Thursday, July 31, 2008
It's just what it sounds like: what's the best ______? "Best" is such a subjective word and that's really the point -- let's get you guys talking! If this works, there will be intelligent, thoughtful debate on the day's topic. And if it doesn't work, well, back to the drawing board.
The MLB trade deadline is today (woohoo!) which is the unofficial day that teams separate themselves as contenders, pretenders or neither (like we're so freakin' awful this day has little significance. See: Nationals or Giants).
As a result of a team's moves, its home attendance usually spikes or dramatically drops making it pretty obvious who and where fair-weather fans exist. Like if Pittsburgh trades Jason Bay, we might see an attendance drop at PNC Park during the last two months of the season. If Seattle trades Arthur Rhodes, someone will undoubtedly ask, "The Mariners had Arthur Rhodes? Huh. I did not know that."
So that gets us to this: Which city has the best fans?
Attendance, of course, is not the only factor. The Dodgers are among the best-attended organizations and they toss around colorful balls and may or may not know that they're at a baseball game, not a beach.
We'll also take into account the way those in attendance root. Are they appropriately dressed? Are they knowledgeable fans, do they know the game? Are they passionate or obnoxious? There is a difference.
We don't know about you, but we get wood when we see an older dude sitting in the upper deck by himself wearing a pin-clad hat with a radio in hand and a score book on the lap. Big-time wood.
Also: What do a team's fan do outside of their home yard? Do they travel to road games? Put up flags in front of their homes? How does the city as a whole rally around the team?
So many things to consider. Here's our list:
3. New York Yankees
2. Chicago Cubs
1. St. Louis
Now you play. But don't even think about saying L.A. or Atlanta. That city can't even sell out a playoff game.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I took a look at their situation and thought "they could get back in this thing."
They took a look at their situation and thought "sell sell sell!"
They were probably right.
From, Canada.com, your online source for hard-hitting Canadian news:
"Defence" is spelled wrong in Canada.
David Cornacchia, 27, who at the time of the incident was a defenceman with the Florida Everblades of the minor professional ECHL, was charged with interfering with a flight crew after a Dec. 27, 2007, incident aboard a flight from Toronto to Dallas. He pleaded guilty in May.
According to an affidavit, Cornacchia slapped a flight attendant, intimidated and swore at other crew members, and exposed himself to nearby passengers after he was refused alcoholic service when he appeared intoxicated. Cornacchia also head-butted a passenger who was helping flight attendants restrain the journeyman defenceman.
Defence lawyer Michael Hornung said his client had uncharacteristically mixed alcohol with a strong prescription sedative called Ambien.
Remarkably, we find the fact that he was sentenced for "air rage" more amusing than the fact he exposed himself to a nearby passenger. But still, quality stuff.
On a loosely-related note, we liked the movies Con Air and Passenger 57.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Get Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla? Good. Then you struggled, right? Think of Gary Sheffield? Used to be a Marlin. But that was 10 years ago. Luis Castillo? Nope, 2003. Closer, but no.
Tough, we tell ya. We had to look at their roster. We wouldn't have gotten Cody Ross and Jeremy Hermida on our own.
But these are just a couple of the guys helping the somewhat-nameless Fish compete for the NL East title. They're just one game out of first after a 7-3 win over the Mets yesterday before 23,000+ in Miami (must've been Alfredo Amezaga bobblehead night).
How they're doing it, well, that's another question. Their 56-50 record isn't exactly impressive and the team statistics are rather alarming. The team's collective batting average is 12th out of 16 in the National League and their team ERA is 14th. They do lead the league in home runs though, so there's that.
We can't see the Marlins actually winning this thing, but here they are again, the team with unknown players and a small payroll, as competitive as always.
And they no longer have Robb Nen or Al Leiter, by the way.
Hot chicks who play sports isn't exactly a new thing. Just walk around a college campus and you have jerk material on the soccer field, softball field and on the track. But hot athletes who take their clothes off is a different story.
Ashley Harkleroad -- who was blessed with good looks, but a mouthful of a last name -- recently bared all (link is SFW) for Playboy.
Now she's not the only hottie that's dropped her skivvies for pure adult entertainment. You have Amanda Beard, Gabrielle Reece, Katerina Witt and perhaps some others.
The hottest athlete ever to pose nude? Your thoughts in the comments please.
It's perhaps the best two days of the year -- for the last seven years.
We always do a little write-up of our adventures afterwards, so we'll point you towards this year's piece. It's full of inside jokes and people you won't know, but still, you'll ideally still get a kick out of it.
See the 2008 story here, 2007 here and 2006 here. (2002-2005 are in hard copy only).
Monday, July 28, 2008
Now I've never gotten a colonoscopy and I've been to Nordstrom once or twice, and here's why shopping at this mid-tier department store is worse than getting your ass probed: the fucking attentive staff.
I was in the shoe department late last week, just killing time while a friend looked for a new pair of dress shoes. I casually looked around, and even made my way over to the "Men's Section" (dress shirts, ties, etc.) and sniffed out some of the "fragrances."
Having the body language -- crossed arms, swift browsing and glossed-over eyes -- of, "do not even think of asking if you can help me, because you can't and I clearly would rather talk to a tree than to you" I thought I was in the clear for uninterrupted browsing.
Au contraire. I must've been asked by at least four dudes, "can I help you?"
Can you help? Yeah, make me shit better.
I hate that. If I need help choosing out a fucking neck tie, I'll signal you over. But until I make contact with you, please let me play pocket pool looking at the fine women in the women's shoes section.
I think the best way to handle this Brett Favre soap opera is to ignore it.
But I do feel like having one of those, "Told ya so" moments, so read here (second item).
Saw the Batman movie this weekend. Liked it. Ledger was good. Loved the tongue thing. Nice character development.
Though Christian Bale is kind of like watching cardboard talk. Somebody else could probably play the Batman better.
The idea of putting "the" in front of just about anything is growing on me.
I like having the sex.
Sad? Amusing? Both?
Two major drawbacks of having the gift of an extremely large penis:
1. Hard for a girl to deep throat you.
2. Sometimes when you lean forward on the pot while taking a shit, your wang touches the water/feces.
Still, small price to pay...
Thursday, July 24, 2008
We've been on vacation, under a lot of stress (no joke, unfortunately) and our favorite baseball team's roster is unrecognizable. So putting out a sports story today didn't seem like a must.
Rather, we received this hilarious email that was too good not to share. It's courtesy of the website Something Awful, which, ironically, created something brilliant.
Great Science Fair Projects. Begin laughing...now!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Didn't get to see much of the ESPYs as we were camping the last few days. But catching the replays, fuck, Erin Andrews looked incredible!
Now we'll let you in on a little secret: we would do her. Really. We would. We just wanted you to know a little more about us.
But jeez, she looked like 10 times better than she normally does and she's normally pretty hot. The magic of more make up, a slinky dress and some rare cleavage made her look more like a Playmate than a sideline reporter.
And of course this led to the debate of if/when she will do Playboy. You know the magazine is throwing $1 million+ at her, but perhaps it would cost her the ESPN job? Maybe she doesn't want to do it? Maybe our figures are wrong?
Whatever. Watch that video. It'll replace porn for the day.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
We can't imagine a world where we walk down the street and pass by multiple people -- let alone anyone -- with the same last same. We know of political strategist Daniel Schnur and former Northwestern quarterback Steve Schnur, who led the Wildcats to the 1996 Rose Bowl. But it stops there. Anyone else with that last name is probably family.
Then there is the surname Smith, which is used by about one in every hundred Americans according to Wikipedia, which is slowly taking over the world. You walk down the same street and you might cross paths with many people that share your name.
And this commonality comes across in the wide world of sports. So today's category is naming all the Smiths in either pro or college sports. We'll start and you guys continue in the comments. You can go again after every five comments. One -- one! -- answer per comment, assbags. First person to blow it has to do body shots off famous movie director Kevin Smith.
We'll start with one that comes to mind: Steve Smith (the Carolina Panthers one).
All right, folks. Spew your knowledge in the comments.
Monday, July 21, 2008
The BP adjusted standings are a series of expected win-loss records based on runs scored and runs against, equivalent runs scored and allowed, and equivalent runs scored and allowed adjusted for strength of schedule. The win-loss records indicate what one would expect a team's record to be based on these metrics.
So what do they show us? Well the NL East better watch out, because the Braves, at 46-51, should have won about 5-7 more games than they have. That means they've been getting pretty unlucky and can expect a few more bounces to go their way in the second half. The Marlins though, have won more games than expected, with Philadelphia and New York having won just about the right number of games.
On the other hand, sitting in last place in the Central at 44-52, have won more games than expected, around 3-9 more. Ouch. Look for them to tank even harder, especially if they can trade any of their decent players at the deadline.
Some other interesting tidbits:
-The Angels are 21 games over .500, but have won 7-10 more games than they should have. Meanwhile the second place A's have won a few games less than expected. Of course Billy Beane has a fetish for trading quality starting pitching for prospects, so we'll see how they fare without Blanton and Harden, and who knows, they'll probably trade Duchscherer too.
-Every team in the NL West has lost more games than expected. Maybe the division isn't so bad after all.
-The Indians should have won more games, while the Twins should have won less. Could be an interesting race in the AL Central.
-The AL East is another division that should have won more games, and the first place Red Sox performed as many as 5.3 games worse than expected.
Sadly, our beloved Giants have only lost about 2 games more than expected, so we can expect our misery to continue.
This post was written on 7/19, so the records might not be the same. Get over it.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Welcome to "The Best," a new series from the people who brought you "Would You Do," "Blogger Interviews" and "What Really Grinds My Gears."
Arguing about the top sportscasters in the blog world is like beating Barbaro or Eight Belles. (Hey-O! That's like the fourth time we've made that joke and we can't see it ever getting old.)
Anyway, a sportscaster can make or break an event. Got a great game? Joe Buck will find a way to make it sound like a Brewers-Pirates-snoozefest in mid-July. But get a great sportscaster calling that Brewers-Pirates-snoozefest in mid-July and it'll seem like Game 7 of the World Series.
Everyone has their own preference. Some like accuracy, some like enthusiasm, some like story telling. The best combine all the elements.
Our top five list of current sportscasters would look like this:
1. Gus Johnson
2. Mike Patrick
3. Jon Miller
4. Ron Franklin
5. Vin Scully
Yours, please, in the comments. If you say Joe Buck, you may want to consider some sort of witness relocation program.
Both Green Bay (?) quarterbacks were at the taping of the ESPYs last night in L.A. We're guessing their conversation went something like this:
Aaron - Hey Brett! [he's upbeat, polite, conversational]
Brett - Hey [he looks away quickly, shy, embarrassed].
Aaron - It's good to see you. Been awhile.
Brett - Yes, it's good to see you.
Aaron - How's retireme...ugghh... I mean...your suit. I like it. No tie. That's hip.
Brett - Thanks. You are not wearing a tie, either. That's hip.
Aaron - You're right [he's starting to feel uncomfortable]...You and Deanna having a nice time in L.A.?
Brett - Yes. We are. It's sunny and I like that. I like that it's sunny here in Los Angeles.
Aaron - Yeah, beats Green Bay.
Brett- Don't talk about Green Bay like that.
Aaron - Like what?
Brett - Badly. Don't talk about Green Bay badly, Aaron.
Aaron - I was just making conversa...you know what? Forget it. It was good seeing you. Good luck next season.
Brett - See you on the sidelines. Get the clipboard ready.
Aaron - So that's how this is going to be?
Brett - Yep. Put the head set on too.
So civil. They're pals we tell you.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Shea, it seems, is getting the red-headed stepchild treatment, which is to say it’s been neglected and, on occasion, pushed down the stairs. Like Yankee Stadium, it is in its last year, though the media doesn’t really care whether or not you know that. It’s not "The House Ruth Built," they say, but it does have lots of ramps!
Shea is 45-years-old, making it structurally older than the reconstructed stadium in the Bronx which had a makeover in the mid ‘70s. Though that hardly seems to matter. The park doesn’t have the history Yankee Stadium does, or its winning ways, and will have an unspectacular ending by comparison.
So here’s to Shea Stadium, the park that will always sit in the shadow of big brother, Yankee Stadium. We don’t know about you, but we’re gonna miss the shit out of the home run big apple in center. The thing is classic.
Well, it's probably a good thing Dan Uggla blew a game that doesn't actually count opposed to, ya know, one that does*
And Dan Uggla was that goat Tuesday. It's too bad, that in a game that has zero implications for Uggla (unless Florida somehow makes the World Series, which it won't, making this parenthetical sentence superfluous), it had such a big stage for him. All-Star game. Yankee Stadium. Extra Innings. As far as exhibition games go, it was definitely a noteworthy one.
But if Uggla hit in to an inning-ending double-play in the 10th and then had back-to-back errors in the bottom half of the inning to lead to an Atlanta victory next Monday when the Braves and Marlins play, that would be far more detrimental to actual standings than this.
But still. That sucks for Uggla.
*This is what happens to newspapers on tight deadlines. Reporters start writing frantically to tell the story, but when that story drastically changes late in a game, they're left pondering early retirement or suicide. Or where the closest bar is. Blogs don't have deadlines, so there are really no excuses for this post, except we wrote most of it -- we had a personal deadline (gotten attend to the girlie) -- during the bottom of the 10th before the NL escaped and didn't want to erase it. So we didn't. And this is what a post would look like had the AL won 4-3 in 10 innings. So there. Fuck yourselves for judging us.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
But regardless of the first-round fireworks put on by Hamilton, the Home Run Derby is a combination of worthless and boring. Not only is it flawed -- Hamilton hit 35 homers to winner Justin Morneau's 22 and fucking lost! -- but it's unbelievably repetitive and lacks the star power that it once had. Dan Uggla, Evan Longoria and Grady Sizemore don't exactly carry the same home run-hitting weight that Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds do ('roids or not).
You think about the Home Run Derby in relation to the Slam Dunk Contest in that they are both the biggest non-game gimmicks before an exhibition game with good players. And while we'd pass on the Dunk Contest in favor of Family Guy re-runs, at least that, unlike the Derby, has creativity and variety.
Good for Josh Hamilton getting a standing ovation by New Yorkers. We're happy for him and his flame tattoos. He'll be a champion in everyone's eyes, which is about as important as who wins today's All-Star game.
But the moral of the story: play baseball and develop a coke problem.
But then there's this doozy of a number: The Baltimore Orioles have lost 14 consecutive Sunday games. The only Sunday matinee they've won was their first of the year (and they needed a three-run ninth to do it!). Baltimore is 45-48 and 10 games out in the AL East, so had they won just a few of those, they'd be right in it.
No real explanation for the O's Sunday woes, of course. Baltimore does have a wild nightlife, though we doubt Saturday-night fraternizing is responsible. But maybe Sunday is called the Lord's Day for a reason. Go to church already!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Arizona Coach Lute Olson said Thursday that his program's loss of standout prep basketball player Brandon Jennings to a European professional league had convinced him to adopt a new recruiting strategy.Perhaps Lute is trying to make a statement on the current rules or he's trying to sink the 'Cats to the bottom of the Pac-10.
"It's a situation now that if someone's a 'one-and-done,' we're not going to pursue them anymore, no way," Olson said from his Tucson office.
Syracuse's Jim Boeheim agrees.
Asked if he too would follow Olson's disregard for "one-and-done" candidates, Boeheim asked, "Are you crazy?Crazy. Lute Olson is going crazy.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
So there I was in the "What are you grateful for?" palace, when I look at the counter and see none other than Bill Romanowski. What?! But yeah, there he was. In all his sweatpantsed glory. Talking with some chump over a salad. I think it was the "I am fulfilled." Not exactly where you would expect to find a brawling, spitting, roid-head.
So I gluten-freed my way out of there and got to thinking: What is Bill grateful for? I started a list of possibilities:
-His ability to segue a football career into a movie career.
-He only had to pay $340,000 to Marcus Williams after crushing his eye socket.
What do you think Bill is grateful for?
Oh and the question of the day at Gratitude? What are you awakening to? Gag me.
But those kicks on that awesomely futuristic board are the Nike Hyperdunk Marty McFly Undefeated Supreme Kobe, which sounds more like a sentence compiled by a first-grader than the name of expensive sneakers. They were worn by Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future II, if you didn't know. But you should've known. Marty's girlfriend/wife was dynamite!
But Kobe's promoting the shoes -- check the photo of him getting out of the DoLorean at Ball Don't Lie -- and, jeez, they're selling for up to $2,000 on eBay.
Not sure if the new shoes will help Kobe's jump shot. But if he plans on air-boarding in the off-season, man, watch out. He's gonna tear that shit up.
Check out the site. Maybe you'll learn something.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Say goodbye to C.C. and hello to CC. Hey, no periods!
Sabathia isn't too forthcoming with the name change, but we're all for fresh starts and poor grammar. And look how excited it has him!
We have a pretty good feeling this trend will stick. So from now on please refer to us as TheBigPicture. Look, no spaces!
Ughh, that's a pretty quick response. It's like the Cold War, only the parties involved are actually doing stuff.
Remember, though, these are the Cubs, and this is Rich Harden we're talking about. We see this going only one way:
Two on, two out in the third. Cubbies lead Philadelphia 1-0 in Game 2 of the NLCS. Harden winds up and the pitch...low and away.A strained fucking shoulder. Enjoy Harden, Chicago!
Harden's holding his arm. Here comes the trainer. Rich is coming out of the ballgame. Looks like a strained shoulder.
You're up, St. Louis.
As expected, he received a bunch of phone calls and text messages afterwards saying things like "saw you pitch on TV! That's cool! LOL!"
Turns out Burke didn't really want to talk about it.
"I'm not trying to sound rude at all. ... It just gets old when you have 30 phone calls and 20 text messages. You can't start answering all of them."You can't? We would have. We haven't received 30 phone calls in the last month.
But c'mon, Jamie. You're a backup catcher and you pitched in a tie game and only gave up a run. That's cool! LOL!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
We're totally on board with the NHL's somewhat-new gimmick of playing a New Year's Day game on an outdoor rink. Bring in the new year with hockey in 26-degree weather! Now that's living!
This year's Winter Classic (it's like the Fall Classic, only it's Winter and it's hockey, but still.) pits the defending-champion Detroit Red Wings against the Chicago Blackhawks. And they'll be playing the game on that field up above. They're going to put a freakin' hockey rink on Wrigley Field. Whaaaaaat?
We can picture a dad with his 9-year-old son enjoying their first-ever trip to Wrigley, both wearing their Cubbie blue, donning ear-to-ear smiles and ready to buy some peanuts and hotdogs only to find out, wait, fuck, what sport is this?!
A California man says Pro Bowl tight end Tony Gonzalez of the Kansas City Chiefs kept him from choking to death. "Tony saved my life. There's no doubt," Ken Hunter, a shipping company manager, told The Associated Press in a phone interview from Huntington Beach, Calif.Seems Mr. Hunter had a piece of meat stuck in his throat when Gonzalez, dining at the next table, came to his rescue. He performed the Heimlich maneuver and successfully dislodged the piece of food.
A hero, that Tony Gonzalez. Guess he didn't know the man he saved is a Chargers fan. Wonder if he'd do the same for Oprah.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Let's play a game.
Hypothetical situation. Well, two of them, actually.
1. You're a Major League hitter. What song do you come out to in your home park?
2. You're a Major League closer. What song do you enter to?
We look forward to your answers in the comments.
That's a screengrab of the NL All-Star roster. There is an error with it. Can you find it? It's like playing "Where's Waldo," but the answer isn't a tiny cartoon man wearing a red and white striped sweater.
And because this is sort of like a contest, we'll maybe give out a signed copy of the Cindy Margolis Playboy issue, provided by our good friends at Playboy and Playboy U (SFW). But we might not. Or maybe we will. Guess you'll just have to play to find out.
If you want a shot at a date with Cindy, click this link (safe for work) and you'll have a minute chance of winning a date with her where she may or may not let you talk to her.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
During our childhood we had a monthly date with our dad at Montgomery Ward. We weren't there for socks or patio furniture (though we do love a nice pair of white socks; patio furniture, on the other hand, we find very uncomfortable). Rather, we were there for their awesome selection of baseball hats.
Southern California got the better of their northern counterpart yesterday, as the Clippers stole Baron Davis from the Warriors (the Clippers!?) and the Angels beat the A's.
So yeah, tough day for Northern California. But at least it doesn't have smog. Or The Hills.
And that's Benedict Arnold, if you didn't know. He seems somewhat appropriate here, we think.
They might, ughh, want to clean that up.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
If your memory serves you better than it does ours, you'll recall that the Tigers were a season-worst 12 games below .500 on June 6 at 24-36.
Things have gone more swimmingly of late. Sheesh, they've only lost four games since then and just won their sixth in a row after knocking off the Twins last night. They've gotten over the .500 hump and, at 42-40, sit just five games back of AL Central-leading Chicago.
With such a stacked team, maybe this shouldn't be too surprising, but still: That's a helluva turnaround.
Fun game: The Tigers are 42-40 and five out. The Devil Rays are 50-32 and lead the East by 1.5 games. Who's making the playoffs? Detroit? Tampa? Both? Neither?
Get your Motown on in the comments. Whatever that means.