Monday, December 29, 2008

The Detroit Lions would totally win the SEC

All sorts of flaws with that headline. The Lions, for instance, can't play in college because they play in the NFL, and we don't recall a pro team ever playing a college team, even though that'd be majorly awesome. And if they were to play in the NCAA, they'd probably be in the Big 10. Or the MAC. (C-USA?)

But for argument's sake, if the Lions were to play in the SEC, usually the best conference in college football, they'd just fucking destroy it. They'd win every game by 50. Wouldn't even be competitive. Dan Orlovsky would light up the Georgia secondary for 600 yards. Kevin Smith would run over Tennessee for 350. Before the game, Ernie Sims would remind Teboner that his first name is Tim, 'cause he might not remember it after getting a concussion in the second quarter.

For how bad Detroit was this year (though they didn't seem so bad that they'd lose every freakin' game), they're still a team of college all-stars. Just like every NFL team. Turned out their all-stars weren't as good as every other team's all-stars and their coaching probably had some serious issues. A good gameplan can win a football game. Coaches develop the gameplan. Detroit didn't win a single football game this year. Therefore, Detroit did not have a good gameplan and thus had bad coaching. That's like a mathematical proof applied to football.

But they'd probably beat Vanderbilt 63-10.


GMoney said...

The Lions went winless, but they would beat the Browns by 2 scores if they played this weekend.

Bazooka Jones said...

They couldn't win a game, but they put up like 20 a week, which isn't too pathetic.

Apparently they need to draft a little defense.