Monday, December 25, 2006

What Santa's brining to the nice boys and girls...and America's athletes

For Timmy, Santa probably will bring a brand new bike. Maybe he'll slip some rubbers in to Timmy's stocking as well, to keep him extra safe.

As for what Santa is bringing to some people we all care about:

-Dennis Green: A fire extinguisher to cool his ass off from that burning chair.

-Matt Leinart: Medication to tame the herpes outbreaks.

-Brady Quinn: An evening with the cast of The Full Monty.

-The Cincinnati Bengals: Some good lawyers

-Harold Reynolds: A gift card to Boston Market.

I'll have a "brief and innocuous hug" with a side of mashed potatoes

-Marcus Vick: A copy of the newest edition of Barely Legal.

-The cast of ESPN's Around the Horn: The latest CD by the Talking Heads.

Listening to the Talking Heads beats Jay Mariotti any day

-The BCS: Only two undefeated teams and the critics to shut the fuck up about a playoff.

-Mike Vanderjagt: An idiot team to hire him.

-Bobby Bowden: A copy of The Internet for Dummies.

You kids must stop listening to the eBay

-Barbaro: Stronger legs. And some Elmer's glue. (Babs always likes a good, practical joke).

-Monday Night Football: A competitive game minus a B-list celebrity in the broadcast booth = better ratings.

-Nate Robinson: Anger management classes.

-Carmelo Anthony: A douche to clean his fucking pussy, pussy.

(Feel free to add some of your own. It's like a game, one the whole family can play. If you're at work, well, we are too. Time and a half, Bitch!)

Happy Holidays!


Anonymous said...

Troy Smith and Brady Quinn - one card saying "GET OUT OF BEING DRAFTED BY DETROIT OR OAKLAND FREE!"

Anonymous said...

Art Shell a cot to take a nap right on the field. He always looks so sleepy.