Thursday, March 06, 2008

Fruit Stripe Gum will only let you space out for about 30 seconds

Is there a bigger let down in the food/chewing gum industry than Fruit Stripe gum?

It has all the look of a scrumptious burst of flavor with every chomp, but then -- bam! -- it's gone. It's 30 seconds of amazement followed by years of disappointment.

Much like the first time you got laid.
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Brett Favre's retirement means very little to us. Michael Jordan retired like eight times before finally calling it quits. Favre isn't done until he can't walk anymore.

Though, if this is truly it, it's fitting that his last pass was an interception.

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Why is a standard work day eight hours? Why eight? Why not six? Or four? If the work day was shortened, would oil prices increase any faster, would oxygen not be free and would the terrorists win?

And who actually works eight hours per day. Most people probably just space out for a while and do only around an hour of real, actual, work each day.

One could even look at it like this: if the employees are happy, productivity increases. How do you make employees happy? Make them work less.

Yeah, we're going to run a very successful company someday soon. We'll put in an hour a day and do, oh, about 15 minutes of real, actual, work.

Though we're going to start charging for oxygen.

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This fan's sign is awesome!


Though this one is better!


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Peter Pan really knew what he was talking about. Times are far simpler when you're a kid, but it's the little things that make us miss childhood.

If you do an analysis of food items catering to kids, it's clear that times are better before you mature. Kids can eat Captain Crunch, Sprinkles yogurt and Gobble Sticks. If we took a Lunchables to work, we might get fired.

The moral of the story: sugar and preservatives improve general happiness.

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If you had a fantasy draft of women -- celebrities, models, adult stars -- who'd you take?

Jessica Alba? Marisa Miller? Carmen Electra?

We might be on to something here! Who's setting up the league? Do it at work. While you're "spacing out."

7 comments:

GMoney said...

Fruit Stripe gum sucks.

My first two picks would be Bea Arthur and Janet Reno.

JMC said...

we talked about this on the niners blog...

http://ninersnation.com/comments/2007/10/29/17045/104/3#3

I took Alessandra Ambrosio with my first pick.

Bokolis said...

My second time was as you described. The first time was a glorious, drunken romp.

So Fruit Stripe lasts about 23 seconds longer than whippets. Sugar does indeed improve general happiness...I can't prove it, but, if we can put together a fantasy women league (fuckin' savage!) proving it can't be much of an obstacle.

Fuck Brett Favre.

The standard workday is now 9-1/2 hours. I'll spare you the thesis...but, no matter how much workers fuck off (this post being an expamle), if they stay at the office longer, you're bound to get something out of them.

While I love the EA sign, the dude that composed it is probably one of those jerkoffs that gets paid to hold up signs at pro wrestling shows.

Jack Gonzo, MD said...

My first picks would have to be Eliza Dushku, Gretchen Bleiler, and Allison Stokke

JMC said...

yeah I think I should have included Erin Andrews and Allison Stokke on my fantasy team also... maybe they're the bench. Along with Giada De Laurentiis.

GMoney said...

With the first pick in the 2008 Broad Draft, gmoney selects:

Brenda Warner, Arizona

rstiles said...

You are right on about Fruit Stripe gum...