Thursday, June 19, 2008

The real reason to vote for Obama

Now that Barack Obama has wrapped up the Democratic nomination, we're prepared to sit down and make the hard decision of who to vote for in the Presidential Election - Obama or John McCain. And since we're tired of deciding who to vote for based on looks, clothes, money and how hot their wives are, and the only thing we really know anything about is sports, we figured there's no better way to decide than by comparing the sports teams from their home states.

Obama hails from Illinois, home to the Bears, Cubs, White Sox, Bulls, Blackhawks and Fire (soccer. The Fire is a soccer team. We had to look it up too). McCain is from Arizona, home to the Cardinals, Diamondbacks, Suns and Coyotes. Let's compare to see which teams are better.

Football:

Illinois:
Chicago Bears. Established in 1919. Eight NFL championships and one Super Bowl title. Twenty-five primary Hall of Famers. Known for the Super Bowl Shuffle and "Daaa Bears" routines on SNL. 2007 record: 7-9, 4th place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2006, NFC Champions.

Arizona:
Arizona Cardinals. Established in 1898. Two NFL championships, zero Super Bowl titles. Twelve Hall of Famers. Known for having a shitty owner and ugly uniforms. Play games in a stadium that resembles a spaceship. Have only been in Arizona since 1988. 2007 record: 8-8, 2nd place. Most recent playoff appearance: 1998, lost in Divisional Round.

Edge: Illinois. The Bears have a lot more titles and recent success. This could swing in the next few years.

Baseball:

Illinois:
Chicago Cubs. Established in 1876. Two World Series Titles. Nine Hall of Famers. Known for curses, World Series droughts, Wrigleyville, Harry Caray and Bartman. Currently in 1st place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2007, lost in NLDS.
Chicago White Sox. Established 1900. Three World Series Titles. Five Hall of Famers. Known for the Black Sox Scandal, wearing shorts, ranting managers. Currently in 1st place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2005, won World Series.

Arizona:
Arizona Diamondbacks. Established in 1998. One World Series Title. Zero Hall of Famers. Known for changing colors, building through the farm system, trading away the mother-lode for Dan Haren. Currently in 1st place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2007, lost in NLCS.

Edge: Illinois. 2 is better than 1.

Basketball:

Illinois:
Chicago Bulls. Established in 1966. Six NBA titles. Four Hall of Famers. Known for Michael Jordan, Hanes underwear, three-peats, black shoes. 07-08 season: 33-49, 4th place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2006-2007, lost in Conference Semis.

Arizona:
Phoenix Suns. Established in 1968. Zero NBA titles. Two Hall of Famers. Known for Charles Barkley, the Gorilla, run-'n'-gun offense. 07-08 season: 55-27, 2nd place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2007-2008, lost in 1st round.

Edge: Push. Chicago has the history, but Phoenix is a lot better right now. And the gorilla is freakin' rad!

Hockey:

Illinois: Chicago Blackhawks. Established in 1926. Three Stanley Cups Championships. Twenty Hall of Famers. Known for being a member of the original six, a borderline racist logo and being named the worst franchise in professional sports by ESPN. 2007-2008 season: 40-34-8, 3rd place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2001-2002, lost in 1st round.

Arizona: Phoenix Coyotes. Established in 1972 (as the Winnipeg Jets). Zero Stanley Cup Championships. Four Hall of Famers. Known for being coached by the Great One, never making it out of the 1st round of the playoffs. Moved to Phoenix in 1996. 2007-2008 season: 38-37-7, 4th place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2001-2002, lost in first round.

Edge: Illinois. This is tough. They both pretty much suck, but at least Chicago has been good in the past.

Soccer:

Illinois:
Chicago Fire. Founded in 1997. One MLS Cup. Known for being named after a disaster, winning the US Open Cup, we have no idea. Currently in 2nd place. Most recent playoff appearance: 2007, lost in semifinals.

Arizona:
Nothing.

Edge: Illinois. By default.

So that makes it 4 for Illinois and 0 for Arizona, with one push. Well, friends, you heard it here first: Vote for Obama, because the sports in Illinois are better than in Arizona.

Except the college sports, that might change things. But it would be like 30 different schools to research and honestly it's not worth doing all that for one measly little blog post that already took a long time to put together. Oh and there's also the WNBA, but really, does that count? We don't even know if they have teams in these states. I guess there's Arena Football, too. And what about professional lacrosse or softball, or even high school sports? I guess we could say that Arizona has spring training, so that's like way more baseball than in Illinois, but then we'd maybe have to give a point to Arizona, and honestly we didn't want to do that because the whole point of this was to promote Obama....

3 comments:

Chris said...

I would say college sports must be factored into this equation. Also, if you are throwing in college sports let's throw in the caliber of college chicks. ASU vs. Northwestern? No question. How many porn stars used to cheer for Northwestern?

GMoney said...

I'm with Chris. College sports would be quite easy. Stack Illinois and NW against UA and ASU. Now that is a major advantage for McCain.

The Beautiful Game said...

chicago fire, woot!