Americans care more about pets than people

Torture some dogs, go to jail for 19 months; hit and kill a person while driving drunk, spend 30 days in the clink and get probation.

Seems like the gap between Michael Vick's dog slaying sentence and that of Donte' Stallworth's DUI manslaughter is rather wide.

After all, they were just dogs he slaughtered (cue the torch-carrying mob) while an innocent 59-year-old man was hit by a drunk driver.

On the surface, it'd seem Stallworth's crime was far more severe, but the sentences would indicate otherwise. We think there are two key reasons for that:

1. Stallworth's was a horrible, unthinkable accident that we wouldn't wish on anyone (how the hell do you live with that?). But he took complete accountability for his mistake. He handled the situation in as responsible a way as he could -- he cooperated with the police, didn't flee the scene after the accident and apologized profusely. As awful as a tragedy as this is, there's sympathy for apology.

Vick tortured dogs. And didn't seem to think twice about it or feel any remorse for doing it. In many ways, it seemed he enjoyed it. And he certainly wasn't sorry about it.

2. Money. The family of the victim in the Stallworth case wanted their nightmare to end. A settlement helped do that. Vick wasn't afforded the same luxury; there's no number of doggy bones that could bring Buster back (bad joke. Sorry. But fuck you for not laughing. Jerk.).

Maybe we're completely wrong on this (tell us if we are), but this seems like a pretty concrete example of how people have the willingness to forgive if responsibility is taken (this is a good thing. Steroid users, do take note).

And that people fucking love animals. Kill animals and you're all sorts of screwed. Accidentally kill a pedestrian on the other hand while breaking the law...

Will Stephen Strasburg be the next Bryan Bullington?

Stephen Strasburg, the first pick in yesterday's MLB Draft, and Bryan Bullington have four things in common:

1. They are No. 1 overall picks
2. They are pitchers
3. They played collegiate ball for non-powerhouse schools (San Diego State and Ball State, respectively)
4. They have bad baseball names. Stephen Strasburg sounds like an investment banker, Bryan Bullington is in pharmaceutical sales.

Other than that, Strasburg hopes his career in no way parallels that of Bullington's, the top pick in the 2002 Draft, by Pittsburgh. In parts of four major league seasons with three teams, Bullington has not recorded a win and has appeared in just 13 games. This season, with Toronto, has been his best. He's logged six innings, allowing two runs.

The Pirates picked Bullington in part because of his signability. Other players in the Draft -- B.J. Upton, Prince Fielder -- would have commanded more money.

True, maybe, but it's impossible to look past the other pitchers the Pirates passed up, all of whom have gone on to far more successful careers: Adam Loewen (No. 4), Zack Greinke (No. 6), Jeff Francis (No. 9), Joe Saunders (No. 12), Scott Kazmir (No. 15), Cole Hamels (No. 17), Jeremy Guthrie (No. 22), Joe Blanton (No. 24), Matt Cain (No. 25).

Quick aside: Holy fucking shit was the 2002 Draft stacked with pitchers! Now back to the rest of the column.

This, of course, is not to slight Bullington or the Pirates, it's just another case study in how unpredictable the MLB Draft can be.

Which brings us to Strasburg. The flame-throwing righty is being billed as a "sure thing," a "can't-miss" prospect. We can't be so sure. How the power pitcher's game will translate to the big leagues is hard to tell. He'll spend a couple years in the minors, facing hitters far better than he did with the Aztecs. And he's with the Nationals. The weight that organization will put on him could prove damning.

So, yeah, will Strasburg be the next Bullington? Maybe. And Matt Hobgood (pick No. 6) will be the next Cole Hamels.

Is the MVP award losing its value?

In a season where there were no true offensive standouts, it's hard to feel some sense of satisfaction or closure with the MVP choices.

But when the NL winner was a player from a fourth-place team and the AL winner wasn't even his team's consensus best player, it raises some eyebrows.

Giving Albert Pujols his second MVP is all right, especially in a watered-down National League. Pujols hit .357 with 37 home runs and 116 RBIs, which are certainly MVP-worthy numbers in this Steroid-free era. Ryan Howard, had he been able to hit for average, would have run away with the award, we suspect. Howard had 48 homers and 146 RBIs, but hit .251.

We have said that Manny probably shouldn't get the award since he was on the Dodgers for less than half the year. But if you look at the most valuable player...just sayin'.

In the AL, Dustin Pedroia's league-leading 213 hits, 118 runs and 54 doubles were MVP worthy. A .326 average, 17 homers and 83 RBIs aren't bad either.

But we wouldn't even be able to make a firm argument that Pedroia was the Sox's best player. With Kevin Youkilis' .312 average, 29 jacks and 115 RBI, he would be just as strong as an MVP candidate. Those who watch Boston regularly could probably tell you that Pedroia was the spark plug and all that shit, but looking at the stats, Pedroia certainly doesn't leap off the page.

It's not so much that Pujols and Pedroia were bad choices -- we'd probably have voted for them both -- but perhaps it's the new trend in this post-Steroid era where there are no players having overwhelming years. Perhaps the days of a .330+ average, 40+ homers and 130+ RBI are gone.

It's good to see the playing level evened, where you have a superstar like Pujols and a smallish, second-year second baseman getting honored in the same way. But the 2008 MVP winners don't carry the same weight as those in years past.

Ugh, bring back the juice?

F-Rod for MVP? (But not the Cy Young?)

Three schools of thought when it comes to MVP voting:

1. The stat-heavy voter -- "who has the best numbers on a decent (usually playoff) team?"
2. The best-player-on-best-team voter -- "best player on the best team." (We just said that).
3. The literal-interpretation voter -- "who was most valuable to his (usually playoff) team?"

We've always leaned the way of No. 3 -- take said player away from his team and see if that team remains highly successful.

So when talk of the AL MVP comes along, not too many names jump out at you. There's Dustin Pedroia (.327 average, 200 hits, 17 homers, 78 RBI), a hurt Carlos Quentin (.288 average, .571 slugging, 36 homers, 100 RBI) and Francisco Rodriguez (2-2, 2.38 ERA, 58 saves).

Voter No. 1 would vote Pedroia or Quentin.

Pedroia arguably has the best numbers of any AL position player and is on a sure playoff team. However, Kevin Youkilis (.312 average, 26 homers, 105 RBI) arguably has better numbers than Pedroia.

Quentin, too, has solid numbers, but he's now out for the year, his team might miss the playoffs and, fuck, it's Carlos Quentin. We're still mildly unsure where the hell he came from.

Voters No. 2 and 3 would vote F-Rod.

He's been the best player on what's been the best team in the AL (if not all of baseball) all season. He set the saves record and, in as many close games as the Angels have had, is probably the reason why they've already clinched a playoff berth.

So, we would vote Rodriguez (in what's been a very down year for individuals in baseball).

BUT...

Could F-Rod win the MVP and not the Cy Young?

We say yes, yes, yes. (The three yes's was for emphasis, assholes). The way most look at the Cy Young (like Voter No. 1 -- strictly on stats since there's no mention of "valuable" in the award), Cliff Lee should be a unanimous choice.

Lee is 22-2, has a 2.36 ERA, 157 K's and a WHIP of 1.06. Gotta be one of the best individual years since 2000.

To not give Lee the Cy Young would be about as criminal as drinking and driving (Lawyer Milloy, we're not looking at you). That kind of season deserves recognition in award form.

But Lee, of course, won't be in MVP talks because his team is way out of the playoff race and because his team is way out of the playoff race. (Would make things interesting if the Tribe were in the playoff race right now).

So, there. We just solved the World's problems in one, relatively-short blog post.

F-Rod for MVP. Lee for Cy Young. Obama for President.

It's the SEC, Big 12, USC and everybody else

Photo courtesy of Pac-10 Poon

Fucking love college football, even when it bends you over a guardrail and shoves a garden hoe in your ass.

We spent about 12 hours Saturday on the couch, watching multiple games, penis in hand (literally, at times) and screaming at the TV how our Pac-10 fantasy team is fucking terrible. (Stanford's Tavita Pritchard is our QB. What the fuck were we thinking?)

While Saturday's results were unkind to our rooting interest, the nation learned a lot:

USC could beat the Miami Dolphins

Jesus Christ! We knew Ohio State was a joke, but Beanie Wells plays, the outcome is the same. USC beat the shit out of what most people thought was a top-five program -- and what will be a BCS bowl team -- and did so with America watching.

College football now knows that the only team that can beat USC is USC.

The rest of the Pac-10 is not good

Mountain West > Pac-10.

Sad, but true.

Thanks to SI's Stewart Mandel, one of the country's best college football writers, we know that the MWC and Pac-10 went heads up in four games Saturday and the Mountain West won all of them.

Way for the Pac to flex its muscle. Shit. UCLA was embarrassed more than a second-grader who shit himself in class, ASU got caught looking ahead to Georgia, New Mexico surprised Arizona and TCU beat Stanford and Tavita Pritchard who is a fuck-cunt.

Oregon, the lone bright spot Saturday besides USC, somehow left West Lafayette, IN. with a win, but looked anything but impressive. Where'd the offense go against a middle-of-the-road Big 10 team?

It took Cal three quarters to show up against a Maryland team that had struggled with Delaware and lost to Middle Tennessee. But it was too late and the Bears lost...to fucking Maryland!

A Bears team that beat Washington State 66-3 the previous week. The Cougs, meanwhile, got blown out by Baylor, which isn't good at anything.

Washington State might be the worst team in the country. We're not kidding.

And the Huskies. Boy, the Huskies...

Here's how our conversation with our brother went when debating to go to the UW-Oklahoma game:

Him: Wanna go to the Dawgs game?
Us: Maybe. How much?
Him: $50.
Us: Well...
Him: Should I get them or not?
Us: Well, OU is going to go up 7-0. Then we're gonna to say, "Hey, only down a touchdown. Still in it."
Him: Totally.
Us: Then the Sooners are going to score again and we're gonna be like, "Just 14. If we score on this possession..."
Him: Yeah.
Us: Then they're going to go up by three scores and we're gonna be like, "Fuck."

The Sooners were leading 20-0 with 9:45 left in the second quarter. Call us bad fans, but we would have spent $50 to enjoy the game long enough for two quick pulls from the flask; not going was the best decision we made all weekend.

Aside from the SEC, the Big 12 is the only legit conference

It's been established that the Big East is no longer a real conference (West Virginia goes whoops, South Florida is South Florida and Rutgers...Rutgers. WTF?)

It's been established that the ACC is no longer a real conference (Week 1: Clemson goes whoops, Virginia Tech goes whoops; Week 2: Miami shows it can't compete with Florida. Week 3: Maryland (and Wake, we suppose) emerge as the teams to beat. Daunting.)

The Big 10 is bad and terrible and we hate it. Michigan, Ohio State, Purdue all lose big games and Wisconsin escapes in what was an entertaining game with Fresno State.

Perhaps the Mountain West should be getting an automatic BCS bowl berth. Just sayin'.

Weighing in on the Olympics coverage

We’ve hardly touched on the Olympics around here the past couple of weeks, but that’s not to say we haven’t been watching them. We’ve tuned in nearly every night, and, for the most part, have enjoyed what we’ve seen. The coverage, however, has detracted from the overall experience, and the following observations hopefully support that claim.

The time difference is a nuisance – China is a day ahead of the United States. We understand this. But NBC doesn’t want to acknowledge the time difference. When we see an event, we don’t know when it's actually happening. Could be yesterday morning, could be tomorrow night. Might have been last month. It’s hard to tell, really. It’d be nice if the broadcast gave us a little clock and date on the bottom of the screen saying that the said event is happening at 9 a.m. Beijing time or 7 p.m. or whenever.

- The media needs to be synced - A delay in Olympic coverage is understandable based on the time gap. We aren’t that bothered seeing an event nearly a day after it happens as long as it still feels current. But when media as a whole doesn’t abide by this, we get spoilers. Other news outlets are breaking the results in real time which is making the prime time telecast untimely and irrelevant. We saw on ESPN that Nastia Liukin and the 11-year-old Chinese girl tied in the uneven bars. It didn’t register then, but when we watched the event later that night the potential excitement of the competition was lost.

- The medal events don’t have enough context – Due to the magnitude of the Games, it’s impossible to cover every single round of each event. We aren’t going to see all the qualifying rounds of an event unless Michael Phelps is involved. That’s fine. It’d be nice, though, if in the five-plus minutes of pre-coverage before the actual medal competition we were informed – either by graphic or video (if the video exists) – of the preceding rounds that set the final field.

Dara Torres’ silver medal, for example, might have been even more impressive if we knew that she beat out 40 women just to get to the medal round. But this wasn’t made abundantly clear. We may have seen a semi-final heat, but that might have been days ago. It would’ve been helpful for the broadcasters to provide this info. at the top of the race coverage, even if it's just a refresher. Providing substantial context would enhance the excitement surrounding the medal round.

Some other observations:

- 11:30 p.m. is not prime time. Please don’t show important events then. This is a good time for events that people don’t watch or qualifying heats. Just make sure to replay those heats when the final airs.

- Don't assume the viewer is an expert in each event. The commentators should explain the rules and scoring so the viewer has an idea as what to look for. For instance, all the high dives look pretty damn similar. Explain why points are deducted for having the feet spread apart.

- NBC should be giving us a rundown at the top of the telecast as to what and when we’ll be seeing each event. This is commonly referred to as a schedule. They should do this throughout the night. At the top of the program isn’t sufficient. Just a simple sidebar on the screen with something like:
8:36 p.m. – 100m hurdles semifinals
9:06 p.m. – men’s vault finals
9:55 p.m. – Women’s beach volleyball: United States v. Brazil

NBC is doing a nice job of informing us of the top moments – we get about a 20 minute warning that Phelps will be swimming (useful when it comes to bathroom planning), but that’s about it. Constant scheduling updates would be easy, and the network shouldn’t be worried about losing the viewers by sharing the broadcast’s schedule. It’s the Olympics. People are going to watch.

Don’t get us wrong, we like the Olympics, even if we find them to be more spectacle than sporting event. This is the only athletic competition in the world that can get the average sports fan interested in men’s gymnastics or women’s diving. There’s merit to that. But these Games could be even more exciting, more inspiring, more breathtaking, if the coverage was more complete.

Those are our gripes. Yours?

Josh Hamilton still can't help us find any worth in the Home Run Derby

Good. Josh Hamilton hit 28 first-round home runs and nearly hit them to New Jersey. Fantastic. It's even better because in a world where we seem to discourage second chances, we're all happy to feel good about a guy that used to have a drug problem, if you can call cocaine a problem.

But regardless of the first-round fireworks put on by Hamilton, the Home Run Derby is a combination of worthless and boring. Not only is it flawed -- Hamilton hit 35 homers to winner Justin Morneau's 22 and fucking lost! -- but it's unbelievably repetitive and lacks the star power that it once had. Dan Uggla, Evan Longoria and Grady Sizemore don't exactly carry the same home run-hitting weight that Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds do ('roids or not).

You think about the Home Run Derby in relation to the Slam Dunk Contest in that they are both the biggest non-game gimmicks before an exhibition game with good players. And while we'd pass on the Dunk Contest in favor of Family Guy re-runs, at least that, unlike the Derby, has creativity and variety.

Good for Josh Hamilton getting a standing ovation by New Yorkers. We're happy for him and his flame tattoos. He'll be a champion in everyone's eyes, which is about as important as who wins today's All-Star game.

But the moral of the story: play baseball and develop a coke problem.

An upside to repeated losing?

We've all been there. Head in hands, swearing off fandom for good. It's the nature of sports; something we can only fault ourselves for getting so invested in.

Our heart has been ripped out and trampled by two teams: the 2002 San Francisco Giants and the 2005-06 Washington Huskies basketball team.

In the first few months of our freshman year, the Giants were making a run we had never seen. They blew through the National League and took a 3-2 lead into Game 6 of the 2002 World Series.

Then this happened.

We're not sure if we, or the Giants, have ever recovered.

As a fitting end to our college days -- some of that full-circle bullshit -- our beloved Husky hoopsters were in the Sweet 16 for a second-straight year. There was no way the Dawgs could beat tourney-favorite UConn, right? No way. But it's so tempting to look ahead, and UW fans knew that if the Dawgs could pull the upset, they could very well then beat Cinderella George Mason and make the Final Four.

Then this happened.

Really, it was a strange reaction to a gut-wrenching loss. When the Giants blew that five-run lead, we tore apart our dorm room. When Rashad Anderson made a 3-pointer with 1.8 seconds left to send the game to OT, there was no sound. Standing up in anticipation of an Elite Eight appearance, we just crumbled to the floor.

After the game, of course, we drenched our pillow in tears. Don't laugh. It's OK to cry in sports.

But this horrible decision to recount our lowest moments in fandom is leading to a point.

Lately, our teams have been fucking miserable. The Giants can't hit, the Huskies can't hit free throws, the 49ers don't have a quarterback...the list goes on.

But rooting for terrible teams has been uplifting; we're not angry all the time! We don't break windows now when the Giants lose a July game to the Pirates. Or when the Dawgs miss a free throw to lose the game a la Darius Washington Jr.

Are we nuts? It's not that we want our teams to suck, but sucking has its perks. Really. We don't think a Royals fan would skip a party with strippers and blow to watch KC take on Minnesota in June. A die-hard Cubs fan might. To have a conference hoops game ruin your Saturday night is not fun, but it's the reality of a Duke fan. When Florida loses on the football field, Gators fans feel like the world is coming to an abrupt end.

Sports just set you up for heartbreak anyway. Unless you live in Boston, where teams are rarely mediocre.

Boston. Fuck.

For how fun conference tourneys are, they make little-to-no sense

As an objective, sports-watching fan, we love conference tourneys. Especially the small ones. They're fun, they're exciting, and it's two teams battling so hard to get their lunch handed to them by UNC or Memphis.

As a believer in sports justice and fairness, we think conference tournaments are more flawed than those Ernest Goes to (blank) movies. (As an aside, we would think much higher of those films if they made one titled Ernest Goes to Hell, Ernest Goes to an Asian Massage Parlor or Ernest Goes Number Two.)

Conference tournaments only make sense in one scenario: A league with two divisions. (i.e. Big 12 or SEC). Then the league has a tournament to crown a true champ. OK, fine.

Here's why we don't like conference tourneys:

• Why does the top team need to prove itself again?
• It provides extra games for teams to help (or hurt) their NCAA Tournament standing.
• They're poorly attended.
• The major conference tourneys are in NBA arenas, which are like watching games in a giant cave.

We'll use the Pac-10 as an example to illustrate those bottom two bullet points.

The Pac-10, a one-divison league, has a conference tournament to give the top team a chance to fuck up and to give the league an opportunity to make money.

It's played on a "neutral court" at the Staples Center, home of the Lakers and the other LA team. The Pac-10 tourney being played in the Staples Center is flawed on other multiple levels:

• It's like watching a game in a giant cave
• It's poorly attended
• It's not neutral

We've said for years that there's absolutely no reason for it being in Staples except someone thinks money can be made on it being there. But everyone knows that LA has terrible sports fans, evident by the fact that LA has no football team and, well, the Clippers.

Rather, the Pac-10 Tournament should either be:

• At Sacramento's Arco Arena (still a cave, but a neutral one). The closest set of schools are Cal and Stanford, about an hour and a half away.)
• Rotated between West Coast NBA arenas. The Oakland Coliseum, Staples, the Rose Garden, KeyArena and wherever the Suns play. It'd still have the cavernous feeling, but it keeps it neutral. Sort of.
• Rotated between home sites. Neutral and not cavernous! Yay! Imagine this year's tourney being at Oregon's Mac Court. That might give the Ducks the wins they need to get off the bubble.
  
• At the No. 1 seed's home site.

And that last bullet point is really the problem with all major conference tourneys. (To be fair, many of the small mid-majors' top seed has home court throughout).

If a team already has won its conference outright, and then has to prove its dominance again in a conference tourney, at least there should be an advantage of being the No. 1. (This is sort of moot in the Pac-10, since UCLA has won the regular season title like 27 years in a row (more like three) and the Bruins virtually get home games at Staples, anyway.)

So, ugh, yeah. Fuck conference tournaments. (Sorta, kinda). All we need now is for the Huskies to take out Cal, UCLA, and two more teams and go to the NCAA Tournament. Then we'd consider blowing Pac-10 commissioner, Tom Hansen.

It's instances like these where being wrong is fantastic

Who said the Giants didn't have a chance?

Certainly not us. We called this upset weeks ago and predicted a 17-14 final score, Eli Manning would be the MVP and Plax would score the game-winning touchdown.

Elsewhere, we'll put money that the sun will rise in the east tomorrow. Mark that shit down.

Was This The Biggest Super Bowl Upset Ever?

We talked to our dad before the game and he was all like, "Hey, the Giants played New England heads up in the last game of the regular season and could pull the upset, yada, yada, yada."

We said, "Niners vs. Chargers in '95."

For two weeks, people were talking themselves in to thinking that San Diego had a chance to beat the heavily favored 49ers. They thought that maybe, just maybe, things break right and the Bolts pull the big one.

You know what happened: 49ers: 49, Chargers: 26.

We really thought Sunday's game would've been the same story. People were looking for reasons to give New York a chance, but did anyone actually think they were going to win?

It'll go down as one of the biggest upsets ever -- not just in football. And, in our opinion, deservingly so.

Manning was great, Giants defense was better

Eli Manning was superb. He was elusive, he made great throws and, perhaps most importantly for Young Manning, he made good decisions.

But for how good Manning was, the most valuable person Sunday was Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo.

He drew up a phenomenal game plan, constantly harassing Brady and putting more pressure on the Pats offensive line and QB than they've seen all season.

When the New England had the ball with about 30 seconds left, we though for sure the Pats would move the ball. Maybe get a few first downs, maybe get in field goal range, maybe even win it right there.

But Spagnuolo stuck with the game plan. He didn't fuck around with the Prevent defense and kept the pressure on. Four and out and a World Championship for the Giants.

Did this get him the Redskins job?

For How Good the Defense Was, Where the Hell Was New England's Offense?

On the second to last drive of New England's season, the Patriots marched the ball down the field and scored the go-ahead-TD. Where was that the rest of the game?

For that one drive, New England looked like the 18-0 Patriots. Moving at ease and taking no shit from the defense.

But the rest of the game, the offense stalled, the front line couldn't handle New York's pressure and Brady looked out of sync and frustrated.

Did the Giants change the defense on said drive? Not as much blitzing? We don't know enough about Xs and Os to say, but whatever the Pats were doing (or Giants not doing) on that drive worked.

A Horribly Disappointing End to the Season; It Couldn't Have Happened to a Better Team

Asshole coach, Playboy QB who has everything, and the douchiest fans in America.

For how devastated the Pats and their fans are, it couldn't have happened to a better bunch. Hell, Boston already has a World Series champ, it's good that the city could be denied a Super Bowl title.

Fuck Boston.

Other Random Thoughts

-Didn't hear too many mentions of Don Shula. He's probably thrilled. Or thrillicious. What a terrible ad campaign that was.

-Tom Petty opening with "American Girl" was seen from miles away. But not closing with "Free Fallin'"? That came out of nowhere. C'mon Tom, you always close with your biggest hit. What the fuck was that?

-Joe Buck was his usual, monotone self. If Mike Patrick was calling that game, he might've had a minor heart attack because he would've been so excited. He would've been fun to listen to.

-Artichoke jalapeño dip is the chronic.

-Belichick's red sweatshirt? That's a slap in the face to superstition.

-There was one camera shot that panned over the back sides of the Patriots cheerleaders. Squats and lunges do wonders, people!

-We were watching with a girl, who said after a commercial about obesity, "If my kid was obese, I'd drown it."

-She was not talking about Jordin Sparks.

-We imagine the shots of Peyton Manning in the luxury box weren't popular. But we liked them. We thought it was nice to see him showing some emotion and cheering on his little bro.

-What was with all the animals in the commercials? For that many animals, we half-expected some bestiality.

-A few of those SalesGenie ads were pretty racist. Same goes for that Bud Light one -- "Give me a Bud Light."

-As far as Super Bowls go, that one was pretty enjoyable. A good way to send out the 2007-08 season. Until next year...

Enjoy it now, Giants fans

Remember what happened last time the Giants were in the Super Bowl?

Yeah. Ravens 34, Giants 7. And that was a Baltimore team that didn't have an offense. One's gotta think that New England, on its quest to piss off the rest of the country and go undefeated, is going to make short work of New York.

Unless Brady gets picked off six times, the defense only goes hard for two downs at a time and a few guys get arrested in Phoenix, this game won't be close.

So enjoy it now, Giants fans. There won't be much to cheer about on Feb. 3.

Archie Manning has it good these days

Fuck. Two kids go to the Super Bowl in back-to-back years? He's like the Father of the Decade. You know Archie lives through his two NFLers, so to see each reach the Super Bowl in consecutive years, he's got to be creaming himself.

In fact, you'd think he's taking frequent trips to sperm banks to get more winners out in the world.

Another reason for Bostonians and New Yorkers to want to jab each other in the eye with a pencil

There doesn't seem to be as strong a Boston-New York hatred in football as there is in baseball. But here we are again: a huge game between the two most obnoxious fan bases in the country. The shit talking will be going on for two weeks while the rest of America just sort of shrugs its shoulders and turns the other way.

The happiest Giant? The long snapper.

The only time the long snapper is mentioned is when he fucks up. And he did. But he (and kicker Lawrence Tynes) righted the ship and got the Giants the win.

Thing is, read just about any recap of the game, and we dare you to find the long snapper's name. We just tried and failed. That's why we're not referring to him by name because we don't know who the fuck he is!

Had the Giants lost in OT after missing the very makeable game-winner in regulation, we bet the long snapper's name would've made most articles. Better believe he's happy in his anonymity.

Joe Buck can lie in the middle of the fucking freeway

We know we rip on Buck a ton, enough to merit his own tag, but c'mon, this was the NFC Championship Game, and a fucking good one at that. And we might as well be watching preseason amateur bowling.

Holy fuck is Buck hard to listen to. We had the game on in the background for a while because we had some work to do. The only way we knew what happened was based on the crowd reaction. That's not right.

Does this get Eli off the hook?

It should. Maybe he's taken too much heat all along. But don't think for a second The Hater Nation will let up. No way.

Patriots cross the line; and other cheap thoughts without much thought

Bill Belichick and the Patriots pushed us further than we've been pushed in a while. We can't remember the last time a game with no direct ties to our rooting interests bothered us so much. Sure, there were some fantasy football implications (which, lately, has been the cause of instant anger), but this time it was beyond that.

The Pats, late in a rout, were showing no signs of sportsmanship, no signs of remorse, no signs of fucking humanity. They were disrespecting a good team with a better coach. They saw the line, laughed, and crossed it by a fucking mile.

The Pats shouldn't have had Brady in at the start of the fourth quarter. Up 38-0, they certainly shouldn't have had him passing. Then, on fourth and one, you kick the fucking field goal. And once you convert said fourth down they shouldn't have been attempting in the first place, do not keep passing. Fucking ridiculous.

New England then went for it again on fourth down, up 45-0. Forty five to fucking nothing! Call the Mercy Rule or something. And even with Brady out, the Pats were still throwing the ball. We don't give a fuck if they wanted to give the backup work. Run the ball up the middle for three plays and then punt the ball. Anything else is bullshit. Motherfucking, ass-raping bullshit.

In college, where running up the score actually matters for something, you won't see coaches passing up by 40 points. Those collegiate coaches certainly wouldn't go for it on fourth down.

We kept watching, glued to the TV expecting something big to happen. New England's antics were the type that would result in the 'Skins starting a brawl. Seriously. We were waiting for a cheap shot, late hit, helmet-to-helmet. Something. We were curious if Gibbs would still have enough class to shake Belichick's hand after the game. (He did, quickly).

You know -- you just fucking know -- that those cock-sucking Boston fans were rooting for the Pats to run it up too. They wanted 100. There probably wasn't one person in the state of Massachusetts who was thinking that Belichick was taking this one too far.

The statement was made by halftime. When the game was really out of hand late in the third, put in the backups, call dives, off-tackles and fucking QB kneels.

We're very disappointed, and that's not a common emotion of ours. Usually it's as simple as happy, angry or horny. But this went too far. The Patriots used to be a classy organization. Now they're callous assholes who couldn't tell sportsmanship from arrogance.

Fuck you Mr. Belichick. You should be ashamed. May you get hit by a car. Scratch that. Bus. A big fucking bus.

(Here's an article by our former colleague Les Carpenter, now with the Washington Post [Registration required, but do it. It takes 30 seconds and it's worth it]. It hints at what we feel, though most of the players and Gibbs gave the quotes you'd expect, and blamed themselves more than anything).

Meanwhile...

-The lady pictured is British hottie Keely Hazell. After watching the National Football League from London, it's clear that there is only one attractive person in all of England.

-Tony Siragusa's meat of the day: salami.

-Be honest. You thought Cleo Lemon was white.

-Two teams heading in the right direction: Saints and Chargers. Looks like natural disasters can have their positive effects, after all.

-Did David Carr start hanging out in San Francisco's Castro District? That long hair and glove has Lance Bass wet.

-Shannon Sharpe said 11 words clearly during halftime off the Colts-Panthers game. Last week: nine.

-That fucking obnoxious FOX robot? Really Terry Bradshaw.

-Oh, the 49ers have seemingly forgot how to play football. Young Alex Smith and David Carr would be a cute couple.

-With the Pats up by 600, we're still at Gillette Stadium. And while Jacksonville-Tampa is the only legit game going and it's on CBS, you'd think that FOX would at least mention that there is competitive football being played Sunday.

-Vinny Testaverde joke of the day (no, not his stats or us foolishly starting him in one fantasy league): Testaverde hurt, Panthers turn to "Western" medicine.

-At a dinner party next week, when Bob Griese is asked how his son is, he'll reply, "what son?"

-Willie Parker, after multiple 100-yard-no-TD games, has decided that scoring is cool too and got in the endzone. Elsewhere, man walks on moon.

-Were the Brits booing the Giants taking a knee or Eli Manning throwing for 58 yards?

-Seen the movie Smoking Aces? The day a hit is put out for Brady or Belichick the same way it is for Buddy Israel, rain drops will turn to fucking jelly beans.

-We didn't see pictures from the Minnesota-Philly game, but word has it that Kelly Holcomb was playing, so we'll just assume an Eagles win and 78 carries for Adrian Peterson.

Shouldn't Oregon State's CWS victory be considered a huge upset?

Maybe it's a good thing that Oregon State won its second straight College World Series title. We get to say Beaver a lot more than usual today. Beaver. Hehe.

After beating North Carolina for the second-straight year in Omaha ('Heels/Beav a new baseball rivalry?), most folks who are actually talking about this (over/under set at six people) are mentioning the whole repeat factor.

And while that's good and cool and neat and spiffy, there's a bigger deal to be made of this. Oregon State winning the College World Series seems, to us, a big fucking upset.

The Beavers are the first team in like the history of college and baseball to win a CWS crown after having a losing record in conference. OSU was 10-14 in the Pac-10 and tied for sixth. The Beav also lost six of eight position players and two thirds of its pitching rotation from last year's championship squad.

That's crazy. Oregon State coach Pat Casey would agree.

"It's crazy. It's just crazy," he said.

Yeah. Crazy.

Crazier is that the Beavers won the damn thing as a No. 3 seed, which is about the equivalent of a No. 9 or 10 seed winning March Madness. Villanova, as a No. 8 in 1985, is still the lowest seed to win the Dance.

Sure, OSU's been here before and all that shit, but c'mon, this team wasn't expected to make it past the first round.

We tend to get a bit preachy when it comes to college baseball, but it's a fun game, good end-of-the-year tournament and now we have a dynasty (sorta) to talk about. So hail the Oregon State Beavers, who, undoubtedly, will be pulling beaver for the next few days.

Yesterday, in the best tournament no one's talking about

Those there are a bunch of Michigan baseball players who are getting more touch-y than normal after a thrilling extra-innings win over National No. 1 seed Vanderbilt.

The Wolverines bounced the Commodores from the NCAA Tournament (NCAA Tournament?) and advanced to the Super Regionals.

If you're thinking something along the lines of "Who the fuck cares," then, well, you might want to stop reading. Because this tournament is hands down the most exciting sporting event going on right now and for certain reasons (like ESPN showing the Yankees for like the 14th straight day) nobody's talking about it.

That's where we'll step in. So Vandy's the top overall seed, and while the Commodores losing in sports is about as obvious as telling people that Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, this is a big-time upset. Probably the equivalent of a No. 8 knocking off a No. 1 in the second round of March Madness.

Not only did Vandy go down, but eight other top seeds didn't advance to the Super Regionals, including Texas (National Seed No. 4), Florida St. (No. 6), Arkansas (No. 7) and San Diego (No. 8). In all, over half of the No. 1 seeds (16 total) went down, and five of the eight National Seeds lost. Crazier than a conversation between Paris Hilton and that Kardashian broad.

Check out the full bracket here. It'll make the above paragraph make more sense.

Of course ESPN is burying this tournament. It'll starting getting some media attention come the College World Series, when we're down to eight teams. For now, there's little-to-no mention on Sportscenter or the .com, let alone the games actually being televised.

But that's like saying:

Producer 1: Hey, so whaddya think about not televising the first weekend of March Madness?
Producer 2: Love it.
Producer 1: Figure skating instead?
Producer 2: I was thinking trick pool.
Producer 1: Bingo.

OK, college baseball doesn't quite have the same following as college hoops. But they're missing some great games, big upsets, and more story lines than a season of 24.

Just think if this tournament got the same exposure as March Madness. The brackets and office pools would be brilliant. It really makes you think what the College Baseball Tourney could be with proper marketing.

Until then, all sorts of great games and upsets will fly under the radar.