Vince Young: 'Yeah, I'm that dumb'

INDIANAPOLIS -- Texas quarterback Vince Young is rumored to have scored a six on his Wonderlic test, which is well below the average.

But reports have surfaced that Young is not phased that he did poorly on the intelligence test.

"I fucked that thing right up," said Young, who's thought to be a top-five pick. "It don't matter how smart I am, as long as I can play."

While sending a poor message to the youth of America, Young has a point.

Last year's top overall pick, Alex Smith, scored a 40 out of a possible 50 points on his test.

"Alex be real smart," said Young, illiterate. "But look at him. He suck. Suck shit. I whoop 'is ass."

USC's Matt Leinart, also a projected top-five pick, scored a 35 on his exam.

"There were no ballroom dancing questions," said Leinart.

(Laughter).

"But still, I'm a smart guy. And fucking great looking."

"He ain't smart," responded Young. "He's a dumb cracker-ass bitch."

Reporters were not sure what a "cracker-ass bitch" was, but Young said that it is not served with soup at the local diner.

In other news: Kevin Garnett has been fined $5,000 for throwing his soft drink on Ron Artest.

White Sox GM: 'He's an idiot'

TUCSON, Ariz. -- Former Chicago White Sox slugger, Frank Thomas, and White Sox GM, Kenny Williams, are having an elementary-school fight.

"He's an idiot. He's selfish. That's why we don't miss him," Williams told the Associated Press.

Despite signing with the Oakland Athletics last month, Thomas has made it clear that he didn't appreciate the way his 16-year run with the White Sox ended.

"He's a dickhead," said Thomas of his former GM. "I mean, here I am, the 'big fucking hurt.' And this guy just shoves me aside like he doesn't know I've won two MVPs."

Williams is unhappy that Thomas is still talking about his former team.

"He just needs to move on," said Williams. "He can't keep living in the past. Sure he was great -- he was a true star in this league -- but shit, when was the last time he did anything productive?"

Thomas hit .219 with 12 homers in 105 at-bats last season and was hampered by a bad foot and ankle.

"I'm healthy now," said Thomas. "Real healthy. Just ask any cute girl in the Bay (Area) if I'm healthy. They'll say, "ya, he healthy all right.'"

They don't call him the "Big Hurt" for nothing.

In other news: Sources say that those scoring Vince Young's Wonderlic test are from the state of Florida.

The future of the University of Washington

This kid is our hero. Go Dawgs!

Nolan: 'It's like winning the lottery'

SAN FRANCISCO -- It won't show up in the standings, but give the 49ers a "victory."

By virtue of identical 4-12 records and the same opponents' winning percentage (.539), the Raiders and 49ers tied for sixth and seventh in draft order. The tie was broken Friday with the coin flip, as San Francisco vice president of player personnel Scot McCloughan won with a call of "tails."

"This is huge," said an ecstatic Mike Nolan. "I mean, we're going to fucking stink next year, but now we'll stink a bit less."

The 49ers drafted first overall in last year's draft and took quarterback Young Alex Smith.

"It puts us one slot ahead of where we might have been and we can take a player we have our eye on," McCloughan told ESPN's Len Pasquarelli.

The 49ers are eyeing Virginia tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk, and Maryland tight end Vernon Davis.

Added Nolan: "And that player has gotta be D'Brick. C'mon, his fucking name is D'Brickashaw! I'm not letting the front office fuck up the draft again and pull an Alex Smith Part Two. I just won't have any of it."

San Francisco was in position to have the first overall pick in April's draft for the second straight year with two games to play, but then the 49ers won two in a row, sliding down to sixth.

"I look back on those two wins at the end of the season and I know we shot ourselves in the foot," said Nolan. But I've never won the lottery and now I know the feeling. Going from seventh to sixth is the closest thing to winning I've ever felt. I don't give a shit about those two wins now. This just feels incredible."

Norv Turner update: The 49ers have moved up to the sixth selection and Norv Turner will be right there to help blow the pick.

Rainman scores 20 points, babes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Kobe Bryant plays QB at Navy

Not really, of course, but this story screams Kobe and Eagle County, Colorado.

According to the hardworking folks at the Associated Press, Lamar Owens, quarterback of Navy's 2005 football squad, has been charged with raping a female midshipmen last month in her dorm room.

Now this isn't just another case of an athlete breaking the law. Because this little mishap went down on what they're calling "academy grounds," Owens was charged under the Uniform Code of Military Justice, and the investigation is being handled by the Naval Criminal Investigation Service (NCIS) -- you know, like the TV show.

It's not clear what the punishment will be, but, if convicted, maybe he'll be like deported or something.

The more we think about this, the more we think that this is

1. Terrible and
2. Who would be hot enough to nail at the Naval Academy? G.I. Jane hanging out there now?

This post was financed by Kobe Bryant and his PR group.

The best student sections

Our former employers at SI On Campus have come out with a list of the top-10 student sections in college basketball.

Normally we wouldn't give a shit about this, but our very own Washington Huskies clock in at #8 in the country. Also, the douche bag who wrote about the Huskies' Dawg Pack is this guy we kind of know and is mind-blowingly handsome.

We won't publish the list, because that's, well, probably illegal, but check out the link above.

Looking at the compilation, we had some gripes with it, aside from UW not being #1, of course. For instance, Rutgers is #7 on the list. Until now, we didn't know that Rutgers actually had a basketball team.

Florida comes in at #5. Why? Not too sure here. But we do know that their court looks like something the fucking Harlem Globetrotters would play on.

Naturally Duke and the "Cameron Crazies" were the top student section and pretty much for good reason. A great student section, but it's Duke after all, so screw 'em.

In other news: New York Knicks' GM Isiah Thomas admitted that he traded for Steve Francis because it was the closest thing to actually murdering Larry Brown.

Mother beats the shit out of polar bear

IVUJIVIK, Quebec — Lydia Angyiou, a woman, mother and Canadien, just kicked the shit out of a polar bear.

Apparently some polar bear was "sizing up" her son (like to eat him, not mate with him) when Angyiou decided to take matters into her own hands and go all Bruce Lee on this poor polar bear.

According to the terribly written story, Angyiou told the children who were playing hockey in the street to run for the hills, and then raced around to get between the bear and her son. Then she started kicking and punching the animal.

(Somewhat relevant aside: we're not sure if the writer of this story, Paul Waldie, is half-retarded or just Canadian, but we'll figure that it's a combination of both. Read the story and drop off a comment telling us your thoughts on the author's troubled background).

The woman apparently took some licks from the bear, but she somehow persevered and made it out in one piece. It's not certain whether or not either the bear or woman lost control of their respective bowels and shat all over themselves -- a la Grizzly Man -- but to lighten the mood, let's just assume they did.

This is fucking savage on far too many levels to possibly elaborate. Guess this is the kind of stuff that goes down when you live in rural Canada. The name of the city, by the way, is not a typo.

We're not exactly sure what makes this a sports story, but ESPN.com picked it up, so we thought, "why the hell not?"

Eventually some of the town folk shot and killed the bear, so we think bears everywhere, including those in Chicago, are out for revenge. Watch out Ivujivik, Quebec.

This post was brought to you by Paul Waldie: coming up with horribly written stories one polar bear at a time.

Cohen wins short program, joins Team Germany

U.S. figure skater Sasha Cohen is having an identity crisis.

Tuesday night in Torino (which was probably sometime yesterday between when you were pondering suicide in your board meeting and checking out provocative pictures of Jenn Sterger) Cohen slipped past world champion Irina Slutskaya of Russia by a slim margin of .03 points in women's figure skating.

Cohen is from America, claims she's American and looks American. But for some reason she just likes Germany. Perhaps she was a fan of the Third Reich or something, which seems a bit bizarre seeing as her last name is Cohen and all.

"I just believed in myself," Cohen said. "I am going to believe in myself and expect the best."

She just may choose to believe that she was born to German people who ate nothing but bratwurst and drank hefeweizen.

Sources in Torino say that Hitler wasn't in the audience rooting on Cohen because, he's, ugh, dead. But beyond the grave, Hitler gave Cohen his full support, and she gave him, and the rest of the German nation, a cheerful salute.

Editor's note: We here at The Big Picture are Jewish and find this to be humerous and certainly do not intend for it to be offensive. But if you, the reader, finds this any bit offensive, please let us know and we'll see about taking this post down.

In other news: UConn avoided a big upset from Notre Dame after Huskies' coach Jim Calhoun ate Charlie Weis.

America's role models? Ugh, sorta, kinda

Last week was not a good one for the role models of America, known in some A.A. meetings as athletes.

Taking it from the top, former MLB slugger Albert Belle was arrested last Thursday for stalking his ex-girlfriend. We’re not exactly sure why a rich, famous, former star athlete would have to resort to stalking women to get laid, but perhaps his bat wasn’t corked, if you know what we mean. Ironically, Belle was busted for corking his bat in 1994 while with the Cleveland Indians. After he retired in 2000, Prince Albert moved to Arizona where he added a DUI to his résumé in 2002.

Belle was never exactly the fan-favorite and the best guy for the Indians’ marketing team to, ugh, market, but still…stalking an old girlfriend? Even we think that’s pretty fucked up.

Then on Sunday, there were two big events in the crazy, psychopathic and hazy world that we’ve come to know as sports. (And we’re certainly not talking about the NBA All-Star game, which, by the way, we have a hard time calling anything but “recess”).

First, NFL running back and star of the film Cheech and Chong: kites are high, then there’s us, Ricky Williams, violated the NFL’s substance abuse policy by testing positive for an illegal substance according to the fine folks at the Miami Herald. Because this is Williams’ fourth violation, he may be suspended for the entire 2006 season. (The previous three instances were marijuana-related, so we’ll go out on a limb and say this fourth violation was also for pot. Just a hunch).

Williams has been spending time in Northern California and India doing some yoga training, which, in itself, screams, "What the fuck?!". But despite the numerous publications and websites reporting this whole yoga thing, we just don’t buy it. We think Williams is somewhere in the Himalayas, shooting for his new movie, 7 years in Tibet and 18 bong rips later..., and shooting the breeze with some monks.

Also on Sunday, everybody’s favorite steroid pumping, homerun hitting, soap opera star Barry Bonds, made the news. This time, he told USA Today that he was going to retire after the 2006 season. Then Giants’ PR people whispered in Barry’s ear that he shouldn’t have said that and if he retracts the statement, they’d give him an extra Oreo at snack time. Because he’s so fond of Oreo cookies, Bonds then told MLB.com a few hours later that he may play in 2007 if his body holds up.

No one ever seems to know what is going on in Barry’s mind – and now he may not even know. He told MLB.com,

“I’m playing psychological games with myself right now. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment if things don’t work out this season. So I go back and forth. Back and forth every day. These are the things that are going through my mind. This is what I’m struggling with.”

We’ll admit that we’re very biased towards the Giants and really like when Barry hits homeruns. But quotes like this are just disturbing. It’s never clear what is going on in that large head of his, but if we could peek inside, we’d bet that Cirque du Soleil would be performing while unicorns and other fictitious animals, like a Minotaur, perhaps, looked on.

Children everywhere are rumored to view athletes as role models. But the way these chumps have been acting, maybe they should find some new idols – their parents would be a good place to start. Sure, there are many athletes who do good things for the community, donate to charity and sign an occasional autograph, but all these athletes really do is play sports. It’s not like they save the world or anything...but hey, with Belle chasing women, Williams taking hits on and off the field and Bonds’ mental games, maybe they think they can, in fact, save the world.

This column was published in the University of Washington's The Daily.

In other news:The U.S. women's hockey team won the bronze medal after beating Emilio Estevez and the Mighty Ducks, 4-0.

Different jersey, same results

Nate Robinson is the biggest little guy playing in the NBA. The 5-9 guard (who is more like 5-7) straight outta the revered University of Washington has made history by beating the shit out of three other NBA players who are nearly a full foot taller than him.

Nate was, well, great. He had a good bounce pass to himself to start the festivities and then, for the grande finale, he didn't jump over a thoroughbred like we suggested earlier this month, but he did jump over Spud Webb, who, like Nate, is hung like a thoroughbred.

Now we're not big fans of the NBA. We could list off many reasons why we think the NBA is comparable to orthodonture, but we'll save you the time, energy and anger. But our boy Nate (who, on a dark and gloomy day two years back offered us some popcorn while we interviewed him) is really the only reason we know that the Knicks are having a tough year and, frankly, the only reason we know what the fuck a Knickerbocker is.

When Webb was asked about what it meant for Nate to win the dunk contest, he said, "He doesn't know what he did tonight. He made history. One day he can tell his kids about this."


Thing is Mr. Webb, Nate probably did tell his kid about it. Being the stallion he is, Nate has a 16-month-old son, named Nahmier. We don't have it on paper, but sources say that Nahmier is bigger UW Huskies' fan than Knicks' fan.

Smart kid.

Nate was awarded $35,000 for his victory. He plans to save some of the money and spend the rest on brand new Husky gear for Nahmier.

In other news: U.S. skier Bode Miller missed another chance to win a medal in the super-G after he failed to make a proper turn and instead headed for the nearest bar.

Trees drink more than water

It's been a tough couple of months for Stanford University.

Not only does the men's basketball team suck this year, but the esteemed school was recently busted for taking football recruits to a gentlemen's club (code word for sleazy titty-bar), and now the Stanford mascot, the famed Tree, has been caught, fired, and tarred and feathered for being toe-up-drunk at a Stanford basketball game last week against Cal.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, fifth-year senior Erin Lashnits, who dresses as a tree for the university's irreverent band, was stripped of her duties last week after her blood-alcohol level was measured at 0.157.

Wow! In California, legally drunk is .08 and this broad blew nearly twice that. (We think...math isn't exactly our strong point). This gal hit the bottle early and often and late and often. We're surprised she didn't actually try to start playing in the game or, at the very least, blow chunks in the costume. That would've made for a lovely clean-up.

Often articles in a major paper like The Chronicle are accurate, but we just have this gut feeling that Eddie Sutton somehow made his way to the Bay Area last week and put on that silly suit.

Read more about The Tree going to town on the bottle here, and a funnier version here.

In other, more ironic news: BetUS.com has put down 6-1 odds that Rick Tocchet will be convicted on charges of promoting gambling and conspiracy to run a sports gambling operation.

(Thanks to the all-powerful Mighty MJD for that).

Eddie Sutton takes medical leave, drugs

Oklahoma State basketball coach Eddie Sutton is no longer the Oklahoma State basketball coach.

After a car accident last week, where he was cited for driving under the influence (influence of whiskey is our guess), Sutton, 69, has decided to take a medical leave and enter a treatment facility for alcohol-related issues. His son, Sean, will take over for the Cowboys.

The Mighty MJD, in addition to running a sports blog, appears be diving into fortune telling as well. He saw this coming a few days ago.

It's sad to see a legend in college hoops go out like this. He's coached for 36 years, is the fifth winningest coach in D-I history, and went to two Final Fours with OK State. But, based on his admitted drinking problem, we're not so sure he remembers too many of those 36 years anyway.

Just looking at the picture of Sutton, it appears that the man probably drinks about a bottle of Jack Daniel's a day. And, on game days, he likely takes a few bong rips during warm ups too. You know, for his chronic back pain that was "making it very difficult to coach."

You never want to see someone go out like this, but the Cowboys (3-8 Big-12, 13-12 overall) suck this year. Their best player is JamesOn Curry who carries the nickname "James On Drugs" in opposing arenas. Apparently opposing fans could have created a similar nickname for the coach. But taking a leave will give Sutton more time in his day to relax and to perhaps start fucking around with some hard drugs.

In other news: The Trail Blazers fined guard Sebastian Telfair on Wednesday after a loaded gun was found on the team's private jet. Telfair says that he planned to use the gun to "hunt quail."

What to read while the SI Swimsuit Issue is making your penis disappear

There are many, many blogs out there. Sometimes it's overwhelming to sort through them all and find the real good stuff, but we've compiled quite a nice list of sites for you to check out (after you first read the latest work of genius here, of course). So while you're biding your time before the next meeting (or hey, during the meeting) check out these fun reads...


*The Hater Nation - NFL Adam and the Hater Gang aren't really into the NHL, but dammit, they're sure trying.

*The Sports Pulse - Your #1 source for coverage of the Winter Games. Not really, but it's more entertaining than all that other shit.

*Deadspin - Will and the crew over in NYC were really into penises yesterday. We're not sure why.

*Sports Blah - They think the Olympics are boring. So do we.

*The Mighty MJD - He's strong, he's powerful, he's mighty...he's soft for Peter King?

*Insomniac's Lounge - More solid Olympics' coverage here, but with pretty pictures.

SI Swimsuit Issue causes boys everywhere to go gay

In the spirit of Valentine's Day or something, Sports Illustrated came out with their annual swimsuit issue yesterday.

Ours came right on schedule and we took a quick peek and were not particularly entertained. The women opted to leave their tops at home this year and went with their hands and flowers as coverage instead. That was kinda cool, we suppose.

But the SI Swimsuit Issue just isn't the same anymore. It's not so much that the quality has gone down, but the competition has gone way up. Magazines like Maxim, FHM, Stuff, Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Cheri, Barely Legal, Hot Asian Bitches, Bimbos doing Broncos, I Can't Believe They're Allowed To Publish This Crap, and Backdoor Blondes have nearly rendered the swimsuit issue useless.

It's still a thrill for young boys whose parents subscribe to SI. It's not like it's easy for an 8-year-old to get porn, but for the other folks out there, seeing Molly Sims in a $30 million bikini isn't all that worth while when you can hop on your computer and see chicks being naughty with animals.

Hell, you could always go look at Jenn Sterger and Friends for free.

Norv Turner Update: It's late on Valentine's Day and our main hombre, Norv Turner, still has a job with the 49ers.

Hating Fox Sports, Part 5: NASCAR

Take your Ford Taurus, pull it out of the driveway, take it around the corner, and speed -- say 45 MPH in a 25 MPH-zone -- and you have NASCAR in a nutshell.

It's one thing that NASCAR is boring as hell. C'mon, cars spend a couple of hours driving in a fucking circle while backwoods hicks look on and pass the time by flirting with their sister. NASCAR is one of those things that cater to the type of people who own guns and bang their siblings. Just gross.

And Fox, out of all stations, broadcasts this event. (NASCAR is by no means a sport). The races are seldom exciting and the stars, such as Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr., are nearly as hick-like as the folks who are watching them go in circles. Apparently the commentators of this monstrosity are none too good either. Monkey Outta Nowhere had this to say about Fox's coverage:

"They were full of hick sayings, bad metaphors, and just plain poor coverage."

NASCAR is an unsophisticated, unintelligent, gun-bearing social gathering. And Fox is right there to bring it to your living room. http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

Don't get too dizzy.


Read more about how Fox Sports sucks here, here, here and here.


In other news: American skier Bode Miller was disqualified from the Alpine combined Tuesday for straddling Michelle Kwan.

81 points apparently gets you endorsements

Sticking with the theme of being untimely, here's another story from last week that we have just discovered. Well, it's more like something we've just finally seen.

The all powerful Mighty MJD brought this to our attention while he was fading Sea Breezes and popping Vicodin like M&M's while being the weekend guy over at Deadspin. Kobe Bryant, the man who scored 81 points, and didn't even get laid the same night (so we think), is back doing TV ads.

His latest is a commercial for Nike where we think he's trying to sell his image opposed to, say, a shoe. Here's what Kobe actually says on the commercial:

"Love me or hate me, it’s one or the other. Always has been. Hate my game, my swagger. Hate my fadeaway, my hunger. Hate that I’m a veteran. A champion. Hate that. Hate it with all your heart. And hate that I’m loved, for the exact same reasons."

We here at The Big Picture do hate Kobe because, yes, he's successful, rich and plays for the Lakers. But it seems like he's missing a key reason why people hate him.

Perhaps his feud with Shaq? Nah.

His lack of a college education? Sorta, but not really.

His unethical behavior in Eagle, Colorado? Oh yeah. That's it.

We suppose it would be bad advertising and all, but the commercial would've been more accurate if it said something like, "Hate me because I fucking raped a woman and didn't go to jail."

Yeah, probably not the best way to market a player.

In other news: Oklahoma State basketball coach Eddie Sutton was injured in a car accident last weekend after going on a drunken joy ride with LeBron James' mother.

Monday Night Football has new, balder look

This story is now nearly a week old. and thus untimely, but that’s how The Big Picture rolls: a week late and few hundred bucks short.

For those of you who don’t keep up with the rumors and gossip of the broadcast world, Monday Night Football is moving from ABC to ESPN next season and will have a new look. Al Michaels, the face (better yet, the voice) of MNF for the past couple of decades is out, and in comes Screamin’ Mike Tirico to call the play-by-play. Joining Screamin’ Mike will be Joe Theismann (who has been calling ESPN’s Sunday Night game for several years) and Washington Post columnist and Pardon the Interruption host, Tony Kornheiser.

Let’s do some analyzing of the analysts, shall we?

First off, we’re sad -- in fact we’re devastated -- that Mike Patrick, who was the play-by-play announcer for Sunday Night Football, will no longer be calling NFL games for ESPN. We love Patrick and think that he could make the most boring plays exciting. He will be missed greatly.

But Screamin’ Mike isn’t bad. He’s no Patrick, but he’s not bad. Screamin’ Mike can make a dull game pretty exciting because, when listening to Tirico, every play sounds like a big play. For example, on first and ten, Shaun Alexander could run an off-tackle for three yards and Screamin’ Mike would, well, scream so loud that you’d be worried that he was about to have a heart attack. (The false excitement is a good thing, by the way). In our minds, energy equals entertainment and it’s not like we’re watching football for educational purposes.

As for Theismann, he’s been on ESPN for a while and we don’t really have any problems with him. He occasionally will have some good insight and rarely will give you a comment like, “The team who scores more points will win.” That’s for the dickheads over at Fox to do.

Then we get to Kornheiser who’s the oddball, curve ball, eight ball, magic eight ball, black eight ball (holla!), screwball and black sheep of the group.

Kornheiser, bald, is a sports writer who took his wit, humor and smooth head to ESPN a few years back and buddied up with fellow Post sports columnist Michael Wilbon to do a sports talk show, Pardon the Interruption. His success has apparently led to bigger and better things – like calling football games. We’re not exactly sure what Kornheiser, serving as an analyst, will bring to MNF. He’ll probably be a mix between Dennis Miller and Theismann, in that he’s funny and witty, and kind of knows football.

We’re a bit skeptical about Kornheiser because he’s, you know, a writer opposed to an ex-football player. He likely doesn’t know the game as well as a former player and doesn’t have the same experience playing on the field and showering naked with teammates in the locker room. But we think Kornheiser’s funny, smart and a bit offbeat, and we like that kind of stuff. We think he’ll make for an interesting analyst.

As for Al Michaels, he had to get out of his contract with ABC to head over to NBC with partner John Madden. They’ll have the call on the new Sunday Night game on that network next season.

But this is the best part: in order to get released from his contract with ABC (which is owned by Disney) Michaels was traded to NBC for rights to broadcast Friday coverage of the next four Ryder Cups, “increased usage of Olympic highlights,” and the rights to this cartoon character called Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, who starred (starred?) in silent Disney cartoons back in the days before the invention of hearing. (Lucky Rabbit, not affiliated with Trix cereal, was an early version of Mickey Mouse or something).

We think this is one of the funniest, most fucked up things to ever happen and we swear we’re not making it up. Yes, Al Michaels, as in “Do you believe in miracles” was traded for a cartoon.

Priceless.

Sorry for the tangent, but some things are too good to leave out. Anyways, I’m out of space, time and luck. Check out Screamin’ Mike, Joe T. and Tony Kornhole next year on Monday Night Football and see for yourself how the trio turns out. (Oh, and seeing Kornheiser’s bald head won’t actually make you go bald. We don’t think, anyway).

This column was published in the University of Washington's The Daily.

In other news: Vice President Dick Cheney accidently shot a man while hunting yesterday at a Virginia McDonald's.

SI.com gives out columns like Halloween Candy

Everyone's favorite Florida State fan, Jenn Sterger, has a new gig.

Aside from posing for upcoming spreads in Maxim and Playboy, the FSU "Cowgirl" now has a weekly column on SI.com. (Okay, it's SI On Campus, but still...). Coincidentally, we used to do some work for the nice fellows over at SIOC.

For those of you not yet familiar with Jenn, she's just a regular college student at Florida State. Well, sort of. Since she was spotted on TV at the FSU vs. Miami game wearing a ripped up Seminoles T-shirt that made her look more like a stripper than a, you know, fan, she's taken her 15 minutes of fame to a new level. She's all over the college website The Facebook, has done interviews with other bloggers and now this SI.com thing.

Jenn claims to know lots about sports and is just like every college kid by wearing PJs to class and watching Sportscenter. Sure. Ok. We're with ya, Jenn.

The column, cleverly titled "Dear Cowgirl" will not only talk about herself, but will also take questions from SI.com readers about sports, relationships and life with fake tits. We haven't seen any of the questions yet, but the clever minds of The Big Picture can always speculate:

Dear Jenn,

So, um, go 'Noles. Hey love the column, but quick question: What exactly are your credentials?

-Wide Right
Jacksonville, Fla.


Dear Jenn,

Great to see ya writing. Love the funbags! So I was talking with my girlfriend who is upset after I told her that I think of you while we make love. Now she tells me that she too thinks of you while we make love. Do you make housecalls?

-Three's a party
Miami

Dear Jenn,

I've noticed that you are quite attractive, but do you know a fucking thing about sports?

-Skeptical
Madison, Wisc.

Dear Jenn,

Great column. Really good writing. Nearly Pulitzer quality. I was wondering which nights you work at Deja Vu Centerfolds?

-Creepy older guy who still goes to strip clubs looking for companionship
Gainsville, Fla.

Dear Jenn,

This may be classless of me, but who exactly did you sleep with to get this column?

-Not your boss
New York


Rick Reilly, beware!

This post was brought to you by Myspace.com: keeping college kids busy at work all day long.

You, yeah you. You're fired!

Quin Snyder is out as the coach of the Missouri men's basketball team. Snyder, 14, is the youngest coach ever to lead a Division-I team.

Snyder was a thought of as a prodigy as an assistant to Coach Kdkjhfdjkdwljdzki at Duke and was successful in some of his seven seasons at Missouri. The Tigers went to the Elite Eight in 2002, but certainly are not headed there this year.

Mizzou is 10-11 overall, 3-7 in the Big 12 and now they don't have a head coach. Uh oh. It's not quite clear why the Tigers have slipped this season, but perhaps players have finally realized that their coach's name was Quin.

In other news: TV analysts have confirmed that Bode Miller lit the Olympic Torch with a lighter and bottle of Jim Beam.