Monday, December 11, 2006

The Dennis Green Survival Rating

We're running a new feature here at The Big Picture, called the Dennis Green Survival Rating. Because Green's chair is so ass-burning hot, we thought we'd take a weekly look at how Green is surviving as coach of the Arizona Cardinals.

Much like EDSBS's Chuck Amato Survival Meter, the Dennis Green Survival Rating will analyze just how screwed Green is by comparing him to royalty. Why royalty? Because, "if you want to crown 'em, crown their ass." When Green reaches the "King" level, he's as good as fired.

Break up the Cardinals. Arizona, winners last week over divisional foe St. Louis, let the Seattle Seahawks know not to mess with Green and the Cards, beating Seattle 27-21 Sunday. Arizona is now 4-9 with three of those wins coming against the NFC West. Think the division crown's in the bag do ya, Mike Holmgren. Just wait...

As for Green, well, he remains on safe ground. Last week he was given the Princess Level Ranking and he's heading in the right direction for the second straight week.

Let's call it the Count Level Ranking this week. What's a Count? Don't have the slightest clue. Though they did make a movie about some Count from Monte Cristo or something. If you're curious as to what a Count is, just read here.

After tireless research, we've come to the conclusion that a count is some form of a nobleman. We could see Green being a nobleman. We would much rather call him an earl...not really sure why, just would.

The Cardinals play on the field has been remotely noble lately. And Green, as the commander of the ship, seems to be righting the vessel in the right direction.

In other news: After throwing for nearly 400 yards and five touchdowns Sunday, Drew Brees' birthmark has seemingly disappeared.

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