Monday, June 30, 2008

Time to start paying attention to obscure sports

Well, folks, the time has come: The summer Olympics are just over a month away, and this weekend the Olympic Trials took center stage in a variety of sports.

Suddenly Michael Phelps and Tyson Gay are all over the front page of It's kind of amazing how much we can suddenly find ourselves caring about things we'd normally forget even existed, just because it's Olympics time.

Like the pole vault. When do we ever watch pole-vault or diving or fencing? We don't even have a freakin' clue who any of these athletes are. But for some reason, you cue the Olympics music and all of a sudden we're sucked in and it's like we've been dedicated Modern Pentathlon fans our whole lives. (Then again, who isn't already?)

Why is that? It's not this. We're not so dumb that we watch any televised sporting event.

It's something about the Olympics. Probably because they're so rare. Rarity really makes things so much better. Like strip clubs. Once a year: awesome. Every week: depressing. Think about how much you love baseball or football. Now imagine if the only time it was widely broadcast was once every four years. You'd go fucking Looney Toons for that shit. It's the same reason a good shit gets one unsaid person so excited: It only happens once every four years.

So enjoy your month or two of Olympics mania. (8/8/08! A+ for marketing!) By September you'll have completely forgotten what Quadruple Sculls is.

Comment starter: What's your favorite obscure summer Olympics sport? And don't even think about taking Quadruple Sculls. That's our, people!


JMC said...

zach, I'm beginning to think your good shits coincide with solar eclipses.

JMC said...

personally I like watching volleyball because I played in high school. And the track and field stuff always gets me hooked.

GMoney said...

I liked Michael Phelps better the first time I saw him...when he was Oz from American Pie.

I'm glad you incorporated defecation into this post.

The Olympics suck balls except for our basketball team reclaiming the throne and then lighting Coach K on fire this year.

Chris said...

I can't stand watching swimming. Its not really all that fun when you are actually doing it, let along having to f'n watch that shit. And why are these guys making money off of this? They swim, is there some huge hidden fan base for swimming that we all no nothing about?

Hey Phelps. Tell me how my ass tastes.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

ima have to semi-share zacks on this. 8+ mens rowing. this differs because it sweep style, not sculling style (one oar per person vs. 2 oars per person)


Ogie Ogilthorpe said...

I wonder if the polluted air, tainted food, toxic water, and asbestos-laden hotel rooms with affect the performances of the athletes.

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peteski said...
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Jim Leyland's conscience said...

track and field events are pretty cool, and swimming.

Brian D said...

Do you remember Wide World of Sports? It was always on Saturday afternoons and would show the Globetrotters/Generals games. Anyway, they were the best source for obscure sports. We'd see diving in February from Hawaii. Once that went off the air, nobody cared about any track and field or any summer sport until Olympic time.

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