suppose you want LT stories. Yeah, well, I've conveniently forgotten those...notice, I said those.

JMC said...

I knew Drew Gooden in high school. And of course there was that night with Bobby Hebert.

GMoney said...

I sat next to The Miz in a marketing class in college. He is an asshole faggot.

Chris said...

Does being on Shaq's Twitter feed count?

Actually, I did go to high school and play football for years with Ryan Grant. I still see him at home from time to time, his head is a little bigger but thats about the only change.

Anonymous said...

Now you're just showing off...

Frigidevil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frigidevil said...

The Tigers new wunderkind Rick Porcello would routinely annihilate my high school baseball team while playing on seton halll prep, home of countless cocky motherfuckers. Eric Duncan played there too, supposed to be the Yankees star 3rd baseman except he ended up sucking, and along came A-rod.

Bazooka Jones said...

I work for the Maryland Athletic Dept, so I've come into contact thru interviews and games with a ton of football, basketball and soccer players (most of the soccer guys and some of the others are pros). Here are some outside the dept ones.

Steve Blake: Met him at a summer cook-out the year after he graduated and signed with the Wiz. He came there on his fucking huge speed boat. Chilled and talked to him for a while.

Brett Cecil: The Blue Jays new rookie pitcher (2-0, 0.6-something ERA) is from my area, dated a girl I was kinda friends with in high school, and then came to UMD where I saw him at couple parties.

If we count MLS (I don't really), my cousin, Scott Beute, was drafted first round by the Fire, foot injury knocked him outta the league but he's a big player in the USL and the MISL now.

Anonymous said...

im best friends with a guy that plays soccer in israel (but is switching this summer to a european team).

also, i went to high school with a guy that got drafted by the phillies, but i forgot his name


The Big Picture said...

Some great stories here, fellas. But Bokolis wins with the Jeter story.


""OMG! I can't believe I hooked up with Derek Jeter's brother's friend."


Alex said...

Others from a fellow Dawg:

-Tre Simmons: I hear he's big in Israel.

-Mike Jensen: Played in China; once shouted "Scooter!" at him in a random public setting.

-Reggie Williams: Once saw him walking around campus with a pen behind his ear, just in case he decided to go to class that day.

-Rich Alexis: Made a few NFL practice squads; once saw him walking around with his letterman's jacket on, looking sad.

-Koren Robinson: Used to speak with him on multiple occasions in high school when I worked at the mall. A real likable guy who has gotten a bad rap because of his troubles. Never once smelled of alcohol.


Todd said...

Mike Jensen is a cheeba-hawk. Dude never throws down on a jimmy.

Anonymous said...

Rex Chapman - helped me get laid one night at UK just by saying "Hey Kevin", which convinced the girl I was with that I knew him. I did know him but we weren't friends by any stretch.